Chrissy_16211 Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 I have been with this guy for 2 years now. I'm 24 he's 29. Both love each other very much. We have been seriously talking about getting engaged and talking about possible wedding dates for months. My boyfriend has been clinically depressed for a year now and every time we talk about getting married he states he is afraid and doesn't want mess the marriage up and end in a divorce. He thinks negatively a lot because of the depression. He has been in a few long term relationships and his mother died when he was young. He is seeking help for the depression but the treatment he wants won't be possible until he is done with school (this december). It's time consuming and he has tried several medications with no success. If we wait to get engaged until after the depression treatment, This would push getting married from next year like originally planned, to 2018 if we wait to get engaged till after the treatment. He truly loves me but is afraid of the definativness of vows and marriage. I'm not sure whether to continue with the engagement like we both want (he says he will face his fears) or wait or if I should stay or go. I want to be supportive but I also don't want to be strung along. I know depression is terrible and I don't wish it on anyone but I'm not sure what exactly to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 What is the rush? What is more important, a wedding date, or your boyfriend's mental health? Pero, as someone who loves someone that can struggle with depression, support him in his time of need. Don't stress him with wedding planning and vows he is not sure about. When people are depressed they do not feel their emotions to the fullest, especially love, joy etc. Be there for him - I am not sure why he can't attend counseling now. Does he eat well, exercise regularly? Are these thibgs you can help him with? Lastly, why can't you get engaged now and have the wedding at a later date? Often an engagement is a surprise! I don't know anyone that started planning the wedding before the engagement. This is about BEING MARRIED not a wedding. Allow your boy friend to do this when he knows it is right for him. Support him in ways so that you can have a healthy husband. Remember, the wedding is just a day, being married is the focus. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
westwide Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 If your love is real, you don't need these glories ceremonies to prove it. Wedding is suppose to be happy. It would be better if you postpone the marriage. Let him complete his school, and be healthy. True love never dies. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 You've still got plenty of time. Why not get engaged now and married in 2018? A two year engagement is not unheard of. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 The big red flag here is that you somehow believe he will be better in 2018 "after treatment." Depression is a life-long battle. There is no end date that can be put on a calendar... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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