Worried about future in laws influence on other daughter

[ChickiePops]

She came up to me today and asked "do you hate me?" With tears in her beautiful eyes... the second I said no she started sobbing. I just held her in my arms and kissed her head.

 

We talked for a long time about things that were bugging her, or making her sad. I didn't say anything about the stuff that I'm dealing with. It just didn't feel like it was the right time for that because she was so upset. She told me it hurt her when I stopped asking my who, what, when, where why, and how type questions before she goes out. She told me her friends wish their dads were like me because I always know what's going on. She knows it's to keep her safe. I promised her I'd never not ask them again, and I'd never be able to hate her.

 

I'm sad she felt that way. I never have felt anger or hatred for her. It's been disappointment sure, but never those things... I love her so much. She spent the whole day about two steps behind me, it was like she needed me or something.

 

YAY! BREAKTHROUGH!!! This is what I and some other posters have been telling you all along.

 

Of COURSE she needs you, you're her daddy. She will ALWAYS need you. Asking all those questions, while she might roll her eyes at you, is a way of showing her that you care about her. Kids secretly love it when their parents worry about them.

 

 

I'm SO glad she spoke up and that you had this conversation with her. She sounds like a very bright and mature young woman.

[BaileyB]

That's a conversation she and my wife have had already. So, hopefully, she listened. I think my wife got her on the pill a while back because I know she was getting really sick every month.

 

I just really wish we hadn't found ourselves in this situation. In a few months it's out of my hands anyway, but I wish he hadn't encouraged her.

 

I know she didn't do any of this to hurt someone, or for spite. I think she really does like him, and if I'm honest with myself I think it was obvious. He's a good looking guy. He's a nice, intelligent, respectful (well, before this...) kid. So I'm not confused about why she likes him. I'm just mad at no one taking her age into consideration.

 

Of course you wish that you were not in this situation. I think that's only to be expected... But sadly, you are in this situation so you have to deal with it - realistically. Unfortunately, if she wants to have sex, the sad fact is that she will find a way. So, the best you can do now is keep talking with her, give her your opinion that you wish she would wait, but also give her the information she needs to be safe.

 

Love is blind, especially when you are 17 and its your "first love." It's all about hormones at this age... But, based on what you have described, you have raised a smart girl! She wants to make your proud and she clearly cares for you a lot! You have done something right... So, stay with her. Talk with her. Listen to her. You may not agree with her decisions, but you still need to love her and guide her, as best you can. You are doing a wonderful job and she is a lucky girl to have you as her father!

[West.]

She got her wisdom teeth removed ealier today, or yesterday, and he text me asking if he can come see her... I told him he couldn't tonight but I'd think about tomorrow.

 

I guess I should say yes, but I'm so put off by the whole thing I don't know what to do.

[lightfoot]

Excuse me, but you sound like a complete nightmare of a parent. Invading your daughter's privacy, taking away her phone and car, airing her dirty laundry, and creating such a huge scene because she (gulp!) sexted a guy. Was it really necessary? Couldn't you have just sat down and talked to her about it? Seventeen and twenty-six is not that big of an age difference, it happens. Honestly, the maturity level of a 17-year-old girl and mid-20s guy are not that different anymore. People are staying young and dumb a lot longer nowadays (in part because their parents treat them like children!). There have been such relationships on the forum and nobody ever threatened the poster with prison time. At seventeen your daughter is almost certainly of legal age (eighteen is the age of consent in only ten states) and will be an official adult in a matter of months. And why do you put all of the blame on the guy anyway? I would stop treating your 17-year-old like a seven-year-old because it's going to be a miracle if she's open and comfortable with you about her personal life after this.

 

Sometimes it's better to do nothing at all than to do too much.

Edited October 12, 2016 by lightfoot

[ChickiePops]

She got her wisdom teeth removed ealier today, or yesterday, and he text me asking if he can come see her... I told him he couldn't tonight but I'd think about tomorrow.

 

I guess I should say yes, but I'm so put off by the whole thing I don't know what to do.

 

Yup..you should say yes.

[West.]

I did end up letting him come over. He was very nice and respectful towards me, and very sweet to her. He brought her flowers and popsicles. I thought it was nice of him to do and she seemed to start feeling better once he was here.

So regardless of how I feel about it, I'm glad there was a good outcome.

 

My other daughter's in laws text me too hoping she was feeling better. It's the first time I've heard from them since our exchange. The wedding is at the end of the month so I guess we should start mending the bridge.

[West.]

She's been really affectionate towards me since I laid off about him. It's a little strange because she's never been my snuggler. We were walking through the stores together and she just clung to my arm the whole time. Every time she comes home from school she comes and finds me and has to hug me for long periods of time...

 

I'm not complaining, but it's been a little strange. I don't understand why she's being like this all the sudden.