Tryingtobestrong Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 My situation is that I was with my husband for almost 9 years, 5 years unmarried/engaged, and 4 years married. Up until 2011, it was my husband, me, my 2 daughters from a previous marriage and our son that was living with us. After 2011, his ex wife passed away and we took in his 2 children from that marriage. In 2012, we took in his youngest daughter from another relationship. So with in 6 months time we went from a family of 5 to a family of 8. I stepped up and took care of all the kids, the housework, the dr appts, the school stuff and more. I handled all the court information, the bills and more. He kept complaining about everything, such as not having enough food in the house, not having any place to sit, nobody paid attention to him. So I did more to try to make him feel welcome. About 2 years ago, I started noticing porn on the computer. I confronted him and he made excuses. I told him that we had children in the home and I requested him to stop. It did for a short time. Once the kids started back to school I started making crafts and selling them to help with the finances. All I would hear from him was it was a bunch of junk. But I continued and eventually joined my best friends business, not legally, but we did the work together. I started sewing, and we set up at local festivals. I was finally getting a little me time away from the kids, something I hadn't had for years. It seems liked everything was going well. Then my husband broke his hip in 2015. It all went down hill from there. I was worthless, I didn't do anything to help him. I didn't want him around, etc etc etc. the last year has been the worst. No matter what happened it was all my fault. About 4 months ago I was crying more than I was smiling, but not around him. It kept getting worse and worse. I suggested marriage counseling and he refused. He wanted me to do more. More sex, more work, more cooking, more cleaning. He wanted me to act as if he was a 2 year old child constantly needing attention. I tried and I tried and still I was worthless. So on May 23 I finally asked for a separation. He said fine and left. However he left "his" children with me too. So after he left, his oldest daughter confided in me that he had said that once I was moved out, he'd be moving another woman and 4 kids in. So the next day came and he just walked in like he owned the place to take a shower etc. then the next day he came in and right in front of the kids said you need to get your stuff and get out by tomorrow. So on May 26th I got everything I could possible get out of our house that was mine. I have 3 children that are biologically mine. I put everything in storage except for a few personal items for my kids and I. I'm now currently residing with my mom in a different state. So far I'm holding my own. I just got a job and start June 20th. One step closer. However I feel my best friends hate me cause I left. Plus there's a rumor going around my old hometown that he made me leave cause I was sleeping with my best friend, which is totally untrue. But now they hardly talk to me. I don't want to lose my best friends. I've already lost enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Get a lawyer. File for child support. You did bring your son with you? Temporary spousal support perhaps? Read some advice on the error of moving out. Why Moving Out Is the Biggest Mistake in a Divorce Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tryingtobestrong Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) Yes. I do have my son with me. I also brought my girls with me but they are now visiting their dad for part of the summer. Unfortunately I have to wait 60 days to file for divorce. Edited June 12, 2016 by Tryingtobestrong Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica21 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) Tryingtobestrong: You already ARE strong!! It is NOT a mistake to move out. One does what one must do, and in most states neither the husband nor the wife get "punished" just for moving to a different home. Hire a family law attorney and file for divorce. The courts then require that your husband respond to divorce filing, and he will hire an attorney for himself. Most divorce cases (about 90% of them) never appear before a judge in a court trial. All the decisions about money and children are negotiated by you, your lawyer, your husband, and your husband's lawyer. It might be very difficult negotiations, but you will ultimately reach an agreement. Then, the lawyers write up what you've agreed to, and take the paperwork to the court for the judge to sign. The judge will ask you some brief questions to confirm that neither the husband nor the wife were forced to sign the agreement. The judge will not hear any details of the case and will not make any decisions about the case. For the 10% of cases that go to a trial in court in front of a judge, its usually because either the husband or wife are dealing with a mental illness or an alocohol or drug addiction, or one of them are so selfish that they believe a judge will automatically agree with them and give them everything they want. It doesn't happen that way! Also, any money that your husband earns at a job is also your money, it is "marital" money and your husband can be legally forced to pay for your lawyer. Don't hesitate. Find an attorney and be prepared to file for the divorce the minute that the 60-day waiting period is over. Edited June 13, 2016 by Angelica21 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Angelica, Please read the posted link to the article. Sometimes its more accurate then what was relayed in comment here. Taking a child out of state may fall under abduction /kidnapping.... Unless she had his signature of release saying she could do so. Both parents have rights concerning the children, removing them out of state just complicates it... Custody is determined thru the courts, ANd yes a judge does MAKE Decisions on the marital equity and deficits. Along with the child support/visitation .... If the marriage was in a State that honors Communal property then yes...But lets not assume that the OP lives in such a state that honors asset splitting ....The length of the marriage (years) determines some equity division. Where you are correct is how one spouse gets screwed in having to pay legal fees ....That part is boggling. Edited June 16, 2016 by Tayla Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica21 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Tayla, yes, you're right, taking a child to another state could be viewed as abduction / kidnapping. That might only be significant if the case went all the way to a court trial in front of a judge, and even then a good attorney will be able to explain the circumstances. In this case for TryingToBeStrong, she could explain it as just visiting temporarily with her mother. However, your point is well-taken. I'll return to my more general point but more immediate point to TryingToBeStrong: get an attorney and file for the divorce ASAP so you don't end up with any more messiness than you already have. By the way, another legal question I'm not sure of: in some states a waiting period such as the 60 days must be something like "60 days of not living together", but in other states it is something more general like "60 days after the marriage has irretrievably broken down, per legal definition". So ask your attorney, since your marriage was broken before you moved out, you maybe don't need to wait 60 days, as your marriage has already been "irretrievably broken" by legal definition. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 One step closer. However I feel my best friends hate me cause I left. Plus there's a rumor going around my old hometown that he made me leave cause I was sleeping with my best friend, which is totally untrue. But now they hardly talk to me. I don't want to lose my best friends. I've already lost enough. I'll just address this - your true friends know what type of person you are and, in times like this, they offer support, not condemnation. Someone that puts stock in a rumor isn't a friend, much less a best friend... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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