I'm social, but it's hard to connect

[juniorrocha]

I was thinking about this the other day, how I'm a very social person but I can't truly connect to people in order to make friends. I don't really know how to do it. Like, the other day, I went out alone and met this guy who I've been out with just once, when I was still with my ex. He asked who I was with, I said I was alone, and he invited me to join their group. It was awesome, I got to know all of them, they are pretty nice people, they apparently liked me too, but that's it, it ended right there when I went home. It feels like I'm good at socializing, but not good at all at making connections with people.

 

The fact that I was alone for many years of my life (age 13-21) helped me developping a big independence/self-sufficiency. Back then I wasn't social at all. Always did everything by myself. I learned how to socialize, it seems like everyone around likes me, but still I can't connect. Sometimes I think that I feel so independent that it's way too much; at the point I unconsciously run away from any binding I may have with someone.

 

I do have a few great friends, which I made 3 years ago in my hometown. I wish I had more friends in this town I currently live at though. Been living here for 3 years and it still feels like I don't have any friends.

 

Any suggestions on how to approach people and make connections?

[chatter]

I can relate as an only child we moved a lot and I always left good friends behind, then once we settled the bullying didn't stop until high school. Once I hit high school everyone liked me but I keep boundaries with people bc I don't trust them. In college I made some very good friends and have kept them but they're all truly best friends while I've kept my distance and check in every other month. Its hard to connect with people, I've forced myself to make friends. I go out of my way to ask my friends to do things go lay out, go do dinner and movie, gym bla bla bla. Point is its an effort, offer to bring drinks to the pool or just go spend some time and watch kardashians even if you absolutely hate kardashian's. Its a learning process on how to turn off the independent switch. For me I feel like its crippling to be so independent and so untrustworthy of people because I've never had that many social emotional connections not even with my parents. I've had to learn to be social it doesn't come easy for me but if you're a genuinely nice person and open to doing fun things like go float down the river on the weekend or go to the movie but sneak in snacks and yals fav mixed drinks, just go with the flow but importantly learn to initiate activities it gets old asking someone all the time if they want to hang out. Or get a dog! You might meet a friend with a dog at the park and then you have a reason to walk your dog and be social so its not centralized on your independent nature because dogs love walks and love other people and might help you connect with someone on a love for dogs! Good luck cheering you on the from the sideline!

[preraph]

Since you end up talking to people at least, before you go out where you might end up talking to a group of people, do some research beforehand of some upcoming happening in the neighborhood or area that you can mention to them and ask if they're going and tell them you'll be there and they ought to come. You know, a happy hour, a concert.