Meltdown

[loveiswar101]

Hey All,

 

Haven't wrote for a while as been so lost. Today im having the worst meltdown feelings to date. Still chasing a woman who has no interest in me, yet we have still hung out. The last week Ive said no more but through desperation of loneliness and never meeting anyone again I have bombarded her with text messages, only for her to say she will miss me but if it's what i want i must do it. I feel a fool, desperate and needy, worst of all I can't stop myself.

 

Just needed to tell someone, thanks for listening guys. Sure some will read.

[Satu]

snip

*I can't stop myself.

 

 

Sorry that you're struggling so.

 

*Actually you can, but you don't really want to yet.

 

You have full control of yourself at all times.

 

But what I'm seeing here, are Manic Defences. (Nothing to do with Bipolar.)

 

You are trying to use her as magic charm, to protect you from an overwhelming feeling of generalised loss.

 

That would be the loss of this relationship, and earlier instances of loss of various kinds, prior to this one.

 

Think about earlier in your life:

 

 

"Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic, and you can have it and instantly erase all of the pains I just outlined.

 

Every area of life that lends itself to the possibility that there might be magic will be seized for the use as magic. If I put on mom’s bra, it will magically give me breasts and I can feed myself. If I pick up daddy’s cordless drill, I will be able to do anything he can do, maybe even marry mom and be her husband."

 

 

You believe that she can take away your pain, but thats impossible.

 

 

None of this about her.

 

Its all about you.

 

 

You need to face up to your pain, own it, and heal it.

 

That would be easier to do with the aid of a therapist.

 

 

You need to strengthen your Sense of Agency:

 

 

"Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change."

 

 

This is all doable.

 

 

Spend some time alone, in therapy, and you'll find your way forward.

 

 

Take care.

[loveiswar101]

You believe that she can take away your pain, but thats impossible.

 

 

None of this about her.

 

Its all about you.

 

Thank you for taking the time out Satu

 

I just so hard...going from wanted to not wanted anymore by the one person you care for is the worst feeling I have ever encountered.

 

But you are right, I need to own the situation.

[Satu]

You believe that she can take away your pain, but thats impossible.

 

 

None of this about her.

 

Its all about you.

 

Thank you for taking the time out Satu

 

I just so hard...going from wanted to not wanted anymore by the one person you care for is the worst feeling I have ever encountered.

 

But you are right, I need to own the situation.

 

All the pain and desperation is self-created.

 

What we make we can unmake.

 

Nobody can do it for us.

 

That means we have to do it, each for ourselves alone.

 

 

Take care.

Edited June 18, 2016 by Satu

[bummer]

I just so hard...going from wanted to not wanted anymore by the one person you care for is the worst feeling I have ever encountered.

 

But you are right, I need to own the situation.

 

Surely you also care for at least one other relative, friend, or a close pet?

 

Love lost is perspective and strength gained. Make yourself stronger. We will listen.

[smudge21]

I made similar mistakes my friend and it too took my a long time to get off that rollercoaster. It's like an addiction to a bad drug; you know it's killing you, yet you can't stop taking it. All I did was take a stand and block/delete all the past memories. It was tough at first but the less and less I heard from her, didn't see any pictures, nothing, then slowly I started to have days where she wouldn't enter my mind. She still does, even now months later, but it's only distant memories, usually of the person I thought she was - not who she turned out to be. Plus, her breadcrumbs started to show themselves to be as pathetic as they always were. Just random nonsence to get a reaction. They too eventually helped push her off that pedestal I'd put her on, as the person I loved would never be like that. It's only once you start to accept who they truly are (as opposed to who you want them to be) that you start to heal.