Young, heartbroken and need support :(

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I've been having a look around this thread, which has greatly helped the situation I'm in.

 

I'll start by telling a little about myself and my story.

So I'm in my early twenties, I got out of a abusive long term relationship. When we cut ties I felt free again. I loved life, my job I worked hard for, spending time with friends and family just having a laugh and having fun. I was known as the girl who was "always smiling".

I was always making new friends and meeting new people.

 

I made a very good friend through work, we would hang out outside of work and eventually they introduced me to their friends.

This one friend stood out. There was a instant mutual connection. He wasn't anything special or different. I didn't understand myself and why I felt so strongly about someone I had just met. Loads of questions, joking around. It felt like no one else was there a part from us.

 

Several weeks later, we all met again. I felt a little exciting knowing I was going to see his guy. During conversations, I found out he was taken. I felt a little disappointed, after feeling such a connection, but I soon got the thought out of my mind. I tried to deny the subtle flirtation, the level of kindness and interest in me. The way he looked at me.

 

One evening he offered to take me home. We ended up exchanging numbers because we thought might as well as we're all friends now. He begun to text me about a hour later. There was a lot of joking and flirting. The convo started getting more sexy and I found myself smiling. The next day he said don't tell anyone about the conversation and to delete it. I agreed.

 

Over the next few days we were talking from morning till silly o clock in the morning. We would meet in the evenings, and started getting intimate. The first time I felt awful about it. But he told me it's OK, because we will be together soon. I felt so alive with this man, he made me feel good. He said to me he enjoys talking to me more and his girlfriend. I asked questions about their relationship, the answers were all negative and he seemed unhappy. I told him the right thing to do is to leave.

 

Still months later he didn't leave and I still didn't leave him, he told me he started falling in love with me. I knew I was back. He would plan a future with me, holidays, taking me out for meals or cook, watching movies and cuddling in bed. He never lived up to them. I felt as though I was waiting for the impossible to happen. But he promised it would, I broke it off a lot of times, not believing him saying I deserve better. He would always come running back. I believed him one more time. But this time around the texting got less, meeting up would. It just seemed like the only thing he was now interested in is occasional sex. I then found out he got engaged to his girlfriend through our friends.

 

I got sick of feeling used, strung along and broke it off. He didn't seem bothered this time. Weeks later nothing. I was low and really missing him. I wasn't eating, sleeping, I stopped going to work and socialising. Because everyone would ask me why I wasn't smiling anymore. I had no one to talk to about this as I swore to secrecy. I message him saying "I miss you". We spoke about how is best we break it off. But I said I still want him. He said he will never stop thinking about me. But he needs to think things through with us. Few days later and I'm still stupidly waiting for a answer...I feel so heartbroken.

 

I'm depressed and probably going to loose my job as well as friends. I've lost a lot of weight, I can't stop crying. I've been signed off by my doctor for 4 weeks and put on antidepressants and mood stablizers. It's the lies I believed that hurts the most. Everyone is worried about me and doesn't know anything as to why. I feel tempted to tell our mutual friend as we are really close. But I'm scared they will reveal our affair..

 

Thanks for reading

Edited June 16, 2016 by WisdomOverEmotion

[13Hearts]

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I've been having a look around this thread, which has greatly helped the situation I'm in.

 

I'll start by telling a little about myself and my story.

So I'm in my early twenties, I got out of a abusive long term relationship. When we cut ties I felt free again. I loved life, my job I worked hard for, spending time with friends and family just having a laugh and having fun. I was known as the girl who was "always smiling".

I was always making new friends and meeting new people.

 

I made a very good friend through work, we would hang out outside of work and eventually they introduced me to their friends.

This one friend stood out. There was a instant mutual connection. He wasn't anything special or different. I didn't understand myself and why I felt so strongly about someone I had just met. Loads of questions, joking around. It felt like no one else was there a part from us.

 

Several weeks later, we all met again. I felt a little exciting knowing I was going to see his guy. During conversations, I found out he was taken. I felt a little disappointed, after feeling such a connection, but I soon got the thought out of my mind. I tried to deny the subtle flirtation, the level of kindness and interest in me. The way he looked at me.

 

One evening he offered to take me home. We ended up exchanging numbers because we thought might as well as we're all friends now. He begun to text me about a hour later. There was a lot of joking and flirting. The convo started getting more sexy and I found myself smiling. The next day he said don't tell anyone about the conversation and to delete it. I agreed.

 

Over the next few days we were talking from morning till silly o clock in the morning. We would meet in the evenings, and started getting intimate. The first time I felt awful about it. But he told me it's OK, because we will be together soon. I felt so alive with this man, he made me feel good. He said to me he enjoys talking to me more and his girlfriend. I asked questions about their relationship, the answers were all negative and he seemed unhappy. I told him the right thing to do is to leave.

 

Still months later he didn't leave and I still didn't leave him, he told me he started falling in love with me. I knew I was back. He would plan a future with me, holidays, taking me out for meals or cook, watching movies and cuddling in bed. He never lived up to them. I felt as though I was waiting for the impossible to happen. But he promised it would, I broke it off a lot of times, not believing him saying I deserve better. He would always come running back. I believed him one more time. But this time around the texting got less, meeting up would. It just seemed like the only thing he was now interested in is occasional sex. I then found out he got engaged to his girlfriend through our friends.

 

I got sick of feeling used, strung along and broke it off. He didn't seem bothered this time. Weeks later nothing. I was low and really missing him. I wasn't eating, sleeping, I stopped going to work and socialising. Because everyone would ask me why I wasn't smiling anymore. I had no one to talk to about this as I swore to secrecy. I message him saying "I miss you". We spoke about how is best we break it off. But I said I still want him. He said he will never stop thinking about me. But he needs to think things through with us. Few days later and I'm still stupidly waiting for a answer...I feel so heartbroken.

 

I'm depressed and probably going to loose my job as well as friends. I've lost a lot of weight, I can't stop crying. I've been signed off by my doctor for 4 weeks and put on antidepressants and mood stablizers. It's the lies I believed that hurts the most. Everyone is worried about me and doesn't know anything as to why. I feel tempted to tell our mutual friend as we are really close. But I'm scared they will reveal our affair..

 

Thanks for reading

Sweetie, I am so sorry this has happened to you and now you are so badly affected by it. I am going thru the same problem, and I am probably 25-30 years older than you. But I know from personal experience that it is harder when you are in your 20s, especially your young 20s, because you have so much more hope when you are young that the let-down is much worse. You have further to fall.

 

Please know you were dealing with someone with a character disorder. There is something really screwed up about a man who would do what he has done. You may want to Google George Simon and character disorders; I learned a lot reading his books and recommend them to you!

 

Also, please do whatever you need to do to break out of this depression. Do not let it take over your life! I speak from experience and many years of allowing it to control me. The best thing you can do for depression is exercise! It doesn't matter what kind. Just do it.

 

You're going to be alright. Keep reading her so you can see that what has happened to you is NOT a reflection on you. He is a psycho!

[HeCantBreakMe]

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I've been having a look around this thread, which has greatly helped the situation I'm in.

 

I'll start by telling a little about myself and my story.

So I'm in my early twenties, I got out of a abusive long term relationship. When we cut ties I felt free again. I loved life, my job I worked hard for, spending time with friends and family just having a laugh and having fun. I was known as the girl who was "always smiling".

I was always making new friends and meeting new people.

 

I made a very good friend through work, we would hang out outside of work and eventually they introduced me to their friends.

This one friend stood out. There was a instant mutual connection. He wasn't anything special or different. I didn't understand myself and why I felt so strongly about someone I had just met. Loads of questions, joking around. It felt like no one else was there a part from us.

 

Several weeks later, we all met again. I felt a little exciting knowing I was going to see his guy. During conversations, I found out he was taken. I felt a little disappointed, after feeling such a connection, but I soon got the thought out of my mind. I tried to deny the subtle flirtation, the level of kindness and interest in me. The way he looked at me.

 

One evening he offered to take me home. We ended up exchanging numbers because we thought might as well as we're all friends now. He begun to text me about a hour later. There was a lot of joking and flirting. The convo started getting more sexy and I found myself smiling. The next day he said don't tell anyone about the conversation and to delete it. I agreed.

 

Over the next few days we were talking from morning till silly o clock in the morning. We would meet in the evenings, and started getting intimate. The first time I felt awful about it. But he told me it's OK, because we will be together soon. I felt so alive with this man, he made me feel good. He said to me he enjoys talking to me more and his girlfriend. I asked questions about their relationship, the answers were all negative and he seemed unhappy. I told him the right thing to do is to leave.

 

Still months later he didn't leave and I still didn't leave him, he told me he started falling in love with me. I knew I was back. He would plan a future with me, holidays, taking me out for meals or cook, watching movies and cuddling in bed. He never lived up to them. I felt as though I was waiting for the impossible to happen. But he promised it would, I broke it off a lot of times, not believing him saying I deserve better. He would always come running back. I believed him one more time. But this time around the texting got less, meeting up would. It just seemed like the only thing he was now interested in is occasional sex. I then found out he got engaged to his girlfriend through our friends.

 

I got sick of feeling used, strung along and broke it off. He didn't seem bothered this time. Weeks later nothing. I was low and really missing him. I wasn't eating, sleeping, I stopped going to work and socialising. Because everyone would ask me why I wasn't smiling anymore. I had no one to talk to about this as I swore to secrecy. I message him saying "I miss you". We spoke about how is best we break it off. But I said I still want him. He said he will never stop thinking about me. But he needs to think things through with us. Few days later and I'm still stupidly waiting for a answer...I feel so heartbroken.

 

I'm depressed and probably going to loose my job as well as friends. I've lost a lot of weight, I can't stop crying. I've been signed off by my doctor for 4 weeks and put on antidepressants and mood stablizers. It's the lies I believed that hurts the most. Everyone is worried about me and doesn't know anything as to why. I feel tempted to tell our mutual friend as we are really close. But I'm scared they will reveal our affair..

 

Thanks for reading

 

WOE- I am so very sorry that at such a young age you are having to deal with this. I may not be a whole lot older than you but I understand the emotions, the hurt, the betrayal, the feelings of being used and they are the worst feelings in the world.

 

The lies do hurt but what hurts the most is the hope and the future you built in your head as a direct reflection of those lies. I encourage you to tear that future apart and start building another one- one that does not include this man but one that includes you being a woman with strength, character, and wisdom. If you allow yourself (mind over matter) you can emerge from this stronger and with the knowledge, so many of us in situations where we are married, with kids, and have fallen for married men, wish we had -you will be a whole hell of a lot wiser and better for this but only if you allow yourself to be. If i would have learned the lessons you are learning in my early 20's I would have saved myself from going through this while I also have a family that depends on me.

 

Wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are worth more than the scraps of time this man has given you. Spend times with friends and family and enjoy what life has to offer you. Embrace that and you will be just fine; maybe not today or tomorrow but one day you will wake up and you will breath just a little easier and the next day will be even better, and the day after that..

[stillafool]

You do need someone in your real life that you can talk to, confide in, and help you eat. Do you have any friends that you don't work with who can fit this bill? If so, reach out. You need emotional support (in person).

[BuddyX]

Hang in there. Cut all ties. Go no contact. By texting him, you're stroking his ego. When you have a tough day, you're in bed balling your eyes out. When he has a tough day, he has a GF to fall back onto. Don't make him a priority when all you are is an option to him.

 

My ex taught me that not every "I love you" is real.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Sweetie, I am so sorry this has happened to you and now you are so badly affected by it. I am going thru the same problem, and I am probably 25-30 years older than you. But I know from personal experience that it is harder when you are in your 20s, especially your young 20s, because you have so much more hope when you are young that the let-down is much worse. You have further to fall.

 

Please know you were dealing with someone with a character disorder. There is something really screwed up about a man who would do what he has done. You may want to Google George Simon and character disorders; I learned a lot reading his books and recommend them to you!

 

Also, please do whatever you need to do to break out of this depression. Do not let it take over your life! I speak from experience and many years of allowing it to control me. The best thing you can do for depression is exercise! It doesn't matter what kind. Just do it.

 

You're going to be alright. Keep reading her so you can see that what has happened to you is NOT a reflection on you. He is a psycho!

 

Thank you for your post. It helps hearing from people who have been through similar experiences.

I did google George simon and I've been reading a lot about his work. I'm planning on buying a book. It's actually opened my eyes a lot, and even though the truth hurts, its helping me understand this man and why it's best I move on.

It's going to be hard but It is giving me hope that this is the beginning of a fresh start. Thank you so much for your recommendation, guidance is what we all need.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

WOE- I am so very sorry that at such a young age you are having to deal with this. I may not be a whole lot older than you but I understand the emotions, the hurt, the betrayal, the feelings of being used and they are the worst feelings in the world.

 

The lies do hurt but what hurts the most is the hope and the future you built in your head as a direct reflection of those lies. I encourage you to tear that future apart and start building another one- one that does not include this man but one that includes you being a woman with strength, character, and wisdom. If you allow yourself (mind over matter) you can emerge from this stronger and with the knowledge, so many of us in situations where we are married, with kids, and have fallen for married men, wish we had -you will be a whole hell of a lot wiser and better for this but only if you allow yourself to be. If i would have learned the lessons you are learning in my early 20's I would have saved myself from going through this while I also have a family that depends on me.

 

Wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are worth more than the scraps of time this man has given you. Spend times with friends and family and enjoy what life has to offer you. Embrace that and you will be just fine; maybe not today or tomorrow but one day you will wake up and you will breath just a little easier and the next day will be even better, and the day after that..

 

You are right the lies do hurt but the heartbreaking thing is the false hope. I want to break away from this man because he is screwing my head up. Which is worrying people and ruining my life. But I'm scared, what if he contacts me, can I do this all over again? Relapse into depression again because deep down it will never be. I need to think about that and practice what you've said to me.. thank you so much

[13Hearts]

Thank you for your post. It helps hearing from people who have been through similar experiences.

I did google George simon and I've been reading a lot about his work. I'm planning on buying a book. It's actually opened my eyes a lot, and even though the truth hurts, its helping me understand this man and why it's best I move on.

It's going to be hard but It is giving me hope that this is the beginning of a fresh start. Thank you so much for your recommendation, guidance is what we all need.

 

So glad to hear George Simon's work is helping you! I think a lot of us need to open our eyes to the fact that there really are scheming, conniving people out there and we have to be careful not to fall for their BS. Take care of yourself. Gather a bunch of GFs around you, for real life support.

[13Hearts]

You are right the lies do hurt but the heartbreaking thing is the false hope. I want to break away from this man because he is screwing my head up. Which is worrying people and ruining my life. But I'm scared, what if he contacts me, can I do this all over again? Relapse into depression again because deep down it will never be. I need to think about that and practice what you've said to me.. thank you so much

 

I'm not a competitive person by any stretch of the imagination but I have found, in situations like these, that it is best for me to develop an "It's ME versus THEM" mentality.

 

IME, men will completely hog all of your focus and attention. They will come after you to get what they want from you, and distract you from all that is important, good, and healthy in your life. Ridding yourself of a toxic, selfish guy is really a matter of choosing. Every day when you wake up in the morning, before you even get out of bed, ask yourself, "OK, WisdomOverEmotion, who are you going to choose today? Whose needs do you choose to be your priority, HIS or YOURS? Who is Number One in my life, HIM or ME?"

 

Once you've chosen, the rest of the day is easier because you've already made up your mind and you know which one to focus on when he comes knocking.

 

I hope you will put YOU FIRST!

[Ruffian1]

I then found out he got engaged to his girlfriend through our friends.

 

 

Do that girl a favor and tell her what her BF has been up to before she marries him.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

I then found out he got engaged to his girlfriend through our friends.

 

 

Do that girl a favor and tell her what her BF has been up to before she marries him.

 

Is that a good idea?

[WisdomOverEmotion]

I'm not a competitive person by any stretch of the imagination but I have found, in situations like these, that it is best for me to develop an "It's ME versus THEM" mentality.

 

IME, men will completely hog all of your focus and attention. They will come after you to get what they want from you, and distract you from all that is important, good, and healthy in your life. Ridding yourself of a toxic, selfish guy is really a matter of choosing. Every day when you wake up in the morning, before you even get out of bed, ask yourself, "OK, WisdomOverEmotion, who are you going to choose today? Whose needs do you choose to be your priority, HIS or YOURS? Who is Number One in my life, HIM or ME?"

 

Once you've chosen, the rest of the day is easier because you've already made up your mind and you know which one to focus on when he comes knocking.

 

I hope you will put YOU FIRST!

 

Good idea. I will have to put into practice. Especially when getting up early for work, if I still have my job. I know life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react. I need to turn that switch up, change my way of thinking. Mind over matter if I want to get over this. Hard stuff, but if you, and others on here can, even when temptations arise, I can give it my best shot. Time to put myself first..

[Lobe]

So glad to hear George Simon's work is helping you! I think a lot of us need to open our eyes to the fact that there really are scheming, conniving people out there and we have to be careful not to fall for their BS. Take care of yourself. Gather a bunch of GFs around you, for real life support.

 

Definitely don't fall for their betrayed spouse. LMAO

[WisdomOverEmotion]

10 days nc and I've been tempted to make up a stupid excuse to talk to him.

 

It's been sooo hard.

 

I have been having flash backs of us together, being intimate, laughing and planning our future. All whilst we were doing this, his fiancee was sleeping or just completely oblivious to what him and I were up to. I had met her a few times. She is cute and pretty. Like she wouldn't even harm a fly.

 

I'm now ridden with guilt. I have been reading bs stories on here and what it has done to them...I thought I was the one suffering. How completely selfish and thoughtless of me.

A few people have mentioned to tell his fiancee before she marries him.

If I do that, it sounds like I would ruin her life and make her ill like I have become.

Also sounds like they go through the same kind of pain as the ow/om does. The similarities are not feeling good enough, the hurt of being lied to, not wanting to live anymore, not trusting anyone, having their family worry sick over them. The list goes on, even though the situation of a bs and ow/om is of course different.

I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I have been through some difficult times when I was young, for some reason, I wish to relive them over and over, rather than stupidly getting involved in a A.

 

I cannot believe I fell for a completely heartless, selfish monster. I know I must be just as bad. But I now feel awfully bad for his fiancee. Could I save her from marrying a man she doesn't know the true side of, or would I completely ruin her life and possibly her future?

I don't think can do it. And as much as he hurt me, I can't do it to him either. As pathetic as I sound, as annoyed with myself I am for saying this, I do love him.

 

How do I cope with sticking with nc...Does the guilt become less..Do the tiny pieces of my heart repair over time I've tried to think with my head and listen to advice from people. It does come through, but so does what my heart feels.

Edited June 22, 2016 by WisdomOverEmotion

[Poppy47]

Don't worry about him. He will continue to cheat all his life.

 

You might consider telling his fiancee and save her from marrying him.

 

I know you don't want to, but she deserves to know before she commits to him.

 

Poppy

[stilltrying16]

Congratulations on the NC. Shows how strong you are. Only good will come of it.

 

I agree with Poppy. Please do consider telling her - if it's safe for you to do so. I will forever be grateful to the friend who told me. I was in a similar situation to the BS in your story. Almost engaged, and I was making very concrete plans to spend my life with my Xwbf, including all sorts of life decisions with him in mind. That meant giving up the university that involved going abroad and was my first choice (so I could be with him at the school that accepted him). I got to know just in time- and my entire life changed- for the better. I went to the school I wanted, and eventually got the career I wanted. And while he messed me up for the next couple of relationships, I now am with a wonderful man who loves me.

 

It's the affair that caused the pain- not the telling. The telling in fact may help her begin to heal and give her the option of escaping a life of misery with him.

 

I imagine it's hard to make the disclosure when you are the OW, and I would tell only if there won't be fallout for you. Right now it might be important to complete your own healing.

 

My best wishes to you, no matter what you decide. Stay strong. We're here for you.

[Midwestmissy]

She needs to be told. He doesn't deserve protection. Either way, she gets embarrassed and humiliated before she walks down the aisle or after she's married. It's inevitable. She may even be ignoring the red flags she sees because it's too hard to face. She can be rid of him instead of procreating with a tool and then being tied to him forever. But make sure you have proof to show her. And if she leaves him, don't start back up with him just because the role of unsuspecting betrayed partner has opened up.

 

My wh mow was married to her first husband then had an affair with his brother and married him. It took a few years and a pile of kids for him to find out she was a serial cheater, but he knew exactly what he was marrying. Granted, his character is questionable too - he screwed over his own brother. Everyone thinks he/she is the special snowflake immune to someone's inbred idiocy, but no one is.

[rumblefish12]

Thank you for sharing. First off, I agree totally that you MUST avoid contact. I had a little revelation this morning after 3 months NC. I'm not in control. I have no control. I have to accept life as it comes, and the reality is that I'm married and my exAP is married. No changing that. Reaching out now just delays the inevitable pain, and it definitely could get worse.

 

Second, let me play devil's advocate. Based upon the timing of your A and his imminent marriage, it doesn't say much for him. BUT being the MM, maybe he screwed up. Maybe he won't be a serial cheater and ultimately hurt his wife in the long run. It's always talked about in terms of inevitables and that you'll be saving her from the future. I'm just playing devil's advocate here -- what if that future pain never came to pass? What would your disclosure do? Cause the pain that may have been unnecessary? It's just something to consider.

 

What do we have control over? Our own decisions. Whatever you choose to do, put yourself first. You'll be better for this whole experience as difficult as it is to see right now. Hang in there. You can do it.

[loveisanaction]

Wisdomoveremotion, Remain NC.

 

You may love your married man but remember that love is not in taking...it is in giving. Staying away from a person because they are involved with someone else is love. It is love because by involving yourself in their lives you will cause havoc, pain, damage, destruction, torment, agony and lifelong emotional pain. Do you inflict such on those you love?

 

I have not read your full story but if you knew that your married man was married before getting involved with him why do you call him a completely selfish, heartless monster? Did he lie to you that he was single and available?

 

Either way, stay NC...If you won't do it for yourself do it for the innocent lady who has done you no wrong.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Thank you Poppy. It is something I need to think over.

Stilltrying - thank you for your encouragement and praises. Your story does inspire me and give me more hope for my future. Like I said I need to think about telling her, it's difficult either way.

Midwest missy - I don't want her humiliated no, we have already done enough without her even knowing. I do need to think about opening my mouth or not. If I do and she leaves him, I will not get with this man, as much as I want him. It would be completely stupid of me to ever trust him after all this. Funny, people think the sun shines out of my APs butt. Maybe it's part of their character disorder, to fool people.

Rumblefish - thankyou. It's hard. I guess it will get better. If I reach out now I could possibly delay my healing process. And his healing process. This is where I'm stuck. We both did wrong. I haven't got anything to loose by telling, I will still have my family and friends. He could loose everything, because they are involved in so much together. I don't know why, even though I know who he truely is, why would I want to protect him? I have so much thinking to do.

Loveisanaction - He is not married yet. He never told me he was even engaged, I found out eventually. I'm young, and clearly naive, to believe he would leave her because he was unhappy. My mistake. I believe he is selfish, and heartless. As I have become for getting involved. But he lied to her, strung me along, didn't think about how any of us would feel, all so he could have his cake and eat it too. Yet, I want to forgive that. Could she? I do not know. I keep telling myself Nc is my only option. I've done enough damage.

[rumblefish12]

Rumblefish - thankyou. It's hard. I guess it will get better. If I reach out now I could possibly delay my healing process. And his healing process. This is where I'm stuck. We both did wrong. I haven't got anything to loose by telling, I will still have my family and friends. He could loose everything, because they are involved in so much together. I don't know why, even though I know who he truely is, why would I want to protect him? I have so much thinking to do.

 

HI WOE~ I guess the question is why would you tell his BW? Is it to protect her? My point is that you don't know whether you are protecting her. If it isn't protecting her, is it just to punish your exAP? Or even keep his BW from getting him? I'm not accusing you of anything, nor telling you what to do. This isn't clear cut and you seem conflicted to top it off. My only point is that telling her might be creating pain rather than helping her avoid pain down the road. And telling her will likely embroil you in more drama with both exAP and his BW, which won't help and possible could even delay your healing. Just a lot to think about. Check this out: Should I Tell His Wife About Our Affair? - GoAskSuzie.com

[WisdomOverEmotion]

HI WOE~ I guess the question is why would you tell his BW? Is it to protect her? My point is that you don't know whether you are protecting her. If it isn't protecting her, is it just to punish your exAP? Or even keep his BW from getting him? I'm not accusing you of anything, nor telling you what to do. This isn't clear cut and you seem conflicted to top it off. My only point is that telling her might be creating pain rather than helping her avoid pain down the road. And telling her will likely embroil you in more drama with both exAP and his BW, which won't help and possible could even delay your healing. Just a lot to think about. Check this out: Should I Tell His Wife About Our Affair? - GoAskSuzie.com

 

This is what I mean. I don't think I can do it.

[Lobe]

This is what I mean. I don't think I can do it.

 

Brush the dust off your hands, walk away.