My ex hates me because I slept with someone else after our break up!

[Emzy-1234]

I see him as being manipulative, I can attest to the split feelings he is going through. He feels like you cheated on him, me or most here don't see it that way. I don't think you did anything wrong. But we aren't your bf.

 

I feel like I've cheated on him! Which is ridiculous because I haven't, i never ever would even think about cheating on someone. He's questioning our entire relationship and doesn't really believe a single word I say because of this. I had strong beliefs that you should only have sex with someone you are in love with. But I have gone totally against that belief and that's why he is questioning me. I'm not even sure i know myself. I know that it was a mistake because I felt horrible after and made me miss my ex more. I think it must have just been filling the void my ex left me with.. the closeness and company. IDK

[Emzy-1234]

I wish he hadn't spent all evening with you just to deliver that message......it could have been done in a text. I know it takes a while for your heart to break free, give yourself time.

 

He had no choice but to spend all evening with me because i showed up at his house. he was angry at me for talking to people about the situation, they were relaying what i was saying and he was getting really angry on text. Nothing every comes out right on text so I needed to clear the air. If it was the last time i spoke to him I didn't want us to hate eachother.

[ExpatInItaly]

He didn't have sex with her.

 

He felt un appreciated and pushed away by me. and rightly so! I can 100% see why he did it. She was making him feel attractive and wanted, which is what i was failing to do.

 

He told me last night he still wants marriage and kids but that it can't be with me.

 

Your logic is so faulty it's scary.

 

It was your fault he went into the arms of someone else? No. He could have come to you and discussed how badly this was affecting him. He chose to instead get cozy with another woman. And kiss her. And then break up with you. That is not your fault.

 

He doesn't love you the way you think he does. He was already checked out and out of love when he started getting close to someone else.

 

I believe he is projecting to make himself feel better, because he's not being totally honest with you even now. It protects him from the truth being discovered. I would bet your house that there is a lot you don't know about him and this other girl.

 

Sorry, I know it hurts, but you are in serious denial and are being manipulated very badly. It's a shame you cannot see it. One day you will.

[Emzy-1234]

Your logic is so faulty it's scary.

 

It was your fault he went into the arms of someone else? No. He could have come to you and discussed how badly this was affecting him. He chose to instead get cozy with another woman. And kiss her. And then break up with you. That is not your fault.

 

He doesn't love you the way you think he does. He was already checked out and out of love when he started getting close to someone else.

 

I believe he is projecting to make himself feel better, because he's not being totally honest with you even now. It protects him from the truth being discovered. I would bet your house that there is a lot you don't know about him and this other girl.

 

Sorry, I know it hurts, but you are in serious denial and are being manipulated very badly. It's a shame you cannot see it. One day you will.

 

I guess I'm just blindsighted by the pain of the loss at the moment. I went on holiday Last October and whilst I was away he told me he was thinking of committing suicide... He told me last night he had been thinking about it again, he said he wants to live but he feels like he isn't living life at the moment, he's just existing. I'm really worried about him but I don't know how to let him know i'm here for him. I want to give him space but I'm worried.

[DKT3]

I meant to say I don't see him trying to manipulate you. I mean he is saying he wants out how is that manipulative?

 

I had been with my wife since we were 17, in our 30's we got divorced, my first few sexual experiences after the divorce were horrible, I too felt like I was cheating, as embarrassing as it is to admit i even cried like a baby the first time.

 

Hang in there, either way you will get through this

[Emzy-1234]

I meant to say I don't see him trying to manipulate you. I mean he is saying he wants out how is that manipulative?

 

I had been with my wife since we were 17, in our 30's we got divorced, my first few sexual experiences after the divorce were horrible, I too felt like I was cheating, as embarrassing as it is to admit i even cried like a baby the first time.

 

Hang in there, either way you will get through this

 

Problem is he doesn't want out. He was about to get back with me until I told him i slept with someone else. Now he can't be with me, even though he loves me. I just kinda wish i didn't tell him.

[DKT3]

Problem is he doesn't want out. He was about to get back with me until I told him i slept with someone else. Now he can't be with me, even though he loves me. I just kinda wish i didn't tell him.

 

Telling him is the best thing you could have done. It's better now then it coming out later.

 

As for the sex, if you felt you cheated and he felt you cheated then you cheated. None of us really understand the dynamics of your relationship or what was said or expected.

 

I think in time you guys will reconnect, it takes time to digest things like this. Best thing you can do if you want the relationship is make your intentions known, let him know your open when he is ready to talk then give him time.

[ExpatInItaly]

I guess I'm just blindsighted by the pain of the loss at the moment. I went on holiday Last October and whilst I was away he told me he was thinking of committing suicide... He told me last night he had been thinking about it again, he said he wants to live but he feels like he isn't living life at the moment, he's just existing. I'm really worried about him but I don't know how to let him know i'm here for him. I want to give him space but I'm worried.

 

You need to contact his family or emergency services in your area. They are closer to him, and in the case of the latter, trained to deal with these types of situations.

 

He broke up with you. You are not his care-giver. I understand you are worried but this is beyond the scope of your capability, assuming you have no professional training in managing suicidal ideation.

[Emzy-1234]

Telling him is the best thing you could have done. It's better now then it coming out later.

 

As for the sex, if you felt you cheated and he felt you cheated then you cheated. None of us really understand the dynamics of your relationship or what was said or expected.

 

I think in time you guys will reconnect, it takes time to digest things like this. Best thing you can do if you want the relationship is make your intentions known, let him know your open when he is ready to talk then give him time.

 

No no, he doesn't think I cheated. He knows i didn't cheat, he knows I didn't do anything wrong. He just thinks I've lied throughout our entire relationship about what sex was to me. Which isn't true.

 

For now I'm giving him some space. I'll reconnect with him (if he doesn't before) in a couple weeks and see if he's ready to talk to me again.

[Emzy-1234]

You need to contact his family or emergency services in your area. They are closer to him, and in the case of the latter, trained to deal with these types of situations.

 

He broke up with you. You are not his care-giver. I understand you are worried but this is beyond the scope of your capability, assuming you have no professional training in managing suicidal ideation.

 

His family don't really know anything much about his depression other than the fact he has it. I was the only one who knew what triggered it and what helped and just generally everything about it. I did start to feel like he was leaning on me a lot for support and that did strain our relationship a lot. But I didn't care because it helped him, all i wanted was to help him and be there with him when he got through it.

[ExpatInItaly]

No no, he doesn't think I cheated. He knows i didn't cheat, he knows I didn't do anything wrong. He just thinks I've lied throughout our entire relationship about what sex was to me. Which isn't true.

 

For now I'm giving him some space. I'll reconnect with him (if he doesn't before) in a couple weeks and see if he's ready to talk to me again.

 

OP, take space for you. He is making you feel bad when he is the one who actually did cheat. How can that possibly be okay for you?

 

Is he planning on still paying his share of the house and expenses? Or is still using this as an excuse not to pay?

[ExpatInItaly]

His family don't really know anything much about his depression other than the fact he has it. I was the only one who knew what triggered it and what helped and just generally everything about it. I did start to feel like he was leaning on me a lot for support and that did strain our relationship a lot. But I didn't care because it helped him, all i wanted was to help him and be there with him when he got through it.

 

Then you contact emergency services. Thoughts of suicide should not be taken lightly, ever.

[Emzy-1234]

OP, take space for you. He is making you feel bad when he is the one who actually did cheat. How can that possibly be okay for you?

 

Is he planning on still paying his share of the house and expenses? Or is still using this as an excuse not to pay?

 

No, he has refused to stop paying now because he doesn't want to pay 'whilst someone else is in his house', even though I have had no contact with him really since. I'll have to make do on my own, I've contacted solicitors so hopefully they can help.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, he has refused to stop paying now because he doesn't want to pay 'whilst someone else is in his house', even though I have had no contact with him really since. I'll have to make do on my own, I've contacted solicitors so hopefully they can help.

 

OP, with all due respect...you need to wake up.

 

Whose name is the house in? The bills? Where is he living? By "someone else" living in his house, is he referring to you?

 

This isn't right. At all.

[lazcas]

It isn't your fault. You both weren't in a relationship when you slept with the other guy. Your ex broke up with you to be with someone else and you are the bad one?. He is a liar who probably did a lot more than just kissing that girl. How could you trust him again? You deserve much better!

[Emzy-1234]

OP, with all due respect...you need to wake up.

 

Whose name is the house in? The bills? Where is he living? By "someone else" living in his house, is he referring to you?

 

This isn't right. At all.

 

No he means the guy I slept with. he doesn't want to pay whilst someone else is effectively replacing him. Which isn't true at all!!

 

The whole house and bills are in both of our names.

[Emzy-1234]

It isn't your fault. You both weren't in a relationship when you slept with the other guy. Your ex broke up with you to be with someone else and you are the bad one?. He is a liar who probably did a lot more than just kissing that girl. How could you trust him again? You deserve much better!

 

I've always trusted people very easily. I guess that's where I'm going wrong. Juts thought our 8 years would mean more than that.

[ExpatInItaly]

No he means the guy I slept with. he doesn't want to pay whilst someone else is effectively replacing him. Which isn't true at all!!

 

The whole house and bills are in both of our names.

 

Then he needs to pay. Where is he staying right now?

 

He expects you to pay his share now too? After he cheated and dumped you? Oh, hell no.

 

You are being used so badly. Contact a lawyer. Today.

[Emzy-1234]

Then he needs to pay. Where is he staying right now?

 

He expects you to pay his share now too? After he cheated and dumped you? Oh, hell no.

 

You are being used so badly. Contact a lawyer. Today.

 

He's currently living at his dads and paying him rent.

I don't know what to do because I'm not 100% sure that he wants this to end.. I feel like everything is all too raw at the moment to rush into doing anything with the house.

[ExpatInItaly]

He's currently living at his dads and paying him rent.

I don't know what to do because I'm not 100% sure that he wants this to end.. I feel like everything is all too raw at the moment to rush into doing anything with the house.

 

He does not have any right to stop paying bills that are in his name. The gas company or the bank isn't going to care whatsoever if he thinks you had sex with someone else or not. Please don't get fooled into that.

 

You don't have to make any hasty decisions about selling the house, but you need to protect yourself. That is why you must contact an attorney and find out what your rights are. At the moment, it sounds as if you have no idea. You would be foolish to just go along with this - get informed, now. You are on the road to being royally screwed over.

 

Are you sure he's actually staying at his dad's, and not somewhere else? Or paying rent at all?

[Emzy-1234]

He does not have any right to stop paying bills that are in his name. The gas company or the bank isn't going to care whatsoever if he thinks you had sex with someone else or not. Please don't get fooled into that.

 

You don't have to make any hasty decisions about selling the house, but you need to protect yourself. That is why you must contact an attorney and find out what your rights are. At the moment, it sounds as if you have no idea. You would be foolish to just go along with this - get informed, now. You are on the road to being royally screwed over.

 

Are you sure he's actually staying at his dad's, and not somewhere else? Or paying rent at all?

 

He is 100% staying at his dads, I helped him move his stuff there. He has never had a good relationship with his dad so I know he won't let him stay there for free.

[ExpatInItaly]

He is 100% staying at his dads, I helped him move his stuff there. He has never had a good relationship with his dad so I know he won't let him stay there for free.

 

Ok, at least you know that much is true.

 

Now what about the rest of it?

 

He cannot refuse to pay bills that are in his name. Period.

[Emzy-1234]

Ok, at least you know that much is true.

 

Now what about the rest of it?

 

He cannot refuse to pay bills that are in his name. Period.

 

But how can I get him to pay?

[kgcolonel]

No he means the guy I slept with. he doesn't want to pay whilst someone else is effectively replacing him. Which isn't true at all!!

 

The whole house and bills are in both of our names.

 

OP....I saw that you responded to part of the question but please clear up the part that "someone else is living in the house". Is this someone else only you? Want to ensure that the OM isn't there as well. That would really be a dagger to the heart.

[Emzy-1234]

OP....I saw that you responded to part of the question but please clear up the part that "someone else is living in the house". Is this someone else only you? Want to ensure that the OM isn't there as well. That would really be a dagger to the heart.

 

No, literally only I am and will be living in the house. I just want my Ex to move back in. I have no interest in replacing him with someone else.