"Destabilization Phase" and your thoughts and experience

[imperfectangel]

Aw MB. It's hard isn't it? Mm always offers to stay over at

Mine and wants to drink. There's no way I'd get drunk around him God knows what I'd be saying!

 

Are you glad he didn't respond and how has it made you feel about Tuesday? You've been doing so well the past few weeks!

[imperfectangel]

I realized though that I did exactly what he wanted, which was why he kept contacting me. I've also been running after people who were cold and mean my whole life, since that is my mother, the original cold and mean person in my life.

 

It was a mini-breakthrough and I think I can do it this time. It was really never about xMM at all. It was about my unresolved issues with my mother, who has not spoken to me since 2004.

 

Sorry so deep, haha! This is some giant therapy thread

 

No I get it. My parents were cold too. I think when I'm fighting for mm's attention really it is my parents attention that I want. So strange comparing mm to my parents lol but I've known mm since I was 14. We've grown up together so I suppose it's more connected than I thought

[MidnightBlue1980]

Aw MB. It's hard isn't it? Mm always offers to stay over at

Mine and wants to drink. There's no way I'd get drunk around him God knows what I'd be saying!

 

Are you glad he didn't respond and how has it made you feel about Tuesday? You've been doing so well the past few weeks!

 

I always feel like a mental patient when I say stuff like I am doing better, lol.

 

I am glad he didn't respond, although he's probably on his boat or something. It's possible he will respond late tonight or tomorrow. If he does, he will only say something like, "It's okay". Generally he does not like overly emotional texts though. I'm hoping he keeps the NC.

 

I feel annoyed at myself but not much different for Tuesday. Believe me, I've acted nuts before. I'm just going act normal but ignore his existence. It will be tough. It is what is best for me though.

 

How are you holding up?

[imperfectangel]

I always feel like a mental patient when I say stuff like I am doing better, lol.

 

I am glad he didn't respond, although he's probably on his boat or something. It's possible he will respond late tonight or tomorrow. If he does, he will only say something like, "It's okay". Generally he does not like overly emotional texts though. I'm hoping he keeps the NC.

 

I feel annoyed at myself but not much different for Tuesday. Believe me, I've acted nuts before. I'm just going act normal but ignore his existence. It will be tough. It is what is best for me though.

 

How are you holding up?

 

 

My mm is the same, when i get emotional he doesnt respond but if i sent him a sexual message he would - q lots of sexting bc i wanted his attention. im such a loser.

 

no im not doing well. i go from wanting to block him to wanting to tell him im going nc, then block to wanting to see him all in the space of a minute.

 

i miss him and i want to talk/be with him.

 

esp hard as this weekend is a holiday over here so chances are hes doing some family crap. makes me feel even worse. i know i have to end it (he wont unless i told his bs which i wont) but i just keep thinking one more time etc just to get him out my system. never works.

 

im just so mad at myself because before i saw him i was there. i was ready to end it. now im back at square one and hes acting like it never happened. except of course when he wants to recap it with me which is probably when hes hiding in a bathroom something

[MidnightBlue1980]

My mm is the same, when i get emotional he doesnt respond but if i sent him a sexual message he would - q lots of sexting bc i wanted his attention. im such a loser.

 

no im not doing well. i go from wanting to block him to wanting to tell him im going nc, then block to wanting to see him all in the space of a minute.

 

i miss him and i want to talk/be with him.

 

esp hard as this weekend is a holiday over here so chances are hes doing some family crap. makes me feel even worse. i know i have to end it (he wont unless i told his bs which i wont) but i just keep thinking one more time etc just to get him out my system. never works.

 

im just so mad at myself because before i saw him i was there. i was ready to end it. now im back at square one and hes acting like it never happened. except of course when he wants to recap it with me which is probably when hes hiding in a bathroom something

 

You have a long history. I would just be honest and say the truth, you don't want to be in an affair. You want him to leave or you need to end it. That is what happened with me. Obviously he said no, not leaving. So I ended it. It would have ended there except my H said no way, xMM is not getting away with all this, and forced him to confess. It made it worse for me, plus it was already done, but on the other hand I got to see xMM's true colors.

 

I would not just block him. Say your piece but then you have to be strong and go NC. It will be horrible but is this better?

[NewLeaf512]

Here is my deep thought of the moment:

 

For single OW (I put this question to myself)

 

Would I date a divorced man who was divorced because he was having an A and got caught?

 

I wouldn't because I'd know he was a lying, cheating arse.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Here is my deep thought of the moment:

 

For single OW (I put this question to myself)

 

Would I date a divorced man who was divorced because he was having an A and got caught?

 

I wouldn't because I'd know he was a lying, cheating arse.

 

I don't know. Half the world cheats. I can't be a hypocrite. My H married me and I am no saint.

[imperfectangel]

You have a long history. I would just be honest and say the truth, you don't want to be in an affair. You want him to leave or you need to end it. That is what happened with me. Obviously he said no, not leaving. So I ended it. It would have ended there except my H said no way, xMM is not getting away with all this, and forced him to confess. It made it worse for me, plus it was already done, but on the other hand I got to see xMM's true colors.

 

I would not just block him. Say your piece but then you have to be strong and go NC. It will be horrible but is this better?

 

Long term i know it is for the best. I do not wantt o be single forever though i have to say at the moment i am happy with the way my life is. I just feel it lacks direction as i am so busy with my son (special needs) i dont have time for myself.

 

but i want to be with him and sometimes its better to have an affair with him than nothing at all. i appreciate this makes me sound like a desperate loser, but affair aside he is a really good person.

 

when others say him travelling to see me doesnt make me special to him. i know i am special to him, 3 hours is a long time and theres plenty of women that would have him between his house and mine if sex was all he wanted. he is not that just sex type of person. i know him.

 

before he married his wife he broke up with her and tried to get together with me but i wasnt ready. we had been made out to be this huge ross & rachel romance and i couldnt take the pressure so i disappeared on him for about 6 months, when we reconnected hed got back with her then one day we were texting and he told me he was married.

 

its all my fault we arent together.

[imperfectangel]

Here is my deep thought of the moment:

 

For single OW (I put this question to myself)

 

Would I date a divorced man who was divorced because he was having an A and got caught?

 

I wouldn't because I'd know he was a lying, cheating arse.

 

everyone makes mistakes and has different idea of what cheating is. i know some men through work that arent allowed to speak/look at other women because that is "disrespecful" to their gfs/wives

[NewLeaf512]

I don't know. Half the world cheats. I can't be a hypocrite. My H married me and I am no saint.

 

No one is a saint darling including me. However knowing what I know now, what exMM did, how he lied, how he hid, how he treated BS, finding out I was his 3rd A and how he treated me like s£)! Covered loo roll that he flushed away without a second thought, I sure wouldn't choose it.

[NewLeaf512]

everyone makes mistakes and has different idea of what cheating is. i know some men through work that arent allowed to speak/look at other women because that is "disrespecful" to their gfs/wives

 

 

Angel in all due respect to your colleagues, looking at someone isn't cheating. I mean having sex outside your marriage.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Long term i know it is for the best. I do not wantt o be single forever though i have to say at the moment i am happy with the way my life is. I just feel it lacks direction as i am so busy with my son (special needs) i dont have time for myself.

 

but i want to be with him and sometimes its better to have an affair with him than nothing at all. i appreciate this makes me sound like a desperate loser, but affair aside he is a really good person.

 

when others say him travelling to see me doesnt make me special to him. i know i am special to him, 3 hours is a long time and theres plenty of women that would have him between his house and mine if sex was all he wanted. he is not that just sex type of person. i know him.

 

before he married his wife he broke up with her and tried to get together with me but i wasnt ready. we had been made out to be this huge ross & rachel romance and i couldnt take the pressure so i disappeared on him for about 6 months, when we reconnected hed got back with her then one day we were texting and he told me he was married.

 

its all my fault we arent together.

 

Do you really believe an affair with him is better than nothing at all?

 

You don't know what would have happened - don't blame yourself. It's life and timing is everything. It sucks. I know.

 

I get you genuinely love this man, and you are right, 3 hours is a long drive. But if you don't tell him how you feel, nothing will change.

[imperfectangel]

Do you really believe an affair with him is better than nothing at all?

 

You don't know what would have happened - don't blame yourself. It's life and timing is everything. It sucks. I know.

 

I get you genuinely love this man, and you are right, 3 hours is a long drive. But if you don't tell him how you feel, nothing will change.

 

he knows how i feel but hes said before if he did leave to be with me he would never see his children and i cant put him in that situation. he is the one that is married, only he can change that.

 

he offers to come and see me all the time but ive been making excuses, thats the best i can do right now.

 

i dont have it in me to block nor am i strong enough to deal with the aftermath of a nc email. i know he'll be at my door asap if i do that

[MissG]

he knows how i feel but hes said before if he did leave to be with me he would never see his children and i cant put him in that situation. he is the one that is married, only he can change that.

 

he offers to come and see me all the time but ive been making excuses, thats the best i can do right now.

 

i dont have it in me to block nor am i strong enough to deal with the aftermath of a nc email. i know he'll be at my door asap if i do that

 

That's not true that he'd never see his children.

Would it be more effort, if they're 3 hrs away? Sure. But it's his choice to not go down that path. He WOULD still see them. He's just making excuses here.

[imperfectangel]

That's not true that he'd never see his children.

Would it be more effort, if they're 3 hrs away? Sure. But it's his choice to not go down that path. He WOULD still see them. He's just making excuses here.

 

do you have children? i know i couldnt live 3 hours away from my boy. or only see him at weekends. its reason not a excuse

[MidnightBlue1980]

he knows how i feel but hes said before if he did leave to be with me he would never see his children and i cant put him in that situation. he is the one that is married, only he can change that.

 

he offers to come and see me all the time but ive been making excuses, thats the best i can do right now.

 

i dont have it in me to block nor am i strong enough to deal with the aftermath of a nc email. i know he'll be at my door asap if i do that

 

You are in a difficult situation. The piece you don't know though is how he would act if you really said you wanted him to leave or go NC. Or if his W finds out. I'm telling you, I was so sure of how xMM would act if she found out. I never expected what happened.

 

Granted, like I said, I believe he has sociopathic tendencies. I'm not saying yours is like that. But 99% of these guys act the same in the end. It would be a shame if you wasted 10 more years on this only to wind up under the bus like the rest of us.

[MidnightBlue1980]

do you have children? i know i couldnt live 3 hours away from my boy. or only see him at weekends. its reason not a excuse

 

Well, yeah, you would have to move if he left her. I have kids, I get it.

 

That said, plenty of people with kids divorce. xMM used his kid as the reason too.

 

Call him on it. Tell him you'd move.

[imperfectangel]

Well, yeah, you would have to move if he left her. I have kids, I get it.

 

That said, plenty of people with kids divorce. xMM used his kid as the reason too.

 

Call him on it. Tell him you'd move.

 

he knows i am planning on moving but i cant right now. i dont want to give too much away (only mm would know who i am from my posts) but i am due some $$$ in a year or so i need that before i can move.

 

part of me wants to wait until i move, see what happens then or go nc until i move and then see how we feel after nc but they may just restart a affair which isnt what i want.

 

its v messy atm

 

if i said to him now i want him to leave etc he will chose his family. i know that. and i cant be mad at him for putting his children first, thats what he should do

[MidnightBlue1980]

he knows i am planning on moving but i cant right now. i dont want to give too much away (only mm would know who i am from my posts) but i am due some $$$ in a year or so i need that before i can move.

 

part of me wants to wait until i move, see what happens then or go nc until i move and then see how we feel after nc but they may just restart a affair which isnt what i want.

 

its v messy atm

 

if i said to him now i want him to leave etc he will chose his family. i know that. and i cant be mad at him for putting his children first, thats what he should do

 

I didn't realize you were moving closer to him?

 

It would be pretty easy to identify me if someone was reading this from my world. Trust me, xMM is not one of the guys posting.

 

I could use some expensive gifts though - and multiple Os - I really chose wrong lol

[imperfectangel]

I didn't realize you were moving closer to him?

 

It would be pretty easy to identify me if someone was reading this from my world. Trust me, xMM is not one of the guys posting.

 

I could use some expensive gifts though - and multiple Os - I really chose wrong lol

 

lol the most mm has spent on me is buying me a coke. im really not in it for the gifts lol.

 

im moving closer to my family, which makes me closer to him. he'll be about 20 minutes away. hes already said he'll be over all the time

[MidnightBlue1980]

lol the most mm has spent on me is buying me a coke. im really not in it for the gifts lol.

 

im moving closer to my family, which makes me closer to him. he'll be about 20 minutes away. hes already said he'll be over all the time

 

I'm struggling. It takes so long to get over these things.

[imperfectangel]

I'm struggling. It takes so long to get over these things.

 

So am I, but we can do this together.

[MidnightBlue1980]

So am I, but we can do this together.

 

ok, that is sweet and made me smile.

[imperfectangel]

I feel like I killed the best thread ever lol everyone's gone nc with me haha

[Adoraxx]

I feel like I killed the best thread ever lol everyone's gone nc with me haha

 

I haven't gone NC with you , angel haha but I'm considering it No, just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!! NC will be reserved for xMM LOL ((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))