A lot of problems in life

[Blah_Blah]

I am going through a very difficult phase right now. I am trying hard to just live, trying to shift my focus from one thing to another. It's always been a roller coaster journey for me and I am fed up of my life already. I am going through three problems parallel y.

 

I am heart broken, trying to mend my heart since one month, it's already hard to get up and go to sleep. My bf is getting married to someone else, he left me for her.

 

I was trying to cope up with the breakup and now my father is depressed and all his family is against him, they are making fun of him and spreading rumors, he has become a burden in his hometown for almost all relatives due to one incidence in which he wasn't even involved. It's eating me alive, I cant bear it.

 

My job is another issue, since I joined, my project ended and I have no work to do. I sit at home almost everyday and I do nothing because I don't feel like doing anything. I have a job and I am getting paid for it, it's just I have no work and I am not in a good state of finding any other job at the moment.

 

It's like I have one deep wound and everything else is just hitting the same spot, it doesn't even get a chance to heal and I get another wound.

 

I am tired of living this way, house chores are burden. There are piles of clothes in the bathroom, I haven't taken bath since many days. I get up at 12.00 A.M, I only make breakfast, I skip lunch. At dinner I cook kind of inedible meal and stay awake till 4.00 a.m in the morning.

 

My house is dirty and it smells really bad, it's been a month since I cleaned anything. It has become a garbage place where beer bottles, wine bottles, food packets and plates are all over the floor. I have to literally walk over the garbage every time I go to the toilet.

 

If I have to go out, I just get up and go wearing the same clothes, without even combing my hair which are so tangled and would take two hours to comb so I just leave them as it is. It's been weeks since I combed them. I have no friends and my family is far away.

 

Please don't tell me to get therapy or depression med. I don't have money. I am just hoping to get some inspiring answers, some perspective.

[Heatemyheart89]

Hello

 

Well lets look at the positives, you have a job.

I think the first thing to do is clean up yourself and your living space. Living like that is going to make most people miserable alone. Also you need to eat better.

 

As for the heartbreak, I am sorry for that. Keep posting here. I am also sorry for your dad, but you can only do so much to help. In terms of therapy/ meds, if you cannot afford that what about self help books on depression etc?

 

I think you need to give yourself small goals to do. Sort yourself out first, then look for a better job etc.

 

Good luck

[Kristine]

Can you ask your father to come stay with you a while? It would get him out of a bad situation and change your focus. You two could recover and regain strength together. As far as work. Take a few days off. Get into nature, relax and refresh your mind. Separate your mind and body from everything weighing you down. You will gained a new perspective.

[Blah_Blah]

Thanks Heatemyheart89:

I am trying to clean up the mess, reading a lot of self help books too. It's just life doesn't seem to be worth living. I won't suicide or anything for the stupid people but I don't know how to move on. I feel I'd have coped with everything else if my ex was with me. He is the reason for my depression everything else is deepening the same scar.

I texted him after 2 months of no contact, he said she is taller and younger than me, he himself is 6' 3' whereas I am only 5'3". Doesn't give me more info. That texting stuff took me back to the square one. I was numb and lifeless and I am still the same. As if that wasn't enough, he said "Move on already" and blocked my number. Imagine, how rejected and hurt I felt.

 

Thanks Kristine for the advice:

Yes, I am planning to stay with him for a month, booked tickets. He is coming to my brother's place, I will join him there. I hope this trip makes me forget everything.

[bummer]

That texting stuff took me back to the square one. I was numb and lifeless and I am still the same...

 

I hope this trip makes me forget everything.

 

everytime you break NC you go back to the start. Don't be numb just to hide from your emotions. Listen to them. Feel the sad, feel the angry and express them positively here or to a close friend or relative. Don't bottle things inside.

 

Don't forget everything, remember you will be stronger from this after the darkness fades.

 

Try some Sun therapy. Walk outside in whatever you got on and just walk. No purpose. No goal. Just go. Go a block and if it feels good go another. Feel bad or tired? walk back. Repeat at least once a day but try twice. Dont think dont necessarily interact. Just walk. Feel the sun, hear the birds, see the breeze in the trees....

 

I hope time with family is rewarding. Stay NC and ignore that jerky Mcjerkface ex. He sounds terrible.

[Blah_Blah]

Thanks for the advice. Walking or running is a good idea, I am planning to try that from tomorrow. Today, I cleaned the remaining mess, cooked a good meal for myself, untangled my hair etc. I can't say that I am feeling any better but at least my house smells good and there is a positive energy.

 

As I said earlier, I have no friends and can't discuss my problems with the family members, they are already going through a lot. So for now, it's just me and my laptop. I want to keep posting here as I have no one to talk to.

 

I am extremely introvert that's why I am all alone. I opened myself to my ex and now I hate myself for doing that. I think some people are meant to stay single all their lives and I am one of them. :(

[bummer]

Don't hate yourself for what happened. The experience has enhanced your life for the better whether you know it now or not. You can hate your ex now for being terrible but learn to accept him and what happened eventually.

 

Good job with your house and making a meal. Start walking. Then run. Start now. Stand up and step outside for a walk. Don't write anything.until you've gone out for a walk.

 

I and LS will be your friend. Keep telling us more.

[Blah_Blah]

Thanks for the kind words.

There is an update, I don't know what to think about that. My ex had blocked me on whats app the day I showered him with pings. Since I was blocked I didn't contact him. After couple of days, knowing that I was blocked and the messages wont deliver I pinged "Hi", to my surprise it delivered. It means he had unblocked me later.

Anyway, after that message he blocked me again. I didn't contact him becuase frankly I couldn't. I am blocked everywhere. Now, last night I got his ping with a name, just a name of a girl which I am assuming is the girl he is getting married. But why would he want me to know her name? why did he unblock me if he didn't want any contact?

I didn't see the message last night, I was sleeping. I saw it after fourteen hours and replied "Ok" and realized I am blocked again. I don't understand a thing. Why is he playing with me?

[bummer]

Sorry to hear you broke NC.

 

He's not playing with you. You're unfortunately playing a game with yourself and he's just a minor actor in it.

 

The name? Ignore it. Could be anyone's name.

 

Why were you unblocked? He got a new phone, updated WhatsApp, intentially unblocked you just to see... who knows and you shouldn't care or know if you maintain NC. YOU SHOULD BLOCK HIM! Delete his number.

 

Read the NC rules. follow them. He's gone. You need to move on for you. How has walking or running been? What's the last meals you ate? Have you visited with your family?

Is your job better? Met any nice friends?