How do you turn down/quit a job you just accepted?

[Raina314]

Hey guys. A couple months ago a family friend put me in touch with someone in the field I want to go into (translation). The woman owns her own company and we met and she said she'd like to bring me on as her assistant. At first I was thrilled - my current job is okay but it's quite boring and not related to what I studied so this seemed perfect. In our second meeting, she decided that I should first do a a trial "training" period two weeks ago to see if I liked it, since she didn't want me to quit my job right away. I was supposed to meet with her twice a week for two hours after my regular job and be compensated for that time, so I said okay.

 

The first day I was scheduled to have this training I showed up, on time, and she wasn't even home (where we were supposed to meet as she works mostly from home.) I called her, didn't get an answer, and left. Then she texted me asking who had called, and when I told her it was me she apologized and said she'd forgotten cuz she'd been so busy. We agreed to meet this Monday. However, on Sunday she texted me and asked if I could do Tuesday instead, so I agreed. Then yesterday (Tuesday) when I came, she proposed that I start working for her part-time (instead of full-time) for $15 an hour so that I could keep my other job for now (just in case?) and, still wanting to give it a shot because translation is my dream job, I agreed.

 

However, now I'm panicking and regret agreeing to this. She's totally disorganized, as you probably surmised from my description above, she kept forgetting my last name when we were talking and getting me set up with her email (then said that this'll be "our joke," but I didn't find it funny). Also part time was not what I had originally agreed to do. I just said yes instinctively because I'd gone in ready to still give it a go. I don't want a part time job where I have to spend the only free time I have after my day job also working in the evenings and sometimes weekends, even if it is from home and she might switch me to full time later, and I don't have a good feeling about her anymore after all these changes and forgetfulness. My social life is already suffering and I need that time for friends and family.

 

But, I already agreed and am supposed to show up at an event on Sunday. I can't sleep because I'm so anxious and panicked. I feel terrible. Can someone please give me advice on how to get out of this? I don't know what to do, but I know I don't want this. I'm the kind of person who needs clear directions and guidelines and rules, and my current company is very well organized and gives me good benefits and takes care of me. I'd rather stay with them than get into this up in the air mess.

Edited June 15, 2016 by Raina314

[Got it]

Welcome to tough conversations.

 

I would call her and tell her, "thank you for this opportunity, you greatly appreciate it, but after further consideration you do not think it will fit with your life/plans/needs at this time. You are very appreciative that she took the time to work with you and thank you very much/you would love to discuss special projects in the future/would like to stay in contact/etc. You are sorry for any inconvenience and thank you again.

 

Oreo approach - good, bad/constructive criticism, good.

[MissBee]

Welcome to tough conversations.

 

I would call her and tell her, "thank you for this opportunity, you greatly appreciate it, but after further consideration you do not think it will fit with your life/plans/needs at this time. You are very appreciative that she took the time to work with you and thank you very much/you would love to discuss special projects in the future/would like to stay in contact/etc. You are sorry for any inconvenience and thank you again.

Oreo approach - good, bad/constructive criticism, good.

 

We call this a "praise sandwich" in my field.

[angel.eyes]

People tend to only hear the negative in the praise sandwich, unfortunately. Criticism coming from a newbie who isn't even in the field yet, will get interpreted as you being presumptuous, arrogant, and difficult. Sadly, people are blind to their own glaring flaws.

 

She's a total nightmare, and you're 100% right to back out.

 

I would call her up and explain that while you very much welcomed the idea of working for her, since it's now part-time, you have to keep your full-time job. Your schedule won't have the flexibility needed to do both jobs. Leave it at that.

 

It's not good for your career to burn bridges as you're just getting started--that includes criticizing potential employers before you even start your first job in the field. Just stay pleasant, positive, and avoid ever having to deal with her professionally again.

[blackcat777]

I was in a similar situation and rode it out - turned out to be one of the worst decisions of 2015. I was strung endlessly along for a position that never manifested (that I was promised), I happened upon a ton of illegal things (expired business license, no licenses for practice), and my boss's separated husband who looked like Friday the 13th slept in the basement, and would emerge at 2pm backing other staff into corners with random screaming fits.

 

GOOD ON YOU for recognizing the red flags and bailing out before you got too deeply involved. Holding out for work with a functionally/properly managed company is absolutely worth the wait.

 

Just be polite and "it's not a good match" is really all you have to say. Slather on the graciousness and be done with it.

 

Life is too short to waste your own time with something you already know will just give headaches...