hhhhhhhhh7 Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I've been close friends with this guy for about three years. He's in a band and he's a bit of a "lad" - very popular with women, etc. We were really good friends and hung out a lot around two years ago. We did however end up sleeping together. It was fine, and it didn't particularly affect our friendship. We remained close friends until he moved to a different city and got a girlfriend. He bumped into my brother about 6 months after he left and sent me a message saying "bumped into your brother tonight, where are you nowadays? Miss you mate x". Anyway, after that he invited me to see his new band in his new city and I did. It was so good to see him - I literally ran across the road to where he was and jumped in his arms! We stayed in touch right up until he broke up with his girlfriend. About 5 months after he split up with her, he was ringing me all the time - having 2 hour conversations with me. We'd talk about how I was struggling with my studies and mental health - and how he didn't wanna live in the city anymore. We'd also talk about the girls he was seeing - he'd always mention a reason why it would never work with them (she's too demanding/she doesn't calm me down like you do). When I finished at college, we went out with our other mates and ended up sleeping together. Had a really nice day the next day - went for lunch, shopping, just having a laugh and when he went home he said "you're my best friend you know, a true friend". The problem I have with this friendship is that he is very quiet about it. I speak to his (male) best mate and he said that my friend makes a conscious effort when we're all out drinking to avoid being seen talking/dancing with me and almost seems like he's trying his best to avoid me. But then, when we're on our own, we're such good friends. This mate said he thinks he does it because he doesn't have many friends that are girls, but I don't understand why that would make a difference - if I'm his mate he should always treat me like one right? This is where it gets bad. The next time I slept with him (about four days later) I was blind drunk - I initiated it. When we'd had sex he lay down for 5 minutes and then said "Ah I forgot I needed to be at home by 9am" (it was like 7.20am). I was mortified and being drunk quite upset, so I said "you treat me like crap". He went MAD, calling me a psycho and called me his ex-girlfriends name. I tried not to cry but it was making me worse. When he went to leave he tried to hug me. I just gave him a brief hug and turned over and cried. I text him like two days later asking if he was around. He didn't reply. That was like four days ago. I'm so sad - I feel angry with him, but I also don't want to lose him. We've helped each other through some very dark times. We both suffer with poor mental health and I feel I can talk to him about it. I don't want to lose him over having sex with him. What should I do? Should I contact him again or wait for him to, and if he doesn't - accept he doesn't wanna be my mate? Sorry it's an essay! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 It's really pretty simple. He likes being your friend because so far you've been undemanding and have him fooled that you won't get jealous or possessive and try to be his girlfriend. So he got comfy and slept with you, as guys will when they think they have found a "no strings/no tell" situation. He doesn't want anyone to think he's dating you or that you are his girlfriend, so he treats you like crap out in public unless you're totally alone and not amongst friends. He gripes about other women and why they won't work out because he's in no way ready for commitment and so every little demand they make to have a NORMAL relationship with mutual respect gets met with him walking out. Stop wasting your time worrying about this guy. He's obviously got you NOT in the girlfriend/keeper category. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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