What does it mean...

[Lola]

I'm 30, and went on a date this Friday with a really cool guy. I think the date went well...

 

He's from back East, moved out to my area to go to grad school, and I responded to his ad for a penpal in the area. We emailed back and forth for a long while, then lost touch when he was driving across country. About a month ago, we regained contact and started emailing, then talking casually on the phone.

 

We had dinner and a great time talking. Near the end of the evening, we were sitting on a park bench talking, when he put out his hand to me. I put my hand in his and he shook my hand and told me it was a pleasure to finally meet.

 

I found that charming. But then he kept gently holding my hand while we continued talking. He even gently stroked my face!

 

Well, in the end, he held my hand kissed my cheek. I thought it was SO sweet.

 

Yes, I am a dating dork. I am very rusty with these things

 

What does this mean in guy-talk?

 

Thanks

[Ed]

He used the hand holding and the kiss on the cheek as a test of your interest in him and, at the same time, it was a sign of his interest in you. He offered his hand to let you know he desired physical contact with you.

 

Many times, on a first meeting, it goes no further than just touching hands, arms and back or shoulder, maybe the thigh. Did you or he make those gestures first?

 

When you gave your hand in return to his offer, you let him know physical contact was OK with you. His continuing to hold your hand was an indication of interest on both parts too. The longer the hand hold without pulling away, the more interest there is. The longer than normal hand hold probably made him feel more confident about attempting to kiss you on the cheek.

 

If you continue seeing him in person and, as long as his interest is still there, he will attempt more frequent and more intimate contact with you. Your response to his gestures is like a traffic signal - stop, go or slow down.

 

Make good use of those signals. Remember, for all practical purposes, he is still a stranger, no matter how much computer and telephone contact you have had. Take it slow (yellow light) and try not to let the physical aspect of the relationship get too far ahead of the "getting to know each other" part. It takes time.

 

It sounds like you are off to a pretty good start. If he is a real man and gentleman he will pay attention to your signals and respect the boundaries you set. Don't let him push you further than you want to go (red light). Keep the meetings public for a while and gradually move on to secluded public places. Make sure he will respect your boundaries before agreeing to be alone with him in a private place (like your house or his).

 

Good luck and be careful.

[Lola]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful insight. I really appreciate your feedback. He made all the contact, but he wasn't too pushy. He *seems* like a gentleman, but you really don't know until you really get to know someone- and that takes time.

 

I will definately keep our meetings in public places, and the physical stuff to a minimum. No sense in rushing into anything.

 

Thanks!