Trying to work it out [updated 2017-03-17]

[smackie9]

Why would you want a BF back that still insists you are a s*&t even if you were drugged and had absolutely no control of what happened??? This just proves he never had any respect for you or women in general.

 

You did nothing wrong. You didn't wake up that morning and said "I'm gonna get blazing drunk at the party, bang some random guy and not use a condom." You were taken advantage of and you know this because if you were well aware of what was going on you would have insisted him wear a condom. YOU were raped.

 

I suggest you call a rape/womens crisis line to talk to someone. It's 24 hours, and it's free. Just look it up on the net for the number.

[greaterdevil]

Woke up and saw where your thread has gone. Kailah, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please continue to seek support here and elsewhere. I understand your Ex's anger and hurt, but am very disappointed to hear that he reacted in the way he did. To put you on blast like that on FB was not okay. Anyone messaging you to harass you is out of line, period.

 

I know you don't want to have been raped, and it would be wrong for anyone to insist that you were if you say you weren't, but please know that just because he seemed nice in the morning doesn't mean that he didn't take advantage of you. I've known guys like this--who act sweet and "aww, shucks" around the girls who they intentionally get drunk or drug with every intention of raping them. They do it because they want their victims to feel exactly the way that you do--i.e., he was nice/friendly/whatever so he couldn't have raped me, I must just not remember consenting.

 

Really disappointed, too, with anyone saying that this is her fault. This is why so many rapes go unreported. People are afraid that it was their fault.

 

Frankly even if you weren't drugged, Kailah (I still absolutely believe you were--here is a quick fact sheet on date rape drugs--) if you are too drunk to remember sex than you can't give consent. I'll shut up about it now since you can make your own decisions, but please don't beat yourself up anymore.

 

Everything is going to be okay--no matter what, you are going to be fine. Keep reaching out, keep being the person you are.

 

I have made terrible mistakes in my life--I robbed a store once while high on a whole cocktail of drugs. I got arrested after running from police and had to call my family from jail. It cost me a lot of relationships and I thought everyone I knew must know what I had done.

 

But it turns out people are mostly focuses on their own ****. When I reactivated FB 6 months later the people who knew were supportive. This will blow over and I think within a few days people will go back to being worried about themselves. And then eventually, it will be in the past for you, too. Your boyfriend may even apologize to you for his reaction. Maybe invite him to read some of our thoughts and posts here on LS.

 

In the meantime, drink lots of water, some herbal tea, eat healthy food and maybe go on a walk or do some yoga if you feel up to it. Keep posting, let us know you're okay, and we'll keep letting you know that you're going to be okay.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Mind-Chants]

Why would you want a BF back that still insists you are a s*&t even if you were drugged and had absolutely no control of what happened??? This just proves he never had any respect for you or women in general.

 

Second her opinion. Committed relationship means I'll stand by you even through the worst of times.

 

#1. Blames everything on you and name calling.

#2. Publicly humiliates you in fb when you are at your lowest. (Can any boyfriend fall below this level.)

#3. No regrets or apology for his actions. Probably the post still in his wall.

 

Feels like 3 strikes. You are better off without him.

 

I understand that he has been your support for long and now that you are feeling low you want him around, but when things would turn positive (I wish you reach there soon), you would see the real him.

 

You are making him a priority but given the circumstances you need to protect yourself. He made it a point that he doesn't care irrespective of circumstances. Even if he turns around later, make it a point to direct your energy towards self. Be strong. Take care..

 

MC

[VeveCakes]

If OP was drugged she would have been extremely ill the next day, like unable to get out of bed ill. It's a side effect of all date rape drugs. I have been drugged twice and luckily with friends who were able to take care of me. OP would know without a doubt if she was drugged.

 

Please stop saying she was raped because she drank too much. There is more to the story we aren't getting I suspect.

[salparadise]

If I were the boyfriend, I'd put it down to one of two things: it's either cheating, or rape.

If it's rape, I'd want this taken to the police ASAP.

If it's not rape, then it's cheating plain and simple.

 

Oh, but it's not nearly that simple. This situation falls into a huge gray area that defies definition. Women's groups, lawmakers, colleges and the legal profession have been troubled by the inability to draw a hard line between consensual sex and rape for a long time (not to mention people like the OP).

 

The Rolling Stone/UVA fiasco brought it to the forefront a couple of years ago. Attempts have been made to resolve all ambiguity by redefining consent... it's called affirmative consent.

 

There is also ongoing discussion about alcohol and consent. Women's groups favor the concept that a woman who is intoxicated cannot give consent, and since degree of intoxication is a sticky wicket they default to consumption of any amount of alcohol.

 

But the logical problem is that is sex which is otherwise consensual (not forced) involving two people who have had a few (or many) drinks... they both had sex with someone who had no ability to give consent, therefore they're both guilty. I commend OP for recognizing this.

 

The only way to make this concept work is to make rape a single gender offense, which is not right either, regardless of the fact that it's more often perpetuated by men against women. Are we really ready to define all of this in such a way that the only time sex isn't rape is when a woman has had zero alcohol, and provides explicit, affirmative consent continuously throughout? Who ever does that? This would mean that in nine months, having sex twice a week, my girlfriend and I probably have not ever had consensual sex.

 

Given that the OP does not recall how the events transpired, but has been told that she was drinking and being touchy feely with the guy, I think she is correct in assuming that it was not rape, but not fully consensual either. There is no evidence that she was drugged, nor that she was not an enthusiastic participant. None to the contrary either. It wouldn't be right to level rape allegations based on next-day remorse and lack of recall. It's in that gray area that defies definition.

 

It's established through research that women's sex drive and sexual activity increases around the time of ovulation, and since OP was at that time in her cycle, lowering inhibitions with alcohol may have created a perfect storm biologically. It does sound like you may be abnormally reactive to alcohol, OP.

 

OP, I am sorry for what you're going through. I know it must be terribly difficult. I do commend you for the rational thinking you've displayed in what you've posted, even to the point of examining your own subconscious motivations and how your desire to see thing a certain way may be shaping perceptions. I hope your boyfriend calms down and at least is willing to talk it out. You can't blame him for being upset, but posting it on FB was unconscionable.

 

I agree that you need to find people to talk to who will not be judgmental. You can call one of many crisis hotlines where trained people will help you explore your feelings and hopefully come to terms –– you do not need to be suicidal to avail yourself of these excellent services. I think you'd be better off calling a regular hotline rather than a rape/women's line, because you don't want to think of yourself as a victim and they tend to have a particular perspective on such things. Keep posting here too; lots of understanding people are willing to help.

[Chi townD]

That is still rape. Too drunk to consent makes it non-consensual

 

Please tell me if two people are drunk then NEITHER should be capable of consenting.And don't start with "Well, he wasn't as drunk as her." Speech. If you're too drunk to drive, then you're too drunk to consent. But, if they engage in sex, then why is the guy AUTOMATICALLY a rapist? Even if she was the aggressor, why is HE still guilty of rape?

[greaterdevil]

Please tell me if two people are drunk then NEITHER should be capable of consenting.And don't start with "Well, he wasn't as drunk as her." Speech. If you're too drunk to drive, then you're too drunk to consent. But, if they engage in sex, then why is the guy AUTOMATICALLY a rapist? Even if she was the aggressor, why is HE still guilty of rape?

 

This is not the thread for this argument, man. Of course if two people are wasted and they ****, all else being equal they're both to blame.

 

If a girl can't remember taking even a sip of an alcoholic beverage but somehow ends up in bed feeling sore with a guy she doesn't know saying "you loved it" he raped her, wether he meant to or not. C'mon.

[SwordofFlame]

I'm not gonna lie, if I found out my future girlfriend cheated on me i'd be ****ing furious. I'd probably have a ****ing meltdown. I mean even reading this thread fires me up a little.

 

Sorry OP about your situation.

 

Agreed.

 

Is the OP a victim? Yes. Did OP also make bad choices? Yes. Going to this party knowing she can't handle alcohol at all AND not having any trustworthy friends to watch her back. That was completely her decision. I'd be really furious at the bad choices that she willingly made.

[kailah]

I went to my doctor and got tested for STD’s which I’ve never done before. I felt so gross going in and saying that is what I was there for. They tested for some that show up early and I have to go back in 2 weeks to test again for those ones and for different ones and do a pregnancy test, then go back in a for more weeks to test for std’s again. My doctor said Plan B, in his words, “isn’t very effective after the first day” and to prepare myself. He said we will talk about options at my next visit (abortion or birth control). I felt like they were talking down to me and thought badly of me.

 

My ex texted me asking who the guy is. I wouldn’t tell him even if I knew. He said he wants to show that guy what he’s done and that the world knows. He said I’d be a terrible mother and he’s glad we’re done because he’d never want me to mother his children. And that if I do have a baby it’ll be taken away. And he dodged a bullet. And “Better get use to ****ing strangers. No one will ever want you. I wouldn’t touch your nasty *** with a 10’ pole.”

 

It’s so hard. I was with him so long. My entire university life I was with him. He said he's coming by later to get some of his things and he expects to see me packing my **** to get out. And that I can go stay with my f-buddy.

 

I wish I knew for sure what happened. I want to know if I did it intentionally or not. And what the hell and I supposed to do if I AM pregnant. Do it alone? Try and find a guy who may or may not have drugged me who probably doesn’t even want a baby? Especially with me.

 

My dad and grandpa are alcoholics. Until my dad sobered up he was drunk and passed out all the time. I never wanted to be like that. So I’ve only had alcohol a handful of times. But now I am that person. Drugged or not, I do know that I was drinking.

 

I don’t know if having him read this is a good idea. Then he could read anything I post even if it’s something I don’t want him to know. And he could say mean things here too. I can’t deal with being called a sl*t everywhere.

 

I just want to bury myself into a hole until this all blows over and people forget.

[Chi townD]

This is not the thread for this argument, man. Of course if two people are wasted and they ****, all else being equal they're both to blame.

 

If a girl can't remember taking even a sip of an alcoholic beverage but somehow ends up in bed feeling sore with a guy she doesn't know saying "you loved it" he raped her, wether he meant to or not. C'mon.

 

This is exactly the thread for this argument when you have post after post of people telling her that she was raped. Even when SHE thinks that it was a drunken mistake! And when you have post after post after post of people tell her she was drugged. Where's the proof! People are assuming that she was drugged even when PO really does or doesn't believe that she was. The guy told her that she was the aggressor. Why do we automatically assume that he's lying? Because he's a man? Because women are incapable of being aggressive in an intimate setting?

 

Rape is too strong a word to be throw around haphazardly. It can send an innocent guy to prison and destroy lives. Now, I'm not saying that date rape doesn't happen, but I'm not feeling it in this instance.

[greaterdevil]

This is exactly the thread for this argument when you have post after post of people telling her that she was raped. Even when SHE thinks that it was a drunken mistake! And when you have post after post after post of people tell her she was drugged. Where's the proof! People are assuming that she was drugged even when PO really does or doesn't believe that she was. The guy told her that she was the aggressor. Why do we automatically assume that he's lying? Because he's a man? Because women are incapable of being aggressive in an intimate setting?

 

Rape is too strong a word to be throw around haphazardly. It can send an innocent guy to prison and destroy lives. Now, I'm not saying that date rape doesn't happen, but I'm not feeling it in this instance.

 

I guess we just disagree. I don't want to derail the thread, so this will be my last post on the matter. I agree with you that it is not something to throw around lightly. And I wasn't there, none of us were. OP is the only one who knows any of it, and unfortunately she can't remember anything... not even taking a single drink, which is not how blacking out from only alcohol works. Honestoy I tend to agree w/ your point of view but I don't think this is one of those cases.

 

Everything about it screams foul play to me, but I only have my own experiences to go off.

 

The important thing is to support OP, regardless. Sorry if the tone of my reply to your post was off, I shouldn't have been so condescending.

[Chi townD]

I went to my doctor and got tested for STD’s which I’ve never done before. I felt so gross going in and saying that is what I was there for. They tested for some that show up early and I have to go back in 2 weeks to test again for those ones and for different ones and do a pregnancy test, then go back in a for more weeks to test for std’s again. My doctor said Plan B, in his words, “isn’t very effective after the first day” and to prepare myself. He said we will talk about options at my next visit (abortion or birth control). I felt like they were talking down to me and thought badly of me.

 

My ex texted me asking who the guy is. I wouldn’t tell him even if I knew. He said he wants to show that guy what he’s done and that the world knows. He said I’d be a terrible mother and he’s glad we’re done because he’d never want me to mother his children. And that if I do have a baby it’ll be taken away. And he dodged a bullet. And “Better get use to ****ing strangers. No one will ever want you. I wouldn’t touch your nasty *** with a 10’ pole.”

 

It’s so hard. I was with him so long. My entire university life I was with him. He said he's coming by later to get some of his things and he expects to see me packing my **** to get out. And that I can go stay with my f-buddy.

 

I wish I knew for sure what happened. I want to know if I did it intentionally or not. And what the hell and I supposed to do if I AM pregnant. Do it alone? Try and find a guy who may or may not have drugged me who probably doesn’t even want a baby? Especially with me.

 

My dad and grandpa are alcoholics. Until my dad sobered up he was drunk and passed out all the time. I never wanted to be like that. So I’ve only had alcohol a handful of times. But now I am that person. Drugged or not, I do know that I was drinking.

 

I don’t know if having him read this is a good idea. Then he could read anything I post even if it’s something I don’t want him to know. And he could say mean things here too. I can’t deal with being called a sl*t everywhere.

 

I just want to bury myself into a hole until this all blows over and people forget.

 

Okay, here's the deal. He's hurt and he's going to lash out with a lot of hurtful words. I know they hurt to look at them, but you need to try and ignore them. Just remind yourself that he's lashing out because he's hurt and he wants you to feel the hurt that he's experiencing. That's all. You've already apologized. At this point, you need to ignore it.

[Chi townD]

I guess we just disagree. I don't want to derail the thread, so this will be my last post on the matter. I agree with you that it is not something to throw around lightly. And I wasn't there, none of us were. OP is the only one who knows any of it, and unfortunately she can't remember anything... not even taking a single drink, which is not how blacking out from only alcohol works. Honestoy I tend to agree w/ your point of view but I don't think this is one of those cases.

 

Everything about it screams foul play to me, but I only have my own experiences to go off.

 

The important thing is to support OP, regardless. Sorry if the tone of my reply to your post was off, I shouldn't have been so condescending.

 

No, she does remember drinking....

 

and I'll agree that will have to disagree about our stances. I'm not trying to be unsympathetic to what happened to OP. But, I also don't want someone unjustly labeled something that he or she may or may not be.

[O'Malley]

Do you have a place you can stay? Have your family help you with your belongings. Please think about contacting a crisis helpline, which will provide you a safe space in which to air your feelings. I would also suggest contacting a full options family planning and resource center (not a crisis pregnancy center) in regards to Plan B, further std testing, and possibly counseling.

 

In the meantime, I would block any further contact from your ex: on your phone, facebook, everywhere. Let him burn himself out without damaging your psyche any more than he has. I know how painful it is for your relationship to end at one of the lower points in your life, but if he can't cope with what happened, it's best that he removes himself, so that you can focus on your well being and your relationships with the people who do care about your welfare.

[Grumpybutfun]

Okay, here's the deal. He's hurt and he's going to lash out with a lot of hurtful words. I know they hurt to look at them, but you need to try and ignore them. Just remind yourself that he's lashing out because he's hurt and he wants you to feel the hurt that he's experiencing. That's all. You've already apologized. At this point, you need to ignore it.

 

Telling K to ignore her bf basically verbally abusing her is illogical.

 

OP,

This thread is very sad to read as I have a teenage daughter and regardless of your bad decisions or the confusion around consent, your bfs behavior is indicative of his inability to deal with conflict. Please self protect by moving out and surrounding yourself with people who are compassionate and love you unconditionally. You made a mistake and airing it out on Facebook is immature and cruel IMHO. I'm pretty rigid in adhering to standards in relationships,but this situation isn't a typical cheating situation...this was shady.

As far as blaming you for not doing what you should have...it isn't helpful. I see kids all the time (former military) who aren't given basic tools to deal with conflict. You aren't alone. You aren't weird or odd, and most of all, you aren't a bad person. Never let anyone else make you feel worthless for a mistake. We all make them in varying degrees.

From a dad....you are going to be ok, you are a good person, and mistakes can be and should be forgiven by those who claim to love us. You won't want to hear this right now but your bf is verbally abusive and cruel. I know he is hurt, but a sign of love is being willing to forgive mistakes and not to make a situation worse. If you have never done anything in your past like this or have never lied or been unfaithful, his rage is overkill.

I abhor cheaters, I abhor drunks, but as you are neither, his behavior is horrid. You made a mistake which I'm pretty sure you have paid for tenfold by now emotionally, mentally and socially.

Find a safe place to stay, surround yourself with people who love you, eat and sleep well, and remember that this too shall pass. I'm not sure someone who calls you vulgar names on social media and keeps verbally disparaging you is a good fit for life anyway.

Life is tough. You need someone more mature to share it with. He can be mad, angry or even dump you with anger, but he doesn't need to do it in such a cruel manner. It isn't acceptable behavior from someone who claimed to have loved you. He is young, but not young enough to warrant such vitriol.

Good luck,

Grumps

Edited May 18, 2016 by Grumpybutfun

[AMJ]

If OP was drugged she would have been extremely ill the next day, like unable to get out of bed ill. It's a side effect of all date rape drugs. I have been drugged twice and luckily with friends who were able to take care of me. OP would know without a doubt if she was drugged.

 

Please stop saying she was raped because she drank too much. There is more to the story we aren't getting I suspect.

 

She says she felt extremely ill the next day, read back through her posts. It sounds like you were definitely drugged OP. It's not likely that you as a non-drinker would drink enough to black out for an entire night and not remember anything. I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

 

Do "nice guys" drug girls to have sex? Yep, they do. "Nice guys" also love to buy girls lots of drinks and shots, why do they do this? It's not because they like to be generous and spend money on random girls they don't know, so that the girls will have a great time dancing and partying.

 

I'm glad to hear your brother is being supportive- he should be angry at your ex for acting the way he is. I hope you find a women's center and some counseling as well, you need support right now. You're not a bad person, and you did nothing wrong. You're not to blame for going out and drinking. Be kind to yourself and you will get past this, I promise.

[Chi townD]

Telling K to ignore her bf basically verbally abusing her is illogical.

 

 

Sorry, going to have to disagree with you here.

 

Unless you are implying that she should sit there and take everything that he sends her to heart. To have her truly believe that she is a sl*t as he's indicated and have her believe that no one will want her now.

 

My point is, he's angry and he's lashing out! Tends to happen when people feel that they got betrayed. He's hurting and he wants her to understand the level of hurt that she's caused him. So, he's venting. I'm just telling her to ignore the vent. Not saying it's right or he is justified. I'm just saying that, that kind of behavior tends to happen.

 

Not much different from hysterical bonding. If the person you betrayed is experiencing hysterical bonding, then the betrayer should give in to help that person if they are trying to reconcile the relationship. But, we would be remiss if we didn't inform them that hysterical bonding is in No Way an act of forgiveness. It just is what it is. And that's what I'm pretty much trying to say here. He's lashing out, he's venting...ignore it.

[Chi townD]

She says she felt extremely ill the next day.

 

Yep, she did. And for a person that doesn't drink, congrats! You've just experienced your first hang over.

[LostOnes05]

There is a huge difference in him being hurt and being an absolute jerk (not the word I really want to use) with the intent to publicly humiliate her on social media. That's actually harassment and internet bullying. I would take screenshots and keep them. If he makes another post, send them to his employer...maybe he'll get the message then. There is a difference in speaking your mind to the person and addressing all of the world and using that rhetoric...especially if she was raped.

 

As someone who was cheated on twice, I'd definitely be pissed/hurt/betrayed but there is no way I would put that kind of stuff on Facebook, etc. If I thought there was the slightest chance that my girlfriend had been slipped something, I'd try to help her piece things together whether we remained a couple in the end or not. Now that said, you have some really crappy friends. They saw you talking for hours with some random guy, with a drink in your hand when you were supposed to be driving them home, AND they left you? They were not looking out for you at all!! I've never left anyone at a party drunk or sober.

 

I feel for you because you are in a really tough spot. Have you talked to your "friends" to find out if they knew the guy or any of his friends, the person who hosted the party, etc? This is a terrible experience and I hope that you find a way to heal from it all. Best wishes and I hope everything checks out for you.

[Grumpybutfun]

Sorry, going to have to disagree with you here.

 

Unless you are implying that she should sit there and take everything that he sends her to heart. To have her truly believe that she is a sl*t as he's indicated and have her believe that no one will want her now.

 

My point is, he's angry and he's lashing out! Tends to happen when people feel that they got betrayed. He's hurting and he wants her to understand the level of hurt that she's caused him. So, he's venting. I'm just telling her to ignore the vent. Not saying it's right or he is justified. I'm just saying that, that kind of behavior tends to happen.

 

Not much different from hysterical bonding. If the person you betrayed is experiencing hysterical bonding, then the betrayer should give in to help that person if they are trying to reconcile the relationship. But, we would be remiss if we didn't inform them that hysterical bonding is in No Way an act of forgiveness. It just is what it is. And that's what I'm pretty much trying to say here. He's lashing out, he's venting...ignore it.

 

Hey man, we are on the same page, but my point is that she can no more ignore his disparaging, abusive remarks right now than we could ignore Arnold Swartzeneggar wearing a pink tutu while playing a hammerdulcimer jumping on a pogo stick on the racetrack in Talladega.

 

He is her focus. Right now, she should be her own focus to care for herself, and he needs to stand down with his vitriol or she needs to remove herself from his abuse. Lashing out initially is one thing but his successive and manic lashing out has became a bandage to his wounded ego, without any thought to her long term reputation, mental health or well being.

 

Best,

G

[Chi townD]

There is a huge difference in him being hurt and being an absolute jerk (not the word I really want to use) with the intent to publicly humiliate her on social media. That's actually harassment and internet bullying. I would take screenshots and keep them. If he makes another post, send them to his employer...maybe he'll get the message then. There is a difference in speaking your mind to the person and addressing all of the world and using that rhetoric...especially if she was raped.

 

As someone who was cheated on twice, I'd definitely be pissed/hurt/betrayed but there is no way I would put that kind of stuff on Facebook, etc. If I thought there was the slightest chance that my girlfriend had been slipped something, I'd try to help her piece things together whether we remained a couple in the end or not. Now that said, you have some really crappy friends. They saw you talking for hours with some random guy, with a drink in your hand when you were supposed to be driving them home, AND they left you? They were not looking out for you at all!! I've never left anyone at a party drunk or sober.

 

I feel for you because you are in a really tough spot. Have you talked to your "friends" to find out if they knew the guy or any of his friends, the person who hosted the party, etc? This is a terrible experience and I hope that you find a way to heal from it all. Best wishes and I hope everything checks out for you.

 

Hey, I never said that I was justifying his behavior and I never said that he was handling this maturely. But, it's out there and it can't be taken back. Plus, we don't know what exactly he posted on Facebook. Was he belittling her on facebook calling her a sl*t and a wh8re? Or did he say, K and I are no longer together because she cheated...which is embarrassing enough, but...

[SmartDude]

I didn't expect him to have no reaction, but did not expect the reaction that I got. He called me a s**t over and over and called me disgusting, screamed and yelled. We've never fought like that and he's never talked to me like that, ever.

 

I told him what I could and he said that I obviously f*cked the guy and it was clearly consensual because of the flirting, hours spent together and that he was still there in the morning. And that alcohol or not you make your own choices and I chose to be there, with him. And that even if I was slipped something sex would have happened anyway.

 

He said I went further with that guy than I ever did with him because he didn't use a condom (maybe) and he came inside me. For my boyfriend (or ex I guess....) it was a big, huge deal that the other guy came in me when he never has and that was the first person to ever.

 

After he left he messaged me this (apologies for any missed cursing):

 

 

To top it all off he made a nasty Facebook post for all of his and my (I was tagged) Facebook friends (AND family, and boss/coworkers) to see.

 

So now I'm out of a relationship, possibly have an std or multiple, possibly pregnant by a stranger, and the whole world knows it. Great.

 

Your BF exBF whatever he is...Needs to be punched in the face hard.

 

I can understand jealousy, but he went way to far. Even if you did get date raped, your boyfriends actions are even worse than a date-rapist. Putting some one out publicly like that is not good human behavior. I don't care if they have a good job, family loves them, member of the community...some one who does that is trash.

 

Women were sexually liberated in the 1970's. This was a good thing for society. Lets not go backwards.

[LostOnes05]

Hey, I never said that I was justifying his behavior and I never said that he was handling this maturely. But, it's out there and it can't be taken back. Plus, we don't know what exactly he posted on Facebook. Was he belittling her on facebook calling her a sl*t and a wh8re? Or did he say, K and I are no longer together because she cheated...which is embarrassing enough, but...

 

Lol hey, all good. I wasn't actually addressing you though. I was addressing the fact that he is making multiple Facebook statuses and tagging her in them. I'm not saying don't be completely pissed but everything doesn't need to go on social media. She doesn't need people sending her messages when they don't know what happened. And if they saw what was going on why not intervene or bring it to her attention/get her out of there?

 

It would be different if he changed his relationship status and people asked what happened AND he talked to them individually (not on the internet). But to put something out there like that for her friends and family (and his) to see is no bueno...and quite low of him. In the end, being degrading and harassing a woman on the internet may come back to bite him later on (jobs, schools,etc). Not negating his feelings, because I know what it feels like. Just saying that if I was his friend I'd tell him to delete it and give him a serious wake up call. Either talk directly to her or someone else, but not on the internet. Social media can be a great tool to get a message across, raise money for a cause, but not when it involves something like this...something so sensitive. A grown man running to Facebook to tell the world his gf is/did x,y,z...c'mon.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[AMJ]

Yep, she did. And for a person that doesn't drink, congrats! You've just experienced your first hang over.

 

You are not seriously suggesting that she drank so much she blacked out for an ENTIRE NIGHT? And she does not recall drinking this much? A person would pretty much need to drink an entire bottle of vodka to black out. When people black out from drinking it's usually a period of time- maybe an hour or so- not an entire night. What's more likely here- that a young girl who doesn't drink and has only slept with one person in her entire life- suddenly becomes the type of person to drink so much she blacks out and seduces a guy she's never met?

Or that she had one or two drinks, was slipped a drug, and then was raped by some *********?

 

Why is it so difficult for people to accept that men do these things, actually very frequently.

[AMJ]

Laws about consent vary from place to place- but generally if someone is unable to give consent because they are intoxicated, it's considered rape. This is a good lesson for men- if she is drunk, and you do not know her then do not have sex with her!

 

It's honestly that simple. For one, you don't want to be accused of rape later. And two- if you don't know her, you have no idea if she actually is aware of what she's doing. She may be blacked out but still functioning. And for guys who want to argue that I'm wrong- honestly, please tell me how you can feel good about yourselves from sleeping with a woman who won't even remember it happened? Are you really that f%$%ing desperate to get off, and pathetic that you can't find a woman who will have sex with you when she's sober?