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"Destabilization Phase" and your thoughts and experience

Lostgirl186

By Lostgirl186,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Lobe

Lobe

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Had the sh*ttiest triggeriest day in a long time. It's not about you IA, it's about me.... I'm here as best as I can be, which is pretty crappy. I'd like to sleep for 36 months and wake up when everything else is better please.

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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Seems like we're all triggering ATM. I broke nc last night. Least my nc is unofficial and he won't feel like he's got one over on me

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Lobe

Lobe

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Seems like we're all triggering ATM. I broke nc last night. Least my nc is unofficial and he won't feel like he's got one over on me

 

What'd you do?

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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What'd you do?

 

I emailed him at about 1.30am to see if he was still up, I couldn't sleep and wanted to talk to him. Obviously he didn't reply because he's in bed with his wife duh silly me.

 

I'm hoping he won't reply at all and use it as a reason to start nc properly.

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Lobe

Lobe

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I'm hoping he won't reply at all and use it as a reason to start nc properly.

 

Don't pee on the electric fence IA...

 

lol

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jenkins95

jenkins95

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I emailed him at about 1.30am to see if he was still up, I couldn't sleep and wanted to talk to him. Obviously he didn't reply because he's in bed with his wife duh silly me.

 

I'm hoping he won't reply at all and use it as a reason to start nc properly.

 

(((Imperfectangel)))

 

Hang in there girl! You will be OK.

 

A lot of us are triggering at then moment it seems! It's a tough time for me as an xMM as everything was turning to cr*p in my life exactly one year ago.

 

It's great to have you guys.

 

Thinking of you is and will pm soon as I have a chance

 

J x

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jenkins95

jenkins95

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it's a tough time for me as an xMM as everything was turning to cr*p in my life exactly one year ago.

 

Completely self-indicted, I should add. I am not trying to play the victim here honestly!

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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I go from wanting to be nc, wanting to just block to wanting to be with him all in the space of a minute

 

It's all I think about, it's too much now

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Grey Cloud

Grey Cloud

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Seems like we're all triggering ATM. I broke nc last night. Least my nc is unofficial and he won't feel like he's got one over on me

 

Haha I also triggered badly and broke 5.5 weeks of NC! But we sent a few emails back and forth as to why it's for the best and how we only want the best for each other etc etc. it's as good as a closure I'm ever going to get/want. As 5.5 weeks ago I went dark on him so I feel this is now the best possible result. I feel REALLY sad but grateful that we don't hate each other (I've tried hating him believe me).

 

I think/hope I can move on now. Now that I know there are no hard feelings and he struggles with the whole thing too. There is nothing more left to say. We said our goodbyes and now it's finally time.

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Outofmysystem

Outofmysystem

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I didn't realize you were moving closer to him?

 

It would be pretty easy to identify me if someone was reading this from my world. Trust me, xMM is not one of the guys posting.

 

I could use some expensive gifts though - and multiple Os - I really chose wrong lol

 

 

Even that sometimes can't get EM' to stay....lol.....

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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Even that sometimes can't get EM' to stay....lol.....

 

Out.....eventually we just want to be Real (not sure if have kids and read The Velveteen Rabbit)

 

I used to say that to xMM all the time when we were together.

 

The truth is, it's because she loves you that she is NC. If she didn't, she would use you for the gifts and the sex.

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Chica80

Chica80

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Out.....eventually we just want to be Real (not sure if have kids and read The Velveteen Rabbit)

 

I used to say that to xMM all the time when we were together.

 

The truth is, it's because she loves you that she is NC. If she didn't, she would use you for the gifts and the sex.

 

Im with MB on this one. Not to minimize your pain. You chose to stay. She is doing what we always say to do. NC.

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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Seems like we're all triggering ATM. I broke nc last night. Least my nc is unofficial and he won't feel like he's got one over on me

 

That is the upside to being unable to really stay away. They don't judge us because they never actually thought we were in NC in the first place.

 

I'm exhausted. It's time to change my life. Even the moderator here closed my thread because as he put it, my A was over a long time ago. Complete strangers think I'm pathetic now.

 

So summer is about over, another season wasted on this crap. I see three options: 1. keep doing to myself, drowning myself in the past and constant torment each week. Breaking NC, looking sad and pathetic. 2. Leave and take a huge professional step backwards. Possibly trash my new business. End up an employee again at a dead-end job in a cubicle. 3. Be like a man and just "get over it" and accept reality, move on. See it as 90 minutes once a week where I have to be uncomfortable and see some loser I make a mistake with.

 

I don't see men quitting jobs, running away over some woman they slept with. They just suck it up. They don't trash their careers. xMM surely is not running.

 

I googled why women lose in affairs last night. You should see all the posts. Both sides too- BS and AP. I did see a few sad men who let their AP go and lamented it for life but it was the exception. Mostly it was the women who lost it all.

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Chica80

Chica80

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MB I'm sorry you are stuck. Did you happen to read my post before they closed your thread?

 

Also it's true women seem to always be the losing ones. BS OW. Men just get on move on, well most of them anyway.

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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MB I'm sorry you are stuck. Did you happen to read my post before they closed your thread?

 

Also it's true women seem to always be the losing ones. BS OW. Men just get on move on, well most of them anyway.

 

I did, thank you. And yes, without diverting the thread, I have a lot of experience in taking emotional abuse/lack of apathy/accepting bad behavior. It's a pattern in my life with men, jobs, friends and family. I am trying to break it. xMM is really just another example of my not setting boundaries and allowing someone to use me. As Lobe would say, he is no prize.

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Lobe

Lobe

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Midnight - thank you for your advice to move over to this thread - it feels SOOO much safer here.

 

Except you still have to put up with me. ~evil laugh goes here~

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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I agree women carry the stress but I think this is true in "normal" family life too. I think it's just the way society is built.

 

I'm quite glad I'm not in official nc, it takes the pressure off. I think it's the same when you diet, because you know you can't have chocolate, crisps, chips etc you crave them more. Without sounding like a mm myself I am just trying to be good right now

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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I agree women carry the stress but I think this is true in "normal" family life too. I think it's just the way society is built.

 

I'm quite glad I'm not in official nc, it takes the pressure off. I think it's the same when you diet, because you know you can't have chocolate, crisps, chips etc you crave them more. Without sounding like a mm myself I am just trying to be good right now

 

I know what you mean. I had to email everyone an invoice, including him, and I did think, should I not email and instead hand them out, but that means a ream of paper and my own ink. I used my professional email, not my gmail, so I know he will not write back. I felt to not send an email would show I was overthinking it, if that makes sense.

 

I'm just trying to be normal and just not think about it.

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imperfectangel

imperfectangel

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Really, you should be treating him like everyone else. And technically I should just walk past mm in the street like I don't even know him but we both know neither is possible.

 

How long do you have left there now? Will you have to train him up if he's taking your place there?

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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Really, you should be treating him like everyone else. And technically I should just walk past mm in the street like I don't even know him but we both know neither is possible.

 

How long do you have left there now? Will you have to train him up if he's taking your place there?

 

Train my big toe. Yeah, he would loooove that. My plan is to leave the box of files by his seat. Thats his training.

 

Seriously though, he had this position for 2 years before me. Thats' why it was so annoying last week when he handed me documents and acted confused. He will go to a formal training and he can read the manual if he forgot anything.

 

I have one month and then I can completely ignore him. I'll sit in the pit with everyone else and he will be up alone with the board. He can now watch me ignore him as I've lived for 8 months. I resigned from all committees too. H's only request was to have as little contact with him as possible and I agreed. This is my fault, I have to deal with the consequences.

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Chica80

Chica80

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Where did Ronnie go. Did the wedding happen yet? Yes, I think about these things now in my real life.

 

 

hahaha I do the same...With the people that I talk with the most.

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jenkins95

jenkins95

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Also it's true women seem to always be the losing ones. BS OW. Men just get on move on, well most of them anyway.

 

I guess I'm in the minority then as an xMM who struggles a lot - with all aspects of the affair.... as has been discussed a lot in threads I've contributed to!

 

Next time I'm passing a chromosome shop, maybe I'll try and get my Y chromosome replaced...... Looks like it's faulty - I don't even like cars! ;-)

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