"Just give me time"

[Kmobarek89]

I've been with my girl (ex) for 7 years we had a lot of ups and downs that put a toll on us. I met her when I was 19 I was still a immature dude from Brooklyn but I knew I loved this girl from the moment we met. She actually said she knew I was the one she wanted when she first saw me. Anyway. Throughout those years she had to live with me in my familys home. I was working on and off but never had a steady job to pay for an apartment in nyc, which she wanted us to do but I was scared of not making ends meet. I decided to start a business 3 years ago which finally picked up and I'm able to support a family with no stress but now she says it's too late she doesn't want that right now and decided to leave me. I've tried to make her under stand I was working hard for us but she says she wants to live for her that she dedicated all her time waiting for me and now she wants to TAKE her time back and do what she wants. She keeps saying give her time to heal. I found out she is talking to someone else from her job but what confuses me is that she says she doesn't want to lose me so why would you talk to someone else? She didn't hide that from me. She telling me if i want to wait for her then do that, then says she doesn't know what the future holds. Then says deep down she can see us married with kids but then says nothing is promised.she also mentioned she just scared for disappointment and let her come back to me at 100 %. Why won't she just end it with me completely. I'm confused. I really love this woman.

[oldshirt]

Never sit idly on the shelf and wait for someone to determine if they want to be in a relationship with you or not. Express your vision of the relationship and state your conditions and then make your offer.

 

 

Their option is to follow along with you on your path or not. That is their choice and their prerogative.

 

 

Never stand by on reserve while they try out other people for size and see if that one will pan out or not.

 

 

Make your offer, the answer is yes or no. Any answer that is not yes, is a no.

 

 

Make your offer, if she agrees to your vision of a relationship and agrees to your terms, then move forward with it and make good on your offer.

 

 

If she comes back with anything other than yes, then leave her sitting there and move on with your own life and don't look back.

[oldshirt]

My previous post was general advice to apply to every potential relationship.

 

 

Now lets talk about this specific situation a little more.

 

 

She is trying some other guy(s) on for size and is weighing whether he/they are for real and trying to decide which is the bigger better deal.

 

 

She is wanting you to wait for her in reserve in case it doesn't work out with the other dude(s).

 

 

Never be someone's back up plan or fall back guy.

 

 

All in or all out.

 

 

Make your offer and give her the chance to come back into the fold. If he balks or tries to negotiate for more time, turn and walk away and move on with your life and start dating other people as well.

 

 

I am 52 years old and there are several other regular posters on this site that are middle aged as well. I have loved and lost many fine women over the years and have been married with a home and family for 20 years.

 

 

I do not regret a single woman that I have dated or have bedded or have loved.

 

 

I do not regret a single woman or a single relationship that I have lost.

 

 

The only thing that I have ever regretted is the time that I have stayed in bad relationships that had gone stale and toxic and I really really regret the time that I burned up (even if it was only weeks) waiting for someone to "decide" if they would continue to bless me with their company or not.

 

 

If I could go back in time and change the past, one of the main things I would change is I would have walked away the moment someone started giving me the brush off and I would have laughed in the face of anyone who told me they needed space and time to think and time to decide what they wanted.

 

 

If I could go back I would snicker in their face and walk away shaking my head and ask out the next girl that caught my attention.

[oldshirt]

If I could go back in time and change the past, one of the main things I would change is I would have walked away the moment someone started giving me the brush off and I would have laughed in the face of anyone who told me they needed space and time to think and time to decide what they wanted.

 

.

 

Because here is the real thing.

 

 

Whenever anyone tells you they "need time" to think about something, the real thing they need time for is time to think up how they are going to BS you and manipulate you.

 

 

Save them and you the time by walking away and moving on to the next one.

 

 

Remember that always. Any time someone needs time to figure out what they want, what they really mean is they need time to figure out a story to BS you with.

[Kmobarek89]

I really appreciate the responses. I really wish it didn't have to be this way. Something in me wants to believe there's hope but whatever. **** hurts.

[oldshirt]

I really appreciate the responses. I really wish it didn't have to be this way. Something in me wants to believe there's hope but whatever. **** hurts.

 

I'm not saying there is no hope. I am saying do not allow yourself to be placed on reserve while someone testdrives other men and other relationships.

 

If you want to have a relationship with her then share your vision of what you want that relationship to be, spell out your conditions, rules and boundaries and then make your offer.

 

Her prerogative is she can either accept your vision, conditions and offer, or she can decline it.

 

Do not accept anything in between.

 

Anything but a true yes is a no. Anything but a true yes, leave her behind and move on.

 

Never sit idle waiting for someone.

 

Months down the road you will not regret the loss of the relationship.

 

But you will regret the time you wasted and the time you sat on the shelf waiting for decades to come.

[Marc878]

You've been together since you were teenagers. This happens a lot.

 

Move on with your life. Hard to do but it's you're only option.

 

Hanging on will cause her to lose respect. You don't need that.

[Sunnymae]

Did she change around the time you started your business? Maybe she felt like she wasn't getting enough attention from you, and being a young woman in her sexual peak, started seeking attention elsewhere. She probably still loves you, but is confused. Something new and exciting vs. something safe and secure. So I would advise you to start focusing on other girls, for now. It might schock her into the realization that she has a good thing going with you, and if and when you get together always make sure to do something special. I know it's hard because you started this business, maybe getting her involved in it, so she doesn't feel neglected, having a special date night at least once a week. Get your dad or hire someone to cover for you a few hours and do something together.

[Kmobarek89]

She said the past year thats when she started feeling a change. She felt if the year ended the same then she would leave which she end up doing but the business wasn't at the point where it needed to be. Now she saying give me time, naturally I was hurting so I started asking so many questions and beggin that she eventually said "pay close attention to what I'm telling you, you are the type to **** up whatever good coming to you" she also said just remember all the things we talked about and remember those things (about her seeing me as someone she would settle with and wanting to come back 100% to) so I took the hint as she just really wants the time but I hate she is talking to someone else. I want this to work. So should i just do no contact and see what happens.