Girl slept in room (or bed?) with another guy

[S2B]

Only through asking her for said details. Ultimately though why? There's only two people who know what happened, one is her and I'm hardly going to contact the guy. I'm inclined to believe what she says, no doubt I can gauge more when we talk it through face to face. I'm just wondering whether people think this went too far as it is and I bin or if I need to set some defined, strong boundaries, explain no more **** and give moving past it a try.

 

I don't think you need more info. This should be more than enough to know she's not a decent person.

 

Why are you staying with her?

[VeveCakes]

Everything she did is beyond innapropriate as a business professional and a girlfriend.

 

She has no boundaries and her life will be chaotic forever if she continues.

 

I wouldn't stand for this for once second.

[Clay]

Everything she did is beyond innapropriate as a business professional and a girlfriend.

 

She has no boundaries and her life will be chaotic forever if she continues.

 

I wouldn't stand for this for once second.

 

It would have ended the moment I learned that she slept in bed with another guy. Who cares if she actually had sex with the guy or not. She already crossed the line of what I would be willing to put up with. If he stays with her he better get used to sharing her.

 

I am not one bit surprised to what people will put up with these days.

 

C

[Art.at.Heart]

Firstly, hopefully I have the right subforum. Secondly I've read quite a few articles with a similar title and more of the advice is cut loose. I accept that but I just wanted to post my situation and garnish the thoughts of genuine, sane and thoughtful people because I'll be honest I think it's hazy on this occasion (that is assuming she's telling the truth which, let's face it, is another matter altogther and something I/we can only speculate on).

In other words: I'm looking for advice telling me to stay with her.

 

OP, just about the only bright side of your situation is that you don't need to know more. You don't need to speculate. You have plenty of information. From what you know, she got drunk and high one night and ended up in bed with someone she admits to flirting with while also being aware of his feelings toward her. THAT RIGHT THERE is a situation that would put any monogamous couple at a crossroads. I don't even need to ask you if that's something you're ok with because of the last paragraph in your intial post. You're not ok with it. You know you're not. So, given the facts presented as you say, you should walk away and never look back.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

I am going to be perfectly honest.

 

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and have been clean and sober for over 20 years. My drug of choice was cocaine. Lots of it. Snort it, Smoke it, Shoot it, I did it and paid a heavy physical price for doing so for close to 3 decades.

 

I will tell you now that I have been more than happy in my lifetime to put blow up the nose of strippers, skanks, and other chicks who you would never suspect did coke simply for sex and in the Lion's share of the cases I received it without much prodding. Nice girls get line or two in them and they become gregarious. Get a few more snorts in em and their clothes come off quite easily.

 

I am afraid that anyone who tells you they are getting high off coke and drinking past 4 am are going to be blissfully passing out at dawn next to a guy and nothing happens is someone whom should be selling Oceanfront Property in Iowa. Because anyone who would buy that line of crap would buy Oceanfront Property in Iowa.

 

Simply put, I find it highly unlikely that she did not have some sort of sexual encounter with the guy. I am afraid you will never know for sure. Her calling you is probably her trying to cover her ass in case word got back to you. In case in fact somebody at work finds out about it and all of a sudden she is out of a job for messing about with clients. She is bad news man.

 

I am sorry, but no way that she was doing blow at 4 and asleep at sunrise. No effing way. I'd bet the farm that she had sex with this guy.

 

At any rate, to have such loose boundaries in a supposedly professional environment is grounds for her dismissal from your life.

 

Get rid of her, because it's probably not the first time, and it won't be the last.

[Poutrew]

I agree that the reason she told you is damage control. Aside from you hearing about her skanky ways from her colleagues, there is another reason she told you. They didn't just fall sleep after doing that much coke. Yes, they did have sex. Now she is either afraid she has some STD from the guy, or the fact that she could have gotten pregnant - this way she can say she was raped while unconscious and had no memory of it happening.

 

"But don't worry honey, I learned my lesson and it will never happen again..." She will tell you while raising her hand in the scout oath. The lie will be that she doesn't want to press charges, and will pull any excuse out of her lying cheating ass to justify doing nothing... When she gets back, make her tell you everything that happened. Make her repeat it...do it the way the police would interrogate a snitch. Then show her the door. Even if nothing else happened, why would you want a cocaine sniffing, blackout drunk, for a girlfriend?

[Darren Steez]

He's a business client not a colleague. Flirting happens in business that's life but he doesn't work with him. She probably has to flirt with everyone up to a point, it's sales. I have a job too, girls flirt with me. That she was flirting is not an issue it's how far she let it get. Also, knowing her, I would bet good mobet that she didn't put out. It would be grossly out of character. It's possible stuff happened but as I say I very much doubt she's had sec. I can't prove that though just like no one here can prove she has. The crux of the issue is what to do givenue the facts presented. It goes without saying that further down the line, if it gets that far, should the story change she would be gone.

 

Dude come on you're so beta it's frightening.

 

So they're drinking, doing coke..and she's "lightly" flirting with a guy who then professes to love her (wtf?)

 

After being separated from the group, instead of calling a cab and going home, she goes up to his room to drink some more, then passes out but she remembers him putting a hand on her while she was sleeping?

 

First she'd get dumped for the disrespect alone, let alone if she actually slept with him or not.

 

This wasn't some random guy, clearly she knew he was way into her and she reciprocated that attention perhaps even encouraged it.. all the way up to his room.

 

This guy is clearly trying to bang her yet she goes to his room? Again whether or not she slept with him is moot at this point, as consenting adults I'll only assume going this far they closed the deal, but regardless of that, no partner of mine should put herself in that position period.

 

Get a cab, separate room whatever. Make all the excuses you want for her. You will then get treated exactly the way you're being treated now by her.

[drifter777]

Bump. OP: you got a lot of feedback - what's the situation now?

[Jabron1]

I agree that the reason she told you is damage control. Aside from you hearing about her skanky ways from her colleagues, there is another reason she told you. They didn't just fall sleep after doing that much coke. Yes, they did have sex. Now she is either afraid she has some STD from the guy, or the fact that she could have gotten pregnant - this way she can say she was raped while unconscious and had no memory of it happening.

 

"But don't worry honey, I learned my lesson and it will never happen again..." She will tell you while raising her hand in the scout oath. The lie will be that she doesn't want to press charges, and will pull any excuse out of her lying cheating ass to justify doing nothing... When she gets back, make her tell you everything that happened. Make her repeat it...do it the way the police would interrogate a snitch. Then show her the door. Even if nothing else happened, why would you want a cocaine sniffing, blackout drunk, for a girlfriend?

 

Poutrew cracks me up. Do not get on his bad side

 

There's no real need to "interrogate her like a snitch" here. I think she told him plenty enough that anyone knows she's messing him around.

 

OP's problem seems to be accepting it.

[Cosaco]

Sorry to hear that, any update?

[Justanaverageguy]

This is a weird one.

 

The partying it totally depends on what you and your girl think about this. I was into the drug scene when younger in a casual way and was in relationships where this type of drug taking would be fine if I had a girl I knew could handle her drugs and alcohol. The going back to a guys hotel to get drinks etc because other places are closed .... I can almost understand that due to the fact she was on coke and didn't want the bender to end. Trawling for a bar at the end of the night kind of makes sense.

 

But the fact they were alone and not in a larger group, the fact they then went back to his room and then slept in his bed after he told her that he was in love with her and wanted to bang her. Yeah sorry but that's a deal breaker.

 

Even if nothing did happen in the bed - you can read between the lines. The fact she put herself in that position clearly shows she loved the attention and was leading this guy on has serious boundary issues.