Trying to work it out [updated 2017-03-17]

[kailah]

Well you now have a definitive answers as to how your life will go with him in it.

 

I'm sorry that the consequences of your initial actions have seem to really multiplied, but such is life.

 

That said, if I were in your position, I would consider asking him to waive any parental rights once the baby is born. Simple fact of the matter is that although you would like to have him provide financial support, that support, as you have come to realize will come at great cost to you, and you baby. On top of that, if he has impregnated someone else, rest assured he is plating the same games with her as he is with you.

 

I would advise you, in the best interest of yourself and your child to allow this guy to absolve any and all parental rights. As heartbreaking as that seems, are you ready to deal with this constant back and forth with this guy for the next 18 years of your life? Now that he has another child too, do you really think in your heart of hearts he would actually do the right thing by you financially at all?

 

Letting him walk so you can have some peace of mind is a small price to pay compared to an uncertain future dealing with this assclown being part of your life in any capacity other than a bad memory.

I'm very sorry this keeps snowballing on you.

 

Good luck

 

Right when I think life can't get any worse or more complicated, it does. It's like, how much more can possibly go wrong. It could be worse, I know. I'm healthy, my baby is healthy, I have support, my bf/ex is giving me a second chance and really supporting me right now.

 

I have tried to talk to him and have him sign over his rights (for adoption). He is 100% against it soley because he doesn't want to look bad (cause being a deadbeat a-hole is so much better...) and wants to make me miserable. He said he will never sign them over.

 

I wish he would sign them over. On one hand I feel like total crap for choosing that for my babies dad. And I feel horrible that they won't have a father or a deadbeat. And it's unfair that he gets to do this (multiple times) and walk scot-free. But he's going to make my life miserable.

Edited October 19, 2016 by kailah

[AMJ]

He will disappear as soon as this all starts getting real. As soon as he's required to pay child support for two babies he will likely drift far, far away. I don't know what you expect or want from him at this point, because he sounds like a horrible person (and saying "drunk girls deserve to get F*&%ed" is the mindset of a rapist, no doubt) and you shouldn't even want a guy like this to be around your child.

 

I feel really, really bad for your situation. I think staying far away from that guy is one of the best things you can do to take care of yourself. Get a restraining order if necessary. Get a new phone number if you can't block him completely. He is abusive.

 

Him saying he wants to stick around just to make your life miserable...is just about the most immature and selfish reasoning possible. This is about raising a child now, everyone should be thinking about what is in the baby's best interest. He is not at all ready to be a father and will only be a horrible father if he even bothers trying.

 

Oh, and it can get worse. Much, much worse.

[doyathinkso]

Why, in God's name, are you still communicating with that jerk?

 

Shut him down.

 

Shut him out.

 

Block him.

 

Move if you have to.

[dpass]

If is goal is to make your life miserable he WILL get bored. It might take a few weeks, months but he will get bored. He'll probably surface once in a while when he gets bored and wants to stir up trouble or gets curious. That's a consequence you AND your baby have to deal with. That's why you don't have babies with strangers.

 

If he knocked up 2 women in 3 months imagine how many more half brothers and sisters could be out there. Some men get off on procreating as much as possible. If you are keeping that baby, the other baby may damn well be in its life. If he does get visitation courts will try to schedule them at the same time so siblings can bond. It would be in your best interests to be friendly to that other child and it's mother. That's what happens when you gave sex with and choose to keep a baby by a complete stranger.

 

Are you keeping the text messages were he says these vile things? You can use them against him to get sole custody or perhaps have his rights revoked for the adoption to go through.

 

He probably isn't treating that other woman any better than you. She may think you are being treated so she just says that, or is jealous and wants to make you jealous. A turd covered in gold is still a turd.

 

And yes ,it can get a hell of a lot worse. Expect it to. Thus is your life from now on. Don't expect your boyfriend to be able to handle the stress of your baby daddy (who may purposely try and sabotage you) and raise a kid who is not his and a product of you cheating.

[kailah]

Oh, and it can get worse. Much, much worse.

 

I really hope that it doesn't get worse.... I don't think I can take much more stress at this point.

 

It makes me feel like a terrible person but I really hope that he disappears. No father has to be better than a crappy father. I'm sure there would be a father role in her life at some point. At this point... I just want him to go away. I changed my number today so he can't call or text me. He could still message me on Facebook, I ignore the messages. I don't want him around this baby and that's a large reason I have been leaning towards adoption, which he won't agree to at all.

 

Why, in God's name, are you still communicating with that jerk?

 

I'm trying not to, I wish I wouldn't have to again. At this point the only reason there is any contact is to try and talk about adoption, tell him when the baby is born and if there are any issues throughout the pregnancy. I got a new number today and he doesn't have it.

 

It's a bit difficult because he is such an ass. Then he turns around and is nice and sweet and I don't get it. Is he just trying to play me or trying to be break through all the jerk and be a decent person. I give the benefit of the doubt too much...

 

If he knocked up 2 women in 3 months imagine how many more half brothers and sisters could be out there. Some men get off on procreating as much as possible. If you are keeping that baby, the other baby may damn well be in its life. If he does get visitation courts will try to schedule them at the same time so siblings can bond. It would be in your best interests to be friendly to that other child and it's mother. That's what happens when you gave sex with and choose to keep a baby by a complete stranger.

 

Are you keeping the text messages were he says these vile things? You can use them against him to get sole custody or perhaps have his rights revoked for the adoption to go through.

 

I really don't want to have anything to do with the other girl. Biological half-siblings doesn't mean they have to be close. All they share is the sperm donor. I understand that they might want to know each other one day, if they knew about each other. It just seems too messy. You are right though, if he does get custody (god forbid) then they would likely be together sometimes. I still don't want anything to do with her though... If there are more, it's not realistic to be-friend all of them and take them in as family...

 

I do keep copies of what messages he does send. A lot of what he has said has been over the phone or in person. Adoption isn't easy here. They will try and find family to take the baby before placing for adoption, without his clear consent they will never do it.

 

I know that he might have a hard time with another guys baby in our lives. He would be happier if the adoption went through... but he wants to try regardless. He is unsure of his place in it all. He wants to support me but doesn't want to step on any toes or cross a boundary. We are going slow and trying to focus on just us before bringing the baby into it. I hope that things can work out, but I won't be surprised if they don't. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst mentality. I really don't want the other guy to attempt to ruin our relationship... It will be hard enough with him in our lives without him meddling.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I must commend you on how you're handling all of this but I would advise you to let your ex boyfriend go because he deserves better than being with a woman who has done what you have done to him. You've acknowledged this and I think it's selfish to keep him around. Let him go and stand on your own two feet is my advice to you.

[doyathinkso]

Good on you for changing your number. Keep on in that vein. Make yourself totally unavailable to him. Keep changing your number and email and block him on social media. Change your address as soon as you can.

Just keep contact to zero until he forgets about you. That boy's just not right.

Whatever you do do not have his name on the birth certificate.

The adoption agency should have legal counsel to help you out. If they don't maybe check with other agencies until you find one that can be of use. I don't know about the legal situation in your part of the world, but I can't imagine that a man who in all likelihood drugged and raped you has any leg to stand on in court if it comes to that.

Edited October 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[doyathinkso]

I just had a thought. What if your ex were to tell the agency that he is the father of your child and that he is in agreement with putting the baby up for adoption?

You really need a good good family lawyer in your corner.

[kailah]

I must commend you on how you're handling all of this but I would advise you to let your ex boyfriend go because he deserves better than being with a woman who has done what you have done to him. You've acknowledged this and I think it's selfish to keep him around. Let him go and stand on your own two feet is my advice to you.

 

I think he should be the one to decide that... I've done enough deciding for us.

 

Good on you for changing your number. Keep on in that vein. Make yourself totally unavailable to him. Keep changing your number and email and block him on social media. Change your address as soon as you can.

Just keep contact to zero until he forgets about you. That boy's just not right.

Whatever you do do not have his name on the birth certificate.

The adoption agency should have legal counsel to help you out. If they don't maybe check with other agencies until you find one that can be of use. I don't know about the legal situation in your part of the world, but I can't imagine that a man who in all likelihood drugged and raped you has any leg to stand on in court if it comes to that.

 

I just had a thought. What if your ex were to tell the agency that he is the father of your child and that he is in agreement with putting the baby up for adoption?

You really need a good good family lawyer in your corner.

 

I already had a DNA test done, I know and he knows that he is the dad. The adoption agency in my city also is aware. It would also be fraud, and I don't want any legal trouble... I do have a family lawyer. Even convicted rapists have gotten custody or visitation of their kids conceived from rape. Legally I have to put his name on the certificate now that I know he is the father.

[redbaron007]

I really hope that it doesn't get worse.... I don't think I can take much more stress at this point.

 

It makes me feel like a terrible person but I really hope that he disappears. No father has to be better than a crappy father. I'm sure there would be a father role in her life at some point. At this point... I just want him to go away. I changed my number today so he can't call or text me. He could still message me on Facebook, I ignore the messages. I don't want him around this baby and that's a large reason I have been leaning towards adoption, which he won't agree to at all.

 

 

 

I'm trying not to, I wish I wouldn't have to again. At this point the only reason there is any contact is to try and talk about adoption, tell him when the baby is born and if there are any issues throughout the pregnancy. I got a new number today and he doesn't have it.

 

It's a bit difficult because he is such an ass. Then he turns around and is nice and sweet and I don't get it. Is he just trying to play me or trying to be break through all the jerk and be a decent person. I give the benefit of the doubt too much...

...

 

.

 

With all the evidence on this thread indicating the baby daddy is a major a**hole and other baby mamas coming out of the woodwork, and you're still wondering whether this scumbag baby daddy is trying to be a "decent" person?? And giving him "benefit of the doubt"? Unbelievable, just freakin' unbelievable!

 

And your poor ex? I'm an atheist but I literally pray that your poor ex stays out of this radioactive BS that is going on and run far away. The young man should take a year off, travel the world, heal and then find someone who can think straight and stay true to him. He's jumping back into full "reconciliation" mode way too quickly without realizing that he is not emotionally ready for what he is getting into. Or maybe he is a real-life saint, who knows?

[Fishfingersareyummy]

 

And your poor ex? I'm an atheist but I literally pray that your poor ex stays out of this radioactive BS that is going on and run far away. The young man should take a year off, travel the world, heal and then find someone who can think straight and stay true to him. He's jumping back into full "reconciliation" mode way too quickly without realizing that he is not emotionally ready for what he is getting into. Or maybe he is a real-life saint, who knows?

 

I have sympathy for the ex up to a certain point, but I find it difficult to have sympathy for a man who suffers the humiliation he suffered from, the heart break, the heart ache and the emotional turmoil, who then runs back to the woman who inflicted such pain upon him in the first place.

 

He deserves better, but unfortunately he doesn't see that and the OP can do the right thing and let him go but she seems selfish which is a shame.

[kailah]

I just want to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though I KNOW he doesn't deserve it. I want to hope that there is a decent person in there - somewhere. It's embarrassing that I ever slept with him and continued to see and sleep with him. I don't want this baby to have such a bad father.

 

I'm not being selfish... If he wants to walk - or run - away he can. He is his own person and he makes his own choices. He isn't completely sure if he will stick around, that's fair. We aren't in a full blown relationship. We are somewhere in the middle of being bf/gf and ex's. We aren't intimate, so that won't skew his judgement. He is getting a taste of what life with this d-bag in it would be like, while trying to stay out of it as well. He admits that it would be easier if adoption was chosen (I don't want it because it's the easier choice, it's not easy. I am thinking about it because it's better for the baby). He knows that a baby may very well join this relationship. He is unsure of his place in all if it. If we try and the relationship fizzles out than so be it, but at least we tried and he made the choice to try.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Wait.......what......

 

No wonder why I didn't recognize this story....

Edited October 21, 2016 by DrReplyInRhymes
PS SORRY FOR COMING BACK, SOMEONE TOLD ME TO LOOK HERE

[redbaron007]

I have sympathy for the ex up to a certain point, but I find it difficult to have sympathy for a man who suffers the humiliation he suffered from, the heart break, the heart ache and the emotional turmoil, who then runs back to the woman who inflicted such pain upon him in the first place.

 

He deserves better, but unfortunately he doesn't see that and the OP can do the right thing and let him go but she seems selfish which is a shame.

 

 

He's young and this was his first LTR that ended the worst possible way (love of his life, soon-to-be-wife gets knocked up by another dude) so I don't blame him...BUT someone needs to explain to the young dude the concept of "sunk cost". He's looking back at the 4 good years he had with OP and trying to salvage what he can. He needs to understand that the 4 good years are the past and write them off as a sunk cost, and make a clean break and a new future. But he is still probably in shock and...well, we know exactly how this will play out...OP will pop out a another kid (one for you too, hon!) and then he's truly stuck! Well, that's real life I guess!

Edited October 22, 2016 by redbaron007

[Timshel]

I just want to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though I KNOW he doesn't deserve it. I want to hope that there is a decent person in there - somewhere. It's embarrassing that I ever slept with him and continued to see and sleep with him. I don't want this baby to have such a bad father.

 

I'm not being selfish... If he wants to walk - or run - away he can. He is his own person and he makes his own choices. He isn't completely sure if he will stick around, that's fair. We aren't in a full blown relationship. We are somewhere in the middle of being bf/gf and ex's. We aren't intimate, so that won't skew his judgement. He is getting a taste of what life with this d-bag in it would be like, while trying to stay out of it as well. He admits that it would be easier if adoption was chosen (I don't want it because it's the easier choice, it's not easy. I am thinking about it because it's better for the baby). He knows that a baby may very well join this relationship. He is unsure of his place in all if it. If we try and the relationship fizzles out than so be it, but at least we tried and he made the choice to try.

 

Kailah, you need only read this thread from the start to have the best possible advice.

 

If I was your mom, I wouldn't let any person with a penis around you and would have you entirely focused on the birth of this child, your health and finishing education.

 

Where are your parents in all of this (beyond insisting you have this child?) What is happening with your parents and family?

 

I have to admit as a parent, there isn't any way I would have let the biological sperm donor in your situation within 10 ft. of my daughter without serious vetting and meeting his parents. Lot's of Sunday dinners...what the heck Kailah?

 

Please read your thread from the beginning.

[kailah]

He's young and this was his first LTR that ended the worst possible way (love of his life, soon-to-be-wife gets knocked up by another dude) so I don't blame him...BUT someone needs to explain to the young dude the concept of "sunk cost". He's looking back at the 4 good years he had with OP and trying to salvage what he can. He needs to understand that the 4 good years are the past and write them off as a sunk cost, and make a clean break and a new future. But he is still probably in shock and...well, we know exactly how this will play out...OP will pop out a another kid (one for you too, hon!) and then he's truly stuck! Well, that's real life I guess!

 

I am not going to "pop out another kid". I didn't plan on getting pregnant and I am not the type to try and trap him. If I were that type then I would have just lied to him and said the baby was his and never said I cheated.

 

Kailah, you need only read this thread from the start to have the best possible advice.

 

If I was your mom, I wouldn't let any person with a penis around you and would have you entirely focused on the birth of this child, your health and finishing education.

 

Where are your parents in all of this (beyond insisting you have this child?) What is happening with your parents and family?

 

I have to admit as a parent, there isn't any way I would have let the biological sperm donor in your situation within 10 ft. of my daughter without serious vetting and meeting his parents. Lot's of Sunday dinners...what the heck Kailah?

 

Please read your thread from the beginning.

 

Honestly, I don't want to read it from the beginning. I don't want to go back to the feelings I first felt, then wondering if it was rape. Being stupid with the dad, everything my ex did. I don't want to go back there. I just want to forget.

 

My parent's don't know the whole story, it's too embarrassing. They do not like the dad, based on what I have told them. They know I am talking to my ex and don't approve because of how he reacted and they think he will leave when the baby gets here. They don't want me hurt more. They don't want me to rush it or be intimate with him and I am following that. They also don't want him involved in the pregnancy, because they don't want me to rely on him or get too use to him being around.

 

I am working on school and preparing for this baby. It's hard because I don't know if she is coming home with me or not. Trying to prepare without getting too attached is hard.

[Timshel]

Honestly, I don't want to read it from the beginning. I don't want to go back to the feelings I first felt, then wondering if it was rape. Being stupid with the dad, everything my ex did. I don't want to go back there. I just want to forget.

 

My parent's don't know the whole story, it's too embarrassing. They do not like the dad, based on what I have told them. They know I am talking to my ex and don't approve because of how he reacted and they think he will leave when the baby gets here. They don't want me hurt more. They don't want me to rush it or be intimate with him and I am following that. They also don't want him involved in the pregnancy, because they don't want me to rely on him or get too use to him being around.

 

I am working on school and preparing for this baby. It's hard because I don't know if she is coming home with me or not. Trying to prepare without getting too attached is hard.

 

Nothing you said is surprising. Of course you are mentally/physically exhausted.

Myself and others have suggested that you drop all d*cks and it has only been whistle through your ears.

 

What do you mean, 'don't know if she is coming home with you or not?' You do need to make a decision...but it seems that it has already been made...your parent's said keep the pregnancy, your baby daddy said no adoption....

What exactly are your choices?

 

Stop thinking about which man will take care of you and think of yourself taking care of this baby. You are going to be a single mother, never married and very young.

 

You are making things worse for yourself, carrying on with these two men.

 

Go only through the court for child support from the sperm donor. Take every care to protect your girl, who you will soon hold, smell, touch.

 

I am only a record repeating myself Kailah. You are going to bring life into the world.

 

Put any romance on the back burner...take care of yourself and little one.

 

If religion was the reason to keep her, let religion guide you now....say The Lord's Prayer....

 

Our Father who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name....you finish.

[redbaron007]

I am not going to "pop out another kid". I didn't plan on getting pregnant and I am not the type to try and trap him. If I were that type then I would have just lied to him and said the baby was his and never said I cheated.

 

Oh sure, I'm not implying outright entrapment, but rather by cunningly using circumstances to your advantage. I'm not blaming you, after all everyone acts out of self-interest, myself included! If I were a woman and had been in your place, I would probably act exactly the same way as you, who knows! It's the fascinating human mind at work and it's machinations in stress situations that keep me interested in this thread.

 

Case in point, here are your comments re: dear baby-daddy (these are your exact words):

...No one seems to understand that i just feel drawn to having a connection with him...

... we're attracted to each other and the sex is good. It feels better with him than it did with my ex..

...We dont have sex every time, like 1/4 of the time. It's just hard not to when we both want to.

... It's hard to say no when the sex with him is substantially better than it was with my ex.

... Hes way different sexually than my ex was. He takes the time to make me enjoy it and is just better at it.

 

But then other baby-mamas start to pop out of the wood-work, and the human mind quickly goes red-alert, the special sex, "connection", etc. goes out of the window (it's not so special after all if he's bonking and "connecting" with all those others baby-mamas!) and of course, who better to blame than those pesky hormones? So here's how the mind reacts:

...When I started having feelings for my babies dad I was very emotional and hormonal. Now, as everything sinks in and settled down, and I spend more time with him, I wouldn't choose him to be the father of my baby. But I did. It doesn't matter how attractive he is or how good the sex is, at the end of the day he doesn't treat me how I want to be treated. And maybe I deserve that.

 

So out goes baby-daddy (the "lover" or "alpha dude")!

 

Now let's see how the mind adapts it's thinking towards the ex.

...I think my ex deserves better than me and what I did to him. I want to run back to the familiarity of him, but I know I don't deserve that.

...I'd love to call my ex, talk to him and see if things can be repaired.

...Thinking about never being with him again and someone else making him happy breaks my heart and physically hurts.

 

So red carpet is rolled out for ex once again (the "provider" or "beta dude")!

 

Hmmm...now what of the unborn baby? Well, the human mind has a creative solution here too!

...With how my life is right now, I know adoption is the better choice for the baby. Not for me, but it is for the baby....

Problem solved! It's best for the baby, of course!

 

So, to reiterate my point, if need arises in future, sure, you'll pop out a brand-new bright-eyed bushy tailed one out for ex just to make him stick around. It's the human mind adapting to circumstances. Again, had I been a woman and were in your place, I would probably do exactly what you have done so far...we're all human, and we all have the so-called "selfish gene"!

 

Hmm...I've pondered enough on the human mind for today...it's Friday night and time for a pint of Guinness! Good night!

Edited October 22, 2016 by redbaron007

[Timshel]

Love...and now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is Love.

Corintians 13.

 

You will be fine...get yourself together.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

He's young and this was his first LTR that ended the worst possible way (love of his life, soon-to-be-wife gets knocked up by another dude) so I don't blame him...BUT someone needs to explain to the young dude the concept of "sunk cost". He's looking back at the 4 good years he had with OP and trying to salvage what he can. He needs to understand that the 4 good years are the past and write them off as a sunk cost, and make a clean break and a new future. But he is still probably in shock and...well, we know exactly how this will play out...OP will pop out a another kid (one for you too, hon!) and then he's truly stuck! Well, that's real life I guess!

 

I do think he should have walked away from this and not looked back. He didn't deal with the fall out in a sensible manner and his decision-making in the aftermath has been poor. This is definitely a learning experience for him. I just hope he is able to walk away from the OP and build a new life for himself and lay this chapter of his life to the archives of his past.

 

I think the OP should do the right thing here and just cease all lines of communication but then doing the right thing is probably not in her best interests, so I can understand why she's refusing to just cut him off altogether.

[doyathinkso]

 

 

Honestly, I don't want to read it from the beginning. I don't want to go back to the feelings I first felt, then wondering if it was rape. Being stupid with the dad, everything my ex did. I don't want to go back there. I just want to forget.

 

My parent's don't know the whole story, it's too embarrassing.

 

By being in denial of and refusing to acknowledge the sad course of events you have thrown away your rudder. Thus you are being tossed around in the dark in a violent storm and have no way of steering yourself out of it.

 

Then on top of that you are not being honest with the two people in the world who care about you the most and who have only your well-being in mind. How can they give you advice if they don't know what they should really be advising about?

 

Why oh why do you keep doing these things to yourself?

[DKT3]

This story is one of fear.... her boyfriend was about to ask her to marry, she wasn't ready but feared telling him so she reacted poorly by cheating....guilt forced her to confess, then again she reacted poorly to fear. Instead of being brave allowing her bf time to process this she pushed him away, fear of rejection....she finds out she is pregnant then allowed fear of bringing the baby into the world alone she tried to force a relationship with a guy who had absolutely no interest in her above her belt line.

 

Finally she is showing some courage, she faced her fear of rejection and put herself out there with her ex. She is showing some courage by understanding that she may not be in the best possible position to afford the baby the best possible life.

 

This isn't a bad girl, she is young, yes immature and selfish but mostly scared, it could easily be my daughter or anyones daughter.

 

Will her relationship work out? Doubtful, in fact I think she has a better shot at winning the lottery. But its a good sign that after all the fearful poor behavior, that she is doing something courageous in attempting something that even she knows will most likely fail. It's a start.

[kailah]

My babies bio-dad sent me this today.

 

"You are the biggest regret and mistake of my life. There is nothing more I want in life than for you to die and get off this planet.

 

I hope that baby dies in the next 10 weeks, because you are going to be a terrible mother. No woman worth anything gets hammered at a party and ****s 3 guys bareback. You are - and always will be - a slut. Not only are you a slut but you are stupid as ****. You willingly go bareback with 3 complete strangers just because we said we were clean. How stupid are you? You weren't even on birth control for gods sake. Maybe you are just so dick-hungry that you'll take anything. After all, no guy would approach you without a bag over your face. Surprise, surprise that you've only had one boyfriend.

 

You finally find one hopeless loser that will date your ugly ass and you throw it away by believing all the **** I told you. All you're good for is dumping a load. You are a pity ****. The only reason we had sex is because you are so desperate that you'd let me do whatever I wanted to you. Just to get that dick in you. You and him can try and work it out all you want but you are ruined for him. He will always see you as a slut. He can have fun with my washed up seconds. And he can have fun raising the baby that I left in you and it will be a constant reminder that I was with you. The sex we had will always be better than with him and his small dick. Your words, not mine. I will always be better and more satisfying than him. You can keep faking orgasms with him, if he'll even lay a hand on your nasty body. If he does stick around you will get bored again and **** more strangers. He is only with you because of the sunk cost fallacy, one day he will leave your worthless ass for a real woman.

 

You are using this pregnancy as an excuse to turn into a whale. With the amount of weight you've gained I'm surprised you even have a guy willing to see you naked. Or maybe you aren't having sex yet and he is using every excuse in the book to avoid having to look at you and touch you. You going to make that kids fat too? Load her up on McD's because you are too busy ****ing strangers to make a meal? With your genetic gene pool that kid will be ugly, fat and stupid. The best hope is that it dies and you never reproduce again.

 

No wonder you want to give her away for adoption. You just want to try and get right back to dick. You're at enough of a disadvantage being ugly and stupid, throwing a kid in makes you even more undesirable. You think you can just go around ****ing strangers, unprotected, and get away with it? Hell no. Buckle up and prepare to raise that kid by yourself, alone for the rest of your life. No man will ever want you. The only way you will ever get a man interested in you is by getting drunk and letting him have his way with you. Maybe next time you won't get knocked up but will cry rape instead. A judge would take one look at you and throw it out.

 

Jess and I are having a baby and she is due in 2 weeks. She is a real woman who is actually deserving of me and a man. Unlike you she doesn't go around ****ing random men, she has respect for herself and the thought of throwing our baby away has never crossed her mind. She is beautiful, and kind and will be amazing mother - she already is. She puts that baby before everything else in life, rather than trying to throw it away. I have known her for years and couldn't ask for a better mother for my child. I have always wanted kids, just not with a nasty whore. You're no better than a hooker, you just don't get paid. Maybe you should, since you are too stupid for any other job. You will never finish school. You will be an embarrassment to that kid, if it even survives with you as her mother.

 

Don't expect me to play a part in the kids life. You can explain to her why she doesn't have a daddy. Because mommy was a dumb slut and men don't stick around for that. You screwed that baby girl out of a relationship with her father. She will grow up hating and resenting you, and that is what you deserve. I will come around just enough to mess with your life and make sure you know how worthless you are. For the rest of your life you have to deal with the fact that you are a stupid, worthless whore that isn't worthy of that child or a man. You only have her because I put her there, and I can take her away.

 

I don't love you, I don't like you, I never want to see your face again and I would be happiest if you and that kid were dead."

It was emailed from a spoof account but it's clear who sent it... I can't deal with it anymore... I want it to stop and go away. I didn't have sex with three men that night... I've only had sex with two in my life... It's still a bit foggy in parts but I'd remember two other men... and the baby is his... He makes me feel degraded, disgusting and worthless. I've only had sex with two people and I'm being labelled these horrible things. I made one mistake (followed by a series of more mistakes) and my life is ruined.

 

My BF is most likely going to walk away. He can't deal with it and shouldn't have to. It's not his baby... He is really awkward around me and unhappy. It hasn't been very long at all but I don't know if it can get better. He pushes himself further away each day. I'm not good enough for him... He deserves better than all the sh*t I've caused. We agreed to take it slow but he hasn't even tried or mentioned anything sexual and maybe my babies bio-dad is right... and he thinks I'm fat and gross. Or he thinks I'm disgusting because of who I slept with.

 

I've gained 24 pounds and my doctor says that's fine and normal for 28 weeks. I talked to my mum about it and she said I have to watch my weight because she only gained up to 25 pounds in her pregnancies and I still have 12 weeks to go. She didn't get stretch marks from her pregnancies and says I will if I gain more and that they'll be unattractive. Yesterday she was talking to a woman who is 36 weeks and significantly smaller than me. She compared us after and said how huge I was. I'm doing everything right... I stay active, I eat healthy foods and normal amounts... I don't eat any junk food. Yet apparently I'm still a whale and even my own mum thinks I'm fat. My hands and feet are really swollen and always hurt, I'm constantly sticking them in ice water. I keep getting told it's too early for that and I'm just complaining. I've woken up crying because everything hurts so bad. I rarely ask for help and when I do my family says to stop acting like a baby or to get use to doing it alone. Last week a stranger asked when I was due and when I said February her response was "wow you're big".

 

My BF never says I'm fat and if I talk to him about it he says "you're beautiful" but it doesn't feel genuine. Just like he's not an a-hole.

 

He avoids touching my stomach and pulls away if he does accidentally. He thinks touching me there is crossing some boundary even though I've said it's fine. The other day his arm was going across my stomach and the baby kicked and rolled. He freaked out and said he couldn't deal with it and that it was too real. He has said he doesn't know what to do.

 

I didn't want to place my baby for adoption because I didn't want her... I thought it was best for her. I still do. I don't want her to have to deal with what I am. I want her, I've always wanted her. I'd love to just take her and run but I can't do that.

 

I don't know what I did to be treated so horribly... Meanwhile he treats someone else so well. I'm that horrible and that worthless that he doesn't care how I feel. I don't want to be a bad mother... but I'm in this alone and even my mum thinks I will be.

 

I can't deal with any of it anymore. I just can't... I wish I were dead so I wouldn't have too... So many times when I've had to take a medication, taking the whole bottle has crossed my mind.

[stillafool]

Maybe you should stay away from your mom until after your pregnancy. You don't' need that kind of talk while carrying your child. You are probably carrying a large baby who will weigh more than you did when you were born. Every pregnancy is different. Your bf probably doesn't touch your stomach because the baby isn't his and he may feel it's disrespectful. Just try to relax and enjoy the anticipation of your daughters arrival.

[ExpatInItaly]

This "Jess" person sent you that email.

 

Don't respond to it. But keep it for your records. I would interpret some of what was said as a threat.

 

Admittedly, I haven't read your entire thread so perhaps my question is redundant, but are you in therapy of any type? I would be very seriously concerned for your mental well-being at this time. I mean that in kindness. You need some emotional support and coping strategies from a qualified, experienced and neutral third party.