imperfectangel Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 I know. That is awesome. It's nice to know after feeling like I wasn't even on his radar he must've been thinking about me at some point. Whether I want to admit it there is comfort in that esp after he didn't reply to my last message. I just don't get why, when you're on good terms with someone (I started nc without him knowing) he didn't just ask me what I had going on. I decided not to send him a nc email. If he contacts me I will send it as my reply. I've already made it 7 days nc, I don't want to spoil that now Link to post Share on other sites
OWAmy Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 I know what you mean lobe but I've known him 18 years. It isn't a quick fling or ONS. I want a definitive end. I don't want him to wonder what I meant by anything, I want him to know it is over - and it is not up for debate. I don't intend on waffling on just a simple, it is over. Do not contact me you are blocked. The end. He doesn't deserve for me to explain the whys etc I actually think sending him a final email could well be the right thing for you to do because that worked for me. You've already blocked him on other avenues so slowly but surely you're heading in the right direction. But you have to be adamant that's what you want - no game playing etc... because once it's sent there can be no 'oops I should have said this, let me to add to it etc... Even though I am now in a relationship with my divorced MM I struck lucky in that I was able to successfully do no contact and trust me I can be weak where matters of the heart are concerned. What I sent to him is somewhere on my original thread. I was always pleased about what I wrote. It covered everything succinctly. I wish you luck in ending this. I think you are going to be okay!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 It's nice to know after feeling like I wasn't even on his radar he must've been thinking about me at some point. Whether I want to admit it there is comfort in that esp after he didn't reply to my last message. I just don't get why, when you're on good terms with someone (I started nc without him knowing) he didn't just ask me what I had going on. I decided not to send him a nc email. If he contacts me I will send it as my reply. I've already made it 7 days nc, I don't want to spoil that now I agree, I do not think you should send a NC email. That is like getting a drink on the way to AA. You just stop, cold turkey. Once you send the email, you have given your power away, shown your hand and you will be constantly checking your email to see if he writes back. If he doesn't, or says "I understand", you will feel like total crap and wish you had your hand back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I agree, I do not think you should send a NC email. That is like getting a drink on the way to AA. You just stop, cold turkey. Once you send the email, you have given your power away, shown your hand and you will be constantly checking your email to see if he writes back. If he doesn't, or says "I understand", you will feel like total crap and wish you had your hand back. I TOTALLY agree. I blocked my xmm on Facebook (he wasn't expecting it). It gave me a big sense of satisfaction. Then when the anger subsidised, I started to miss our so called "friendship" and I reached out to him almost 6 weeks later. At first he didn't reply (and I was constantly checking my phone, it was awful!). When he eventually responded he told me he was ok with it as it made sense and we should remain in NC. I had totally lost any control I had in the situation. I guess I was hoping him to be upset/angry or questioning why. But no, he had simply just moved on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I TOTALLY agree. I blocked my xmm on Facebook (he wasn't expecting it). It gave me a big sense of satisfaction. Then when the anger subsidised, I started to miss our so called "friendship" and I reached out to him almost 6 weeks later. At first he didn't reply (and I was constantly checking my phone, it was awful!). When he eventually responded he told me he was ok with it as it made sense and we should remain in NC. I had totally lost any control I had in the situation. I guess I was hoping him to be upset/angry or questioning why. But no, he had simply just moved on. Exactly. I have felt this pain. You need to just keep moving forward and never look back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 OWAmy I don't know your story but I'll have a look tonight. Like everyone says I won't be sending it anyway. I feel very empowered right now. The only way I'll send him a NC message is if he emails me. I haven't blocked his email or phone number yet. I'm hoping he'll just assume that I have and leave me alone. The only thing that could top this is if I actually got to see the moment he realises I have gone *poof* 4 Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Yay IA! So proud of you! When I blocked him on everything I also just deleted his numbers from my phone. I didn't feel like blocking but I figured if he ever tried to contact me and nice 'Who Dis?' would be pretty satisfying and get my point across. But blocking FB and whatsapp is so great! I did those at once too (plus Twitter- my smoke signal delivery system of choice) an it felt pretty great! Any time I'm tempted to contact him or see how he is I remember I would have to unblock him and why I blocked him in the first place and that's enough to get me not to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostgirl186 Posted September 12, 2016 Author Share Posted September 12, 2016 Not even thirty minutes into the work day and I'm already suffocating... I guess bc I passed him, he was wearing my favorite shirt, and the jack a$$ is still waving... If he were going to reach out he would have... And the wondering if I'm still blocked even though I know it's best if I am is driving me nuts... I may have to break my phone to make it thru the day.. You know, this would be much easier if they were sitting there pining over us. Ugh...... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 It's been over two weeks since I spoke to my exAP. I could almost guarantee he's sitting at work thinking about me. I know him too well, but you know what? I don't give a **** because whether he's thinking about me or not, he's still getting married in two weeks. I have no desire to reach out to him. He can jerk off to me in the shower for all i care. Asshat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Sorry everyone but I need urgent advice!! Mm broke nc and wants to come round tomorrow. I haven't replied. I can't stay out the house tomorrow as I have lots of deliveries coming (someone's bday made them all on the same day so I only have to stay in one day - and he's picked that day!) Do I send nc letter or stay quiet and hope he doesn't come? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I wouldn't answer but if you do I would tell him you won't be home tomorrow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Right. Suddenly he's writing you back after you blocked him. For the week or so prior to this he didn't respond to your email. Everyone else probably has better advice but I would write him back and say, "I do not want to see you ever again. And if you decide to come anyway I will send a letter to/ call/ whatever your wife." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I'm planning on just ignoring him but if he gets persistent I won't have a choice. If he turns up, I'll melt. I cannot be mad at him face to face. I am in love with this man, but he doesn't want a relationship he just wants an affair. I can't see him. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Oh god he's texting now to see if I got his email. Funny you want their attention and as soon as you even begin to move on, even just a baby step, suddenly you're the most important person in the world Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Telling you strongly imperfectangel that from some one who has been there, please please ignore. PLEASE you have come this far. Please send the letter and be done. NC all the WAY. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Oh god he's texting now to see if I got his email. Funny you want their attention and as soon as you even begin to move on, even just a baby step, suddenly you're the most important person in the world Here's your chance imperfectangel!!! Be strong and don't give in! I would tell him that you have been unhappy for years and need to start looking for someone who is available and not M'd. This is not fair to you. He love bombs you as soon as you pull away! He knows you and your weaknesses. You can do this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I plan to ignore. I can't see him. It's a 3 hr round trip for him to see me. I really hope he doesn't come over. I think he may threaten to if I don't respond. Last time I told him no over and over. Begged him to leave me alone that my child was at home etc. He still turned up. If I ignore he could turn up, if I engage he'll more than likely turn up, to "talk" I don't want to talk to him I want him to leave me alone Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I don't want to talk to him I want him to leave me alone I would tell him this if he turns up at your door! Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Icant deal with confrontation face to face. I just can't, I'm too soft. I wish he'd picked any other day I could make sure to be out. Tomorrow I have over 4 separate deliveries tomorrow that could come anytime I have to stay in. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 IA- You need to be strong and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not and do not want to see him. He is manipulating you. You blocked him and took back some of your power and now he's blowing up your phone and email. That's gross and mean. It's not honoring or respecting you. He knows if he shows up and shows you the least bit of affection you'll cave. Prove him wrong. Stand up to him. YOU GOT THIS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 I don't got this. If he doesn't turn up I'm fine. It's just tomorrow of all days, any other day I could've been out I'm hoping he'll give up and get the hint Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Ok maybe "You can do this!" is better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Imperfect...this is honesty time...what do you really want? This is asked with no judgement at all... you said you can't break up with him on email. It wouldn't be right after all this time. You can't break up with him in a public place because you don't want to cry. The last time you ignored him he drove to your house to see you.... So I ask again what do you honestly want. For him to show up at your house, if you ignore him long enough with the push pull he will come back? If you want it to be done if you want it to be over. Send him an email tell him you are done. Tell him not to come. If you want him then tell him, you will continue this game but make your demands. You don't want to be ignored and you want him to make time for you. But be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Imperfect...this is honesty time...what do you really want? This is asked with no judgement at all... you said you can't break up with him on email. It wouldn't be right after all this time. You can't break up with him in a public place because you don't want to cry. The last time you ignored him he drove to your house to see you.... So I ask again what do you honestly want. For him to show up at your house, if you ignore him long enough with the push pull he will come back? If you want it to be done if you want it to be over. Send him an email tell him you are done. Tell him not to come. If you want him then tell him, you will continue this game but make your demands. You don't want to be ignored and you want him to make time for you. But be honest with yourself. She wants to be with him for real, same as most of us did or still do. It's really quite simple. The guys know what we want, which is why they play games, because they can't/won't give us what we want but also don't want to let us go. I think its dangerous to have the final meeting in person, then again, I did my final meeting in person, it was in his car. I was very direct, asked him his plans for me, his wife, etc. He was honest, he wanted more time, only an A for now. I was very "here's looking at you kid", said merry christmas, kissed his cheek, got out of the car and drove away. No begging, pleading, crying. I will say, while I made a fool of myself the months to come, that moment, I had my pride. Don't be passive aggressive. I would tell him to meet you at a Starbucks near you. If he wants to drive 3 hours to really just see you, he'll do it. You can have your say, tell him what you feel, you want a relationship, see what he says, assuming he waffles, you can then walk out the door, head held high. Under no circumstances let him in your home. If he does not show up at the Starbucks, well then you have your answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 She wants to be with him for real, same as most of us did or still do. It's really quite simple. The guys know what we want, which is why they play games, because they can't/won't give us what we want but also don't want to let us go. Agree and I too think he knows she will cave if he goes there. Oh boy Imperfectangel you have an insistent and persistent MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts