Trying to work it out [updated 2017-03-17]

[redbaron007]

She's pregnant. She is now tied to this guy she had a ONS with for ever and a day due to the child.

I can see why she may want to test the waters as to the possibility of a relationship developing, why not?

Practically and logically it makes perfect sense.

 

The bf now ex, made it perfectly clear where he stands, he kicked her out, the OP owes him nothing now.

 

I agree with Elaine....it's fair for Kailah to invest in exploring in getting together with the unborn child's father. If they can get it to work, it will be a happy ending for the new family. But Kailah would do well to take it slow going forward and let the new guy ease into her life (and that of their unborn child), rather than being too eager. I think Kailah had stated in an older thread that she is quite capable of taking care of the baby herself...she should exhibit the same kind of strength and not be a ping-pong ball shuttling between the two guys.

 

I also agree that Kailah should move on from her BF...both for his sake and for hers. He's obviously still traumatized from her betrayal and has bottled up anger that he vents ever so often. This will never really go away: The Infidelity thread is full of BHs in various stages of grief/anger/depression, and various BHs who claim they are successfully R'ed yet are still on this site. It totally sucks to be Kailah's BF and my sympathies lie with the young man, but he will recover and move on find someone who will be true to him. Right now, he is too traumatized to think straight.

[frus69]

I can see why she may want to test the waters as to the possibility of a relationship developing, .

By having sex with him again? Yeah that will work.

 

Also the fact that she wants to have sex with this stranger, is baffling to me. Is that normal right after a 4(?) year relationship with her ex who she was supposed to marry ? Unless that relationship was long dead

 

Sorry I think last thing she should be thinking about now is getting it on with this stranger dude.

[Jabron1]

If you want to believe I have no remorse then so be it.

 

You already betrayed your ex-boyfriend once, and you're doing it again. You are giving him the impression that you can get back together, whilst simultaneously shagging the other guy that you originally cheated on him with.

 

This thread has just been excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse.

 

Point proven......no accountability....

 

One of the most delusional threads that I've read on the Internets.

[Jabron1]

I look at things like this; as a guy, I know if I screw things up with a girl, I had better be ready to make it up to her. We all make mistakes, right? The more I screw up, the harder I will try to make amends for what I did. That's just what you do when you care about a person. In this scenario, it just seems like the OP expects her betrayed BF to be able to get over what she did and be happy to take her back. OP screwed her BF over in one of the most gut wrenching ways imaginable. IMO, if she really wants to work at rebuilding things with the guy, she should be bending over backwards to try and make things up to him for the pain she caused. So far, I see no real effort on her part.

 

Now she has him in reserve incase the one (two?) night stand guy doesn't work out

[Poutrew]

Yes. This thread is getting really bizarre. The OP needs to set the boyfriend free. It will never work out with him - he has too much latent hostility which he seems to have trouble being able to control, and the OP seems to be lining her ducks up in such a cold blooded way... Also, on a personal note, I would recommend the OP go in for a full neurological panel. There are many organic neurological causes that could explain her recent behaviors. Fortunately, they tend not to hit younger persons, but unfortunately, when they do, the outcome is never good...if it were me, I'd want to know...

[DKT3]

Yes. This thread is getting really bizarre. The OP needs to set the boyfriend free. It will never work out with him - he has too much latent hostility which he seems to have trouble being able to control, and the OP seems to be lining her ducks up in such a cold blooded way... Also, on a personal note, I would recommend the OP go in for a full neurological panel. There are many organic neurological causes that could explain her recent behaviors. Fortunately, they tend not to hit younger persons, but unfortunately, when they do, the outcome is never good...if it were me, I'd want to know...

 

I don't know about that, she is so young, and young people do dumb things as they grow and learn.

 

It's like the lyrics from that rascal flatts song bless the broken road

 

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

 

[Chorus:]

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

(Yes He did)

 

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

 

 

not every we date is meant to be forever, but being decent to people should be a must

[Space Ritual]

What an exasperating thread.

 

OP,

 

I know you are harping on your ex calling you names and the like but you can't control his behavior, only your own. Whatever he does in on him. Frankly, I am surprised he even considered reconciling with you. Most guys thrust into that position would have told you to hit the bricks. Him verbally abusing you is the least of your worries. Please just let him go.

 

Incidentally, have you broken the news to your parents that the guy who knocked you up was not some friend but a casual encounter? If not, are you planning on telling them or keeping them in the dark? If that has already been covered I apologize for missing it.

 

I simply don't understand why you would sleep with this guy a second time. If you thought that would bring him around I believe you were mistaken. All he did was get another piece of ass off of you. Seems like everything that you have done subsequent to the encounter has pretty much backfired from my Point of View.

 

 

If you have not gotten a lawyer, then you better get one retained quickly. I doubt any of this is going to go very smoothly. I doubt 2nd guy is going to just accept everything at face value especially after having sex with you a second time.

[bubbaganoosh]

He doesn't want it. We talked and he said multiple times that he doesn't want a baby or family. He's also not sold that it's his. He doesn't want it at all. He apologized for not using condoms and said he didn't know I wasn't on anything. I told him I had never done that before and he said "I know, me neither". And that he's clean. He kept reiterating that he doesn't want it and nothing will come of us because of it. He was calm and nice about it, but it still hurt more than I thought it would. A lot more than I thought it would actually. I started crying and it was really stupid and awkward. We exchanged phone numbers but that's probably the last time I'll hear from him.

 

After reading this, ^^^ I have to tell you that he's a bit late telling you he's not ready to be a parent or want a family.

 

That's a half ass excuse and the only thing going through his head is a way out without any consequences. What he seems to forget is that it takes two to make a baby and if he's man enough to jump in bed and have sex not knowing if he wrapped it or if you were on birth control, then that's too bad. Now he has a responsibility and if he tries to get out of it, then don't let him.

 

Fat lot of good it is to have a lawyer when the DNA test comes back that it's his. All I can offer you is that I wish you the best of luck and I hope whatever you choose to do works out for you.

[DreamP]

I look at things like this; as a guy, I know if I screw things up with a girl, I had better be ready to make it up to her. We all make mistakes, right? The more I screw up, the harder I will try to make amends for what I did. That's just what you do when you care about a person. In this scenario, it just seems like the OP expects her betrayed BF to be able to get over what she did and be happy to take her back. OP screwed her BF over in one of the most gut wrenching ways imaginable. IMO, if she really wants to work at rebuilding things with the guy, she should be bending over backwards to try and make things up to him for the pain she caused. So far, I see no real effort on her part.

 

Bending over backwards doesn't mean sitting back and taking his verbal abuse. That doesn't fix a relationship. It only festers a toxic one. Regardless of what anybody thinks the OP did wrong, she should never sit back and take that abuse from a potential romantic partner.

[DreamP]

Yes. This thread is getting really bizarre. The OP needs to set the boyfriend free. It will never work out with him - he has too much latent hostility which he seems to have trouble being able to control, and the OP seems to be lining her ducks up in such a cold blooded way... Also, on a personal note, I would recommend the OP go in for a full neurological panel. There are many organic neurological causes that could explain her recent behaviors. Fortunately, they tend not to hit younger persons, but unfortunately, when they do, the outcome is never good...if it were me, I'd want to know...

 

I find it extremely disturbing that you jump to a medical dysfunction because a woman has sex in a way society disagrees with and isn't showing enough remorse according to other people's standards. Talk about vilifying female sexuality. I double you would have jumped to the same conclusion if a man said this. I have read enough post here about men cheating, doing it over and over, being a disposable human being. But nobody ever quested his mental health.

[Imajerk17]

No, it didn't happen just as you said. You said I had on ongoing relationship with him, I don't. Nor did I plan to hook up with him the first time (or second time for that matter). And nor did I know of his existence on this planet before I met him at that party.

 

 

 

Regardless, I think there is no way the relationship is salvageable.

 

 

 

It was a mistake that shouldn't have happened. But I didn't think that until after he said it was a mistake. I thought, maybe, he was starting to come around and wanted to be part of our lives. But apparently I was wrong.

 

 

Well, whether you *planned* on hooking up with your ONS (or since you had sex twice, your TNS) hardly matters. What does matter is that you hooked up with him *anyway*. Twice in fact. In fact, I'd even say it is WORSE that it wasn't your intention to hook up with him--see below.

 

This very post makes me think that things between you and your ex are not salvageable. The fundamental problem is that you and your ex are on completely different teams here. Your ex, on the one hand, wants a partner who will honour him and only him. If he were to get back with you, he would need you to focus on HIM, including repairing the damage to your relationship with him. You, on the other hand, are now all about your coming baby (with another man), and so you are making all of your decisions in the baby's best interests, which are NOT AT ALL your ex's.

 

You clearly want the biological father of your child to be involved, the more the better. If your ONS were to come around and say that he wants to have a bigger role in yours and the child's life, you clearly would welcome that. Of course--it is in the best interests of your baby. Your ex probably would NOT want that though, and rightfully so. I mean, he would already be making a huge sacrifice sticking around helping to raise the biological child of the guy you cheated with, even if the guy was completely out of the picture. If the guy you cheated with were to stick around, it would be that much worse. Your ex would also have to accept that the guy you cheated on him with is a regular part of your lives. That sucks enough, but also, your ex's relationship with your baby would change if the other guy were to stick around. Your ex would still be doing a lot of the work and making all these lifestyle sacrifices, but if the other guy is still around, your ex would NOT be known as Dad. How would you plan on honouring your ex as your partner w that arrangement?

 

What makes it worse still is that you mentioned that hookups with your ONS "just happen" without your planning or intention. Scary.

 

I already get that your ONS does not want to be involved now, but the option is his to change his mind.

 

I would tell your ex to just wash his hands of this mess and walk away.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Imajerk17

[drifter777]

Okay. HERE is the condensed version. I would very much like to move past what this thread was originally about. That's done. Which is why I made a new one but understand why they were merged.

 

-I had/have a BF of 4 years, we lived together and marriage was in the near future. I was very happy and we had a great relationship.

 

-June 16 went out with my ex to try and work things out. Have not told him about what happened after the ultrasound. He was sleeping with other people, I did the same.

He slept with random girls after you cheated and got pregnant with another mans child. You selected the guy that knocked you up and chose to have more sex with him. With this context I don't see these two situations as being the same thing.

 

You chose your bed, literally, and now you need to own your choice and move forward with your life. You have a baby on the way and all of this drama currently going on isn't important at this time.

[Poutrew]

I find it extremely disturbing that you jump to a medical dysfunction because a woman has sex in a way society disagrees with and isn't showing enough remorse according to other people's standards. Talk about vilifying female sexuality. I double you would have jumped to the same conclusion if a man said this. I have read enough post here about men cheating, doing it over and over, being a disposable human being. But nobody ever quested his mental health.

 

The reason I brought up the possibility of a disease process is mainly because she doesn't know why it happened. The OP is honestly mystified as to why she did such a thing. You see, if it were just the result of getting drunk at a party, or even being slipped a mickey, she would be back to 'normal' once the substances cleared her system. But no, in the OP's case, the craziness continues. Even months later and she is justifying her reasons for her actions, but not in a convincing way. I am not trying to scare the girl, but degenerative brain disease works this way, and things slowly get worse. Look for example, at the signs and symptoms of frontotemporal dementia - this one can be horrendous, and mimics other causes in the beginning. Look up the posts by, I believe, Very Broken Man. And, yes, if the OP were a man I would still have the same recommendation.

[basil67]

It doesn't matter what I did, he still has no right to call me a s**t and constantly remind me of what I did. He can be hurt, and mad and upset, but he cannot verbally abuse me.

 

Considering what you did, it's completely understandable and not at all surprising that he would react in this way. However, you also have the right to walk away from him if you're not up to coping with his grief and anger at you.

[DKT3]

Considering what you did, it's completely understandable and not at all surprising that he would react in this way. However, you also have the right to walk away from him if you're not up to coping with his grief and anger at you.

 

Isn't it amazing how some people don't believe their actions should have reaction. "I know I cheated and got pregnant, but how dare you be upset about it and not be kissing my backside, just get over it already, I mean I said sorry, my bad" is what I've gotten from this thread.

[Cinnamonstix]

Isn't it amazing how some people don't believe their actions should have reaction. "I know I cheated and got pregnant, but how dare you be upset about it and not be kissing my backside, just get over it already, I mean I said sorry, my bad" is what I've gotten from this thread.

 

That's not the impression I got at all. Her ex is a verbally abusive ass who publicly shamed her. Have you read her other thread?

 

I'm sorry, but being cheated on does not give someone the right to be abusive. Keeping your **** together when **** hits the fan is called having integrity and good character. If he can't handle her actions, he should have just walked away with his head held high. She doesn't have to put up with it, and it sounds like she is choosing not to.

 

The difference between Kailah and her ex's actions are their intentions. Her ex intentionally tried to hurt her in the aftermath. Kailah did not intentionally try to hurt anyone at any point, even though people did get hurt.

[DKT3]

That's not the impression I got at all. Her ex is a verbally abusive ass who publicly shamed her. Have you read her other thread?

 

I'm sorry, but being cheated on does not give someone the right to be abusive. Keeping your **** together when **** hits the fan is called having integrity and good character. If he can't handle her actions, he should have just walked away with his head held high. She doesn't have to put up with it, and it sounds like she is choosing not to.

 

The difference between Kailah and her ex's actions are their intentions. Her ex intentionally tried to hurt her in the aftermath. Kailah did not intentionally try to hurt anyone at any point, even though people did get hurt.

 

Yeah that makes sense.

 

Maybe you should read the infidelity side, exposure is common. Cheating is abuse, I simply don't get this sense of entitlement. So what your saying is cheating and getting pregnant is ok because her intentions wasn't to hurt him? But him being angry about it isn't ok because he is trying to hurt her?

[DKT3]

Also if you treat someone poorly you should expect to be treated poorly in return. I could see your point if this was his behavior prior but it wasn't.

 

The entitlement is outrageous.

[kailah]

To make is easier I'm going to call my ONS Derek.

 

When I slept with Derek the first time I had no intention to do it. When my ex decided to post what I did on facebook and tag me in it, he chose to do that and thought it out. When he told me he was sleeping with other people he said that to hurt me, whether it was true or not. When he texted me a picture of him laying in bed with another girl he chose to do that and the intent was to hurt me. Every single time that he has called me out, called me names, told me to get aids and die, he did that with the intent to hurt me. When he continues to say things just to make me feel bad, he is intending to hurt me.

 

When I slept with Derek the second time I had no intention of hurting my ex. Why? Because he was my EX and at that point there was no talk of us getting back together. He would bring it up, followed by verbally abusing me. Up until that point I had not said "let's try and work it out" nor had I given him hints that I wanted to. I told him that I couldn't deal with it at that point.

 

So there I was, in no way expecting to get back with my ex and Derek led me to believe (whether he meant to or not I do not know) that there might be some sort of chance between us. After the sex he said there was no chance of us being together, that he didn't want to be with me, didn't see me that way and didn't want to spend his life with me.

 

After that was when I decided to try again with my ex. We went out once and even while we were out he threw in some punches. It really showed me that he is in no place to try and work it out. I will not be verbally abused. I don't know if he will ever be in the place to work it out but right now he is not there.

 

And that is fine, and expected. I was not running to him begging him to take me back. I KNOW he deserves better. I KNOW I don't deserve him (not this version of him, no one deserves that). I KNOW I messed up. I KNOW I'm a terrible person for cheating. I KNOW that he is hurting. I KNOW that I am the reason for his pain. I also know that his actions are not acceptable. It doesn't matter what I do to try and make the situation better, his actions do not change.

 

Never have I said "Oh just get over it" or anything along those lines." It's something that I expect to hurt him for a long time. He is not making it any easier to want to be with him. Why would I work my *** off for a guy that thinks it is okay to verbally abuse me daily? Why would I show someone like that how much I am sorry or want to make it up to him? He is ruining the relationship faster than I can say sorry because of what he is doing.

 

If he truly wanted to work it out HE would put some effort in as well. I'm not asking for a lot, simply to not be verbally abused and called a **** every day. For a relationship to work out BOTH parties need to be on board, and he does not show that he is on board.

 

When exactly am I supposed to try and make it up to him? On the ONE date we have been on since? In between texts of him calling me a ****? Or how about when he is asking for exact details of what happened. It doesn't matter what I do, he won't accept it. He just wants to treat me poorly.

 

And NO, two wrongs do not make a right. You cannot decide to abuse someone because you were cheated on. How well do you think that would hold up in court? You don't get to do something just because someone else did something. You don't get to make it your life goal to try and get back at someone that you claim to want a relationship with. I will say it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.

 

I also know that it was stupid to sleep with Derek a second time. I know that it was stupid for me to think he was interested. Because of what we did that day (ultrasound) I thought things were a lot more real to him. And you know what? I still have hope that things will change. I'm not saying I want to jump into a marriage and live happily ever after. But I would like to get to know him and see if there is anything there or could ever be something there.

 

I firmly believe that two parents who get along and love each other and are happy to be together is a better family life for the child. And if I can make that happen for my child then I want to. I don't want to just walk away without ever having tried. Maybe we would get to know each other and realize we don't see each other that way but we became friends out of it. And that is the next best thing. I don't want to not know who my child's father is. That is a very scary thought when (if he decides to) he will have alone time with the child. I want to know him and trust him with my child's life.

 

You can think all you want that I have no remorse, no empathy and I'm entitled. It is clear who is projecting here, not only to myself. You are taking the information that you want and running with it. It doesn't matter what I tell you, you have your mind made up. So go. You are not helping and the point of this forum is to offer support and help people, you are not doing that in any way.

[DKT3]

To make is easier I'm going to call my ONS Derek.

 

When I slept with Derek the first time I had no intention to do it. When my ex decided to post what I did on facebook and tag me in it, he chose to do that and thought it out. When he told me he was sleeping with other people he said that to hurt me, whether it was true or not. When he texted me a picture of him laying in bed with another girl he chose to do that and the intent was to hurt me. Every single time that he has called me out, called me names, told me to get aids and die, he did that with the intent to hurt me. When he continues to say things just to make me feel bad, he is intending to hurt me.

 

When I slept with Derek the second time I had no intention of hurting my ex. Why? Because he was my EX and at that point there was no talk of us getting back together. He would bring it up, followed by verbally abusing me. Up until that point I had not said "let's try and work it out" nor had I given him hints that I wanted to. I told him that I couldn't deal with it at that point.

 

So there I was, in no way expecting to get back with my ex and Derek led me to believe (whether he meant to or not I do not know) that there might be some sort of chance between us. After the sex he said there was no chance of us being together, that he didn't want to be with me, didn't see me that way and didn't want to spend his life with me.

 

After that was when I decided to try again with my ex. We went out once and even while we were out he threw in some punches. It really showed me that he is in no place to try and work it out. I will not be verbally abused. I don't know if he will ever be in the place to work it out but right now he is not there.

 

And that is fine, and expected. I was not running to him begging him to take me back. I KNOW he deserves better. I KNOW I don't deserve him (not this version of him, no one deserves that). I KNOW I messed up. I KNOW I'm a terrible person for cheating. I KNOW that he is hurting. I KNOW that I am the reason for his pain. I also know that his actions are not acceptable. It doesn't matter what I do to try and make the situation better, his actions do not change.

 

Never have I said "Oh just get over it" or anything along those lines." It's something that I expect to hurt him for a long time. He is not making it any easier to want to be with him. Why would I work my *** off for a guy that thinks it is okay to verbally abuse me daily? Why would I show someone like that how much I am sorry or want to make it up to him? He is ruining the relationship faster than I can say sorry because of what he is doing.

 

If he truly wanted to work it out HE would put some effort in as well. I'm not asking for a lot, simply to not be verbally abused and called a **** every day. For a relationship to work out BOTH parties need to be on board, and he does not show that he is on board.

 

When exactly am I supposed to try and make it up to him? On the ONE date we have been on since? In between texts of him calling me a ****? Or how about when he is asking for exact details of what happened. It doesn't matter what I do, he won't accept it. He just wants to treat me poorly.

 

And NO, two wrongs do not make a right. You cannot decide to abuse someone because you were cheated on. How well do you think that would hold up in court? You don't get to do something just because someone else did something. You don't get to make it your life goal to try and get back at someone that you claim to want a relationship with. I will say it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.

 

I also know that it was stupid to sleep with Derek a second time. I know that it was stupid for me to think he was interested. Because of what we did that day (ultrasound) I thought things were a lot more real to him. And you know what? I still have hope that things will change. I'm not saying I want to jump into a marriage and live happily ever after. But I would like to get to know him and see if there is anything there or could ever be something there.

 

I firmly believe that two parents who get along and love each other and are happy to be together is a better family life for the child. And if I can make that happen for my child then I want to. I don't want to just walk away without ever having tried. Maybe we would get to know each other and realize we don't see each other that way but we became friends out of it. And that is the next best thing. I don't want to not know who my child's father is. That is a very scary thought when (if he decides to) he will have alone time with the child. I want to know him and trust him with my child's life.

 

You can think all you want that I have no remorse, no empathy and I'm entitled. It is clear who is projecting here, not only to myself. You are taking the information that you want and running with it. It doesn't matter what I tell you, you have your mind made up. So go. You are not helping and the point of this forum is to offer support and help people, you are not doing that in any way.

 

You simply don't get it. If you recall I said the two of you are immature and not capable of handling this situation. I never once said it was ok for him to call you names, however your simply using it as justification for your behavior. You want to chase this other guy and don't want to look horrible for wanting to do so.

 

Truth is the odds were almost zero that your ex would stay with you anyways, not only because what you did, but Because you just don't get it. You aren't equipped with the skills, not to mention you clear don't love the guy. I mean you were willing to toss him for someone you claim you just met and has no interest in you above your belt line.

 

You two being apart is best, one day down the line you will get it....

[RecentChange]

I agree that they should be apart.

 

But hurt or not hurt,thag is no excuse for abuse. And I do not agree that a drunken ONS is abuse.

 

I have been cheated on, and have cheated, neither of us treated each as viciously or tried to inflict hurt like the ex boy friend here has.

 

He has shown his colors and shouldn't be a part of your life OP. That's the long and short of it.

 

You are young. And making mistake after mistake. In your situation I am confident that I would have not made the same choices (keeping the pregnancy. Attempting a desperate relationship with "Derek", allowing the ex to continue to abuse you while you are pregnant and hormonal).

 

You have choosen to keep this pregnancy. That has to become prioro#1, enough of this trying to have men in your life. Not the ex bf, not the baby daddy, not the next guy who gives you sincere smile.

 

You are in no place mentally to carry on a relationship, and you won't be for a while as you haven choosen to become a mother in this circumstance.

 

Basically lay off the dick. Go to counseling. Keep your career focus. Enough of this drama. It's time to get your head on straight.

 

It's like arguing, it takes two. You can choose to participate in all of this nonsense, or not.

[frus69]

You want to chase this other guy and don't want to look horrible for wanting to do so.

 

...

I feel the same. Sure the ex did the wrong thing, but still

I feel OP wants to chase this other guy and using excuses like "my ex treats me horribly" and "it's best for my babe". It sounds like she did all this for her babe, she slept with Dereck again "for her babe". No I doubt it. It's mostly for herself. I also feel if Dereck comes around she will have sex with him again. Because she's "dumb" around him, whatever it means.

And it's not really all for the babe, more because she wants him herself.

 

I think her old relationship is broken beyond repair and don't think it should be repaired either. Good luck with her and Dereck although her move of getting him (having sex) is not gonna work.

Edited June 21, 2016 by frus69

[Jabron1]

You are taking the information that you want and running with it. It doesn't matter what I tell you, you have your mind made up.

 

We kind of have to, love. Your information is all over the place, and doesn't seem to be based in any kind of reality.

 

I've literally never seen such a bad case of the rationalization hamster.

 

You expect people to just accept stuff unquestioningly?

 

Wasn't the guy you're pursuing supposed to be a 'rapist'? Or is that brushed under the carpet now that the excuse of "not remembering" didn't work on the ex?

 

Just what on earth is going on here anyway?

 

You are not helping and the point of this forum is to offer support and help people, you are not doing that in any way.

 

The greatest help I can offer you is to tell you to start accepting reality. I really mean that.

[Try]

-June 10 had the ultrasound, he showed up but left immediately after it started. We went to talk after, after talking for 2 hours he kissed me. That led to being at his place and having sex. My emotions got the best of me and I wasn't thinking logically. I stupidly thought he was changing his mind. I'm dumb when it comes to him.

But how long am I supposed to put up with it? It's not okay.

You did not just cheat. You are now carrying another man's child, so that your ex does not even have the option of being able to try to forgive and forget. Also, you recently slept with the other man again in the hopes that "he was changing his mind" about a long term relationship with you, because you are "dumb when it comes to him", yet expect that your ex is suppose to be moving on and forgiving you already?

 

Your boyfriend was in love with you, yet he is faced with the fact that being with you means raising another man's child and being forced to allow the other man to remain in your life because of the child. And yet you have very little empathy and patients for why he is still angry? If your ex was posting, I would be telling him to run.

[Cinnamonstix]

Yeah that makes sense.

 

Maybe you should read the infidelity side, exposure is common. Cheating is abuse, I simply don't get this sense of entitlement. So what your saying is cheating and getting pregnant is ok because her intentions wasn't to hurt him? But him being angry about it isn't ok because he is trying to hurt her?

 

Also if you treat someone poorly you should expect to be treated poorly in return. I could see your point if this was his behavior prior but it wasn't.

 

You're twisting my words. I have read the infidelity side. Each situation is unique. Her ex actually cheated on all of his previous gf's, so that makes his reaction all the more hypocritical and appalling. She is the one posting here, not her ex or the baby's father. So we are advising her.

 

The entitlement is outrageous.

 

No one has indicated that she was entitled to cheat or to sleep with the other guy again. The situation is super messy. I think she should leave both guys behind.