KathL Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Any advantages for being a married woman in social interactions (esp at work) compared to lets say being single? Like deserving more merits because you are able to juggle both career and family? Or getting more attention or better treatment from others because you are deemed unattainable thus more attractive (like how married men tend to be pursued more when they have the rings on) I start to think that me being unmarried at the age of 28, working in a multinational corporation that places great emphasis on traditional family values and work-life balance, would draw more harms than goods. Like there's something wrong with me to insist freedom and whatnot, while girls my age (me living in Asia) are building a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 If you are living in Asia, the opposite tends to be true IMO. In fact, married women and especially mothers tend to be heavily discriminated against in many parts of Asia, for employment anyway. The old-fashioned assumption is that if you are a mother you will be less focused on your work and thus less productive, and that if you are married your earnings are not so important as your husband is 'supposed' to be the breadwinner, so the job or promotion can be given to someone who is hungier for it. That has been my observation from the years I spent in an Asian country, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KathL Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 If you are living in Asia, the opposite tends to be true IMO. In fact, married women and especially mothers tend to be heavily discriminated against in many parts of Asia, for employment anyway. The old-fashioned assumption is that if you are a mother you will be less focused on your work and thus less productive, and that if you are married your earnings are not so important as your husband is 'supposed' to be the breadwinner, so the job or promotion can be given to someone who is hungier for it. That has been my observation from the years I spent in an Asian country, anyway. True that. The moment you are married, people expect you to get pregnant soon (bosses usually dread that as you would be absent for 2 to 3 months of maternity leave following that, not to mention the inevitable time and productivity loss extended during the pregnancy period. But if you stay unmarried for too long, reaching an age of 36 for example, people would think that there is something wrong with you. Best is to get a husband who is equally career-minded so that we look good together in the public lol Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Unmarried people feel threatening in a hierarchical environment because they can be either things : 1) too freeminded and carefree to hold a management position 2) unable to commit/settle and therefore threatening to other's people stability 3) hidden mental problems explaining the eternal singleness etc... basically society (read = the people surrounding you) will punish you for not fitting into the norm unless you'are an artist, a scientist... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 But if you stay unmarried for too long, reaching an age of 36 for example, people would think that there is something wrong with you. This is social perception though, not employer perception. Either way, the best response is to just live your life the way you want to, regardless of what you think others think of you. If you feel you are ready to marry and you want to, then do so. Employment-wise you'll work things out, you may not be able to get the best jobs with high competition, but you can still get a job. And if you don't want to marry or aren't ready to, then don't. The people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind don't really matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Well, I know MANY Asian women who have careers without a family. Now, they live in the United States, not in Asian any more. But they tell me times are changing in their countries. Asian women may secretly admire you. And don't forget, they know you are not Asian and come from another culture. Wait, let me guess...You are Asian! That is why you feel this pressure in social interactions? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 IMO, it's a "group think" that favors certain people in the workplace. The other day it was "Mother's Day" and yep, I work with majority women - many married with kids and many unmarried with kids. Well, yep, the "sisterhood" kicked in. They were busy buying Dollar Store balloons for each cubicle of anyone who was a "mother" (I have yet to ever see this on Father's Day), and telling each other "Happy Mother's Day!!!" I just sat there and rolled my eyes... They also, by virtue of being in the same boat, seem to give preferential treatment to each other. I had a supervisor, who was also a single mom, who quickly buddied up one of my single-mom co-workers and let a lot slide when it came to her calling in, missing work, being lazy, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 In my profession, I think being married with kids would be a hindrance. I'm a nurse. The hours are problematic for one thing. I have to be at work at 6:30 am, and I can't leave until 7:00 pm at the latest. A lot of my friends who have kids have problems finding childcare for that reason. We also have to work holidays and weekends, which can be an issue for childcare. I know some who have family who keep the kids when they work because it's so difficult to get home late and then turn around and get up early the next day. I dated a physician for several years, and that profession does not lend itself to being married or having kids. I have seen a lot of female nurse practitioners that simply cannot work that type of job and be a mom they they way they want to. Some go part-time if they are lucky enough to find a job that allows them that. You really can't put your family first in the medical profession. At least not all the time. It's just not realistic, and a lot of people don't get that until they work in it. When it comes to health insurance, it's beneficial to be married. I'm including that as an example because we get private insurance from our jobs. In order to finish school, I will probably have to go part-time at my job in a year or so, and the biggest issue I am facing is health insurance. I will have to buy an expensive policy. So in that case, it would be nice to be married and have two incomes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) Reminds me of that movie with Jennifer Aniston, "Picture Perfect", wherein she paid a guy to pose as her fiance at a business function ...so her bosses would be impressed that she believes in marriage and family and thus more inclined to promote her! And it worked! They promoted her! Edited June 12, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Well, I can't really speak on what it's like in Asia, but I would guess that they favor marriage there. I am in the USA and here, it depends on where you work the the attitude of the people who work there, so it's a case-by-case thing. At my job, it doesn't matter, as long as you can put the hours in and do the work to their liking. In my industry, without a doubt, being childless, or having older, independent children works better, and it also helps to have a partner that will understand if you need to work long hours, but besides that, no one frowns on single people, nor do they give more respect to married people. It's a non-issue and they don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 I don't see it as an advantage. Like Popsicle said, married with older kids is fine, being married and childless is fine. Basically having small kids is the killer. It is really going to depend by leadership and I think the phase of life that the leadership team is in themselves. If they are younger, start up, with small kids, they are a little more likely to understand. Unless you are at a legal firm. Then personal life doesn't matter and you are expected to bill, bill, bill. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 I can't comment too much on the social norms of "Asia" (partially because there are a lot of different cultures and social norms on that continent) but what I find here is that people tend to gravitate to work that suits their lifestyle. The place I work is very family oriented, the pay is lower, but the job security, benefits are better and work hours are lower than average. People with families tend to come and stay their entire career. No one who doesn't have a family is discriminated against, but those people tend to leave and go to other companies where they can make more money especially at young ages. Also other places have more of a social culture where people meet up after work to do things, as opposed to everyone going home to be with their families. Link to post Share on other sites
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