Gf Has Major Jealousy Problem And Accusations

[alex434]

Hi all i have an issue regarding me and my gf. Me and her have been going out for 4 months, (since feb 15th) we are really good together and love eachother alot but i have one problem... its been on occasion and up to yesterday ( i went to mass with her) that she accused me of looking at other females. I know its wrong to look at other females and i choose not to. I especially wouldnt be that dumb to do it in front of her either, i admit, by myself sometimes i find myself to have wondering eyes but recently not anymore because of her accusing. I find it to be hurtful and wrong for her to think such a thing. By note me and her are not exactly skinny, both about average i find that she may have a low self esteem and because of this around skinnier girls she becomes uncomfortable and thinks wrong. She asked me if i looked and i said no, however she replied with a "yeah sure, its ok its my fault anyway, maybe if i were slim like them i would have you looking at me 100% of the time" this isnt true though i look already and im really attracted to her but no matter how much i explain i cant just seem to get it through her head, what should i do? is there anything that i can do to make her realize how much she means to me and im all for her? please help!!

[Becki]

There isnt much you can do to be honest, apart from obviously love her and maybe be romantic from time to time, kiss her in public..stuff like that. I didnt used to believe my ex when he said that, but now i realise he did mean it (obviously at the height of our relationship), maybe one day it will just click for her and she will know you mean it! but i hope you both sort this issue out, sometimes our minds push people away when you didnt mean to

[scarlyjones]

People who have low self-esteem cant really be told they look good or sound good, or anything they do is good. Ultimately, they go home with the same low opinion of themselves. Thats too bad. And you DO know she looks at hot guys, right? Its NOT wrong !!! You said in your post "I know looking is wrong" ,............but, it isnt. How could it be?? Once you find someone to BE with are you supposed to just not notice? Thats not possible. Lets say you're walking down the street with you girlfriend, and a really attractive girl walks by the other direction. Are you suppose to realize shes there and immediately fling your head away from her so as to not look in her direction???? Sounds pretty dumb doesnt it? Even when she asks you "Do you look at other women?" ...she knows you do. Thats just her way of saying she needs a little more of your attention her way. Also, I used to be overweight, so I know what its like to be so critical of your own self.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by scarlyjones

Also, I used to be overweight, so I know what its like to be so critical of your own self.

 

and how!

 

 

just don't make it a point to "check them out" when you're with her. seeing them and appreciating them quietly is one thing, but maybe you take a little too long to look away...and if your gf notices it, she's more likely to be offended, especially given her S/E issues. you may not even notice it half the time.

 

i know sometimes my boyfriend thinks i am checking someone out, and in reality, i'm gazing into space and not looking at anything. i don't really check guys out though, i'm really into my boyfriend and while i might see a hot guy here or there, he won't command my attention. i ldon't even knowingly look away, it just happens because i don't care about other guys.

 

when they do start commanding my attention is when i know i'm losing interest in who i'm with!

 

 

so do try to be a little more careful--but at the same time, don't let her make you paranoid to look anywhere but into her eyes. that's unnatural...and little bizarre....

[johan]

The best thing you can do is to not take her too seriously. Don't let it turn into an argument or even a long discussion, because you probably can't get anywhere with her that way anyway. Try to tease her about how irrational she's being.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by johan

Try to tease her about how irrational she's being.

 

making a situation less intense is one thing, but teasing her might make her think you are just dismissing her feelings, which will start a whole new argument.

 

 

you situation may get to a point where you have to get tough and say, "listen, i am tired of having to justify myself when i am not doing whatever it is that you're accusing me of. now i'm the one getting mad, because this is getting out of hand."

[alex434]

that is oh so true i admit i hate the fact that she probably looks at other guys and she does too.. it bothers me but i dont start arguments or think so wrong. but u guys are right i should explain im the one getting mad, thanks!

[crazy_grl]

Maybe you shouldn't tell her that you don't look at other girls. If she's smart, she probably realizes you're lying. And she probably thinks it's because you were checking them out and wishing she looked like them. Maybe you should tell her the truth, which is that it's impossible not to look at or notice other women. But just because you look at them doesn't mean that you want them. Tell her you think she's beautiful and that you'll never look at other women the way you look at her, because they don't compare to her. Tell her it upsets you to think that she would think so low of you that she'd think otherwise... Something sincere and meaningful along those lines.

 

And be sure not to check out women while she's around. And if a very pretty woman walks by who she might be jealous of, you don't have to whip your head around to look the other direction, but you could pull your girlfriend closer or give her a kiss on the cheek, ignoring the pretty girl.

 

And when she asks if you were looking at other women, answer truthfully. A girl can tell if a guy is checking out another girl, so there's no point in lying. You just look like a liar and untrustworthy. And if the answer is yes, say something to reassure her that you’d rather have her just the way she is.

[alex434]

well i would tell the truth if, in fact, it actually helped, i think lying is better i mean i look from time to time but they arent no where compared to her to me, she is everything i could ever ask for, shes perfect for me and i love her so dearly and yes, when a prettier or thinner girl is comming by, she gets uneasy and uncomfortable, its a shame cause she isnt ugly shes pretty but to me shes a beauty and is all i want and could ever ask for

[Sal Paradise]

There's nothing wrong with looking, as long as you're not going too far with it (sitting there with your tongue hanging out your mouth). I see my gf check guys out, doesn't bother me at all. She see's me check girls out, doesn't bother her at all. The thing is I'm lucky she isn't the jealous type because I look at a lot of people when I go out, guys, girls, dogs, buildings. Sometimes I look because I see a pretty girl, and sometimes I look for no reason at all, just to look. We're human beings, we're going to look at others of the same species. Asking us not to is insane.

[johan]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

Maybe you should tell her the truth, which is that it's impossible not to look at or notice other women. But just because you look at them doesn't mean that you want them. Tell her you think she's beautiful and that you'll never look at other women the way you look at her, because they don't compare to her. Tell her it upsets you to think that she would think so low of you that she'd think otherwise... Something sincere and meaningful along those lines.

 

This is a nice theory. You're better off just not even discussing it. If you tell her you check out other women, she won't hear the "but they don't compare to you" part. You have to respect her feelings, but the more time you spend on the topic, the more feelings you're going to have to respect. Don't defend yourself or tell her you're hurt. Don't be honest and tell her you're "just a guy". Tell her what you know she wants to hear, and let it go. Change the topic as soon as possible.

 

Trust me, she'll be much happier hearing what sounds like total BS from you than she will be hearing the total honesty she says she wants.

 

And don't check out other women when she's around.