SurpriseG Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Hey, I've been with my girlfriend for a year now. (Coming up to our anniversary in a week). We originally start as LDR until I lived with her for 5 months. We moved in together in my state and she couldn't find a job and missed friend/family. She moved back after 3 months. We have plans to move in together up there once she gets her old job back (which she did) and gets payslips so we can rent. Recently there's been a whole lot of drama in both our lives. Her Mum's partner took all of her money and left, leaving her with legal problems and no money. My GF is living with her. My Mother is in hospital due to trying to take her own life. All this is fine and I'm handling these external situations with ease. My problem is that I'm having strange gut feelings about my GF. She doesn't want to communicate with me much always saying "I don't have anything to say, I do nothing" and she's stopped sending me cute texts and goodnight messages. She recently told me she's been talking to this guy over Facebook. She does things such as, tells me she really needs to get off the phone to shower and pee and then go to sleep. But she's on Facebook for half an hour after I get off the phone and goes to bed a couple of hours after we get off the phone. When we do talk, it's so hard to communicate as she never says much and I always get the impression she doesn't want to talk to me. Somethings changed and I can't tell if I'm overthinking this or there is actually a problem. I'm going to fly up to see her in a few days but she has her work induction which means leaving at 6am and getting home at 8pm. I found out today and it's only for the dates that I'll be there. She also says she doesn't want to argue about anything on the phone, so when I get there we can just enjoy our time. I don't even understand the reasoning behind saying something like that out of context. I've brought it up with her and she tells me how much she loves me and can't wait for me to be there but the same gut feeling and situation remains. I should add that I find it hard to trust GFs due to past experience with relationships and I have a tendency to overthink things. She's never given me a reason not to trust her and she's always been honest with me. (I think) I might be crazy, I might not. Help a brother out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 You have a good reason to be worried. Who is this other guy she's been talking to? That is a big red flag, given her detached and withdrawn manner toward you. In what context did you learn about him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SurpriseG Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 You have a good reason to be worried. Who is this other guy she's been talking to? That is a big red flag, given her detached and withdrawn manner toward you. In what context did you learn about him? She brang it up on her own, without me asking. She said it was better to tell me about him now then me find out later. I asked if she found him attractive and she said no. She also said he's a police officer and he tells her about his day at work and the domestic abuse's that he gets called out to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SurpriseG Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm going to call her and get some answers. Will report back here when I'm done. I can't take this **** feeling any,ore. Excuse the dramatics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SurpriseG Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Well, she didn't pick up. :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 this other guy has her attention and I think it will probably develop quickly into something more than friendship if it hasn't already. If she's talking to him more than you, you have a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Why would she start talking to another guy Facebook when she has a boyfriend? It's not a coincidence that she started to check out of your relationship when this mystery Facebook chat buddy appeared. Focus on her actions, not her words as she seems to be stringing you along while she develops something with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SurpriseG Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Well I went to go and see her for the week and everything seemed normal. Now that I'm back interstate she has been distant and I have a gut feeling that I've never had before that something is going on. She misses sending me goodnight texts and I just find that I don't trust her anymore. I don't know what the right course of action is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 One of the common problems in LDR, is that your guts feelings are biased, and go through the LDR filters. You cannot trust your gut feeling. In LDR sometimes you see mountains that exist only in your imagination, and other times you think that everything is fine till you find out too late that nothing is fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 One of the common problems in LDR, is that your guts feelings are biased, and go through the LDR filters. You cannot trust your gut feeling. In LDR sometimes you see mountains that exist only in your imagination, and other times you think that everything is fine till you find out too late that nothing is fine. I think the OPs predicament is quite obvious. It's not hard to put the pieces together. She becomes cold and distant when she admits to chatting up this new Facebook friend. OP, cut your losses and quit letting this woman string you along. Tell her all your concerns and say you deserve someone who will make you a priority. Then block her and go NC immediately. It will be tough at first but down the road you will be grateful 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Yeah, this isn't rocket science. You don't need a PhD to see she's clearly engaged elsewhere. I couldn't help but roll my eyes the minute I read this guy was a cop. The overwhelming majority of cops I've had the misfortune of knowing over my lifetime were the biggest sleazebags on earth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) Cut your losses. She's bestowing her affections elsewhere. She's put you in the cooler, until something concrete comes to pass between her and the other guy; at which point she'll drop you like a hot potato. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Walk away, and take your self-respect with you. Take care. Edited June 29, 2016 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 it's time to walk and find you a new gal. Tons of them out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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