"Destabilization Phase" and your thoughts and experience

[rainbowsandkittens]

As a married person I would not want to be with someone I had to monitor in order to get him to have sex with me. For a man to reject his wife sexually is, to me, the ultimate insult since men basically will take it from wherever they can get it. It's like a homeless person turning down your dollar.

 

Don't look at his social media. You will ruin your whole weekend.

 

They don't miss us or have any regrets. We did not matter to them. Cry but accept that fact. You have to or you will be stuck here forever.

 

Oh he never rejected her. If she wanted to I'm sure he would have sex with her every day.

 

And though I know it's true hearing 'men will take it wherever they can get it' makes me feel like crap.

 

I'm not looking at anything. He's totally blocked. And his social media is boring anyway. I guess I just miss a connection to him. I'm out of town and traveling always makes me a little melancholic.

 

IA- you say it's your only card left to play. So is this you playing a game with him too? What is the outcome you're hoping for?!

[imperfectangel]

I wouldn't say it's a game. More that I'm just treating him the way he's always treated me.

 

I want(ed) us to be together but like I said when I last him he said he'll always be married. So we'll never legitimately be together. I don't want an affair and I've told him this. He's carry it on forever if he could

[MidnightBlue1980]

Oh he never rejected her. If she wanted to I'm sure he would have sex with her every day.

 

And though I know it's true hearing 'men will take it wherever they can get it' makes me feel like crap.

 

I'm not looking at anything. He's totally blocked. And his social media is boring anyway. I guess I just miss a connection to him. I'm out of town and traveling always makes me a little melancholic.

 

IA- you say it's your only card left to play. So is this you playing a game with him too? What is the outcome you're hoping for?!

 

Sadly, I thought we had this connection, I believed his claims of love. It was actually guys I confided in who told me, men will say anything to get sex, including that they love you, and if you offer it, they will easily take it. Most guys will cheat, they are just as faithful as their opportunities. But they are not going to leave their spouse for the woman, they just take what they can get and have no bad feelings about themselves. They see it as, the woman knew we were married, she is not a teenager, she got what she deserved.

 

These are men IRL but I see it here posted by some of the guys all the time. I'm not saying all men are bad guys but we just have to realize, they are different from us. So we have to not be stupid, not wreck our lives over some guy just looking for a quick lay.

 

I do not mean to make you feel bad. I've been here 10 months, good grief. It has taken a virtual building to fall on my head for me to really get it - I was just an idiot, played, used and discarded like a piece of trash. So all this emotion we are spending on them, its about as useful as sitting here worrying about it will rain tomorrow. These guys are not thinking about us.

[imperfectangel]

Before anyone asks, no, he didn't come

[Grey Cloud]

My eMM supposedly recently got caught masterbating in the bathroom while watching porn on his phone. He was on restriction with his phone from then on. Which is what I think happened with us at the end. I think she may have seen some of my texts. I know he blocked me right after it happened bc a text from me came though.

 

While I think my x may have some performance issues in person, he had no trouble on his own. We did a lot of sexting and the like and he could go many times in a day. I used to give myself credit but I really think it was him having a very high drive. He never denied having sex with his partner but he claimed it was about once a month or maybe a little less. Probably lying though.

 

I'm having a hard time lately. I miss him. I'm tempting to try and look at his social media. But the thought also makes me feel a little sick. I just want him to miss me. I want him to want me and regret how he treated me. But I know he doesn't. It's such a crappy feeling.

 

It was the same for me - I used to give myself credit for being the object of his alone time, but lets face it, that is all I was - an object. I found out later he was also masturbating over his best mate's wife. Gross.

 

I did the social media look up yesterday, I don't know why. I saw he had changed his profile pic during the week to one with his 2 young kids. It was a nice pic and I didn't get the same emotional upset as I would have before which hopefully means I am beginning to move on from him. Of course all the comments he got was totally reflecting the image he wants - a devoted family man etc which made me roll my eyes.

[imperfectangel]

Well thanks to wine I broke nc last night but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Earlier in the day he'd asked if I was ok so I just replied saying I was and that I needed space.

 

Better than I'm completely in love with you and it breaks my heart too much to see you because every time you go, you go to carry on life with another woman.

 

Bad day today but I'm hoping he'll just leave me be now

[Grey Cloud]

Well thanks to wine I broke nc last night but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Earlier in the day he'd asked if I was ok so I just replied saying I was and that I needed space.

 

Better than I'm completely in love with you and it breaks my heart too much to see you because every time you go, you go to carry on life with another woman.

 

Bad day today but I'm hoping he'll just leave me be now

 

Did he respond? Big hugs!

[imperfectangel]

No he didn't but I'm more than ok with it. I need him to leave me alone.

 

I don't think this is the end for him but for me it is

[Jersey born raised]

Perhaps it could be phrased "they love WHAT YOU DO for them and that alone". So that:

 

I love how you make when I am around you. - RUN

[jenkins95]

And though I know it's true hearing 'men will take it wherever they can get it' makes me feel like crap.

 

It doesn't make me feel very good either. In fact I'm a little insulted by it. Don't you think it's rather a scathing over-generalisation and, indeed, rather a sexist statement?

 

I have had an affair, I am very ashamed of it and my wife and I are working on our recovery. Despite having an affair, at no time in my life would that definition ever have applied to me. I've never just gone looking for sex 'wherever I can get it', and I'm fairly sure the same goes for nearly all my male friends.

[jenkins95]

No he didn't but I'm more than ok with it. I need him to leave me alone.

 

I don't think this is the end for him but for me it is

 

Proud of you IA. Keep going! The minor break in NC wasn't too damaging and you made it clear that you wanted to be left alone.

 

Good luck! We are here. Stick to NC. You deserve your freedom, and NC will lead to it.

[jenkins95]

Jenkins. I'm really interested in your answer to this, "Jenkins, how do you find talking about it? What are the ways it gets brought up that are productive and what are the ways it becomes destructive?". PLEASE!!!

 

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this question!

 

Pretty simple answer really - it all depends on her mood, anger-level, body language and attitude.

 

When she is angry and wants to punish me (which is very very understandable), I tend to clam up, get scared, give minimal answers, go for damage limitations and look for opportunities to end the conversation, hoping she'll calm down later.

 

On the other hand, if she is more relaxed and sympathetic and talks to me as an equal (rather than as a child or a cheating POS), I am of course much more comfortable and will be much happier to discuss and explore things in much more depth.

 

Simple really - I'm a coward, and when shouted at or made to feel like the lowest of the low, I'll just want to get out of the situation as soon as possible and will just give the stock answers. Pamper and indulge me a little, and I will open up more. Indeed, despite the shame in having to relive the shame of the affair, I do actually feel much better myself after this type of conversation and we usually end up cuddling and crying quietly together, which feels appropriate and good and connected.

 

This is why I always advise BS to question their WS in as calm and comfortable environment as possible and try to show empathy and that you accept that no one is infallible and that we are all capable of making mistakes. It is not that he deserves to be treated 'kindly', but you can guarantee that you are more likely to get more out of him if you take such an approach. Men can be like school boys in this way. The more you shout at them, the more they will clam up.

 

I think for me, the worst of all is when my wife just goes quiet. It happens sometimes and usually lasts a couple of days. She knows she's being quiet, I know she's being quiet and she's knows I know and we both know why! But of course, when I ask what's wrong, she says 'nothing'. On these days, I am largely ignored - we will usually message each other affectionately many times during a working day and also make several calls. These drop to almost nothing during one of the quiet periods, and the messages will be functional in nature and to the point - 'please get milk on your way home'. I know not to drop in any 'i love yous', but if I do, it is usually unanswered. Any attempt at physical contact at home is usually meet with coldness and avoided. After she has 'thawed', she will usually explain that something triggered her and that led to the silence. I tell her that I actually prefer to be shouted at than cold silences and she agrees..... Fingers crossed this is happening less and less.

 

It's a really tough journey but the conversations are so necessary. I big step for us recently was when my wife found me crying. She asked me why and I explained that it was simply that I felt so ashamed. We then went on to talk about things. This was the first time I actually raised the subject of the a myself, and she did appreciate it.

 

I hope you are so doing well guys.

Edited September 18, 2016 by jenkins95

[Jemima1234]

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this question!

 

Pretty simple answer really - it all depends on her mood, anger-level, body language and attitude.

 

When she is angry and wants to punish me (which is very very understandable), I tend to clam up, get scared, give minimal answers, go for damage limitations and look for opportunities to end the conversation, hoping she'll calm down later.

 

On the other hand, if she is more relaxed and sympathetic and talks to me as an equal (rather than as a child or a cheating POS), I am of course much more comfortable and will be much happier to discuss and explore things in much more depth.

 

Simple really - I'm a coward, and when shouted at or made to feel like the lowest of the low, I'll just want to get out of the situation as soon as possible and will just give the stock answers. Pamper and indulge me a little, and I will open up more. Indeed, despite the shame in having to relive the shame of the affair, I do actually feel much better myself after this type of conversation and we usually end up cuddling and crying quietly together, which feels appropriate and good and connected.

 

This is why I always advise BS to question their WS in as calm and comfortable environment as possible and try to show empathy and that you accept that no one is infallible and that we are all capable of making mistakes. It is not that he deserves to be treated 'kindly', but you can guarantee that you are more likely to get more out of him if you take such an approach. Men can be like school boys in this way. The more you shout at them, the more they will clam up.

 

I think for me, the worst of all is when my wife just goes quiet. It happens sometimes and usually lasts a couple of days. She knows she's being quiet, I know she's being quiet and she's knows I know and we both know why! But of course, when I ask what's wrong, she says 'nothing'. On these days, I am largely ignored - we will usually message each other affectionately many times during a working day and also make several calls. These drop to almost nothing during one of the quiet periods, and the messages will be functional nature and to the point. I know not to drop in any 'i love yous', but if I do, it is usually unanswered. Any attempt at physical contact at home is usually meet with coldness and physical contact avoided. After she has 'thawed', she so usually explain that something triggered her and that led to the silence. I tell her that I actually prefer to be shouted at than cold silences and she agrees..... Fingers crossed this is happening less and less.

 

It's a really tough journey but the conversations are so necessary. I big step for us recently was when my wife found me crying. She asked me why and I explained that it was simply that I felt so ashamed. We then went on to talk about things. This was the first time I actually raised the subject of the a myself, and she did appreciate it.

 

I hope you are so doing well guys.

 

 

 

Jenkins can I ask you a question please- I hope you don't mind?

 

You talk of your pain at the end of the affair and of your struggles from the MM perspective. But you say here about messaging affectionately, physical affection etc. How do you find all this with your wife while you are still coping with your own feelings and grieving the loss of OW? Did you love OW? Do you love your wife more? I am sorry if these questions are too personal, please feel free to ignore. Am just trying to understand a MM (and you are not my xMM so know that's hard to compare!!!)

[jenkins95]

Jenkins can I ask you a question please- I hope you don't mind?

 

You talk of your pain at the end of the affair and of your struggles from the MM perspective. But you say here about messaging affectionately, physical affection etc. How do you find all this with your wife while you are still coping with your own feelings and grieving the loss of OW? Did you love OW? Do you love your wife more? I am sorry if these questions are too personal, please feel free to ignore. Am just trying to understand a MM (and you are not my xMM so know that's hard to compare!!!)

 

Hi Jemima! Many thanks for addressing me and no problem at all answering it.

 

My affair ended over a year ago and the pain is therefore much less now than it was just afterwards. I did love the OW, and on some level, I think I always will. I have no bad feelings for her. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she has a happy life. One thing I have learned is not to try to push her away in my mind, but to find a special place in the back of my mind for her...... From there, the thoughts are far less obsessive and nag me less than if I try to push them away altogether.

 

I never stopped loving my wife, but my marriage had become routine and dull and we didn't make time for each other and ended up confiding in others more, such good friends, parents, etc. Now that we are putting each other first again (and it's awful that it's taken an affair to force us into action), I am feeling much more connected with my wife again. After a year of pretty much pure hell, we are starting to experience ]genuinely tender times again - I even noticed us giggling like children recently, which was wonderful.

 

Despite this, I missed the OW a lot at first, and even now I occasionally do, although it's getting much easier. We were a very good match and in other circumstances....... well, you know! How do I stop this knowledge eating at me and destroying me? Well, I am philosophical and pragmatic about it. There were so many reasons why it was better to try to make the marriage work and end the affair then trying to make a go of it for the affair partner, and I believe that it is better for her too - even though she was very very upset at the time. Apart from anything else, I don't think she realised just how much her life would have had to change if she's been with me as my main partner.... For one thing I have a special needs child. I come with a lot of baggage. There are many other reasons too.

 

Bottom line, it was largely fantasy, should never have happened and I wasn't prepared to break up my family - I never stopped loving them. It is better for everyone this way, even though it will take a long time for us all to recover. I truly hope my xOW has a wonderful life and even though there can never be any contact, I will never forget her and eto eventually enjoy my memories of her privately with affection, without ever getting obsessed.

 

I hope you are doing OK Jemima? Thinking of you

Edited September 19, 2016 by jenkins95

[Jemima1234]

Hi Jemima! Many thanks for addressing me and no problem at all answering it.

 

My affair ended over a year ago and the pain is therefore much less now than it was just afterwards. I did love the OW, and on some level, I think I always will. I have no bad feelings for her. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she has a happy life. One thing I have learned is not to try to push her away in my mind, but to find a special place in the back of my mind for her...... From there, the thoughts are far less obsessive and nag me less than if I try to push them away altogether.

 

I never stopped loving my wife, but my marriage had become routine and dull and we didn't make time for each other and ended up confiding in others more, such good friends, parents, etc. Now that we are putting each other first again (and it's awful that it's taken an affair to force us into action), I am feeling much more connected with my wife again. After a year of pretty much pure hell, we are starting to experience ]genuinely tender times again - I even noticed us giggling like children recently, which was wonderful.

 

Despite this, I missed the OW a lot at first, and even now I occasionally do, although it's getting much easier. We were a very good match and in other circumstances....... well, you know! How do I stop this knowledge eating at me and destroying me? Well, I am philosophical and pragmatic about it. There were so many reasons why it was better to try to make the marriage work and end the affair then trying to make a go of it for the affair partner, and I believe that it is better for her too - even though she was very very upset at the time. Apart from anything else, I don't think she realised just how much her life would have had to chance if she's been with me as my main partner.... For one thing I have a special needs child. I come with a lot of baggage.

 

Bottom line, it was largely fantasy. It is better for everyone this way, even though it will take a long time for us all to recover.

 

Jenkins thank you very much for your response. That's really helpful. I am just coming out of an affair with a man I love very much- but your response goes along with a lot of what he has said to me. I understand why you stayed in your marriage and I understand why my MM has stayed in his. Just painful at same time and I guess I am grieving a lot.

 

Love your thinking tho- thanks for posting- I am so happy for you that your marriage is improving - I hope it continues.

[jenkins95]

Jenkins thank you very much for your response. That's really helpful. I am just coming out of an affair with a man I love very much- but your response goes along with a lot of what he has said to me. I understand why you stayed in your marriage and I understand why my MM has stayed in his. Just painful at same time and I guess I am grieving a lot.

 

Love your thinking tho- thanks for posting- I am so happy for you that your marriage is improving - I hope it continues.

 

Thank you Jemima - I wish you nothing but the best. I know it it scarey and heartbreaking right now, but it will get easier, it really will.

 

And never have any doubts that he has forgotten you or never thinks of you - I guarantee he does and that he will never forget you. And you clearly meant a lot to him and will always be in his memories. It kind of sucks to say that now, bit it will hopefully comfort you later on.

 

Keep posting! (((Big hug)))

Edited September 19, 2016 by jenkins95

[Poppy47]

No he didn't but I'm more than ok with it. I need him to leave me alone.

 

I don't think this is the end for him but for me it is

 

he won't leave you alone as long as you respond. You keep saying it't the end, but when is it going to be?

Poppy.

[Poppy47]

It doesn't make me feel very good either. In fact I'm a little insulted by it. Don't you think it's rather a scathing over-generalisation and, indeed, rather a sexist statement?

 

I have had an affair, I am very ashamed of it and my wife and I are working on our recovery. Despite having an affair, at no time in my life would that definition ever have applied to me. I've never just gone looking for sex 'wherever I can get it', and I'm fairly sure the same goes for nearly all my male friends.

 

I agree with Jenkins. I do not believe that all men are wired to have sex with anything or anybody. It's a cynical, cliche statement that paints a very broad picture indeed. Oh and it's a sexist comment also. If it were reversed, women would object.

 

Poppy.

 

 

Poppy.

[imperfectangel]

he won't leave you alone as long as you respond. You keep saying it't the end, but when is it going to be?

Poppy.

 

We are already finished. I told him on Saturday not to contact me again and he hasnt

[Outofmysystem]

Poppy is right, I was never inclined to jump anything with a pulse....I might be the exception, but I needed to "feel" something for them.....doubled edged sword though, as now those same feelings betray me from time to time when I'm triggered about my XDOW, like today.....it would have been our 7th year together, it the anniversary of our first kiss (she made the date, but I enjoyed celebrating it with her).....had a hard night sleeping last night (been awhile since that happened) and she posted a pic of her ( and she looked great, also wearing a pair of sunglasses that I bought her)....I know I shouldn't have looked, but I couldn't help myself....

 

Time to go lift some heavy weights and think about something else....

 

Good luck everyone, this thread needs to be revived!, lol...

[Chica80]

Poppy is right, I was never inclined to jump anything with a pulse....I might be the exception, but I needed to "feel" something for them.....doubled edged sword though, as now those same feelings betray me from time to time when I'm triggered about my XDOW, like today.....it would have been our 7th year together, it the anniversary of our first kiss (she made the date, but I enjoyed celebrating it with her).....had a hard night sleeping last night (been awhile since that happened) and she posted a pic of her ( and she looked great, also wearing a pair of sunglasses that I bought her)....I know I shouldn't have looked, but I couldn't help myself....

 

Time to go lift some heavy weights and think about something else....

 

Good luck everyone, this thread needs to be revived!, lol...

 

Hi OUT I am very sorry, you are suffering. That you were triggered last night. that can't be easy.

 

I have to tell you sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for you. Because you are the MM. Things you say will remind me of my MM.

 

Your heart is broken you're hurt? Yet you are married. OUT you never left your wife you never said you would. Even though you said you thought you would be together you didn't take any of those steps or actions.

She did, she chose to move on to get out of her abusive situation. (sorry you just trigger me sometimes. Because you sound like him. And I like her)

 

Ranting over....I'm glad you posted on here. You haven't contacted her anymore? Don't look on FB that's only going to hurt you.

 

Just so YOU know. I bet she is thinking of you to. She knows what day it is today.. Hang in there.

[Poppy47]

Poppy is right, I was never inclined to jump anything with a pulse....I might be the exception, but I needed to "feel" something for them.....doubled edged sword though, as now those same feelings betray me from time to time when I'm triggered about my XDOW, like today.....it would have been our 7th year together, it the anniversary of our first kiss (she made the date, but I enjoyed celebrating it with her).....had a hard night sleeping last night (been awhile since that happened) and she posted a pic of her ( and she looked great, also wearing a pair of sunglasses that I bought her)....I know I shouldn't have looked, but I couldn't help myself....

 

Time to go lift some heavy weights and think about something else....

 

Good luck everyone, this thread needs to be revived!, lol...

 

Looking at social media is a big mistake. I looked yesterday after 6 months of NC. It was a big mistake. xMM had posted a 'NEARLY MADE IT" anniversary greeting the day before what would have been our 8th anniversary. For anybody who thinks you are forgotten.... you can bet you never will be.

 

Poppy.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi OUT I am very sorry, you are suffering. That you were triggered last night. that can't be easy.

 

I have to tell you sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for you. Because you are the MM. Things you say will remind me of my MM.

 

Your heart is broken you're hurt? Yet you are married. OUT you never left your wife you never said you would. Even though you said you thought you would be together you didn't take any of those steps or actions.

She did, she chose to move on to get out of her abusive situation. (sorry you just trigger me sometimes. Because you sound like him. And I like her)

 

Ranting over....I'm glad you posted on here. You haven't contacted her anymore? Don't look on FB that's only going to hurt you.

 

Just so YOU know. I bet she is thinking of you to. She knows what day it is today.. Hang in there.

 

I'm here every day. I just try to lurk as my posts come out angry these days.

 

I have to agree. It is hard for me to feel sorry for someone when they actually have the chance to be with the other person. I'm being gender neutral on purpose. It just so happens here it is Out and Jenkins, but I have seen men posting occasionally so I am aware women can be users as well.

 

Plus Out, you never told your wife. I just can't imagine. For me, it would be impossible to rebuild with my husband not knowing. I'd probably have a heart attack tbh. I've already had a lot of health issues this year from the stress, and H knows.

 

I agree with Sunshine, in fact I believe she posted the pic of herself in the sunglasses on purpose. Come on - she is getting divorced over you. I am sure she is struggling big time.

 

For me - my mini update is I finally finished my position but xmm does not respect my wish to be left alone. He is careful to not contact me by email but he has requested numerous times for me to contact him (which I do not). He approaches me a lot and acts like we are best buds, calling me by my nickname in a very familiar approach. To be honest, it's messed with my mind and made me so angry, I've had trouble sleeping.

 

But I had a lightbulb moment last night. I was talking to a friend and I thought of that Sherlock Holmes quote "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth". He is not mentally ill, he does not have a memory impairment disease, he got my text and my letter asking for NC and (I think) he is not looking for anything with me. Therefore the only truth must be that he is trying to make me crazy, push my buttons. It sounds nuts but why else is he doing this for months now? I told him point blank that it is hurting me and asked him to leave me alone, but he persists with the buddies thing. It sounds nuts, who would deliberately go after someone who asks to just be left alone but I think he is trying to make me crazy.

 

I'm just not really sure why. Maybe punish me for ending the affair, telling my husband, being forced to tell him wife, make me suffer? I dont know. If you looked at this guy you would say, no way is he capable of such cruelty. He looks like this innocent gullible guy but I am telling you. He's doing this to me for some reason.

 

As soon as I realized that though, I was not angry anymore because I thought, omg I almost fell exactly into his plans. I admit I am out of my league with this.

[Chica80]

Looking at social media is a big mistake. I looked yesterday after 6 months of NC. It was a big mistake. xMM had posted a 'NEARLY MADE IT" anniversary greeting the day before what would have been our 8th anniversary. For anybody who thinks you are forgotten.... you can bet you never will be.

 

Poppy.

 

Poppy he contacted you?

You have been so strong!!

 

Don't give up or in. You've come this far. Didn't you say before it was always you that gave in before?

[Chica80]

I'm here every day. I just try to lurk as my posts come out angry these days.

 

I have to agree. It is hard for me to feel sorry for someone when they actually have the chance to be with the other person. I'm being gender neutral on purpose. It just so happens here it is Out and Jenkins, but I have seen men posting occasionally so I am aware women can be users as well.

 

Plus Out, you never told your wife. I just can't imagine. For me, it would be impossible to rebuild with my husband not knowing. I'd probably have a heart attack tbh. I've already had a lot of health issues this year from the stress, and H knows.

 

I agree with Sunshine, in fact I believe she posted the pic of herself in the sunglasses on purpose. Come on - she is getting divorced over you. I am sure she is struggling big time.

 

For me - my mini update is I finally finished my position but xmm does not respect my wish to be left alone. He is careful to not contact me by email but he has requested numerous times for me to contact him (which I do not). He approaches me a lot and acts like we are best buds, calling me by my nickname in a very familiar approach. To be honest, it's messed with my mind and made me so angry, I've had trouble sleeping.

 

But I had a lightbulb moment last night. I was talking to a friend and I thought of that Sherlock Holmes quote "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth". He is not mentally ill, he does not have a memory impairment disease, he got my text and my letter asking for NC and (I think) he is not looking for anything with me. Therefore the only truth must be that he is trying to make me crazy, push my buttons. It sounds nuts but why else is he doing this for months now? I told him point blank that it is hurting me and asked him to leave me alone, but he persists with the buddies thing. It sounds nuts, who would deliberately go after someone who asks to just be left alone but I think he is trying to make me crazy.

 

I'm just not really sure why. Maybe punish me for ending the affair, telling my husband, being forced to tell him wife, make me suffer? I dont know. If you looked at this guy you would say, no way is he capable of such cruelty. He looks like this innocent gullible guy but I am telling you. He's doing this to me for some reason.

 

As soon as I realized that though, I was not angry anymore because I thought, omg I almost fell exactly into his plans. I admit I am out of my league with this.

 

 

MB. Ya you have been really angry lately.

But not without reason.

I think the only way for him to leave you alone is tell his wife.

 

I'm usually not an advocate for that but, you've asked him not to contact you. Have ignored him and he still tries?

 

She thinks he is reconciling and he is not!!

That is unfair to her unfair to you.