My ex hates me because I slept with someone else after our break up!

[ExpatInItaly]

But how can I get him to pay?

 

This is why you need to consult a lawyer.

 

You don't seem to understand the gravity of this situation. The utility companies will go after him for non-payment. As will the bank. This could badly affect your finances and credit as well, depending on how interconnected your finances are with his.

 

You simply must become more informed about this.

[Emzy-1234]

This is why you need to consult a lawyer.

 

You don't seem to understand the gravity of this situation. The utility companies will go after him for non-payment. As will the bank. This could badly affect your finances and credit as well, depending on how interconnected your finances are with his.

 

You simply must become more informed about this.

 

I have an agreement with him that if I am going to struggle to pay then he will help out if he can. He's aware this will affect him too if i can't afford it.

 

I've contacted the mortgage lender and we only have two options. Sell the house or keep his name on the mortgage. They own't allow me to have just my name on it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have an agreement with him that if I am going to struggle to pay then he will help out if he can. He's aware this will affect him too if i can't afford it.

 

I've contacted the mortgage lender and we only have two options. Sell the house or keep his name on the mortgage. They own't allow me to have just my name on it.

 

Do not agree to this.

 

He is part owner whether that suits him or not. It's not a matter of "if" he can help out. He assumed responsibility for this home too. And now you have confirmed he can't simply have his name removed from the mortgage. From whose account does the mortgage payment come out of?

 

Again, do not put off consulting a lawyer. They will explain what will happen in the event of non-payment, and how to protect yourself when this happens. (Notice I said "when" and not "if.")

 

What uiltitiles or other bills are in his name?

[Emzy-1234]

Do not agree to this.

 

He is part owner whether that suits him or not. It's not a matter of "if" he can help out. He assumed responsibility for this home too. And now you have confirmed he can't simply have his name removed from the mortgage. From whose account does the mortgage payment come out of?

 

Again, do not put off consulting a lawyer. They will explain what will happen in the event of non-payment, and how to protect yourself when this happens. (Notice I said "when" and not "if.")

 

What uiltitiles or other bills are in his name?

 

All utilities and bills come out from our joint account and are ALL in both of our names. The only thing that is solely in his name is the internet.

[ExpatInItaly]

All utilities and bills come out from our joint account and are ALL in both of our names. The only thing that is solely in his name is the internet.

 

Unless you can reasonably afford this all by yourself, I would seriously consider selling. Don't count on him to help you. He's already told you not to expect that.

 

The position he has put you in is completely unreasonable. He cheated and dumped you. Now he has shirked his financial responsibilities.

 

What a jerk. Seriously.

[Emzy-1234]

Unless you can reasonably afford this all by yourself, I would seriously consider selling. Don't count on him to help you. He's already told you not to expect that.

 

The position he has put you in is completely unreasonable. He cheated and dumped you. Now he has shirked his financial responsibilities.

 

What a jerk. Seriously.

 

I have been through all my finances and realistically I can afford it... but only just! I'd be left with pennies at the end of the month, but I can make do on what savings i have for a while.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have been through all my finances and realistically I can afford it... but only just! I'd be left with pennies at the end of the month, but I can make do on what savings i have for a while.

 

You're going to have to.

 

And in the meantime, expect that he will date and sleep with others too. He will use your sexual activity as leverage.

 

Sorry, but I would begin the process of separation, emotionally and financially. You are going to get hurt.

[Emzy-1234]

You're going to have to.

 

And in the meantime, expect that he will date and sleep with others too. He will use your sexual activity as leverage.

 

Sorry, but I would begin the process of separation, emotionally and financially. You are going to get hurt.

 

Yea I'm trying! Thanks for all your help.

[salparadise]

He cannot refuse to pay bills that are in his name. Period.

 

Sure he can, if he's willing to let it affect his credit. If he's supposed to pay the electric bill he can simply refuse. She will either have to pay it or they will turn off the electricity and eventually send it to collections. If he's supposed to pay half of the mortgage and he doesn't, she will have to pay his portion or the house will be foreclosed and she will be evicted.

 

I've contacted the mortgage lender and we only have two options. Sell the house or keep his name on the mortgage. They own't allow me to have just my name on it.

 

There is another option. You can refinance the house in your name only, pay off the existing mortgage, and at that point it's in your name. You may have to refinance with another lender if the current one won't do it this soon. The cannot stop you from refinancing, but they will never just remove one person's name.

 

If you do refinance you'll have to get him to sign a "quit-claim" to reregister the deed in your name only. He can refuse to do that too, which leaves him as half owner with no obligation to make payments. That why you need a lawyer.

 

To refi you will need to meet the income and credit requirements alone. If you can't then you'll probably have to sell the house. Even if you decide to sell you'll need his cooperation in listing and signing papers.

 

You don't have the benefit of divorce and marital property laws, so you'll need to either get his cooperation or take it to court. This is why you need a lawyer. Even if he agrees to cooperate there's no guarantee that he'll follow through. What if he agrees to everything and it all goes smoothly for awhile, but then doesn't show up for the closing?

 

I'm sure you aren't the first person to face these circumstances and that there are laws to govern how such a split would be accomplished. You need a lawyer.

[DKT3]

I just don't get why someone would think he has to pay. From what I get they lived together, he broke up and moved out, she loves it there and wants to stay, at that point it's her responsible to pay her own way. Him offering to help if she get in trouble is above what he has to do.

 

I recall watching one of those court shows that had this same thing, the judge said he wasn't obligated to pay her way and ruled that he pay a prorated amount for the last month he stayed.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sure he can, if he's willing to let it affect his credit. If he's supposed to pay the electric bill he can simply refuse. She will either have to pay it or they will turn off the electricity and eventually send it to collections. If he's supposed to pay half of the mortgage and he doesn't, she will have to pay his portion or the house will be foreclosed and she will be evicted.

 

 

There is another option. You can refinance the house in your name only, pay off the existing mortgage, and at that point it's in your name. You may have to refinance with another lender if the current one won't do it this soon. The cannot stop you from refinancing, but they will never just remove one person's name.

 

If you do refinance you'll have to get him to sign a "quit-claim" to reregister the deed in your name only. He can refuse to do that too, which leaves him as half owner with no obligation to make payments. That why you need a lawyer.

 

To refi you will need to meet the income and credit requirements alone. If you can't then you'll probably have to sell the house. Even if you decide to sell you'll need his cooperation in listing and signing papers.

 

You don't have the benefit of divorce and marital property laws, so you'll need to either get his cooperation or take it to court. This is why you need a lawyer. Even if he agrees to cooperate there's no guarantee that he'll follow through. What if he agrees to everything and it all goes smoothly for awhile, but then doesn't show up for the closing?

 

I'm sure you aren't the first person to face these circumstances and that there are laws to govern how such a split would be accomplished. You need a lawyer.

 

Yes, of course.

 

I meant that eventually, one way or another, there will be consequences.

[ExpatInItaly]

I just don't get why someone would think he has to pay. From what I get they lived together, he broke up and moved out, she loves it there and wants to stay, at that point it's her responsible to pay her own way. Him offering to help if she get in trouble is above what he has to do.

 

I recall watching one of those court shows that had this same thing, the judge said he wasn't obligated to pay her way and ruled that he pay a prorated amount for the last month he stayed.

 

This is why I advised she find out her rights, and sell.

 

One way or another, she needs to get out of this place.

[Emzy-1234]

This is why I advised she find out her rights, and sell.

 

One way or another, she needs to get out of this place.

 

I LOVE my house, at the moment it's the only thing keeping me grounded and the only thing that puts a smile on my face. I do NOT want to sell unless I really have too. I know my ex doesn't particularly want to sell either.

 

Neither of us want to rush into any decisions about what to do with the house, so for now I will just have to make do.

[PegNosePete]

I know my ex doesn't particularly want to sell either.

Of course he doesn't! He wants you to pay the mortgage, and then when you sell he will get 50% of the proceeds, including the part you've been paying off all by yourself. It's a fantastic investment for him! Money for nothing!

 

And if he's gaining, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you're losing. As the others have said many times, you really need to get a lawyer.

[Emzy-1234]

Of course he doesn't! He wants you to pay the mortgage, and then when you sell he will get 50% of the proceeds, including the part you've been paying off all by yourself. It's a fantastic investment for him! Money for nothing!

 

And if he's gaining, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you're losing. As the others have said many times, you really need to get a lawyer.

 

I've had a conversation with my ex in the event of selling in the future and he had agreed to sign a disclaimer made by a lawyer stating he doesn't get any more than he put in, in the first place. He doesn't want to stitch me up, and I don't want to stitch him up either.

[PegNosePete]

I've had a conversation with my ex

Oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

 

he had agreed to sign a disclaimer made by a lawyer

Agreed to sign, or actually signed? They are two very different things.

 

See. A. Lawyer.