Found it out my guy friend has a gf!! Why didn't he ever tell me?

[zonarosa]

Can anyone tell me why a guy would "forget" to mention he has a gf?

 

Last night, as I was playing with the phone of a guy I've been hanging out with quite a bit lately, I came across photos of him with a hottie. Asked him point blank who it was, and it's his long-dist gf. He didn't mention her cuz "it never came up" and, anyway, he "doesn't get to see her much".

 

Rest of evening awkward.

 

Cuz, I've known this guy for 3 months, and had many conversations and nights out with him where we talk about life, family, hometowns etc. He seemed quite keen - lots of texts msgs, compliments, asking what kind of guy i'm into, a certain episode of blanket footsie...

 

<although, to be fair, I never asked him whether he had a gf. I did, on the other hand, play offer to set him up with a couple of friends of mine. Which he didn't say no to>

 

So what did this all mean?

- he kept this fact back on purpose to appear single

- he doesn't see me as good enough a friend to open up to about his personal life

- he is clueless and has selective amnesia

 

Any advice really appreciated!!!

[millefiori]

To me it looks like he was enjoying your company and maybe a small flirt that he didn't want to risk by telling you that he had a girlfriend. If you had shown serious interest in him, he probably would have told you that he had a girlfriend, but as you didn't he just enjoyed the moment. He's definitely a bit selfish and immature.

 

Friendships between men and women are difficult and it's always hard to control the dynamics. I keep my friendships with guys usually very clear and if I had a boyfriend I would also mention him somehow to keep the guys informed that there's no chance that anything between them and me is going to develop. As I'm single, I can't do much except not flirting with them to prevent them from getting any wrong ideas.

 

Is he interested in you? - No, I don't think so, not now at least. There are probably a couple of reasons (like his girlfriend for example) that prevent him from going for you right now.

 

Some people are a bit insecure and enjoy flirting because it boosts their self-confidence, they're not necessarily cheaters, but they need someone else to confirm that they're attractive. They are often nice, but let's be honest, just plain silly. I had it happen to me and I've seen it happen with other people. They're dummies and need to grow up. They are poor souls, because they have no clue about what they want and what kind of harm they produce. Learn to spot them and to keep them at bay.

[fundamental]

zonarosa,

 

 

Can anyone tell me why a guy would "forget" to mention he has a gf?

 

 

For the same reason a woman does it. He enjoys the attention you are giving him and realizes that if you find out he has a girlfriend, you will back off.

 

It happened to me a few years ago with a good female friend/co-worker. We used to hang out and enjoyed working with each other. She hid her boyfriend from me for almost 6-7 months. Oh, he knew about me, and was very upset. When I found she had a boyfriend, I backed off because I don't like flirting with another man's woman. This upset her because she wasn't getting all of the attention she used to get. So, she was angry and could not understand why I did what I did. So, in your case, expect the same thing from this guy.

[noclobber]

Oh my God Zonarosa!!

 

Ur story sounds EXACTLY like mine... only in this case the gender is reversed.

 

If u have the time and patience read about it here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t71209/

 

to make a long story short she and i hung out, i asked her number and she gave it to me, we went for lunch, dinner, movies, ball-games... she took me to her apartment, sends email / text messages every single day, in the train she will sit only with me... blah blah blah blah.... after nearly 2 months of this crap i learnt that she has a long-distance boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!! i got burnt and gutted right there.... keyword here is "learnt"... she never told me about him..

 

some people r so sh*tty they stink so f*ckin bad!!! Big time losers.. F*cking small time self-centered b*stards!!

 

i did ask that woman about it and she told that it was "on again, off again" relationship... i don't know what the f*ck that means as i am from India and very very new to the American dating scene..

 

just let it go... its not worth breaking ur heart for such sh*tty people

[sulty]

he never think u as a friend. thats y he didnt tell u.

face the reality buddy.

[zonarosa]

he never think u as a friend. thats y he didnt tell u.

face the reality buddy.

 

happily boys and girls here is the epilogue to the whole story:

 

- so apparently boy was in the process of dumping his gf of 4 yrs

- he did it over a weekend where she flew in to see him (how awkward)

- the weeks following he was quite the broken man, grieving and pouring his heart out

 

BUT

 

- 1 month later - i hear and see him with a sassy new girl - i tell him "fast work!" he smirks "yes and no..."

- 1 month after that - he's buying her a ring?!?

 

whatever man. poor his ex is all i have to say.

[millefiori]

happily boys and girls here is the epilogue to the whole story:

 

- so apparently boy was in the process of dumping his gf of 4 yrs

- he did it over a weekend where she flew in to see him (how awkward)

- the weeks following he was quite the broken man, grieving and pouring his heart out

 

BUT

 

- 1 month later - i hear and see him with a sassy new girl - i tell him "fast work!" he smirks "yes and no..."

- 1 month after that - he's buying her a ring?!?

 

whatever man. poor his ex is all i have to say.

He sounded like an idiot, but I didn't realize it was that bad.