Not going to cheat, but I enjoy flirting....is this guy flirting too?

[beachgurl2]

Why don't you work on getting your friend back.

 

ive been trying. i ask her all the time to hangout, try to make convo. make sure im extra sweet etc

[smackie9]

Why can't you find other GFs or moms with little ones to hang out with? There must be a social club for stay at home moms in your area.

[JoeSmith357-1]

my bf will never go away for a week, a weekend, or even a night. lmfao. he wouldnt ever. nor would i ever be available because im with my kids all the time. i would NEVER ever leave my kids to go f***k some random guy, ew.

 

Happened to me twice... I never thought it would happen, ever.

 

Yeah, she left the kid at home after they went to bed, drove a half hour away to get dick.

[beachgurl2]

Why can't you find other GFs or moms with little ones to hang out with? There must be a social club for stay at home moms in your area.

 

'yeah im already in one but i dont drive so it kinda kills it

[smackie9]

'yeah im already in one but i dont drive so it kinda kills it

Ask for a ride from someone it the group that lives close to you and contribute to fuel or take a bus.

 

BTW challenge yourself and get your license.

[beachgurl2]

Ask for a ride from someone it the group that lives close to you and contribute to fuel or take a bus.

 

BTW challenge yourself and get your license.

 

 

i have a license. the accident gave me post traumatic stress disorder and im terrified of cars

[DKT3]

The danger isn't in how you feel right now, it's in how you feel after a couple weeks months of flirting. Ask or read the thread started by women in affairs, they always feel in control at first, they always have boundaries at first. Then slowly as they bond with the other guy control slips away, boundaries get crossed one by one until the only one left is sex. Now emotions are involved, now they feel in love, now they have no control.

 

Be careful, your bf sounds like a jackazz, but its no excuse to look for validation from other men. Maybe handing him a pink slip is the way to go

Edited June 13, 2016 by DKT3

[Cinnamonstix]

Hi beachgurl,

 

Way more is going on here than your neighbour. You analyzing your interactions with him are just symptoms of larger issues.

 

Your posts are rife with feeling trapped, and dependent on and unhappy with your bf. Resolving those feelings by taking concrete steps to become more independent will be freeing. You need to live your life the way you want to and not the way your bf wants you to be. He is keeping you down emotionally and financially. Clearly, something needs to change. Some suggestions/steps to take:

• Get a job so you have more financial independence. You'll also meet new people and probably feel more balanced in life.
  
• Work with your therapist to overcome your fear of driving so you aren't trapped at home and can also broaden your social circle, or...
  
• Suck it up and take the bus! Plenty of people don't drive.
  
• End your relationship with your bf/get counselling together/get him to go to individual counselling. Your relationship is unhealthy and is deteriorating your self esteem. You sound miserable together.
  
• Work on getting your self esteem back! Work out, meet new people, take up a hobby.
  

[beachgurl2]

Hi beachgurl,

 

Way more is going on here than your neighbour. You analyzing your interactions with him are just symptoms of larger issues.

 

Your posts are rife with feeling trapped, and dependent on and unhappy with your bf. Resolving those feelings by taking concrete steps to become more independent will be freeing. You need to live your life the way you want to and not the way your bf wants you to be. He is keeping you down emotionally and financially. Clearly, something needs to change. Some suggestions/steps to take:

• Get a job so you have more financial independence. You'll also meet new people and probably feel more balanced in life.
  
• Work with your therapist to overcome your fear of driving so you aren't trapped at home and can also broaden your social circle, or...
  
• Suck it up and take the bus! Plenty of people don't drive.
  
• End your relationship with your bf/get counselling together/get him to go to individual counselling. Your relationship is unhealthy and is deteriorating your self esteem. You sound miserable together.
  
• Work on getting your self esteem back! Work out, meet new people, take up a hobby.
  

 

 

You are probably right with all this. I am already working with a therapist to overcome the fear. I've been there for like 4-5 months already. It isnt as easy as suck it up because I also had a traumatic brain injury (concussion) that took over 6 months to recover from. I do not like any type of vehicle, bus, etc. i have a severe fear of being on the road.

 

 

The thing about leaving is ive tried that plenty of times. i always end up going back, because the only place i have to go is my parents house and that is a whole nother story. i cant stand to live with them. so yes, essentially i do feel trapped.

[Cinnamonstix]

You are probably right with all this. I am already working with a therapist to overcome the fear. I've been there for like 4-5 months already. It isnt as easy as suck it up because I also had a traumatic brain injury (concussion) that took over 6 months to recover from. I do not like any type of vehicle, bus, etc. i have a severe fear of being on the road.

 

 

The thing about leaving is ive tried that plenty of times. i always end up going back, because the only place i have to go is my parents house and that is a whole nother story. i cant stand to live with them. so yes, essentially i do feel trapped.

 

First off, your experience does sound very traumatic and I'm sorry you went through something like that. I shouldn't have suggested you suck it up and take the bus if you don't want to drive. It didn't occur to me that your fear of driving could very well extend to fear of being on the road, period. So no, it's not so simple. However, they do say that the best way to get over a fear is usually exposure therapy - do the thing that you fear. Have you discussed your other issues with your therapist? Your relationship, etc?

[beachgurl2]

First off, your experience does sound very traumatic and I'm sorry you went through something like that. I shouldn't have suggested you suck it up and take the bus if you don't want to drive. It didn't occur to me that your fear of driving could very well extend to fear of being on the road, period. So no, it's not so simple. However, they do say that the best way to get over a fear is usually exposure therapy - do the thing that you fear. Have you discussed your other issues with your therapist? Your relationship, etc?

 

it's ok, you didnt know. its pretty severe and it really sucks. i am getting a little better, i can at least ride in a car with my boyfriend (though i freak out) surprisingly he is the only person i trust to drive me. ha. I do discuss other issues with her, including my relationship.

 

I am just so confused. I do love my boyfriend, but a lot of the times I find myself so irritated with him all the time. its like i find myself forcing to be nice to him. i dont know why?!?!? i mean i guess he is trying to change, he stopped smoking weed at home, doesnt come home with 6 packs or beer at all really anymore. and mothers day bought me a $300 necklace...(throughout the relationship he has NEVER done stuff like that). but its weird because i am not an expensive necklace type of girl. i felt nothing when he gave me that. i actually got upset. i wouldve rather him taken the kids, let me sleep in etc.

 

we have been through a LOT together. like a lot. and we always come out in the end. but idk. we are both verbally abusive to each other. every single day it seems like as soon as he gets home i have to hear how the house isnt perfect and how i pretty much dont clean well enough etc. and i just get sick of it. then the arguing we always say mean things to each other. like this past weekend, he asked me where the kids toothbrush was. i told him our toddler threw it away. he said "tHey need to brush their teeth, or they'll end up like yours. disgusting." i mean really??? theres nothing wrong with my teeth but he likes to say that to hurt me. it was uncalled for. but things like this are so common.

 

like if i ignore him, he doesnt hesitate to call me a bitch, or shut up. blah blah. i mean i wonder why im a bitch? there's so much detail it would take to go into, and i am sorry this is so long.

 

between the traumatic car accident, concussion, i am just feeling out of control, trapped. it's horrible. it's been 10 months i barely leave the house unless he takes us somewhere. yet he complains about it.

 

i feel like he is / can be a GREAT great guy at times. but the times that he isnt oh my gosh i cant even handle it. and i just feel lonely. he works a LOT which i understand he is providing for our family, and thank god he isnt lazy etc but feels like there is no time for us.

 

he often falls asleep w/ the kids. we dont really hangout / chat at night. imagine being with a 2 year old, and 5 year old all day alone with no social interaction and not even getting it from your significant other. it hurts. during the workday he hardly talks to me either. infact we rarely call / text during the day. i feel like i am going insane. not to mention my 5 year old is really high energy, and likes to push my buttons almost everyday. i am so physically and mentally exhausted. i wish i had someone to confide in. you know.

 

 

damn that got long. lol. oops. i am just so confused!!! but i am not saying i am perfect. obviously i am not. but hes the one who always wants to be with me versus the other way around. he has literally said before that he will kill himself if i leave him then he has nothing to live for etc. when arguing or me threatening to leave

Edited June 13, 2016 by beachgurl2

[beachgurl2]

also i think i just really want a friend and i was over analyzing things about the neighbor. ugh i feel dumb.

 

because, i saw him earlier when i was outside with my kids and he said hey to us, chatted for a second my son asked him what he was doing. i told him that my son thinks he is his best friend. and he said "i could be, we just need to talk more!"

 

so clearly, he is trying to be a nice neighbor. lol

[Cinnamonstix]

I can understand why you feel alone and why you've grabbed onto any attention from another person. Your relationship is really toxic. I don't think you're good for each other and you're wasting your life away. Anyone who threatens to kill themselves if you leave is not someone you should be with. That is super unhealthy and manipulative.

 

This isn't a good environment for you or your kids. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy and loving relationship with their dad. So please don't stay with him for the sake of the kids, if that is any consideration. If you can't have a good relationship with their dad, it's actually best for them if you aren't with him at all. Building history with someone and having children with them definitely make it harder to leave. But do you really want to live the rest of your life the way it is now?

 

Anyway, I know you're not going to leave your ex tomorrow, but what do you think are some small steps you can take immediately to help you feel better, stronger, more independent? Talking with a therapist is a great outlet for you to confide in someone, but taking action is what is actually going to change things.

[beachgurl2]

I can understand why you feel alone and why you've grabbed onto any attention from another person. Your relationship is really toxic. I don't think you're good for each other and you're wasting your life away. Anyone who threatens to kill themselves if you leave is not someone you should be with. That is super unhealthy and manipulative.

 

This isn't a good environment for you or your kids. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy and loving relationship with their dad. So please don't stay with him for the sake of the kids, if that is any consideration. If you can't have a good relationship with their dad, it's actually best for them if you aren't with him at all. Building history with someone and having children with them definitely make it harder to leave. But do you really want to live the rest of your life the way it is now?

 

Anyway, I know you're not going to leave your ex tomorrow, but what do you think are some small steps you can take immediately to help you feel better, stronger, more independent? Talking with a therapist is a great outlet for you to confide in someone, but taking action is what is actually going to change things.

 

 

i dont know. everytime i go to leave, i convince myself and he pulls me back in. he'll usually cry or something. i know he loves me, and i was pretty much his first love, first everything. so it makes it even worse. we were each others first everything.

 

I dont know what to do to gain independence. i want to work part time maybe. but me not driving i guess i could try places that are close tO me.

 

 

i am scared to leave, i always want that idea of being a family. not being alone, starting over etc. or if someone doesnt love me as much as he does, or something IDK. or i feel like its a safe place because i know he wont cheat on me. that is one thing i can say about him is that he wouldnt. the dating world these days is horrendous. oh lord. it scares me lol. i dont know, if i ever did leave i think it would take quite sometime.

 

maybe instead of focusing on leaving, i should focus on independence though i think i have a hard time being independent.

[gorf]

i think he knows that i think the guy is cute? I think he knows I wont do anything though. I think its just because i enjoy the attention, my BF likes to insult me a lot whenever he gets mad.

 

Here's what I see.

You don't like the attention, you like the validation from another guy, or other guys* and your boyfriend is not enough because he was not enough from the start, cause you need it from more than one person.

 

I don't believe he really thinks you wont do anything. Flirting is flirting. Its not saying "hey, how are you" to your neighbor. You know if you are flirting with someone, forget what the neighbor thinks or if he is flirting with you. It shouldn't matter. He should be a nobody if you love your sig other. Flirting is something with underlying sexual connotation to show availability. Are you available? Then keep it up, at least be straight with your sig other ... even if you have 20 kids. Nobody deserves to be played

[gorf]

or i feel like its a safe place because i know he wont cheat on me.

 

that's why people fool around, or even consider it. The one person they are with gets taken for granted

[beachgurl2]

that's why people fool around, or even consider it. The one person they are with gets taken for granted

 

yeah, i realized this. ive been doing a lot of thinking. i would never ever ever ever leave my BF for this guy, nor if i was single would i date him. so, maybe sadly i liked the validation. but, i am going to shift that energy back into my relationship.

 

i think that i should appreciate how much he is trying. so not worth it to flirt with some guy! so that is that.

 

i def wouldnt have cheated on him with this guy, and i am definitely not going to . my head has been doing some clearing this week.

[Lois_Griffin]

then he doesnt want me to work nights because then according to him i wont ever see him.

Nooo...that would be because Father of the Year doesn't want to be stuck taking care of the kids. That's what you're for.

 

I'd be brushing up my resume and job hunting. You don't have to have your kids attached to your hip 24/7. There's more to life than that.

[beachgurl2]

Nooo...that would be because Father of the Year doesn't want to be stuck taking care of the kids. That's what you're for.

 

I'd be brushing up my resume and job hunting. You don't have to have your kids attached to your hip 24/7. There's more to life than that.

 

yeah i think i am going to start looking for a job once my son starts school in a couple months. they are def attached at my hip 24/7

[beachgurl2]

I dont understand how his mind works. i have ptsd, anxiety etc. and he is just so rude.

 

I told him last night that we have nothing to eat no eggs, waffles etc for breakfast. he claims he was going to go this morning and of course didnt.

 

i call him like okay what kind of dad leaves his kids with NO FOOD! and he goes "maybe if you grow up and be a woman and drive and dont rely on someone for everything?"

 

 

IDK how can you love someone and say stuff like this????

[DKT3]

I dont understand how his mind works. i have ptsd, anxiety etc. and he is just so rude.

 

I told him last night that we have nothing to eat no eggs, waffles etc for breakfast. he claims he was going to go this morning and of course didnt.

 

i call him like okay what kind of dad leaves his kids with NO FOOD! and he goes "maybe if you grow up and be a woman and drive and dont rely on someone for everything?"

 

 

IDK how can you love someone and say stuff like this????

 

Ok now I get it, your guy is starting to resent you on some lvls, it explains his rude comments. I also think he maybe losing a measure of respect. It sounds like he don't feel your pulling your weight.

[beachgurl2]

Ok now I get it, your guy is starting to resent you on some lvls, it explains his rude comments. I also think he maybe losing a measure of respect. It sounds like he don't feel your pulling your weight.

 

ok yet he wants to tell me when to work? he just told me yesterday when i said i wanted to get ajob to wait until my son goes to school. then has told me before not to work nights etc.

 

 

pulling what weight? he pays for everything but look at how picky he is about me working etc. and i dont think he has ever respected me because he always talks like this when he is mad. he knew last night that we needed food. he told me that he would go this morning AKA he isnt going and just wanted me to believe he was. so how is that MY fault?!?!

[PegNosePete]

i dont think he has ever respected me because he always talks like this when he is mad. he knew last night that we needed food. he told me that he would go this morning AKA he isnt going and just wanted me to believe he was. so how is that MY fault?!?!

So why don't you dump him and find someone who does respect you?

 

This seems like common sense to me. Your relationship is terrible. I don't know why you put up with it.

[beachgurl2]

So why don't you dump him and find someone who does respect you?

 

This seems like common sense to me. Your relationship is terrible. I don't know why you put up with it.

 

 

idk. i keep thinking things will change. its breaking my heaRt inside too. i think my therapist said too i have issues being alone as well. :/ idk.

 

he'll be mean, then pull me in by being nice. he was nice last night..

[VeveCakes]

Dump your bf.

 

Go stay with family or friends. Get a plan to get work and start being independent.

 

Regards to the neighbour I would be careful, wouldn't want to risk getting kicked out since you clearly aren't able to take care of yourself at this time.