E-romances

[ForMySanity]

I want to know what everyone thinks of a short-lived but intense e-affair ? Are these the real deal and do these ever work out in real life, or are they just enjoyed while they last and moved on from eventually ?

 

I am asking because I met someone online. We "dated" (note quotes, it was also a very long distance thing) for about 5 weeks, and then he abruptly stopped talking to me. I cannot believe how deeply I fell for him, and friends tell me it was just an e-affair and that he called it off when he realized that it would never work out, and that I am being silly getting so emotional over someone that I "didn't really know" in real life !! But my emotions got involved, just the same, and I am having a hard time. Should I contact him and try to see if we can make this work ?

 

Please advise

Edited June 18, 2016 by ForMySanity

[ExpatInItaly]

This depends on so many variables.

 

In your specific case, we will need more info:

 

1) Had you ever met him in real life?

 

2) How far apart are you two?

 

3) How old are you both?

 

4) Can you clarify why you describe it as intense? ie. what did you two say or do together that provoked this feeling in you?

 

The sad truth is that for many people, these online romances are just a way to pass time and get attention. While one person might actually be getting attached, the other could be just filling time until they meet someone local.

 

Also, there are plenty of people who get involved with someone online only to later discover the other person isn't who he/she claims to be, isn't single and so on.

 

All online romances need to be approached with extreme caution. If the two parties involved have never met, it isn't dating.

[angel.eyes]

Your feelings and emotional investment in who you thought he was are real. That's why it feels so devastating even though you never actually met. You're dealing with the loss of what might have been in your mind.

 

Unfortunately, you never met. It's unclear if that was ever a possibility, but I suspect it probably wasn't. If you're looking for a relationship, or even to date, here are a few suggestions:

• Focus on men who want to meet in person sooner rather than later. That will eliminate catfish, and men who are wasting your time with no intention of actually meeting.
  
• Related to that focus on local, available men.
  
• Don't get emotionally invested in someone until you've actually met in person. Until then, it's really just fantasy.
  

[Lois_Griffin]

Should you ask him if you can make WHAT work?

 

Some silly Skype and email/texting 'thing' that wastes your time and his when you can be out in the real world LIVING an authetnic life?

 

Smh.

[ForMySanity]

This depends on so many variables.

 

In your specific case, we will need more info:

 

1) Had you ever met him in real life?

 

2) How far apart are you two?

 

3) How old are you both?

 

4) Can you clarify why you describe it as intense? ie. what did you two say or do together that provoked this feeling in you?

 

Hi, we are not young. We're both mid-40s / late 30s, having responsible jobs and careers. We live on different continents at this time, but I am actually in the process of relocating to where he lives in Winter, 2016 (he lives in the exact same city that I grew up in !)

 

We met at a forum for our hometown and discovered that we'd grown up not too far from each other and that we even had some common friends. I felt great familiarity with this person (especially since he reminded me of my childhood days), and became emotionally very invested in him almost too fast. I did get the vibe that he was / is a ladies' man and he abruptly stopped talking to me after I had a disagreement with a woman from the hometown forum on that message board. Upon browsing her history there, I see that she had previously described him on the forum as a "helpful, patient, generous, wonderful, warm human being" etc etc etc reiterating how many, many, many, many times he had "helped" her. He runs a business services company and she frequently asks for his "help", I guess. Her postings make it seem like they are really close and she came across as kinda crazy to me, but she snapped at me in the public forum, and I e-yelled at her and he then stopped writing to me. My last text message to him asked what he thought of her screaming at me on a public forum, and he never responded. I called him the next day, and he wouldn't respond. I texted him 2 days later, and when I got no response to that, I realized that he probably stopped talking to me because she and I had had a disagreement. I have NO clue why this should bother him, though, as she was the one who insulted me first and I was merely defending myself on a public message board (a community bulletin board of sorts, of the community that I will be a part of in a few months' time) !

 

I am really hurt. I get that some may think that we didn't have a "relationship", but I am really hurting now. Please note, that I will be relocating, regardless, which is why I wanted to know if I should even attempt a conversation with him after a few days about what went wrong and why ? I hate drama as much as the next person and this is just overwhelming for me.

 

TIA for any advise you might have for me. It is very gratefully appreciated.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't bother trying to get in touch with him again. I get that you're relocating there, but you still don't know him in person.

 

He is obviously closer to this woman than he is telling you.

 

Also, his silence speaks volumes. He doesn't want you to contact him, as much as that probably hurts you. Personally, I wouldn't waste more time trying to connect with him. You're all too old for shenanigans like this, friend.

[ForMySanity]

I wouldn't bother trying to get in touch with him again. I get that you're relocating there, but you still don't know him in person.

 

He is obviously closer to this woman than he is telling you.

 

Also, his silence speaks volumes. He doesn't want you to contact him, as much as that probably hurts you. Personally, I wouldn't waste more time trying to connect with him. You're all too old for shenanigans like this, friend.

 

Yes, you are correct. His stony silence (especially on the heels of this woman and I arguing) tells me that there is probably a LOT MORE to this story than he wants to let on. Well, HIS loss... she sounds b@t sh*t crazy to me, and they are welcome to each other.

 

It still hurts, though. I blocked his phone number and email address, as well as his profile on Facebook. It's weird that I have to go "no-contact" on someone I knew for less than 5 weeks but human stupidity is truly LIMITLESS (as I proved to MYSELF so amply).

 

Thank you for your kind words ... I really am far too old for this kind of nonsense.