Dating a Trauma Surgeon

[Katey514]

Recently have been involved with this man named Alex, he's a bit older than I am and we met online. We talked via text for about a month before actually meeting up. We're both non clingy people and from our first date he told me how women aren't very understanding when it comes to his schedule.

 

We hit it off, things got heated (in a good way) and he wanted to see me again and keep it going. Usually he's okay with texting back, usually within 24 hours or he'll even text me randomly telling me he misses me and asks about my day.

 

However lately he would go MIA for days, almost a week. He apologized and said that he really is really serious about me but the long hours were killing him as he's still doing residency at the hospital. We chose another time to meet, when I texted to confirm still nothing and now it's been 5 days since I've heard from him. Idk if he met someone else, is it just long hours, if he lost a patient or if he's even okay. I'm not the type to text everyday, it just makes me anxious when I don't hear from the person when it comes to scheduling a certain time to see each other and more so now that he said he's really serious about me. 5 days just seems so long when he was able to get back to me sooner before. Is he just comfortable knowing that I'll be here waiting?

 

What do you guys think?

[Els]

Residency can be gruelling, but 5 days is still a REALLY long time to wait for a text confirming a date. Barring extreme circumstances (he fell seriously ill, etc) I think you should reconsider this guy.

[tinkerbell16]

Residency can be gruelling, but 5 days is still a REALLY long time to wait for a text confirming a date. Barring extreme circumstances (he fell seriously ill, etc) I think you should reconsider this guy.

 

Trauma surgeon blehhh Unless he himself had trauma surgery and he has a feeding tube and is unconscious 5 days no response says he just played you and you have entered the slow decline to ghost phase... I bet Obama doesn't go 5 days without checking in on Michelle and he is the leader of the free world! You may hear from him again depending on how horny he is. If you do and refuse sex he will ghost completely. If you are looking for more than casual nsa sex this is a good thing... don't contact him. Go enjoy life and date other men better to and for you.

[angel.eyes]

I suspect it's the hours, rather than anything else, but it's way too early on to tell.

 

Rather than focus on why he's doing it, focus on whether this is something you are fine with in the person you're dating. Are you okay with someone who will go for long periods without communication? Will you be okay with someone who has to cancel at the last minute because he got stuck at work? If you can't, then walk away now. If you don't need a lot of attention and reassurance from you're dating partner, and are fairly busy and independent yourself, then have a discussion with him when you next see each other in person.

 

How many more years of residency does he have?

[Satu]

I don't think his job is the explanation.

 

No matter how busy someone is, they will always find 20 seconds to send a text if they are really interested in you.

 

Something has changed that you don't know about.

 

 

Take care.

[elaine567]

A text takes seconds to send, as does an email and you are only a phone call away too. Nobody is THAT busy.

No, he has changed his mind about you for some reason and you will only hear from him again if he has no other option lined up.

Sorry!

[CarrieT]

We hit it off, things got heated (in a good way) and he wanted to see me again and keep it going. Usually he's okay with texting back, usually within 24 hours or he'll even text me randomly telling me he misses me and asks about my day.

I read this to mean that you had sex the first time you met him so now that he's had what he wanted from you, he has little reason to maintain the level of contact you experienced before you put out.

 

I'm recently married to a surgeon and when we first met, he was so taken that I was hearing from him in between patients.

 

I agree with the others; a text takes seconds. If he were really interested, he'd be knocking your door down to be with you.

[tinkerbell16]

I read this to mean that you had sex the first time you met him so now that he's had what he wanted from you, he has little reason to maintain the level of contact you experienced before you put out.

 

I'm recently married to a surgeon and when we first met, he was so taken that I was hearing from him in between patients.

 

I agree with the others; a text takes seconds. If he were really interested, he'd be knocking your door down to be with you.

 

Exactly. OP don't talk yourself out, around, over this fact, no matter how dreamy he is.

[Katey514]

Trauma surgeon blehhh Unless he himself had trauma surgery and he has a feeding tube and is unconscious 5 days no response says he just played you and you have entered the slow decline to ghost phase... I bet Obama doesn't go 5 days without checking in on Michelle and he is the leader of the free world! You may hear from him again depending on how horny he is. If you do and refuse sex he will ghost completely. If you are looking for more than casual nsa sex this is a good thing... don't contact him. Go enjoy life and date other men better to and for you.

 

You guys ripped me a new one but at least this made me laugh lol ?. It was originally supposed to be casual, that's all I've had the last three years so I know how it is. I do the same thing but after the first time he went MIA I thought he didn't want to hook up again but he said he was just busy with work and he's interested in just more than hooking up so that's when I thought like oh ok he's serious which made me I guess expect more. I would have been okay with it just being casual until he started saying all this other stuff to me. But yeah I totally agree, it only takes 10 seconds to shoot a text.

[tinkerbell16]

You guys ripped me a new one but at least this made me laugh lol ?. It was originally supposed to be casual, that's all I've had the last three years so I know how it is. I do the same thing but after the first time he went MIA I thought he didn't want to hook up again but he said he was just busy with work and he's interested in just more than hooking up so that's when I thought like oh ok he's serious which made me I guess expect more. I would have been okay with it just being casual until he started saying all this other stuff to me. But yeah I totally agree, it only takes 10 seconds to shoot a text.

 

Fake future talk is soooo common (and easy) for players to keep you right where they want you, which is at the ready, when they want it uhemmm I mean you again. Sucks if you are looking for a relationship but best if you know the games and lengths these guys will go through.

[Els]

You guys ripped me a new one but at least this made me laugh lol ?. It was originally supposed to be casual, that's all I've had the last three years so I know how it is. I do the same thing but after the first time he went MIA I thought he didn't want to hook up again but he said he was just busy with work and he's interested in just more than hooking up so that's when I thought like oh ok he's serious which made me I guess expect more. I would have been okay with it just being casual until he started saying all this other stuff to me. But yeah I totally agree, it only takes 10 seconds to shoot a text.

 

He's gone MIA before? Geez, don't even bother with him then. Total waste of time and energy!

[longjohn]

If I were you I'd move along, that relationship has no pulse at all. Don't be shocked if you find out he's lying and/or has x number of lovely ladies lined up that have all heard the same story.

[LeslieWalsh]

Yeah, I mean like others said he would find he time to text you! Think about it-what about all those doctors, surgeons that are married with kids and they still have the time to keep their marriage and family stuff together?

[JuanDelToro]

I can see two plausible scenarios here:

 

a)He`s not what he says he is and he`s faking a high status job to lure women. Period of contact is irrelevant, some of these guys can spend months building rapport with several women.

Have you ever asked him anything `medical`? Just throw at him (in person) a random thing like "Dating you i got interested in medical stuff and i was looking at these Cromwell sutures, do you use them?". See if he`ll correct you as the name is Connell (a stitching pattern that all surgeons know).

 

b)He`s not faking it and he`s a real surgeon. Residency especially in trauma is BRUTAL. It`s not only the long hours, it's also immense stress and pressure. Your mind is always preoccupied and there`s little room to consider anything else.

I`m from a family of doctors (surgeons) and i have first hand experience with this.

[Katey514]

Yeah, he's legit. I looked him up and found articles and other reliable sources websites before meeting him in person. I just don't get why people need to pretend that they want to be apart of your life in order to get some action. From the first time we met he knew I was chill with just something casual, and then here he is later on saying that he wants babies with me and can see us getting married lol. Which is honestly so scary, yes it all sounds like bull but if he knew he could have something without all the attachments then why try to pull on my heartstrings. Sucksssss.

[Katey514]

I can see two plausible scenarios here:

 

a)He`s not what he says he is and he`s faking a high status job to lure women. Period of contact is irrelevant, some of these guys can spend months building rapport with several women.

Have you ever asked him anything `medical`? Just throw at him (in person) a random thing like "Dating you i got interested in medical stuff and i was looking at these Cromwell sutures, do you use them?". See if he`ll correct you as the name is Connell (a stitching pattern that all surgeons know).

 

b)He`s not faking it and he`s a real surgeon. Residency especially in trauma is BRUTAL. It`s not only the long hours, it's also immense stress and pressure. Your mind is always preoccupied and there`s little room to consider anything else.

I`m from a family of doctors (surgeons) and i have first hand experience with this.

 

Yeah, he's legit. I looked him up and found articles and other reliable sources websites before meeting him in person. I just don't get why people need to pretend that they want to be apart of your life in order to get some action. From the first time we met he knew I was chill with just something casual, and then here he is later on saying that he wants babies with me and can see us getting married lol. Which is honestly so scary, yes it all sounds like bull but if he knew he could have something without all the attachments then why try to pull on my heartstrings. Sucksssss.

[Gloria25]

Maybe he goes MIA cuz of the "type" of RL you have - he doesn't see the need to communicate with you until it's time to set up a meet?

 

I mean, my last FWB? We didn't communicate until it was time to set up a meet. So, there was no daily or every other day "How are you?", "How's your day going?", "Oh, just wanna text you a smiley face", "Hey, did you see the news today?" texts, emails, calls, etc. between us. And, mind you, when we did meet up, we'd go out to eat, shop, movies, etc.

 

So, maybe you all need to communicate what your expectations are and what kind of relationship this is...

 

I mean, I'm not a very chatty person. Even with my gfs, we talk maybe once a week just to catch up. IMO, women - especially in a RL - expect a call and/or text/chat once a day or even more. I don't think guys need it - even in a serious RL - cuz men are more stoic. So, with him having the type of job he has and you all not being all that serious yet, and with him being a "male"...he probably doesn't see the need to connect with you until at least once a week.

 

Right now I'm kinda in a similar situation. My guy has a busy and stressful schedule and mine ebbs/flows. I've been there where I was so busy that gfs asking me to go out was seen as an annoyance. I literally went MIA on my gfs and dating for a while myself...so, I get where it comes from. So, I, myself am trying to work out a communication pattern with my current guy. So far, he's gotten better at communicating - but I'm still trying to make sure that I'm showing interest while giving him space to concentrate on his stuff. I mean, this weekend I was going to text him but changed my mind, and then "poof", he texts me and I was like "gosh, he doesn't know how much I was gonna reach out to him too" and this is not the first time I wanna reach out to him, but then he surprises me and reaches out to me.

 

So, maybe you guys need to have a chat about your expectations here and what type of RL you have.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Gloria25

[Katey514]

Maybe he goes MIA cuz of the "type" of RL you have - he doesn't see the need to communicate with you until it's time to set up a meet?

 

I mean, my last FWB? We didn't communicate until it was time to set up a meet. So, there was no daily or every other day "How are you?", "How's your day going?", "Oh, just wanna text you a smiley face", "Hey, did you see the news today?" texts, emails, calls, etc. between us. And, mind you, when we did meet up, we'd go out to eat, shop, movies, etc.

 

So, maybe you all need to communicate what your expectations are and what kind of relationship this is...

 

I mean, I'm not a very chatty person. Even with my gfs, we talk maybe once a week just to catch up. IMO, women - especially in a RL - expect a call and/or text/chat once a day or even more. I don't think guys need it - even in a serious RL - cuz men are more stoic. So, with him having the type of job he has and you all not being all that serious yet, and with him being a "male"...he probably doesn't see the need to connect with you until at least once a week.

 

Right now I'm kinda in a similar situation. My guy has a busy and stressful schedule and mine ebbs/flows. I've been there where I was so busy that gfs asking me to go out was seen as an annoyance. I literally went MIA on my gfs and dating for a while myself...so, I get where it comes from. So, I, myself am trying to work out a communication pattern with my current guy. So far, he's gotten better at communicating - but I'm still trying to make sure that I'm showing interest while giving him space to concentrate on his stuff.

 

So, maybe you guys need to have a chat about your expectations here and what type of RL you have.

 

Definitely! I appreciate the input, I myself aren't that chatty and i could go like three days without texting back and fourth. My problem is just getting a hold of him to find out when we could see each other is the problem. He's canceled once which I could understand because of his job but he never confirmed after choosing another date to meet which already passed and I still haven't heard from him. I'm not texting him everyday wanting to know how he's doing unless he initiates the conversation first.

[johan]

Recently have been involved with this man named Alex, he's a bit older than I am and we met online. We talked via text for about a month before actually meeting up. We're both non clingy people and from our first date he told me how women aren't very understanding when it comes to his schedule.

 

We hit it off, things got heated (in a good way) and he wanted to see me again and keep it going. Usually he's okay with texting back, usually within 24 hours or he'll even text me randomly telling me he misses me and asks about my day.

 

However lately he would go MIA for days, almost a week. He apologized and said that he really is really serious about me but the long hours were killing him as he's still doing residency at the hospital. We chose another time to meet, when I texted to confirm still nothing and now it's been 5 days since I've heard from him. Idk if he met someone else, is it just long hours, if he lost a patient or if he's even okay. I'm not the type to text everyday, it just makes me anxious when I don't hear from the person when it comes to scheduling a certain time to see each other and more so now that he said he's really serious about me. 5 days just seems so long when he was able to get back to me sooner before. Is he just comfortable knowing that I'll be here waiting?

 

What do you guys think?

 

Is he too busy, seeing someone else, married, unable to use a phone, blind drunk, on special ops missions, and/or something else... Just look at the facts of your own situation: you're involved in a new relationship with a guy who says he really digs you but still can't get around to contacting you for days at a time, even when common decency would require at least a short text to confirm your plans.. whatever the explanation for his behavior is, it's a bit too soon for you to be so trusting, he shouldn't have to be told that it's confusing.. forget what he's up to and do what's best for yourself regardless of him. If he is so serious about you, he'll make it right.

[CarrieT]

Sounds like it is time to let him go. He's causing you too much angst and isn't worth this much effort - especially if he isn't going to bother.

[Emilia]

Yeah, he's legit. I looked him up and found articles and other reliable sources websites before meeting him in person. I just don't get why people need to pretend that they want to be apart of your life in order to get some action. From the first time we met he knew I was chill with just something casual, and then here he is later on saying that he wants babies with me and can see us getting married lol. Which is honestly so scary, yes it all sounds like bull but if he knew he could have something without all the attachments then why try to pull on my heartstrings. Sucksssss.

Because this is what some men refer to when they say they 'enjoy the chase'. They don't care about the emotional implications on the other person, they want to feel they succeeded and they want to feel they pulled the other person in emotionally.

 

This is why it's very important to watch someone's words AND ACTIONS in general, in the early stages in particular.

[tinkerbell16]

Yeah, he's legit. I looked him up and found articles and other reliable sources websites before meeting him in person. I just don't get why people need to pretend that they want to be apart of your life in order to get some action. From the first time we met he knew I was chill with just something casual, and then here he is later on saying that he wants babies with me and can see us getting married lol. Which is honestly so scary, yes it all sounds like bull but if he knew he could have something without all the attachments then why try to pull on my heartstrings. Sucksssss.

 

I have a feeling if and when he doesn't have a warm body lined up and he is horny and he reaches out to you, you will bite. Please dont be tempted!!!!! It will only lead to heartache. Just to show you how programmed they are to the "game" I also had one say he wanted to have a baby with me haha I am well past baby stage (middle age). He got his " script" screwed up and forgot he wasn't with one of his young conquests!!!! So yeah, they will say ANYTHING they think you want to hear, make no mistake!

[angel.eyes]

In the OP, it sounded as if you were dating the guy seriously.

 

Since this started as just a hookup, he's not taking you seriously. Nor should you expect him to. You're just FWB, or more likely FB. When he's horny and lonely, he'll contact you. When he isn't, or he's occupied with his other extracurricular activities, he won't bother responding. You're not his girlfriend or someone he's trying to turn into his girlfriend. Hence he went MIA before (another fact that would have been useful to mention in the OP) and he's not bothering with your texts until the next time he's up for a hookup with you.

 

His behavior has nothing to do with his career choice and everything to do with the type of arrangement you have. You were looking for a casual hookup. That's what he's giving you. If you don't want casual hookups, don't lead with casual hookups.