fatjoez Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 History I'm 29, she's 23 7 years dating on/off Years 1-1.5 happy Years 2-3 breakups & both got physical with other people Year 4 another breakup - 9 months - During I was physical with a girl Year 5-6 together trying - I wasn't up/down - positive/negative, told her I didn't want children anymore (deal breaker) This year January: broke up Asking her to try again [*] April: Sent long letter & flowers - "I've made mistakes, I want to be with you" [*] Met in person. Her: distant, asked for space, to date other guys to be sure. [*] Had lunch, talked laughed casually, held her hand, arms around her for hours. By end of day she "didn't want to leave" Space Next day started space Weeks after: I made 2-3 romantic gestures (anniversary day flowers etc) - talked/laughed 1-2 hours after each May: She said past weeks felt nice like a relationship - but doesn't want it right now, still not sure about me. Started full no contact space, so she can date others without feeling guilty, until I visit her again June: Told her I'd visit end of month. She asked it to be casual "No flowers, holding hands. Not ready to date you" - suppressing her emotions "Lost confidence/trust in you, don't know if I can get it back" "I feel like I gave you enough time to figure yourself out while we were together and wondering if it's too late now" "Need time & space to figure it out so I can see other guys" "How would you feel if I went on a date with someone else?" "Not asking you to wait around" So she has a lot of walls up against me right now, but is okay to meeting up. What things should I be doing & how should I be acting when we meet and speak? What attracts a woman back to you at this stage? Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 What things should I be doing & how should I be acting when we meet and speak? Huh? You should act like yourself. Why are you interested in acting something your not to be with someone? What kind of relationship is that? Actually, you should tell her you've reconsider and want to have kids...and mean it. No amount of "acting" is going to fix the fundamental issue of your relationship. She wants kids and you said you don't and that that was a deal breaker. If you still don't want kids and she does, then the right thing to do is to move on with your life and not drag this out into a lifelong unhappy off and on thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fatjoez Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 Sorry to clarify * i do want kids and told her that in April * ive already told her everything about my self development and she has commented multiple times that im now "everything she wanted" but that she cant feel it with me right now. What I mean by act is * being loving and romantic isnt working as she asked me to stop so her emotions dont get in the way of her makjng a decision * how do i behave and speak to her so that she is comfortable but I can still progress things? I.e. do i flirt or just chill and talk like friends etc Is there anything else to do or consider before or when i meet her. We are going to have a casual dinner and im hoping to go to a bar and maybe night club dance later depending on how open she is to the idea Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 WOw so she was 16 when you were chasing her and you were 22? Means she was underage!!!!!!! Beside 7 years on/off most be clear that its a off relationship! And not a match. Beside she told you and gives you signs that she is not into you. But you keep kind of force it or stalk her with flowers blah blah . Leave her alone and go date people of your age. She is grown now and see things for what they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 What attracts a woman back to you at this stage? Nothing. It's been 7yrs and she's sick of that crap. You should be too, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 You need to move on. She sees it's not going anywhere. After 7 years, you should too. Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Seems like it wasn't an easy relationship. You should leave her alone. She's making it clear she's unsure about you two so just tell her you're going to leave her alone and if she ever wants to try again or talk, that you'll be available (even if you aren't at the moment, if she ever come), but move on with your life. It's not going to work if you're trying and she is not. Link to post Share on other sites
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