SH10 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Hi all- So this is my first post, so sorry if it is a little long. I meant my bf (for all [intents and] purposes, I'll explain later) through work in February and we started dating in March. We both went into this relationship knowing that I would be moving to a city across country for at least a year in June (I had already signed the contract), which is where I am now. We had briefly discussed doing long term and were extremely happy with where we were at. Then suddenly in mid-May he went home to give his dad his car back and things changed. I should note that he also skipped my family graduation dinner to do this, although his dad really did need the car back. For the next week he would answer my texts with one word and wouldn't even call me on the phone. When I finally asked him what was wrong he said all kinds of stuff about not wanting anything serious if I was moving away, having bad experiences with LDR in the past, etc. So basically he completely went back on everything he had said during the whole relationship (coming to visit me, spending what little summer I had with him, etc). We met once for him to bring me some of my stuff and he explained he was at a hard place in life (job, financials, etc) and he pushed me away b/c he didn't want to hurt me. We didn't speak for 2 weeks. Then all of the sudden the day before I moved to my new city he texted to say that he needed to talk to me really badly and would I please meet up. Even through all the ghosting and bad stuff I still respected him so I met with him. When we met it was like nothing had ever changed, and we just hung out and talked like we always did. He also mentioned having a plane ticket he needed to use. We said our goodbyes and I headed to my new city. However we have been texting every day since we met up like we always did in the beginning. I've been thinking things like I should go back and visit all the time. We haven't talked seriously about where we stand or anything and I'm afraid if I do ask I'll lose what we have now. So basically what I'm asking is am I wasting my time and leading myself on in a LDR that is pretty undefined. I really really don't want to end it, but I also am scared that I'm going to live my whole adventure in this new place thinking "Oh I'll move back to his/my city in a year and we'll be fine and together again" and miss out on my life. I'm constantly stuck on the what-if I hadn't moved, what if I move back. Sorry for the long post but any advice is appreciated! SH10 Edited June 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
DreamP Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Ask him and be clear. Why would you want what you currently have. It's basically nothing. Either commit to it wholeheartedly or move on. If he can't give you than, then don't waste your time. You guys only dated a really short time. I don't even think it is worst driving yourself crazy over this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Hi all- So this is my first post Welcome to LS. the day before I moved to my new city he texted to say that he needed to talk to me really badly and would I please meet up. [...] When we met it was like nothing had ever changed, and we just hung out and talked like we always did. He also mentioned having a plane ticket he needed to use. Well, it would have been my first question when meeting him: "So, what did you want to say? You said you needed to talk to me really bad..." I guess he missed you and was worried he was blowing it, so he asked to meet you and got you hooked. am I wasting my time Possible. leading myself on in a LDR that is pretty undefined It looks like it. I also am scared that I'm going to live my whole adventure in this new place thinking "Oh I'll move back to his/my city in a year and we'll be fine and together again" and miss out on my life Exactly. You'd do that only if it were worth it. If there was commitment. If you were sure you were returning to someone loving you and wanting a future with you. So make sure about all that. Ask him very directly, and not through text. Rather on a call when you talk to him. You need to know what his intentions are and if he's willing to commit. If he's not, just let it go and live your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 If asking where you stand kills the relationship, then it's not a relationship worth saving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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