hildagnome Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) I have a friend who I really thought liked me. He is the friend who always goes out of his way for me, helps me move, picks me up from the airport, helps me write work reports stuff like that. He also emphasises his singleness to me. He has been giving off mixed signals for the last year, on the one hand he does these major things for me then won't reply to texts or whatever. He's definitely been cooling off the past couple of months not calling or messaging or hanging out as much. So I decided to tell him I wanted more and just took a deep breath and did it. He told me he'd think about it after admitting he did 'think about it once but not anymore'. It was really awkward and he made it appear like it was just a quick thought he had once and not that he really liked me once and had subsequently changed his mind. I let it go and did not contact him and then he contacts me to say was not totally sure but he thinks he just likes me as a friend and then said he needed more time to think about it to make totally sure. I mean what the ? To make it clear I am not hoping for anything now even if he got back to me with a yes I would probably say no at this point. But I am certain this will not happen as if you have to think about it it's not right. I am also inclined to think he is not thinking about it but is trying to reject me gently. Or it's like he wants to keep the option open like there is somebody else and he is quickly trying to work out what is happening with this other chick. And second I am so embarrassed by this. I haven't answered any of his messages. I do want to rescue the friendship and I want to be dignified but don't know how to do it I literally cannot believe I did it. I want to cry just thinking about the humiliation. And to make matters worse I don't even think he is that hot. I figured I would try it out with him like who knows it could work, I also did it because I thought he liked me and was to too shy to make the move. Turns out he was not shy just not interested. I am so surprised I read the signals SO wrong that its knocked my confidence. Edited June 8, 2016 by hildagnome 1 Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 You are not alone in taking a risk and telling a friend how you really feel about them. I just went through the exact thing today with a friend I have know for 40 years, and I feel like a fool for it. It is probably good to know where you stand now and being able to get it off your chest brings things into clarity. Take some space. Accept that the feelings are not mutual, and come to grips with that. Then pick yourself up and realize he is not the one for you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. I know how it feels to feel humiliated, embarrassed, foolish. You opened up, which is scary, and got rejected. Yes it hurts. It should. But that does not mean that he does not like you. In my case my friend knows that we would not work. As much as she loves me, being a friend for life is far more important than possibly loosing to a relationship gone bad. I think you can still have a friendship but it may take some time to get back in balance. Accept your friend for who he is and what he does for you and love him for that and nothing more. I'm sure the embarrassment will fade and years from now you may even laugh at it. Good for you for taking the risk in the first place you should pat yourself on the back. It takes a strong person to do that. Now be strong and carry on. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 welcome to the life of a man. Rejection is part of it. You get over it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 The bigger concern here in my eyes is a true friend would not want to create any confusion and would politely give you a very firm rejection. His is a stringing along gray type of answer and Id actually give yourself credit for being brave, classy, honest about your feelings. And Id also keep the non response to him going for a VERY long time. Along with a firm rejection (which he didnt give) he should have also stated what he'd like the friendship to look like now that this news about your feelings has come to light. He could have said he did not share your same feelings and needs space now...or would like to try and continue being close friends and clear the air and get back to normal. Either way I can tell you from experience it is very hard to be friends when you have feelings. It just causes anxiety and doubt and adds a layer to the friendship thats hard to see your way out of. Do NOT feel bad at all. Mad respect to you. Now go quiet, get busy, enjoy friends and summer...I know you will be missing the friendship but it will be healthy to take a lot of time and let it fade in your mind and dont analyze. Maybe if it is TRUE friendship WAY LONG down the road you can go back to a light supportive bond. I dont really like his reply to you at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 welcome to the life of a man. Rejection is part of it. You get over it and move on. Women go through plenty of rejection too Bitter Barney. You know, in this day and age, nobody says you have to remain a man. Why don't you apply for sex reassignment surgery if you hate being a man so much? See how easy we women have it. OP, I'm so sorry this happened. Rejection is painful and embarrassing. But guess what? It happens to ALL of us. Your ego will recover and some handsome, less wishy-washy man will come in and sweep you off your feet. OR..you'll sweep him off his. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hildagnome Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Privategal, thank you for your response. This is exactly what is bugging me. The gray, 'oh perhaps I can change my mind response but probably not'. I understand he was surprised when I said it and asked to think about it but then thinking about it for a couple of days and emailing me to say he 'thinks he likes me as a friend but needs more time to be totally sure' is just not a nice. I would treat a good friend with more respect than that and give them a clear answer. He's either wanting to string me along for a while as he is figuring out what to do with some other chick or he does not have spine to reject me outright. Either way is just plane wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Privategal, thank you for your response. This is exactly what is bugging me. The gray, 'oh perhaps I can change my mind response but probably not'. I understand he was surprised when I said it and asked to think about it but then thinking about it for a couple of days and emailing me to say he 'thinks he likes me as a friend but needs more time to be totally sure' is just not a nice. I would treat a good friend with more respect than that and give them a clear answer. He's either wanting to string me along for a while as he is figuring out what to do with some other chick or he does not have spine to reject me outright. Either way is just plane wrong. You are very smart!! Im so proud you pick up on the truth. I could see it clearly cause Im 40 and have BEEN there more than once but you were quick to see whats up here. Im glad you can see it so you can avoid him...just be busy...pull back...way way back. True colors. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 rejection hurts...and you were brave and honest...he should have been as honest and brave as you were...you dont mess around with peoples feelings.some people however really struggle with rejecting others...so realize this may be the case with him...went through this a while back.......at least the guy i thought who liked me, was upfront...and even thought the rejection stung...i respect him for his honesty...it was me who read his feelings wrong.... the only thing i will say is I tried to form a friendship after he rejected me.....and i was unable to form that friendship as he became ...a bit arrogant with me and misconstrued my warmth and friendliness as flirting...needless to say there was a grain of truth to what he said to me...i still had feelings for the guy maybe he sensed that...anyway what i am trying to say is that keeping a friendship will be hard if you have this unrequited feelings that remain unresolved...... i find it hard to talk to the guy i wrote about above......partly because i am really conscious of his personal space......due to the fact i still like him....i am unable to be friends with him...which is surprising....as i normally find it easy to be friends with guys....cant with him......he confuses me....and the vibes well...they are confused as well i fel that in your case you should really consider if you want a friendship with this guy when your feelings are confused...and the fact he seems to want to string you along...i dont think it would be an equal friendship...and that is what you would need to have....best wishes...deb Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 welcome to the life of a man. Rejection is part of it. You get over it and move on. Actually, I think you're being introduced to the world of women. We get rejected too 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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