Not going to cheat, but I enjoy flirting....is this guy flirting too?

[beachgurl2]

I've been with my BF for 10 years, yes still BOYFRIEND....and two kids later. We argue a lot, he has had problems always smoking weed & drinking. He just lately tried to stop it though, but still all those years of our nasty fighting / the things we've said. Anyways, I am not going to cheat on my BF but I do enjoy flirting. I dont get out of the house much and hes super over jealous of everything. Literally, I will not hangout with this guy without my BF, i am always with my kids...and i wouldnt hangout alone. So my BF will always be there. But usually when he says HI to me, my BF is at work (thats just when i see him). Does it seem like this guy is flirting back?

 

hes across the street from me. it started by always seeing him seeming to look my way, i'd turn around and i'd be the only one out. i mean i could feel from across the street that he was looking at me, it felt intense. so after a couple weeks of that, he was out back talking to my BF asked to borrow lawn mower, I briefly chatted with him (maybe 1-2 mins), but he invited us to a cook out the next day. (our first time meeting him). but we didnt have his number or anything, so i wasnt sure if he'd actually invite us.

 

so the next day in the afternoon he saw me out back and came over and talked to me thru the fence asking me if i was coming over to the cookout. so we ended up going, had fun. him and his friends were super nice. the neighbor didn't really over try to talk to me (i thought he was just friendly with everyone - which was nice!). he definitely has a lot of friends both girls and guys. This was my first time hanging out around him, and he was pretty social with everyone. He did put his arms around me and another girl at some point as he was being playful because he was drinking. And at some point he was sitting on a bench that swings, and the other bench was wet so he invited me to sit next to him but my BF was there too, so i dont know i just stood.

 

he has been waving / saying hi etc to me usually whenever i see him (like i saw him driving, he stopped and said hey to me). then this past friday (a couple weeks later) he came over to me while i was outside with my kids and was talking to me for a minute and even talked with the kids, and asked me if i wanted to do a cookout this weekend. i am shy around guys so i pretty much kinda said yes but that i just had to take pictures. when he does talk to me, he always looks me in the eyes its almost tough to have a convo looking in his eyes because the stare is very intense. he said to just hollar at him if i wanted to (we talk over / thru the fence lol).

 

so the weekend came, but he's been pretty much gone ALL weekend. why would he ask me if i wanted to do a cookout but then not be home all weekend? (we do them at his house). so obviously he didn't have a cookout planned, but asked me if i wanted to do one. Hmm.

 

I really wanted to go because he is cool with the kids going, and its social interaction. But i guess maybe since i told him i had pictures to do, did he take that as me saying no? Or am i just taking him as flirting and he isnt. lol

[Woggle]

You are playing with fire.

[beachgurl2]

yeah i know

[PegNosePete]

It sounds as though your relationship with your BF is pretty terrible. Why don't you split up, and then you can flirt with whomever you like?

[beachgurl2]

It sounds as though your relationship with your BF is pretty terrible. Why don't you split up, and then you can flirt with whomever you like?

 

idk its so complicated because have two kids.

[Sparta]

OP you know what you're doing.? So what do you want from us are you asking a question are you telling. Yep you got the hots for him and now it's not cool. So do the right thing, tell your current boyfriend how you feel given the chance to make some changes. maybe you guys can go to counseling work on together as a couple. you guys been together 10 years that should count for something and he's the father of your kids.

[beachgurl2]

OP you know what you're doing.? So what do you want from us are you asking a question are you telling. Yep you got the hots for him and now it's not cool. So do the right thing, tell your current boyfriend how you feel given the chance to make some changes. maybe you guys can go to counseling work on together as a couple. you guys been together 10 years that should count for something and he's the father of your kids.

 

i think he knows that i think the guy is cute? I think he knows I wont do anything though. I think its just because i enjoy the attention, my BF likes to insult me a lot whenever he gets mad.

[aliveagain]

You need to remember, you are not single. There are better ways of having social interactions that won't lead you into trouble. Wondering why your single neighbour(who sounds like a real player)didn't have his cookout is part of his game. Players only invite you back if you give them what they need and that usually includes some kind of sexual gratification, touch you with your boyfriend near by etc., etc., etc. He didn't have his cookout because he got lucky with one of the women he's flirting with.

 

The last real player that I was friends with, and that was at least 20 years ago, did the same things as your neighbour. He had a lot of parties. We referred to him as slu**y Jim. The most memorable statement he ever told me in confidence was, "I've never met an ugly vagina." Most of the women he slept with were married. Do not go there because once you cross that boundary, there is no going back to how things were. Why don't you spend more time working on your relationship, don't waste time on thoughts of another man.

Edited June 13, 2016 by aliveagain

[beachgurl2]

You need to remember, you are not single. There are better ways of having social interactions that won't lead you into trouble. Wondering why your single neighbour(who sounds like a real player)didn't have his cookout is part of his game. Players only invite you back if you give them what they need and that usually includes some kind of sexual gratification, touch you with your boyfriend near by etc., etc., etc. He didn't have his cookout because he got lucky with one of the women he's flirting with.

 

The last real player that I was friends with, and that was at least 20 years ago, did the same things as your neighbour. He had a lot of parties. We referred to him as slu**y Jim. The most memorable statement he ever told me in confidence was, "I've never met an ugly vagina." Most of the women he slept with were married. Do not go there because once you cross that boundary, there is no going back to how things were.

 

Oh I am definitely not going to be sleeping with him. Not at all. I don't want to be alone with him and wouldn't let that happen. I wouldnt ever see me in a relationship with this guy, nor would i leave my BF for him. I dont want to be with him. I just enjoy flirting tho, which is bad.

[Zahara]

i think he knows that i think the guy is cute? I think he knows I wont do anything though. I think its just because i enjoy the attention, my BF likes to insult me a lot whenever he gets mad.

 

I'm sure your kids are witness to all this unhealthy behavior at home. Maybe it's not complicated just because you have kids but more so you've chosen to settle and just accept your situation.

 

If your kids are your only motivation to stay in an unhappy relationship with your BF, then stay away from this guy -- you could likely get burned and cause even bigger problems for yourself.

[beachgurl2]

I'm sure your kids are witness to all this unhealthy behavior at home. Maybe it's not complicated just because you have kids but more so you've chosen to settle and just accept your situation.

 

If your kids are your only motivation to stay in an unhappy relationship with your BF, then stay away from this guy -- you could likely get burned and cause even bigger problems for yourself.

 

what do you mean by that?

[aliveagain]

Oh I am definitely not going to be sleeping with him. Not at all. I don't want to be alone with him and wouldn't let that happen. I wouldnt ever see me in a relationship with this guy, nor would i leave my BF for him. I dont want to be with him. I just enjoy flirting tho, which is bad.

 

 

Every woman that ever cheated on me made this very same statement, they all enjoyed flirting. That was until they were in the right situation with a guy they were attracted to, with the right amount of alcohol/drugs that made them do something they never expected to do and they all became an ex girlfriend or ex-wife.

[JoeSmith357-1]

He's trying to get in your pants.

 

By flirting, you are sending a clear message that you are available. No matter if you are married, with a LTR boyfriend or whatever.

 

You are sending the message that you are available, and dudes are gonna try to hit it.

 

It's destructive to a relationship, and if you think things are not great now with your BF, just wait till he finds out or picks up on it.

 

And you say you wont cheat, but this is how all these things start...

[JoeSmith357-1]

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Every woman that ever cheated on me made this very same statement, they all enjoyed flirting. That was until they were in the right situation with a guy they were attracted to, with the right amount of alcohol/drugs that made them do something they never expected to do and they all became an ex girlfriend or ex-wife.

 

Or husband is away for the week / weekend for work, and she's horny and he's available, they meet "to talk", and end up ****ing in the back seat of his car or his place, or whereever.

[beachgurl2]

I literally couldnt cheat even IF i wanted to which I DO NOT! i am with my kids ALL THE TIME! he doesnt ever me alone time or take the kids so i can relax. lol I am literally never without them...unless i am taking pictures which he drives me to

[beachgurl2]

Or husband is away for the week / weekend for work, and she's horny and he's available, they meet "to talk", and end up ****ing in the back seat of his car or his place, or whereever.

 

my bf will never go away for a week, a weekend, or even a night. lmfao. he wouldnt ever. nor would i ever be available because im with my kids all the time. i would NEVER ever leave my kids to go f***k some random guy, ew.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he's being flirty, really. He sounds like he's being neighborly and trying to get to know you and your boyfriend. From my perspective, it seems like you are looking for signals he likes you too...but I just don't get that from his interactions so far.

 

You need to stop before your boyfriend gets wind of your behaviour. You say yourself he is the crazy jealous type; why try to engage in activity that you know will result in problems? If you don't want to be with him anymore (and it sounds like you don't) you need to start thinking about what will happen in event of a break-up. Couples with children split up all the time, and yes, it's complicated. But it can be done.

[aliveagain]

Why don't you read "Kailia's" post. She went to a party without her boyfriend who was out of town, ended up banging a guy like your neighbour twice during the night and is now pregnant with the other man's child. I think her boyfriend broke up with her, I no longer post on her thread so I can't be sure. She never intended to cheat but look at her life now. Don't put yourself in the path of trouble. If your attracted to this guys attention get away from him because you will soon find out that he is expecting some form of payback for the attention.

[beachgurl2]

I don't think he's being flirty, really. He sounds like he's being neighborly and trying to get to know you and your boyfriend. From my perspective, it seems like you are looking for signals he likes you too...but I just don't get that from his interactions so far.

 

You need to stop before your boyfriend gets wind of your behaviour. You say yourself he is the crazy jealous type; why try to engage in activity that you know will result in problems? If you don't want to be with him anymore (and it sounds like you don't) you need to start thinking about what will happen in event of a break-up. Couples with children split up all the time, and yes, it's complicated. But it can be done.

 

yeah, he could i think just end being a friend to us. maybe im just bored, and frustrated and trying to distract myself stupidly:rolleyes:

 

im scared to leave him because i am so dependent on him. it sucks.

[beachgurl2]

Why don't you read "Kailia's" post. She went to a party without her boyfriend who was out of town, ended up banging a guy like your neighbour twice during the night and is now pregnant with the other man's child. I think her boyfriend broke up with her, I no longer post on her thread so I can't be sure. She never intended to cheat but look at her life now. Don't put yourself in the path of trouble. If your attracted to this guys attention get away from him because you will soon find out that he is expecting some form of payback for the attention.

 

 

 

Yikes. That sucks. I can say 100% confidence that I wouldnt do it. I for one, am way too shy and wont allow myself to be alone with him. and i dont want to be alone with him.

 

I think I am just going to stop think of flirting, and look at him as more of a friend to us, which is what he is.

[beachgurl2]

You know what, I wonder if it is because I feel like the way my BF talks to me/ puts me down so much that I have lost my feeling of self-worth.

 

IDK sometimes he makes me feel like no body would want me, or i couldnt survive without him.

 

So maybe, someone new talking to was just a validation of ok, I am not this unlikeable person he tries to paint me to be.

[ExpatInItaly]

yeah, he could i think just end being a friend to us. maybe im just bored, and frustrated and trying to distract myself stupidly:rolleyes:

 

im scared to leave him because i am so dependent on him. it sucks.

 

Do you work? What are you dependent on him for, exactly?

 

That is the place to start, so you can identify the areas you need to work on, and thus can begin to be more self-sufficient. It sounds like the relationship is already dead, to be honest. If you want to try to fix it, arrange to go to couple's counselling and I also think you would benefit from individual counseling. You don't sound as though you have a very high opinion of yourself.

 

And like I said, I don't see much romantic interest on the neighbour's end. Heck, he even suggested a cook-out then didn't follow up. Those are not the actions of a guy with interest. And you should be thankful for that, as I think you would otherwise be headed down a very slippery slope.

[beachgurl2]

Do you work? What are you dependent on him for, exactly?

 

That is the place to start, so you can identify the areas you need to work on, and thus can begin to be more self-sufficient. It sounds like the relationship is already dead, to be honest. If you want to try to fix it, arrange to go to couple's counselling and I also think you would benefit from individual counseling. You don't sound as though you have a very high opinion of yourself.

 

And like I said, I don't see much romantic interest on the neighbour's end. Heck, he even suggested a cook-out then didn't follow up. Those are not the actions of a guy with interest. And you should be thankful for that, as I think you would otherwise be headed down a very slippery slope.

 

I am actually in counseling already. I don't work nor do i drive due to an accident that traumatized me. He has pretty much supported us since the beginning. I met him at 17 he was 23. i did work as a nanny for kids on and off. he claims i cant work because he wont pay for childcare because he already pays for everything. then he doesnt want me to work nights because then according to him i wont ever see him. i really dont think he wants me to work. so he pays for everything and complains about it tho

 

and thanks to him i pretty much lost my best friend, a month or two back we were aruging and she was over and he called her fat right to her face. ugh. just sucks.

[beachgurl2]

and yep i feel dumb lol i guess the guy isnt flirting and i am pRobably feeling just so lonely i just created the idea that he was. I guess.

 

 

I think my therapist says my BF sounds like he is emotionally unavailable kinda. I think it is true.

[aliveagain]

Why don't you work on getting your friend back.