Dumper wants me back but I no longer care

[kztar]

Hi everyone,

 

Be careful what you wish for wanting a second chance with a dumper because it may just happen . So my dumper now wants me back after 6 months and now I wish he NEVER came back.

 

The first couple of months were so hard and I wished for this probably the first month.

 

I finally began to see the light and enjoying life without him. Dating others, traveling, HAVING FUN.

 

I blocked him everywhere with the exception of Instagram. Clearly he found a way to get in touch with me and is now begging for a second chance. He dated someone else in between for three months but that looks like it didn't last too long as clearly this person wasn't me.

 

He's back with "serious" intentions, even talking about putting a ring on my finger to make me understand that he is serious and that he loves me. SADLY I don't CARE anymore. He can stick that ring up his a** because I will not forget all those very dark days that I had to go through because of him.

 

He wants to meet up and talk in person. EH blahhhhh.

 

What would you do?LOL

[stillafool]

 

 

I finally began to see the light and enjoying life without him. Dating others, traveling, HAVING FUN.

 

 

 

 

Why would you want to mess up the above by talking to the person who dumped you? Let sleeping dogs lie and keep moving on.

[kztar]

Why would you want to mess up the above by talking to the person who dumped you? Let sleeping dogs lie and keep moving on.

 

True that. Thank you

[Simon Phoenix]

Why would you consider even talking to this person? What is the point?

[kztar]

Why would you consider even talking to this person? What is the point?

 

Hi Simon,

 

I know I really see no point. Sometimes I miss what we had but I don't think I miss him.

[PegNosePete]

I would tell him to take a long walk off a short plank.

 

But the exact words I would use, are: " "

[WhatsWhat]

Hi Simon,

 

I know I really see no point. Sometimes I miss what we had but I don't think I miss him.

 

I think maybe, deep down, that you want to see him.

It's normal to miss what you had. However, it sounds like you have moved on. I know there's always that tug. Of course, because you had a deep relationship with him.

People are so quick to say, 'tell him to hit the road'. That kind of attitude depends on the reason for the break up. If my ex had screwed around on me, then yes, that would be my view.

But, if your break up wasn't from something like that then there will be a part of you that wants what you had back.

There is a good chance, that if you meet with him, you will find that he is not the person that you need him to be.

 

Keep us posted!

[qwer1]

You want to see him.

You know how I know?

Because if you have moved on, you would simply ignore it and have no reaction.

 

But instead you are here posting about it as if you got your revenge of him suffering now.

 

Deep down it sounds like you want to see him to show that you are better off without him, to show that you are the one that won, and would like to see the person that he is now. And who knows? maybe he has changed and is the person that you wanted him to be. But whether you do that is up to you.

[Zahara]

This is the guy that you said dumped you like trash? You also said that you're seeing someone new that you like.

 

The fact that you're posting asking for feedback means there is some part of you that still isn't sure and likely contemplating eventhough you're exhibiting indifference on this post.

 

He's probably back only because his other relationship didn't work out. Don't let it sway you into thinking he values the relationship or you, rather focus on how he dumped you -- that is indicative of how he viewed/valued you.

[kztar]

This is the guy that you said dumped you like trash? You also said that you're seeing someone new that you like.

 

The fact that you're posting asking for feedback means there is some part of you that still isn't sure and likely contemplating eventhough you're exhibiting indifference on this post.

 

He's probably back only because his other relationship didn't work out. Don't let it sway you into thinking he values the relationship or you, rather focus on how he dumped you -- that is indicative of how he viewed/valued you.

 

Hey Zahara,

 

You are always on point with your post, and always give great advice. You are like a loveshack parent to me so thank you.

 

A part of me does want to meet up with him because I still miss him but the other part of me remembers how everything went down. In all honesty sometimes we are heartbroken but besides the breakup, what hurts its how the breakup happened and how it was treated.

 

I am definitely not going to hold myself back to try something new with anyone, for my EX and this is a fact.

 

Even of things don't work out with the next person, I rather not drop everything for someone who once dropped me.

[kztar]

You want to see him.

You know how I know?

Because if you have moved on, you would simply ignore it and have no reaction.

 

But instead you are here posting about it as if you got your revenge of him suffering now.

 

Deep down it sounds like you want to see him to show that you are better off without him, to show that you are the one that won, and would like to see the person that he is now. And who knows? maybe he has changed and is the person that you wanted him to be. But whether you do that is up to you.

 

Hi,

 

deep down I do want to see him but we will see. Part of me wants to see him but I know myself, I am very revengeful, so if I do end up seeing him I know for a fact that is really all going to be to make sure he knows im well off without him.

 

I still care for him but I don't care much for a relationship with him again. That was left in the past.

 

I will update if I meet up with him which is a possibility.

[Zahara]

Hey Zahara,

 

You are always on point with your post, and always give great advice. You are like a loveshack parent to me so thank you.

 

A part of me does want to meet up with him because I still miss him but the other part of me remembers how everything went down. In all honesty sometimes we are heartbroken but besides the breakup, what hurts its how the breakup happened and how it was treated.

 

I am definitely not going to hold myself back to try something new with anyone, for my EX and this is a fact.

 

Even of things don't work out with the next person, I rather not drop everything for someone who once dropped me.

 

You're welcome, kztar. I'm glad that I can help you.

 

It's time to move forward. Create new experiences, new adventures, new opportunities. Leave the past behind.

 

It's normal to miss him but it doesn't justify a meeting. Manage those feelings in a healthier manner rather than feeding into destructive emotions i.e. revenge.

 

The best revenge is living your best life. This is an opportunity for you to grow, mature and move on. You want to show empowerment -- ignore him.

 

Anyway, good luck if you decide to meet him. And don't hide it if you are in a relationship with this new guy.

[justagrl07]

Hi everyone,

 

Be careful what you wish for wanting a second chance with a dumper because it may just happen . So my dumper now wants me back after 6 months and now I wish he NEVER came back.

 

The first couple of months were so hard and I wished for this probably the first month.

 

I finally began to see the light and enjoying life without him. Dating others, traveling, HAVING FUN.

 

I blocked him everywhere with the exception of Instagram. Clearly he found a way to get in touch with me and is now begging for a second chance. He dated someone else in between for three months but that looks like it didn't last too long as clearly this person wasn't me.

 

He's back with "serious" intentions, even talking about putting a ring on my finger to make me understand that he is serious and that he loves me. SADLY I don't CARE anymore. He can stick that ring up his a** because I will not forget all those very dark days that I had to go through because of him.

 

He wants to meet up and talk in person. EH blahhhhh.

 

What would you do?LOL

 

 

I met up with mine. We are back together and stronger as ever! Worked for me but may not for all! You just never know!

[smudge21]

Been there and even right now, I'm expecting history to repeat itself very soon. They do always come back, but in my life they seem to always leave it too late. I can't tell you how much I've wanted some of them back, even when they've hurt me so bad. However, once I've healed (months of NC) they pop up and now they're like a stranger to me. I find it hard to explain in words, but it's the same person, but not. I can remember all the good, even enjoy their company... but... it's like there's a little voice just whispering "no". I have no bad feeling for them... I just feel nothing. Almost like meeting a stranger. And that's the oddest thing - seeing this person who meant so much, now meaning so little. But in my view, they had their chance, and they blew it. Life's too short to throw it away on people who care so little. It's funny that people jump into NC thinking it will be a way to win the ex back, but in the end it's actually a way to win ourselves back.

[TimmyC]

OMG I love your attitude, can we trade so I can feel that way about my crappy ex?

 

Anyways, I think your strong now and that's wonderful to hear, you have the right mind set and your damn right! Don't forget those dark times he put you through, the times he didn't care that you were hurting he cared about his own happiness now it's your turn. You deserve much better than to be ANYONES second option.

 

You sound like a wonderful person, keep dating and leave him in the past.

 

Though I must confess I Ind his pity a bit humorous. So what, now because he realizes he lost am amazing person he wants you back now because his fairy tale left? Screw that... His loss!

[juniorrocha]

What makes everyone think that once the dumper breaks ups with the dumpee they're automatically happy forever and don't ever question their choice?

 

Afterall we just gotta remember that we're all human, and sometimes we commit mistakes. Maybe we crave for time a part only to realize we had it all. And yes, sometimes we lose the best we had because of our bad choices. That's life.

 

What others have said here is true: if you didn't care, you wouldn't be posting. I read somewhere here on LS these days that the opposite of love is not hate, is indifference. If you still care, that's because you still have feelings. Doesn't means you want to go back whatsoever, especially if you're having a great time with your life right now.

 

The power is in your hands, see what's best for you and do what you should. Good luck!

[kztar]

Been there and even right now, I'm expecting history to repeat itself very soon. They do always come back, but in my life they seem to always leave it too late. I can't tell you how much I've wanted some of them back, even when they've hurt me so bad. However, once I've healed (months of NC) they pop up and now they're like a stranger to me. I find it hard to explain in words, but it's the same person, but not. I can remember all the good, even enjoy their company... but... it's like there's a little voice just whispering "no". I have no bad feeling for them... I just feel nothing. Almost like meeting a stranger. And that's the oddest thing - seeing this person who meant so much, now meaning so little. But in my view, they had their chance, and they blew it. Life's too short to throw it away on people who care so little. It's funny that people jump into NC thinking it will be a way to win the ex back, but in the end it's actually a way to win ourselves back.

 

Well, it happens. I honestly never expected him to return, but honestly is like you said. They had their chance once and blew it.

 

I think that even if I tried, the amount of pain will never allow me to see that person the same again. even if it hurts a little at the moment, it's best to let go and move on.

[kztar]

OMG I love your attitude, can we trade so I can feel that way about my crappy ex?

 

Anyways, I think your strong now and that's wonderful to hear, you have the right mind set and your damn right! Don't forget those dark times he put you through, the times he didn't care that you were hurting he cared about his own happiness now it's your turn. You deserve much better than to be ANYONES second option.

 

You sound like a wonderful person, keep dating and leave him in the past.

 

Though I must confess I Ind his pity a bit humorous. So what, now because he realizes he lost am amazing person he wants you back now because his fairy tale left? Screw that... His loss!

 

Tough times make you stronger. I remember thinking they'd never end. It was a long road to see the light. I went through all of that alone.

 

He says he loves me and I don't doubt it. I do care for him too which is one of the reasons why clearly I posted here, but love is not enough. It wasn't enough to keep us together then and to help us get back.

 

Sometimes you have to look at yourself and think of YOU. In this case, I miss everything I had with him at some point but I rather build that with someone else. Someone who I don't have doubts about.

[kztar]

What makes everyone think that once the dumper breaks ups with the dumpee they're automatically happy forever and don't ever question their choice?

 

Afterall we just gotta remember that we're all human, and sometimes we commit mistakes. Maybe we crave for time a part only to realize we had it all. And yes, sometimes we lose the best we had because of our bad choices. That's life.

 

What others have said here is true: if you didn't care, you wouldn't be posting. I read somewhere here on LS these days that the opposite of love is not hate, is indifference. If you still care, that's because you still have feelings. Doesn't means you want to go back whatsoever, especially if you're having a great time with your life right now.

 

The power is in your hands, see what's best for you and do what you should. Good luck!

 

Hey , Of course I still care. I still love him however love isnt enough. I've come this far, I wouldn't risk getting hurt twice by the same person.

[smudge21]

I think that even if I tried, the amount of pain will never allow me to see that person the same again.

 

This. We love people 100%, inside and out. When they hurt us, betray us, leave us, the person on the inside changes. They may still look the same, may still be very attractive, but inside we see a different person. Someone we don't trust or respect anymore. That's why we can never take them back, as now we're the one's over them and moving on.

[kztar]

Can someone please tell me how to update the thread I have an update...... I know some people wanted to know what happened.

[kztar]

Hi everyone,

 

So first of all thanks for reading and thanks for all the advice.

 

So I met with the "dumper" on Saturday night. Went out to dinner and then went to the movies. What a wonderful "DATE". Well first of I want to say that I still cared and care for him but that "in love" "spark" feeling was long gone. Saturday confirmed it.

 

We spoke about the nature of the breakup and he went straight to the point. He realized that he made a mistake and said that he was willing to do anything to get me back. I didn't have much to say besides telling him that he hurt me and disrespected me. New GF a month after we broke up, introduced this girl to his family and brought this girl home where we shared some of our most intimate moments to his house.

 

I get it, he wasn't with me and I know that many people would say I have no right to be upset at that. I probably may not, but that shows how little he valued me and our relationship.

 

You know, when this breakup happened, I wished nothing but that I had another chance with the "love of my life". Now, I've come such a long way, and I will never look back. That is a closed book and it's time to begin reading the next one. He cried and cried and basically begged me for another chance. He told me that he loves me enough to propose to me, get me a house etc. When we were together going through out difficult times I would have loved to hear this attitude but now I don't care. I don't want those things with him. I said im sorry I just don't respect you or feel the same way about you. I also told him that I have interest in someone else. He cried because he knows im not the one to jump from relationship to relationship. He knows im pretty serious about this guy. Unlike him, I don't date just for the hell of it but rather because I see potential in someone. He also knows that I've always been very clear on what I wanted out of life and relationships. Wether that turns into something or not, I rather take chances with someone else and maintain my dignity and carry on with my life.

 

Maybe if he would have treated me with respect during the breakup, and after I would have considered this but then again, that is irrelevant. I doubt I'd ever go back to someone who walked out of my life.

 

With that being said I have to say that It is not easy to walk away from someone that you love or loved(because I still love him and care for him), but you need to put yourself first and know you deserve better. When you give someone everything and they trashed you like you were no better, there's no need to reserve a space for that person in your life.

 

While I was with him, I did nothing but give him love and be the best girlfriend I could ever be. He took me for granted. Now that he realized he made a mistake he wants in again. I rather be single than be with him.

 

I wish him well but im better without him. Although 6 months doesn't seem like a long time, I have to say that I've grown a lot. The old me would have taken him back in a heartbeat, but I don't reserve spaces in my life for those who have walked out. I am also very proud of myself because I could have easily just gone back to "try" again yet knowing that the best thing to do is walk away and keep moving forward.

 

For those who are going through a rough breakup, hang in there you will get better, you will survive and become stronger.

 

He blocked me on IG and probably everywhere else. (Don't know why but He followed me and I didn't follow him back nor did I have any interest in doing so). Looks like his time to mourn the relationship has come and he is going NC with me. I didn't intend in contacting him anyways but I understand, he's gone NC for his sake.

 

Time will only show you the clarity you need to continue moving forward. Some things will hurt, but hurt is temporary. I'll always remember him but Im ready for new and better adventures. The past is the past and it's better to leave it there. Take the lessons learned and carry on.

Edited June 20, 2016 by kztar

[KBarletta]

Good for you. It's an important lesson, because so many of us - especially in the very rough first few weeks/months after the split - are operating with rose-colored glasses and will jump at the chance to have things back to the way they were.

 

Good for you for staying strong and continuing to move forward.

[gaig]

He's back with "serious" intentions, even talking about putting a ring on my finger to make me understand that he is serious and that he loves me. SADLY I don't CARE anymore. He can stick that ring up his a** because I will not forget all those very dark days that I had to go through because of him.

 

He wants to meet up and talk in person. EH blahhhhh.

 

What would you do?LOL

 

Here is my perspective..

 

It depends.. On the quality of your relationship, how good match you've been, memories you shared, etc, and ofc how it ended.

 

Sometimes *smart* people realize their mistakes and acknowledge them. That's nothing for us, they can stick it in their a**. If they are smart, they won't repeat it in their future. But if they are brave, stron-hearted and ready to swallow their ego, they might have changed.

 

You know, sometimes individuals need a powerful awakening call to "know" who they are. I have also been in a dormant situation in a relationship and realized when it was too late.

 

He has to prove he is serious. He has to actually prove he is a new person that you don't already know. His old self is rotten and toxic for you. A stupid ring and a house mean nothing..this is just buying you off (red flag here). 6 months sounds too recent as well.

 

My point is, if there are still any feelings left deep inside you (not habits, real feelings), give it a thought. And let him BURN! He had his chance once, he screwed up, now it's gonna be 1000 times more difficult to prove anything to you. He either accepts it or he is still in limbo.

 

Please, don't take me wrong, but.. it's just I've read about so many cases here that dumpees and dumpers don't take any actions and get stuck to this "what if".. This "what if" stays nailed in the bottom of their hearts for whole lifetimes and I find it a bit sad..

 

Make a game out of it if you meet again.. take both of you a piece of paper and write down things you thought your other half liked and disliked on you and see if there is "landing". Make him prove to you he is a much better version than the previous relationship-sprinter

[kztar]

Here is my perspective..

 

It depends.. On the quality of your relationship, how good match you've been, memories you shared, etc, and ofc how it ended.

 

Sometimes *smart* people realize their mistakes and acknowledge them. That's nothing for us, they can stick it in their a**. If they are smart, they won't repeat it in their future. But if they are brave, stron-hearted and ready to swallow their ego, they might have changed.

 

You know, sometimes individuals need a powerful awakening call to "know" who they are. I have also been in a dormant situation in a relationship and realized when it was too late.

 

He has to prove he is serious. He has to actually prove he is a new person that you don't already know. His old self is rotten and toxic for you. A stupid ring and a house mean nothing..this is just buying you off (red flag here). 6 months sounds too recent as well.

 

My point is, if there are still any feelings left deep inside you (not habits, real feelings), give it a thought. And let him BURN! He had his chance once, he screwed up, now it's gonna be 1000 times more difficult to prove anything to you. He either accepts it or he is still in limbo.

 

Please, don't take me wrong, but.. it's just I've read about so many cases here that dumpees and dumpers don't take any actions and get stuck to this "what if".. This "what if" stays nailed in the bottom of their hearts for whole lifetimes and I find it a bit sad..

 

Make a game out of it if you meet again.. take both of you a piece of paper and write down things you thought your other half liked and disliked on you and see if there is "landing". Make him prove to you he is a much better version than the previous relationship-sprinter

 

yeah I did. Looks like a bad idea for the future. I let him go.