My best friend slept with my bf (now ex bf)

[totalemptyness]

Both have been trying getting in contact with me, asking for forgiveness. The problem is that this wasn't just a one time drunken ONS but a short-lived affair going on for nearly 2 months. I don't think that can be a mistake by then, esp when lying was involved (example: the time she was trying to convince me so hard to work on my day off just so she can meet my bf). To make matters worse, my neighbor informed me that he saw them going out of my apartment, making out and holding hands. I'm assuming this must have happened more than once and they probably used my bed. That's when I confronted them the following day.

 

My ex bf can go to hell for all I care. Though, not sure about what to do with my friend Janie. We've been friends since our early childhood years and she was like a sister to me (I'm an only child), part of the family. My parents have been friends with her parents for the longest too. I still have our childhood and teen years pictures, all the way to the recent ones before I found out.

 

This might sound stupid but even after she did, I still care for her (I don't even wish her bad) and feel like I can forgive her one day. I just didn't expect this to be coming from her. Guys can be jerks and they come and go, but she was suppose to look out for my best interest, have my back.

Edited June 14, 2016 by totalemptyness

[PegNosePete]

We've been friends since our early childhood years and she was like a sister to me

A sister who sleeps with your boyfriend?

 

If there were a blood tie then I can understand that maybe one day you would forgive and move on with a relationship.

 

You can't choose your family. If a family member screws you over, they are still your family. You can choose your friends. Don't choose ones who screw you over.

 

Guys can be jerks and they come and go, but she was suppose to look out for my best interest, have my back.

Funny, guys say exactly the same thing

[kgcolonel]

Both are toxic to your well being. They deserve each other and you really don't need anyone in your life who would betray you this way or in any way.

 

You should be looking for someone who would have your back no matter what.

[Toodaloo]

Get rid of both. Pack away those pictures. Get rid of reminders of both him and her.

 

You do not need that in your life.

 

Find new people you can trust and rely on. Talk to your family and other friends.

 

Oh and get a new bed and bedding - trust me you will feel better for it

[Space Ritual]

Both have been trying getting in contact with me, asking for forgiveness. The problem is that this wasn't just a one time drunken ONS but a short-lived affair going on for nearly 2 months. I don't think that can be a mistake by then, esp when lying was involved (example: the time she was trying to convince me so hard to work on my day off just so she can meet my bf). To make matters worse, my neighbor informed me that he saw them going out of my apartment, making out and holding hands. I'm assuming this must have happened more than once and they probably used my bed. That's when I confronted them the following day.

 

My ex bf can go to hell for all I care. Though, not sure about what to do with my friend Janie. We've been friends since our early childhood years and she was like a sister to me (I'm an only child), part of the family. My parents have been friends with her parents for the longest too. I still have our childhood and teen years pictures, all the way to the recent ones before I found out.

 

This might sound stupid but even after she did, I still care for her (I don't even wish her bad) and feel like I can forgive her one day. I just didn't expect this to be coming from her. Guys can be jerks and they come and go, but she was suppose to look out for my best interest, have my back.

 

It is normal for you to have feelings for someone that you thought was your best friend. You are grieving her part in this for the friend you thought she was. You will eventually arrive at the realization that she was a different person when you two were growing up than what she is now.

 

Again, these feeling will fade with time once you get over the shock of the double betrayal and understand that these were conscious actions taken by two people who proclaimed to love you. Please understand that they are only trying to do damage control and that they are more concerned with the fallout after being discovered than they ever were with your best interest.

 

I'm sure your friend will be very worried about who you tell, so in that case I advise you to blow this affair up and tell anyone and everyone you can. It does not reflect badly on you, for you did not cheat on anyone. It reflects badly on what type of person these 2 people are. Affairs thrive in the dark and like cockroaches, the best way to hasten an ending is to expose it to the light of day.

 

I had a similar situation happen to me, so I know of what I speak of.

 

Good luck.

Edited June 14, 2016 by Space Ritual

[kgcolonel]

It is normal for you to have feelings for someone that you thought was your best friend. You are grieving her part in this for the friend you thought she was. You will eventually arrive at the realization that she was a different person when you two were growing up than what she is now.

 

Again, these feeling will fade with time once you get over the shock of the double betrayal and understand that these were conscious actions taken by two people who proclaimed to love you. Please understand that they are only trying to do damage control and that they are more concerned with the fallout after being discovered than they ever were with your best interest.

 

I'm sure your friend will be very worried about who you tell, so in that case I advise you to blow this affair up and tell anyone and everyone you can. It does not reflect badly on you, for you did not cheat on anyone. It reflects badly on what type of person these 2 people are. Affairs thrive in the dark and the like cockroaches, the best way to hasten an ending is to expose it to the light of day.

 

I had a similar situation happen to me, so I know of what I speak of.

 

Good luck.

 

 

I couldn't agree more on the blowing this up, consider it a PUBLIC SERVICE ADVISEMENT.....for the public, DO NOT TRUST THESE TWO PEOPLE, THEY HAVE NO ETHICS OR SENSE OF LOYALTY.

[Poutrew]

Sure, you can eventually forgive your old friend and let her into your life once again. Just make sure before you do this, that you have another boyfriend she can steal away from you. It's really nice of you, by the way. You do all the legwork and vetting of a quality guy. Your 'friend' just steps in and takes over...

 

Make no mistake, this girl is not and was never your friend. You threw out the garbage. Make sure it doesn't crawl back in...you're better off.

[totalemptyness]

Honestly, I don't have too many friends and not into telling others about my problems. I've always been an introverted, somewhat reserved woman and besides her, only had 3 other friends but they were just regular, casual friends while others were just my acquaintances.

 

I don't want to make a public fb post about how I got cheated on. I don't see how others should know about my personal life. Only thing I did though was changed the status back to being single. Someone asked and I just said it was because of personal reasons and that it didn't work out.

[totalemptyness]

When I meant forgiving her, I didn't exactly mean having the same close friendship again. Nope, that will never happen. Now I know part of her personality I never knew before. Apparently, she had a hidden impulsive personality and must have been jealous of me for the longest. Otherwise how can someone easily change from being your best friend that cares and loves you to the total opposite?

 

I think one day I can be cordial to her but it'll just probably be at permanent acquaintance level along with never introducing her towards any future partners I might have later on after I'm done recovering from this. As of now I don't have a single best friend, just my parents.

 

It's going to be awkward from then on. My parents are clueless about what's been going on and they're still friends with her parents. It's sucks that while she betrayed me in the worst possible way, our parents have nothing to do with this issue.

Edited June 14, 2016 by totalemptyness

[Space Ritual]

Honestly, I don't have too many friends and not into telling others about my problems. I've always been an introverted, somewhat reserved woman and besides her, only had 3 other friends but they were just regular, casual friends while others were just my acquaintances.

 

I don't want to make a public fb post about how I got cheated on. I don't see how others should know about my personal life. Only thing I did though was changed the status back to being single. Someone asked and I just said it was because of personal reasons and that it didn't work out.

 

Sorry you misunderstood my post, so I will elaborate.

I didn't mean an FB post. I meant your family and her family and if you are asked by others. Since you were so close with her , her parents will eventually want to know why you aren't friends anymore. You can rest assured your former friend is not going to tell them she was screwing your boyfriend behind your back. you did nothing wrong so why should you feel embarrassed that these people betrayed you? They are the ones who are trying to ask for forgiveness, which is a gift that should not be undertaken lightly.

 

You have to understand that cheating and betraying friends come with consequences. if you do not show someone consequences for their actions they may do it to someone else down the road.

 

We teach people how to treat us, and if you just sweep this under the rug you are inviting others to walk over you in the future.

 

Do not accept this behavior from anyone in your life. And show them some real world consequence or their behavior will never change.

[smackie9]

Sorry but this "friend" of yours is of no use to you. You have a friend for someone to rely on, for support and comfort you, etc. She threw that back into your face the day she selfishly decided her desires were of more value than your friendship of many years.

 

I think you better go NC for a year then rethink about all this when your not so emotionally tied to this person. You will be of more sound mind by then.

[Clay]

Sadly I doubt you will ever have any kind of friendship with her. Your never going to forget. You probably should get into counseling and get out and make more friends. The only real reason she is contacting you is because she feels guilty and she wants you to make her feel better. If she really cared about your friendship she would have put you first when your xBF made advanced towards her.

 

You don't have to stay mad at her for every but forgiveness is your to give. No one else can do that. I personally think it is overrated. I think people can move on living a healthy life and not give forgiveness to horrible people.

 

I am sorry you were betrayed in such a horrible way. You sound like a really great person. Give yourself time there are better friends out there.

 

C

[totalemptyness]

Thank you for clarifying Space Ritual. Yes, I will sooner have to tell my parents about it when they start asking.

 

It's only been 3 days later by now.

 

Clay I forgot to add something, actually what makes it worse is it was the other way around; she was the initiator and my ex bf reciprocated. During our confrontation that day, she (as well as the cheating loser) admitted it herself that she started it by flirting with him and grabbing his arm.

She was the one that told him about my work schedule, about how she convinced me to work on my day off, etc.

[totalemptyness]

If she really cared about your friendship she would have put you first when your xBF made advanced towards her.

It was really the other way around.

[Clay]

Well he could have said NO. She could have avoided any contact with him. She chose her path and now she wants to use you once again to make herself feel better. I would not give her even a second of my time. I wouldn't even show her any indication I was mad at her or nothing. To me she would be just that nothing. The only reason I keep my xW somewhat in my life is do to the fact we have children. There is not a day that doesn't go by I dont wish I would have had them with a different women. Be thankful you don't have that kind of a tie to him and then to her as well.

 

Your young and clearly a good person. Stand tall and just walk away.

 

I have been three this with three different women in my life. I can tell you I am jaded to some degree but I still believe there are good women out there. Don't let this one experience stop you from living a wonderful life. It does get better. You just have to do the hard work. Just block her and don't give what she wants another second of your time.

 

C

[stillafool]

You would have to be out of your mind to give her or him another chance to hurt you. Surely you aren't that desperate for friends.

[stillafool]

When I meant forgiving her, I didn't exactly mean having the same close friendship again. Nope, that will never happen. Now I know part of her personality I never knew before. Apparently, she had a hidden impulsive personality and must have been jealous of me for the longest. Otherwise how can someone easily change from being your best friend that cares and loves you to the total opposite?

 

I think one day I can be cordial to her but it'll just probably be at permanent acquaintance level along with never introducing her towards any future partners I might have later on after I'm done recovering from this. As of now I don't have a single best friend, just my parents.

 

It's going to be awkward from then on. My parents are clueless about what's been going on and they're still friends with her parents. It's sucks that while she betrayed me in the worst possible way, our parents have nothing to do with this issue.

 

This girl was never your best friend. Go out and meet quality people.

[totalemptyness]

Thank you stillafool,

I will be moving on with my life and eventually meet someone I can trust. For now, the wound is still fresh and it's like a nightmare. I really wish this was all a dream, in which I would wake up from and it not happening but it's real.

 

I'm right now reading a message the cheating loser send to me. Apparently, my friend at some point was talking a couple negative things (including a couple of my secrets I would tell her during our HS years...things that were suppose to be between us) about me to him. Not done reading it yet. Wow just wow.....

 

I feel that as the days passed by, I'm getting to finally know the real her. Now I'm feeling like she must have hated me for a long while.

 

With that new information, I feel like throwing up to be honest.

Edited June 15, 2016 by totalemptyness

[PogoStick]

I don't know your ages but stuff that happens when your young matters less IMO. Instability and poor boundaries are hallmarks of youth. Not quite to the same level but I had two questionable events when I was young. I stayed best friends with one throughout my school years, and a lifelong friend with the 2nd guy.

 

I can certainly understand the advice to drop your friend. And maybe you only are with her because of the coincidence of growing up together. Would you have chosen her as a friend if you met later in life?

 

On the other side. Only you know the true details of your friendship and whether it's special enough to try and save. The truth is though, you have the power to forgive anyone you choose. If you go that route, make sure you do it out of strength in yourself, not fear and desperation of feeling alone.

[sandylee1]

I'd have no desire to see or hear from her as long as I lived. With friends like that who needs enemies. She betrayed you in one of the worse ways possible.

 

Just cut her out of your life for good.

[totalemptyness]

Ok so she called earlier this money and I stupidly picked up. Obviously, I told her every single bad word in the dictionary. She went on crying, saying sorry many times.

 

I informed her I also knew about all things she had told him behind my back. That to me is another betrayal. She just started crying some more. Then when I told her I was going to buy a new bed, she immediately offered to pay for it, that she would give me the money. She has been basically saying she would do anything to gain back my friendship.

 

I was too mad at the moment and just told her I want to be left alone and the only thing we'll talk about is the money she has offered for the new bed I plan on buying and hang up loudly. I guess that's the least she can do. Should I have accepted it or should I decline the money?

[totalemptyness]

Oh and get a new bed and bedding - trust me you will feel better for it

Now she has offered to pay for it.

[stillafool]

Why are you even talking to her? Also why are you talking to him? He is your bf and has treated you like dirt and yet you talk to both of them. I hope you aren't planning on taking this guy back because if he can get away with having sex with your bf God only knows what he will do next.

[totalemptyness]

stillafool,

No, I'm not taking that cheating loser back. I haven't reply back to the message my ex bf send me through my personal email.

 

As for my ex friend, at this moment the only thing I'll accept is the money. If that means she's going to pay for my new bed and bedding and I get to give my old bed to her, fine.

 

The only thing I'll talk to her about is when I get the money.

[Space Ritual]

Don't accept the money. It is just an in for her to remain in contact with you so she can worm her way back to a friendship.

 

I advise you to not speak to her again and to tell your family exactly what happened. You opened the door for her to start more drama and rewrite the history of her betrayal.

 

Nothing good is going to come from any contact with her. Please understand that with your boyfriend it could have been anyone with 2 breasts,a vagina, and a heartbeat with which to cheat on you with.

 

Your "friend" made a conscious effort to betray you time and again. Accepting money from her for a bed is hardly a consequence for her actions because she still has reason to remain in contact with you. Thus she will see a chance of restarting the friendship and minimize her role in all of it, and attempt to convince you that what she dd wasn't all that bad.

 

Some critical thinking is needed on your part here. Do you really want to open the door to a minimizing festival that is sure to come from her?

 

Teach her the best lesson she can learn from this by deleting her from your life.