chris71087 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 so here's my story. me and my gf started dating Feb 2015 she had a 3 year old son and was single for a year just like me. we dated for 2 months before she moved in with me and things were great. Oct 2015 both of her grandparents passed away and she became severely depressed, I was there for her and I helped her get back on her feet and become herself again and we grew stronger in love. Jan 2016 she got a job working at a local bank. it's a small bank only about 6 employees. she worked 10 hours a day 6 days a week so when she got home from work we only had a few hours a day to spend before she would go to bed and start the next day. this became routine and started putting stress on me because I had to watch her son everyday because we could not afford a babysitter. I own my own business on the side and worked when I could. she worked with 4 girls and 1 guy. she became friends with the guy and wanted me to meet him so we could all be friends. we hung out with him several times and I even hung out with the guy on occasions when she was working and he was off work. over the months he would talk about girls he hooked up with but would never bring them around or get into an actual relationship. they started talking more and more and it made me jealous. I confronted her about it and she claimed she didn't see him that way and they were just friends. I told her it made me uncomfortable and she became upset bc it was the only friend she's had in a while and we should be allowed to have platonic friends. so I trusted her and tried but they kept growing closer and I knew the guy was trying to push me out. April 2016 we started to fight and argue everyday about this guy bc I didn't like him talking to her. she stopped talking to him for the last 3 weeks of april. may 7th 2016 she went to hang out with a girl friend she claims and was going to come home later. when she messaged me that night I blew up and told her to not come home and find somewhere else to stay. she said she would and would come home the next day to talk about things. that night I had a feeling that she had stayed at this guy's house so I drove there at 6 am and her car was not there. I drove around looking and could not see her car anywhere so I looked in his car and her son's car seat was in it. so I then knew she had stayed there and she wouldn't answer the phone so I beat on the door to try to get her to come out. after an hour of no answer the cops showed up and took me to jail for trespassing. that night I got out and went back to get my car and saw her and she ran inside to avoid me. a few days later we finally met and she told me she hasn't been happy the past few weeks and that she had started to get feelings for this guy over those past few weeks. I then got out of her that she was dating him now and they had slept together only 3 days after we broke up. It has now been 5 weeks and she moved in with him after those first 3 days, all of her stuff is still in my house and she barely out speaks to me. I have now started to not contact her at all but I'm confused as to if it's in fact just a rebound bc it was basically the next day after our breakup or if she is in fact falling for this guy and wants nothing to do with me.....any advice would be helpful Link to post Share on other sites
Giggles666 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Advice, move on. You've let your emotions get you in trouble. It happens. You have no idea if she is being honest with you about the timeline of events. No contact, move on. You do not need her and she moved on. Trust is hard to get back. Good luck, but do not dwell on her...it did not work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 You need to get all her stuff out of her place, first and foremost. Whether she comes and picks it up, you have someone drop it off at this new guy's place, how you do it doesn't really matter, but you can't move on if you're storing her stuff. Get that done as soon as possible, then go NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I agree with the above advice to move on and put this chapter behind you. It's gotten too messy and that can't easily be undone. The fact she moved in with you so quickly and has now done the same with this new guy is a big red flag. Her son is going to one day feel the consequences of this instability. Whose idea was it for you two to live together so soon? You mention a babysitter would have been too expensive, so can I assume the money earned from her job went towards household expenses, her son and the like? I think he's not exactly a rebound because she had already checked out of your relationship enough to get cozy with another man. That's not to say she won't regret her decision - she might. But I wouldn't let her back anyway; why would want to? You've seen what she is capable of. Get her belongings out of your house. Don't act as her storage facility while she plays house with someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 it was kind of both of our idea to move in together. we dated for a few months and woukd only see each other on the weekends because she lived in another city and had to work. yes all of our money went to house expenses and her son, we have since spoke a few times and she's told me she misses me and wants to come over to go through her stuff, I feel like she does regret leaving because I was good to her and this new guy is a joke. he can't provide like I can and I think we hit a rough patch and she may have got the gigs but I don't really know yet. I have gone NC and very low lc here and there to ask about her son bc he was like a son to me. I do appreciate any advice given and I do consider it all its just a rough situation I've never loved another girl this much and I've had several long term relationships that didn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 You need to cut ties. I know it's hard, but it doesn't matter why she did this - the point is that she was behaving inappropriately with another man. She could have handled that a number of different ways, but look at the way she chose. What does that tell you about her character and her level of respect for you? Being a provider is great and all, but she doesn't place a lot of importance on it. Clearly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Refocus on you and what you need to do to make yourself whole again. Her son is hers. You are admirable for your care but you have no legal or social need to remain invested. Focus on taking that part of you and invest it in yourself. I hope she took her things by now. With time you'll feel inside you could never take her back. She has very little respect for you to do what she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 thanks for the advice guys, here's an update on my situation. Today she told me that she misses me alot but she knows that we are too different and want different things in life, which to me just sounds like an excuse. She also said that she has moments where she wishes she woukd have tried harder to stay with me. I asked her what's stopping her from trying and she said that she also has strong feelings for this other guy and doesn't know what she wants. ... any advice after this guy's or girls Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Allow me to translate: Today she told me that she misses me alot but she knows that we are too different and want different things in life "I miss you" does not mean "I want to be with you." I sometimes miss some of my exes, but I don't want to be with any of them again. which to me just sounds like an excuse. No, it's her reason. She also said that she has moments where she wishes she woukd have tried harder to stay with me. It's normal to feel some regrets about how we handled certain things in a relationship. Those are the sorts of realizations we hopefully can have after so that we may possibly avoid similar behavior with the next relationship. I asked her what's stopping her from trying and she said that she also has strong feelings for this other guy and doesn't know what she wants Whatever she does want, it's not you. She's all but telling you that she wants another guy, but she may reconsider you if things don't pan out with him. ... any advice after this guy's or girls Yes. Move along. You are, at best, Plan B to this woman now. It's easier said than done, but these are the situations where we must acknowledge that we deserve a better partner than the person who views us as the consolation prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Trinity7 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Oh man, I'm sorry, that sucks I'd really try to stay no contact if you can stand it.. If she's having doubts about her decision, your silence will make her miss you more. But you really should think hard about whether or not you truly want her back-- you would never trust her again, and that would eat at you and ruin the reconciled relationship.. It's hard to face, but I don't think you'd be happy in the long run. Good luck with whatever you do though x Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 thanks guys it is extremely hard especially considering that I have depression already and bi polar disorder but I'm sticking to no contact to see how things play out...any more advice or other people's experiences are always welcome Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Your an idiot.. you should have let her go once you knew she was leaving anyway. Is she really worth getting arrested over? Get a job, get your life on track and find yourself a lady that wants to be with you. Stop being possessive, women tend to run very fast away (into the arms of) other men when their man/ex is possessive. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Your an idiot. Delicious irony. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 I'm not possessive I just wanted to kick the guys ass but he was a pussy and called the cops Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I'm not possessive I just wanted to kick the guys ass but he was a pussy and called the cops Your mindset about this is very immature, OP. Yours were not the actions of a grown man but a hot-headed frat boy. That is not attractive to us ladies. Sorry, but he was right not to engage you. Having said that, it's clear she's not into you anymore. She already chose someone else. Don't allow yourself to be Plan B. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I'm not possessive I just wanted to kick the guys ass but he was a pussy and called the cops You understand that this sentence sounds like it came from someone who's incredibly possessive, right? She's not some piece of property that you can get into a donnybrook over. Truthfully, I would've called the cops, too, man. I'd rather be deemed a "p*ssy" that get into a physical altercation that could have much worse ramifications than name-calling over my reluctance to "put 'em up." Your ex is a grown woman who made her own choices regarding this. She wasn't forced or duped or manipulated to hook up with this guy. Anyway, she's gone, man. Take some solace in that it was almost certainly for the best, and you have the added benefit of knowing what not to do if you should ever find yourself in another situation like this again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 OKay, here's the deal. She ran like a coward! She also had a hand in throwing you in jail!!!!!!!! This bitch isn't worth it! You need to collect up all of her crap and haul it all over to this other douche rockets place. Leave it all on the front step. And then go full and complete NC on her. Focus on you and your healing. Focus on your mental health and then start making positive chances to your life.. If she reaches out to you, ignore it! With her keeping things at your place is an anchor for her. A reason too contact you. Hand all that stuff back. She'll have a hard time coming up with a reason to contact you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Even if it's a rebound. Why would you want someone who treated you that way back?. Evaluate this and learn and move on. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 yea I know I was acting a little crazy at first but love makes us do crazy things sometimes. anyways I've accepted the breakup it still hurts and she still tries to talk to me about things but I'm just sticking to no contact thanks for the replies Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 my gf broke up with me 7 weeks ago after we argued pretty badly the night she decided to leave. we have stayed in low contact since and she's reached out to me several times. she started dating a guy coworker after we broke up because he was always there kissing ass and complimenting her while we were falling apart. she told me recently that she misses me and loves me but staying with me isn't good for her because I wasn't affectionate enough and didn't encourage her. OK let me say I definetly take credit for that I know I didn't show her how much she meant to keep and I wasn't always in the best of moods or hugged her when she came home from work. I know I ****ed up and I've been fixing my issues to be a better person. I've told her a few times how I feel and that if I had another chance I could show her I can be better and she doesn't believe me. she thinks I'll fall back into routine or that I won't forgive her for being with someone else after we broke up. we'll I am a forgiving person and I know I was being selfish in the relationship and took her and her son for granted but I'm willing to be better for her because I truly do love her. I've thought long and hard about this over the past 6 weeks and I do want her and no one else, she makes me happier than anyone else ever has and we make each other better when we're together. my question is do you think I have a shot of gettin her back if I straighten up my act and show her compassion and encouragement until her rebound fails or should I just forget it and move on which is not what I want to do but advice helps Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Nope, she's gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 she doesn't believe me. she thinks I'll fall back into routine or that I won't forgive her for being with someone else after we broke up. my question is do you think I have a shot of gettin her back if I straighten up my act and show her compassion and encouragement until her rebound fails or should I just forget it and move on which is not what I want to do but advice helps Take it from your own words, "she doesn't believe you." The not forgiving for the rebound guy is a small breadcrumb wrapped codephrase trying to push you away gently. You have no shot. 0% chance and need to act like it. forget her. You do not want to forget it. I do not want it in my own situation, but it is what you and I need. forget her. It's over. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 She's already fallen for someone else. Chances are slim to none that she will come back to you. Sorry OP. You need to let go of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I was in a similar situation. Talking from experience, you have to stop contacting her and disappear from her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris71087 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 densel did you get another chance after no contact and disappearing Link to post Share on other sites
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