I want the dumpee back

[qwer1]

Hello everyone, I am not here to know that I do not deserve this girl because I already know that, but I really want her back and I am 100% sure that I am not just saying this because the grass is greener on the other side or because I am just in this mind set right now and will leave her again. So here is my story:

 

I started college last year and 3 weeks in I started going out with this girl and everything was amazing. We spent literally every day together, slept every night together, did everything together, visited her home over breaks and all that. Yes, we did have fights and what not, but overall the relationship was so great that it was worth ignoring. In June (10 months into the relationship) I had a job that was in the middle of nowhere and I would rarely have connection so we had very limited contact as I would only contact her during the night. About a week or two into my job, she got pissed at me for not calling one night, and it would have been just a small problem and she apologized the next day, but I did not contact her for 4 days and then broke up with her. The next morning, I called her back and apologized and continued everything.

 

September comes, and we are back together, but I felt like I wasn't the same and I think I had GIGS (not giving an excuse to justify what I have done, I ****ed up. no excuse for that.) and two weeks before our one year, I told her I did not want a relationship and wanted to have fun partying and was just grasping at straws to give her reasons to why I was breaking up with her, but it seemed impossible to leave her, but I did so one night.

She went into no contact with me, deleting me on facebook and social media, but was so desperate to being with me and sent me a letter with candy on our anniversary saying she loved me and wanted to be with me, but I did not respond since I knew i would only hurt her more, and then stayed in no contact after that.

 

She went abroad and came back at the end of May, and while she was abroad I was wondering what i have done and wanted to contact her but couldn't because I felt like I would ruin her abroad semester. When she did get back, I waited a week before I contacted her (it has been 7-8 months since we broke up and spoke), and my first text was a hey and she did not respond, but then I sent her a very long text to which I asked to call her, and then she responded allowing me the chance. She seemed to have a neutral expression and told me she held on to me for a long time before she healed and had moved on and no longer had feelings for me, and then we just talked for about 2-3 hours on the phone, and said she does not want to talk to me over the summer and does not know about talking to me when we get back to school in september, but agreed to go out for lunch when we get back to just catch up.

 

Three weeks later, its my birthday and she texts me happy birthday and hopes i had a good day and we just text back and forth for a little and she says she will add me on facebook to which she did and I can text her from time to time, but she said "my position has not changed and I do not want to give you hope or lead you onto something." I have been texting daily and initiate contact with her for the past week, and texts me back only during the nights around 9 or 10 pm, but after she texts me back at that time, we text back and forth for an hour or two and she responds instantly and seems interested in talking and its not one word responses. After that hour or two she would text me that she has to go to sleep and say "gotta be up early tomorrow, have a goodnight" every time.

This has been going on for the past week.

 

 

What do you think her true intentions are, is there any possibility of going out with me again? I know if I can just take her out on one date we could be together, and I know 100% even though I don't even deserve to have her talk to me, I just want it and would never leave her again. She loved me like everything and I was stupid to go looking for something else when everything was already in front of me.

[j21bird]

My thoughts are that you are in a better position than most guys on Love Shack that write about getting back together with their girl friend.

 

Her messaging you on your birthday is a good sign. The daily contact over the last week is a good sign.

 

My advice would be to not initiate contact via text with her tomorrow and wait until she initiates contact with you.

 

Your goal until school starts is to simple keep the door open. You probably are not in a position to fully win her back until you are both at school, so keep the communication light, fun, and positive.

 

I would also recommend that while texting you set a limit on the number of texts/amount of time you spend communicating with her every night. You don't want to play it too cool but texting for an hour or two every night is not the answer either. Also some of the nights you that are texting her be the first one to sign off and tell her you need to get to bed and say good night. I would not text and text and text until she says she needs to get to sleep- sometimes you need to end the conversation.

 

My guess is the pendulum has swung a little too far in one direction- you feel some guilt for letting her go and now you might be over doing it a little bit with the amount of communication.

 

In summary your goal is to keep the door open until school starts, stay in touch with her, but don't have your foot on the gas too much over the next few weeks.

 

Also don't be too hard on yourself for breaking up with her the first time, us guys including myself have done silly things like breaking up with a great girl to see what else is out that there- but sometimes that is how you learn and how you realize that you have a great one in your hands.

 

I am rooting for you.

[qwer1]

I don't know. I tried to go two days without contact to see if she would initiate it first, but she did not. So Saturday night after I texted her, we texted for two hours and then did the usual goodnight, but I did not text her Sunday or Monday and she did not initiate contact. Then Tuesday (this day) I texted her around 5 pm, and she texted me back at 10 pm and we texted for like 2 hours and texted me at 12 that she was getting tired and told me shes going to sleep and said goodnight.

 

Is she playing it cool? Did she really move on and would not get back with me? or is she testing me to see if i truly want her and keep on pursuing her until september to see if she should give me a chance?

Edited June 15, 2016 by qwer1

[j21bird]

I think you should do your best (easier said than done) to not over analyze this during the summer. I think you are doing good by taking a couple days off here and there from texting with her.

 

It would be interesting to see how many days with no contact it would take for her to contact you.

 

Hopefully there are some women that can chime in and provide their input on this thread.

 

It does seem like an interesting dynamic that she is not contacting you, but when you contact her she texts for an hour or two at a time.

 

Don't let this situation consume your summer- hang out with your buddies, go to the gym and so forth.

[qwer1]

Yeah, I will keep texting her daily to just stay in touch until september even if its for an hour or two a day to show that I am truly committed to her and would not leave her again if that would be her worry.

 

Its confusing that I am getting mixed signals though.

She said she moved on and no longer has feelings and told me to do the same and that I would find a girl some day that would make me happy

Yet she texts me every day

But only between around 9 and 12 at night

But she responds in minutes if not seconds and is interested in the conversations with me about each other's days

But she ends the conversation each night with "gotta go to sleep. have a goodnight. ttyl"

I asked her for lunch and she agreed to meet me for lunch just once to catch up

 

so im kind of confused here from all these mixed signals and am just trying to figure out her true "stance" on possibly giving me another shot and going out

[Scarlett.O'hara]

she says she will add me on facebook to which she did and I can text her from time to time, but she said "my position has not changed and I do not want to give you hope or lead you onto something."

 

Despite her receptiveness, she has made her position very clear and I really think you need to respect that.

 

I think it would be a mistake to pin all your hopes on getting back together because at this point that is not what she is offering you.

 

Could that change in the future, who knows? If you both feel a strong connection when you meet again it will happen naturally but it is not something you can push.

 

For now, just try and remind yourself that you are friends only.

[qwer1]

So I cut contact for another 2 and a half months until I have lunch with her...?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

No, but just don't take the communication as anymore than friends for now.

[qwer1]

Despite her receptiveness, she has made her position very clear and I really think you need to respect that.

 

I think it would be a mistake to pin all your hopes on getting back together because at this point that is not what she is offering you.

 

Could that change in the future, who knows? If you both feel a strong connection when you meet again it will happen naturally but it is not something you can push.

 

For now, just try and remind yourself that you are friends only.

 

Thank you for your views and I do agree with it.

But could it be possible that she is being hard to get to let me know she won't come back to me that easily and tests whether I would still pursue her to show that I won't leave her again?

[qwer1]

No' date=' but just don't take the communication as anymore than friends for now.[/quote']

 

 

 

Yeah, for now I am just texting her talking about each other's day or how work went and just simple things, I'm not mentioning anything about getting back together or any of that until school starts again and I see her for lunch to see how it goes

[qwer1]

Because we live 6 hours away from each other and won't be near each other until school starts again in three months, and she agreed to get lunch together and just catch up when we get back

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Thank you for your views and I do agree with it.

But could it be possible that she is being hard to get to let me know she won't come back to me that easily and tests whether I would still pursue her to show that I won't leave her again?

 

From the way you describe her, she sounds like a straight forward sort of girl who wears her heart on her sleeve so I doubt she would play those sorts of games. You dated her so you would know her character better than most.

 

I think it is better to take people at their word, even if it is hard to accept. If it turns out the feelings are still there, great, but don't take it as a given.

 

She might want to keep all her options open now and be free, similar to how you felt when you ended the relationship.

 

Keep your options open.

 

 

Wow, you make lunch dates three months in advance? I wish I was that much in demand.

 

Thanks, I needed a good laugh!

[qwer1]

yeah I feel as if my mindset should expect the worst and that I should convince myself that she has moved on for my own health

[juniorrocha]

I don't really think you should expect the worst; however, you should take it easy. It was already suggested that you keep things light and contact her as friends only. Do it every now and then, but keep going on with your life, date others even. The key is to not expect anything in return.

 

Whenever she's back, you guys can sit and talk, have a good laugh, and then you'll see whether there's a chance or not.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

yeah I feel as if my mindset should expect the worst and that I should convince myself that she has moved on for my own health

 

I'm sorry, I know it is tough. I can only imagine how much more invested your feelings will be by the time you see her again. You know she is already concerned that you might get the wrong idea, so you have to protect yourself like you said.