Potential Reconciliation? [update: Reconciled!]

[Bjames]

Hello everyone,

 

9 days ago today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We met in the begining of college and dated for just about 5 years. Today, we are both in our mid-early twenties.

 

We had an amazingly close and incredibly loving relationship, up until recently. She told me months before we broke up that the spark in our relationship was fading, romance was lacking, and my passion for her was on the decline. She was right. Granted, I had just started a new and very stressful job with long hours, but nothing is an excuse for my lack of effort.

 

Anyway, I acknowledged her concerns when she brought them up months ago but I failed to proactively change anything. I guess she lost faith in me.]

 

 

So 9 days ago, she calls to break up. We had an incredibly peaceful break up, I would think the type of break up you probably don't read about everyday on a forum like this. We both admitted to things we had done wrong in the relationship and took our share of the blame. We both had told each other we loved one another before the conversation had ended. I was however, caught a bit off-guard, and I tried to convince her that I could be the man she deserves, the man she fell in love with. It was to late, her decision was made.

 

I decided the best thing to do was go no contact for awhile. I figured it would help get my head on straight. I was doing well, trying to focus on work and hitting the gym.

 

She made first contact 5 days ago, she texted me "I love you," and called me that night. I didn't pick up.

 

I ended up caving on no-contact 2 days later, 3 days ago. We talked on the phone for 20 minutes. We caught up on what we'd been up to. We had some laughs over old memories. I didn't mention getting back together. In fact, I thanked her for making the hard choice because, regardless of if we would end up together down the line, the breakup helped put my life into perspective. I had been a lethargic lover because I was living a lethargic lifestyle for quite some time. All I did was work, eat, sleep for to long. I told her that to. She said I sounded great, and that I sounded different. She wanted to make sure we wouldn't disappear from eachothers lives. I agreed. See ya no contact.

 

The following day, two days ago, she texts me that she wants to go to a music festival with me this summer. Music festivals were always our thing, it's our little get-away from reality where we always have an amazing and intimate time together. I didn't give it much thought and said yes. We texted each other for quite some time figuring out which festival to go to and finally settled on one two months from now.

 

And on top of all this, 9 days later, our relationship status on Facebook hasn't changed. I hardly use Facebook, but she is on social media like its her second job. It's not something she would have simply forgotten. Probably relatively petty to think about but this is confusing me also.

 

So now I'm sitting here thinking to myself, did I screw this up? Should I have stayed no contact? Did I just set myself up for a two month limbo stage waiting for this festival? Should I have told her I need a either a relationship or space? Is she simply lonely and panicking from the void that was created when we broke up? Could she be considering reconciliation?

 

My goal right now is to attempt to move on, slowly but surely, given the fact nothing is garunteed. However, I DO NOT want to sacrafice or hinder the chances of winning her back.

 

This is my first long term relationship, my first real love, my first heart-breaking break up. I have no experience with this in the past. I've read advice online ranging from, "cut the chain, get the hell outta there and move on, never look back" to "Go no contact, work on yourself, she will miss you and contact you" to "Communicate with her, share old memories and keep it light, rebuild your attraction," I'm not sure what the best thing is for either myself or for winning her back.

 

thanks for reading everyone, I'm looking forward to your input

[peonyrose]

Tough scenario but be careful to not fall into the trap of I will keep you close just in case I need you! my fiance has left me 2 weeks ago out of the blue so maybe I am not the best one for advise. I offer my advise as a woman who once kept a man at a distance just incase!

[Satu]

This isn't all about you.

 

You are responsible for one part of what caused the breakup, and she is responsible for the other part.

 

You are not the only one who would need to change, to repair the relationship.

 

So it's not all about you 'winning her back.'

 

Fixing a relationship is a two person task.

 

 

Just give that some thought.

 

 

Take care.

[Simon Phoenix]

When she contacts you again, say that you'll only go to the festival if you go as boyfriend/girlfriend and that you aren't capable of being just friends. If she doesn't agree, don't go and go No Contact and move forward and make her declare her desire to WIN YOU BACK if that's what she wants. If she doesn't, then you can recover and move toward the next adventure/phase in your life.

 

Stop looking to plot and scheme your way back. Just be honest with your intentions and be willing to cut bait and bail if she isn't willing to do that. You're supposed to work on your issues as a couple, not after the fact. Either she takes you back and you work together on evolving your relationship or you need to detach entirely. The kinda-sorta crap allows her to have the comfort of your company and support without giving you the benefits of a romantic relationship and keeps you in limbo. Not only does that keep you in limbo, but it very well could DECREASE her attraction to you.

 

But yeah, don't look for a plan, just be real about where you're coming from and go No Contact if you're not on the same page.

[Bjames]

Hey everyone,

 

My ex is acting really weird. She broke up with me just over 2 weeks ago after a 5 year relationship. She said the passion wasn't there anymore.

 

She initiated contact a few days after the breakup saying she loved me, she tried calling but I didn't pick up.

 

I ended up calling her back 2 days later and we had a great 20 minute conversation. I didn't ask for her to get back with me even though thats what I wanted. We discussed our lives, laughed at old memories, the conversation was almost as if we never broke up. She told me she loved me before it was over. I reciprocated the feeling.

 

The following week she started texting me all the time as if we were still dating. Asking me how my day was going, saying she missed me, etc. etc. She always was the first to initiate contact.

 

Then she started trying to make plans with me. I agreed to go to a music festival with her in two months knowing full well that I might change my mind down the line. I hadn't made up my mind on how to handle the situation, so I figured keep my options open for now.

 

Texts kept coming. She texted me the other day that she was at our old apartment grabbing some stuff and she was reminiscing about all the great times we shared there. She said she really wanted me to come but her dad and brother were there.

 

Then like 45 minutes later she called me to say that she didn't have enough time to finish packing so she was going back to the apartment by herself this upcoming Friday to continue and she was spending the night. She asked me to come and I agreed.

 

Bad idea? Maybe. She hasn't mentioned getting back together at all. This makes absolutely no sense.

 

What do you guys think? Am I walking into heartbreak or potential reconciliation? This seems incredibly emotional to just be a booty call. Should I try to give her the passionate night she was craving before the breakup? should I drop the "if we aren't dating then we can't be friends" bomb?

 

So lost right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're letting her have her cake and eat it too. She gets to break up with you and get your moral support. She hasn't mentioned getting back together because she probably doesn't want to get back together. If she wanted to be together, she wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place. And that breakup was a mere two weeks ago, so it's not like anything has changed in the least for you and her.

 

You need to stop being so available and you need to fully detach and process the breakup. She's going to keep using you for support as long as you provide that support. Horrible idea to meet up.

 

If you want to know what she's thinking, ask her straight out. You were together five years -- stop beating around the bush and ask her "WTF?" It doesn't sound like you can be friends, so stop trying to be friends as a manipulative ploy to worm your way back into her heart. And you can't allow her to manipulate your heartbreak to get the support she desires as she "weans" off you. Either way, speak up. Stop being so passive. Tell her what you're after and what you want and prepare for the consequences.

 

You seem like you're purposely staying in the gray area, which is counterproductive.

Edited June 14, 2016 by Simon Phoenix

[BC1980]

So now I'm sitting here thinking to myself, did I screw this up? Should I have stayed no contact? Did I just set myself up for a two month limbo stage waiting for this festival? Should I have told her I need a either a relationship or space? Is she simply lonely and panicking from the void that was created when we broke up? Could she be considering reconciliation?

 

My goal right now is to attempt to move on, slowly but surely, given the fact nothing is garunteed. However, I DO NOT want to sacrafice or hinder the chances of winning her back.

 

Yes, you set yourself up for a 2 month limbo stage. It's highly unlikely that she is considering reconciliation at this point. You've made yourself readily available, which decreases your worth in her eyes. She sees that she doesn't have to work very hard to get you. Psychologically, that's how it works. You are not going to sacrifice your chances of winning her back if you go NC. You are actually going to make your chances worse by staying in contact.

[JAbba2gEther]

 

We had an amazingly close and incredibly loving relationship, up until recently. She told me months before we broke up that the spark in our relationship was fading, romance was lacking, and my passion for her was on the decline. She was right. Granted, I had just started a new and very stressful job with long hours, but nothing is an excuse for my lack of effort....

 

So 9 days ago, she calls to break up. We had an incredibly peaceful break up, I would think the type of break up you probably don't read about everyday on a forum like this. We both admitted to things we had done wrong in the relationship and took our share of the blame. We both had told each other we loved one another before the conversation had ended. I was however, caught a bit off-guard, and I tried to convince her that I could be the man she deserves, the man she fell in love with. It was to late, her decision was made....

 

She made first contact 5 days ago, she texted me "I love you," and called me that night. I didn't pick up.....

 

The following day, two days ago, she texts me that she wants to go to a music festival with me this summer. Music festivals were always our thing, it's our little get-away from reality where we always have an amazing and intimate time together. I didn't give it much thought and said yes. We texted each other for quite some time figuring out which festival to go to and finally settled on one two months from now....

 

And on top of all this, 9 days later, our relationship status on Facebook hasn't changed. I hardly use Facebook, but she is on social media like its her second job. It's not something she would have simply forgotten. Probably relatively petty to think about but this is confusing me also.

 

Could she be considering reconciliation?

 

This is my first long term relationship, my first real love, my first heart-breaking break up. I have no experience with this in the past.

 

Hi BJames,

This is a little late. I don't know whether you are still reading replies, but this is something I wanted to follow up and I was a little busy before. Forgive me.

 

Congratulations on maintaining your relationship for FIVE years. This is an amazing job. Especially as you stated it was your first relationship. VERY IMPRESSIVE.

 

Ok, so at the moment your gf decided to talk to you about some aspects of the relationship that she thought needed improvement. This indicates a great degree of loyalty, for I have heard many other girls would rather play the field and find someone else to date. So, she REALLY is interested in maintaining this committed relationship with you. The other indicators are many: 1) she didn't state she was in no relationship on Facebook, 2) she had a big discussion with you, 3) she stated in an sms that she LOVED you after only five days apart from you, and 4) she thought about an event that both of you could share as a prelude to slowly returning to the relationship.

 

It appears that your gf is ready for a commitment from you and ready to settle down. You have developed a high level of trust and security in her for her to ask you whether you are at that same level of commitment to her as she is to you. She was responding to a time in your life where you appeared to be working hard and ignoring her. She was feeling left out. I wondered whether you made an effort to ring her, leave messages to say she is still important to you, and to leave some time on weekends to spend time with her during the busy period in your work? Simple things like this can make all the difference in a committed relationship.

 

For you to totally ignore her after you stated you loved her and then took some blame was a surprise. Do you think ignoring her would reinforce to her the message that you loved her? That you were willing to do your part to strengthen the relationship? When you ignored her call, do you think that would have increased the level of trust and security she had in you that you had built over five years?

 

When she invited you to the music festival, it was a chance to reconcile as she felt that you were starting to do gym, to forget her and that you were making a decision to live your life without her. She may have thought that, at this stage of the relationship, your value of her would be a little more. Women are biologically built to value trust, security and commitment; and she was attempting to assess whether your actions spoke louder than your words.

 

I wonder if you are committed to being your gf's husband now that you have been together for five years? Are you ready to be so committed to her that you never wish to depart from her, and that you will protect her and your future children? That you will not merely spend you life working and going to gym, but that you will show an active interest in sharing her life and interests with her; to show an interest in the future children, not leave her to do all the work of caring for them nor leave her to do all the household chores without considering her feelings?

 

If you are ready to make that sort of commitment, don't just let the feelings fade. Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder. If she is important to you, what are some steps you can take to show her that you really value her and want to spend the rest of her life with her? Maybe you should organise a date? Perhaps message her and take an interest in her life? Tell her how much she means to you by sending flowers or a special message to her place of work?

 

You said that "it was too late" when she wanted a break. Yes, she wanted a break, but it was only to let you think about how much you value this relationship. Being a man means you do some chasing now and again; and take an active role in maintaining romance, communication and time; negotiating with your partner to do whatever it takes to keep the partnership alive.

 

By the way, your gf is asking for a 'passionate night' because she really wants a chance to rekindle the flame and a chance for reconciliation. She may not necessarily, deep down, want a 'passionate night'. She wants to have you back, and she will do whatever it takes to reconcile at this point in her life. However, this 'passion' isn't the priority on the cards - it is being able to know that you are committed to her and willing to express your love through time with her. This includes communicating, spending quality time with her (this may mean just sitting down with her without the 'passion' - but she will include it if it's the only way to attract your full attention) and actively listening to her.

 

I am very much into 'Focus on the Family' as it has given me advice over the years during dating, marriage and parenting. I have been married for almost seventeen years now, and we have a teenage daughter. My relationship with my wife is as strong as ever. I base this on the fact that I understand what dating and marriage is for. I also attribute much of it to having a strong faith. Hence, the answer I have attached here is for people who have faith in a Higher Power, but I think it relates to anyone who wants a long term relationship. Here it is: Are we together for convenience? | Boundless . This link helps you to assess your relationship at this moment and suggests some steps that may be taken by you at this point in time.

 

I hope this helps you and I look forward to hearing the results in the next few months.

Edited June 17, 2016 by JAbba2gEther
Missed out a paragraph that I thought was important.

[Bjames]

My ex of five years broke up with me a month ago. I went no contact and after 4 days she started contacting me and I started responding. Since then we have been meeting up, spending passionate evenings together, and having an amazing time. Eventually I realized I couldn't move forward with my life while being in this post-breakup relationship. I told her that if she didn't want to be with me, I needed space. She said she wanted to really give it some thought and two days later she sent me this before we discussed it over the phone:

 

"I love you and I always will. I just can't be in a relationship right now. I have been changing a lot for the better since we broke up. I'm scared if I date you right now I will lose myself again. I think it's because I still don't have myself 100%. I need to know myself and have myself 100% before I get into a relationship again. I can't love you right if I don't love myself. I'm not saying I don't want to be in a relationship with you again. I love you and I want to have a family with you. First I need to learn to love myself. I think we both need to work on ourselves before dating. It hasn't been that long since we broke up and we are finally learning. I love you so much and you have no idea how much it kills me to say this but I can't turn back on myself"

 

What do you think? Could this actually be true or is a bunch of nonsense? I never really understood this whole "I need to have myself" thing. My ex is more secure in her identity than anyone I've ever known. She's passionate about her beliefs and her career. She knows exactly what she wants out of this life and she knows how she's going to do it. She's cultivated countless hobbies and interests while we were together. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

 

This isn't really relevant but just to avoid the comments where people are like "she's had another guy on the back burner since before you broke up!!!" ...She didn't break up with me because she wants to see other people. She told me this many times since the breakup even though I never asked. She's been calling me to fulfill her sexual needs and I've obliged. I've asked her if it was safe to have sex without protection when she tried (she's on birth control) and she said she hasn't been with anyone since we broke up. She wouldn't lie to me about that and then have unprotected sex.

 

I just don't understand the mindset. If it's "killing her" to not be in the relationship with me why put yourself through the struggle? I've told her I want to try and work on ourselves while together, that being in a loving relationship should enhance the sense of self; not diminish it. She doesn't have the same feelings regarding the matter, clearly.

 

I know she loves me dearly and I'm afraid putting distance between us will result in entirely losing her from my life. She wishes we could remain friends, meet up, stay in contact and satisfy each other sexually until she has "found herself" at which point she would be with me. It doesn't make any sense to me since the relationship she wants is basically being in a relationship without the label of a relationship.

 

She asked me to spend one last night with her this weekend and I agreed. After that she knows I'm going no contact until the time comes where I feel comfortable with doing some sort of post breakup relationship or we reconcile. It's hard on me because I really want to continue spending time with her but I also feel like she will never be inclined to get back together with me if we do this "not in a relationship but in a relationship" thing. I could be wrong- maybe I can win her back doing that? Every situation is different and we have an incredible bond- I don't think that sticking around will make her lose attraction for me. If anything seeing me could continually remind her of the love we share.

 

I'm pretty lost.

 

I wish I could convince her this weekend we can move forward as individuals while together but I'm not sure how I could. What should I say? Maybe I'm better off not bringing it up, just sticking with the plan, and going no contact without any attempt at all at reconciliation this weekend.

[PegNosePete]

I think that all sounds like a load of verbose baloney, she's basically feeding you the old classic "it's not you it's me" line.

 

The fact is, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. The more you try to convince her, the more desperate and needy you seem, and the less attractive you become.

 

It's an absolutely terrible idea for you to remain "friends" or FWB with someone for whom you have strong feelings! You are going to get very, very hurt if you do that. Better to tell her NO, I will not be downgraded from boyfriend to f-buddy., it's all or nothing.

[deadparrot]

Let's put it this way: I have no idea if she's being truthful or is just doing it to keep you on the hook. Maybe (a very hesitant "maybe") this isn't the end for you two, but you can't count on that and put your life on hold in the process. You should treat this as a breakup, going NC, working on healing yourself, and when the time feels right, date again.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Cut her loose she is messing with your head. I would tell her to go "love herself" if you know what I mean....

 

She is feeding you a bunch of crap. No one breaks up with someone they love to go "work on themselves and love themselves more" she can easily do that while in a relationship with you. I wouldn't be surprised if she starts dating someone right away.

 

Now if her "not loving herself" was causing big problems in the relationship and you had asked for time away until she gets her crap together and fixes the things she does wrong. That's a different story. The fact she initiated the break tells me she is indecisive.

 

Cut her out let her think about what she wants if she decides she does want you and you still accept her then great. Otherwise she will never figure out what she wants if you are in the picture.

[Bjames]

Everyone thinks this ideology about finding herself is a load of crap. After thinking about it, our relationship didn't exactly stimulate individual growth but I know it could have if I had known this was a problem in the first place. This entirely blind sided me. I suppose whether or not I agree that she needs to be single to "find herself and love herself", she certainly believes she needs to be single to do so.

 

At the same time though, she wants to have a relationship with me but not be in a relationship. It makes no sense whatsoever. Like I said above, the only difference is that we don't have a label on it.

 

She told me she wants to experience life as a single person. She's only 23, and before our five year relationship she was dating someone else for two years. She hasn't been single since she was 16...

 

Your right; it is messing with me head. It's hard to cut someone loose when you have such strong feelings for them. It's even harder when they reciprocate the feelings but feel like it isn't right for them in this moment to be in a relationship. I figure once she figures out herself we can cultivate something beautiful... Man oh man this is frustrating

[Zapbasket]

There tends to be a majority that believes when someone gives you the, "I need to focus on myself" line, or one of its many variations, it's just air along the lines of, "It's not you it's me" and really doesn't hold much truth.

 

I tend to agree with this, as well, but for another perspective, when I look back at the relationship I had from 2002-2007, it probably would have been the best thing for me to have broken things off with my bf in order to focus on getting my career and self together in the way I wanted. Instead I pursued graduate work long distance from him, and he grew to resent the the distance and the focus I was putting into my work, and truthfully I needed to put in that focus and at the end, I'm glad I did. He wasn't the right guy to sacrifice my career for, and the timing wasn't right for me to do that, anyway, and an appropriate compromise was impossible. So if I'd said to him, "Look, I want to be with you, but I also really want to focus my all on my graduate work because I know it will pay dividends in the future that could benefit both of us, and so I think it's best to part ways for now, and grow as individuals, and know that I love you, and while there are no promises on either side, I hope that perhaps in the future we can be together again"--if I'd said all that to him, I'd have meant every word.

 

That said, I don't think either of you gets the individual growth she has claimed perhaps you both need by staying in contact. Not her, not you. Cut ties and time will tell.

 

It really sucks, and is really hard, but there is some truth in that cliche, "If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it was meant to be." Trust in the unknowns and that alone will lead you to the growth to take you to the next chapter in your life, whatever it may be.

[BikerAccnt]

When someone tells you something believe it. IF she says she can't be in a relationship right now, she can't. For whatever reason she isn't feeling it.

 

Best to let her go. IF you pursue her, and she comes back, you will get suck in a hot/cold, push/pull relationship. Trust me. Those are NO fun at all.

[Bjames]

I appreciate the input everyone. It's way easier said than done, to trust in the unknowns while watching your love drift away. I guess there really is nothing I can do. It has to be her decision to be with me. And if she isnt feeling a relationship right now, nothing I can say will change that.

 

I really do wish there was a way we could remain close during this phase in our lives. She seems to think she can "find herself" and remain close to me, but she would be unable to do so if we were together. I'm not sure why, but there's no sense worrying in something I can't understand.

[bummer]

Sorry man, but I will play devil's advocate here. She's only dated in two serious relationships. Before she gets more serious with you, she needs to air her doubts and make sure she's making the right choice. She sees friends or hears stories of others dating freely and I bet she wants that. She's playing nice, cant give up the sex, and biding her time until some new guy can woo her. Classic GIGS if you want a label. I'm guessing you and her or her are graduating or just recently did?

 

Probably right, she hasn't found someone yet. But she's looking. Closer you stay the harder it will hurt as your feelings will remain but she continues to detach from you.

[Bjames]

We both graduated two years ago. She honestly has been "wooed" by guys even when we were dating. She is incredibly attractive. She could have another guy in 5 minutes if that's what she wanted.

 

I see where your coming from and from an outside point of view it does make sense. But I really do know that is not the case this time. She explicitly said she doesn't want to be in a relationship since she's been in one all her life.

[Bjames]

Additionally she was talking about marriage for years but we decided we were to young. Honestly she still pressured me sometimes despite that. I don't think she has commitment issues. I believe she believes she needs to be single

[LD1990]

But I really do know that is not the case this time. She explicitly said she doesn't want to be in a relationship since she's been in one all her life.

 

Exes lie.

 

You should be more skeptical of the things she tells you. "I know she isn't with anyone else" has been stated by many a dumpee, only to later find out that actually, they know very little about what their exes have been doing. She told you she wanted to be single. Well, what's the main thing single people can do that people in traditional relationships cannot (or at least should not)? Date and hook up with whoever they want.

 

Girls who are always in relationships tend to stay that way. They don't take time to be single, they transition from one relationship to the next, often with some overlap.

 

Now, maybe your ex is the rare exception who actually does want time to find herself. She could have discussed that with you, and likely figured out a way to have more time to herself, while remaining in a relationship with you. Instead, she weighed the possibility of losing you forever and decided it was worth it. But, losing someone you've been with for 5 years is still hard, so she's keeping you around for emotional support and occasional sex while she makes that transition.

 

I and I'm sure many other posters here have heard all that nonsense about "I need to find myself," "I need to be alone," "I have all these opportunities to learn so I need to be single right now," etc. etc. It's all just nonsense.

[Bjames]

Ld,

 

Logically you are right. Part of me believes that. It really does.

 

The thing that bothers me, is when I told her I needed space if we couldn't be together, she said that all she wanted to do in that moment was jump into my arms and reconcile. But she didn't, and instead asked for a short time to think.

 

It took her two days and I got thel answer, the message quoted in the first post:

 

Now if she was actually just trying to explore with other dudes and that was the reason for the breakup, I feel like she would have flat out been prepared to say no in that situation.

 

Does that make any sense? Hopefully my thought process is more rational logic than dumpee logic

[LD1990]

Your thought process is rational, but her thought process may not be. Dumpers can act on emotion instead of logic, too.

 

My situation wasn't just like yours, but I heard some of the same things. My ex left and told me how she had all these opportunities available, and that being in a relationship was holding her back. She told me how she needed to work on herself. Well, guess what? She was with another guy right away (or before we broke up, hell if I know the exact details).

 

I had my suspicions, but she'd tell me that she wasn't with anyone, and that she "hated that I thought she was with someone else." When she suspected that I had moved on, she was furious and told me that she thought I meant more to her than that.

 

Now, your ex may not be with anyone else. But I do think she's using you to make her transition easier. If I were you, I'd cancel this last evening together. You're only delaying the inevitable, and she's probably not going to respect your wishes of going NC. By agreeing to "one last night," you've shown her that she can get what she wants out of you. Better to take the first step now than drag this out any longer.

[bummer]

Now if she was actually just trying to explore with other dudes and that was the reason for the breakup, I feel like she would have flat out been prepared to say no in that situation.

 

Does that make any sense? Hopefully my thought process is more rational logic than dumpee logic

 

your logic is more rational. But we are talking emotions here.

 

Not many girls or guys leave a not bad relationship (no abuse, no excessive fighting, etc) whole-heartedly. The dumper still cares for the dumpee, just not enough to stay. Take her two days to answer you as a strong indication she isn't positive to continue. If she were, she'd have reconciled long ago.

 

In my opinion, few people are bold or brash enough to straight say to someone they loved, "hey, I need to meet more dudes before I get old so while I love you, we are so done, bye!" That's why the awful tautological statements get eaten so much here on LS:

 

I love you but im not in love with you.

It's not you it's me.

I need my time to figure myself out.

 

Any way to let the dumpee down on a pillow of half truths is easier and feels better to the dumper than raping their ears with the truth.

[aussietigerwolf]

She's been in a relationship since she was a teenager so its entirely possible that she is telling the truth and has matured to the point where she needs to develop the sense of identity she never could before.

[Bjames]

You guys seem to think that all situations are black and white. I feel like the absolute majority of the time your theories would apply, but every situation and every person is different.

 

I could sit here and try and justify why my story is unique but I'm not going to. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I can do is move forward my life knowing if we were meant to be we will be.