Innocentgirl2017 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 HI nice friends !! I will tell u my story short enough for u to understand, so u can help me darling. I am a 26 yrs olds, sensitive, quite good looking, smart doctor. I have first met my first love 6 months ago on a duty night shift. He is also a doctor and works together with me in same hospital. We felt in love each others so quickly. We had so much happy memories, i know that he loves me a lot when he started to chase me at first days Iam a classical asian girl, he doesnt have sex with me, and we all wanted to wait till our wedding, in next 1 year. But suddenly, after being together like every single day in 4 months, he texted me : ” I think my love has problem”. We met immediately, ive been shocked and cried like rain that day at his house, but he said he still loves me and want to heal his love again. I agreed. 1 weeks later, after hanging out normally in the morning sunday, he texted me a long message at 9pm to break up with me, the reason was he had no more eager like first days, he had no feelings about me anymore, he is not sure about getting married with me, but iam so serious on this relationship, so we should stop. I came to his house 1 hours later, and begging, crying so much. First he agreed to come back, then he said he needed time. I agreed. But 1 weeks later, he officially broke up with me. I mess him i agreed and always loved him unconditionally, so i will let him go. He mess me again he was so lonely and feel like destroying his soul cause he broke my heart.and he will meet me on my birthday future ( cause i said i want to meet him on my birthday in the text). I do the no contact rule, but fail and begging him 2 weeks later & he said he couldnt continue cause he dont love me anymore. My birthday, he texted to say happy birthday to me, i said i want to meet him and wait at his house 6 hours & mess him through facebook a lot, but he didnt show up. Last message he texted me is that, he didnt know i would wait him, sorry me, he was not deserved to my love, he was a jerk …..i should forget him.since that days, i do the no contact rule again. More things you should know, he is my first love, but Iam his third love. He had loved and sex his first lover in 8 years and broke up with her. Now she is married. His second lover, she broke up with him after 5months cause she loved someone else (2 years ago) Im doubt that he might break up with me to come back with his second lover. Cause my friend saw him going coffee with that girl the same time he said his love with me had problem. I once asked was that the reason for our break up, but he said he didnt cheat me. He & she will never come back again. I dont know he is lyeing to me or telling the truth. Im doing the no contact rule again for 2 weeks. And i feel so much better now . I can move on with another guys, but i love him a lot with all my simple heart. His birthday is next 2 months, i need your advice, should i move on and forget everything, or do things that make him feel touched, like hand made, expensive gifts….and show up suprisely at his house at 0.00 am ? Cause on my birthday, he left me miserable lonely…. And darling, how to know the real reason of our break up ? Will he contact me first ? Thank u a lot !!! Hope u reply me as soon as possible 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 snip Im doing the no contact rule again for 2 weeks. And i feel so much better now . I can move on with another guys, but i love him a lot with all my simple heart. His birthday is next 2 months, i need your advice, *should i move on and forget everything, or do things that make him feel touched, like hand made, expensive gifts….and show up suprisely at his house at 0.00 am ? Cause on my birthday, he left me miserable lonely…. And darling, how to know the real reason of our break up ? Will he contact me first ? *Yes, you should move on. He's done his thinking and decided that he doesn't want to be with you. I realise how painful that is, but trying to get him back will only bring you more pain. He is your first love, but he won't be the only one. A greater part of wisdom is about acceptance. So let him go, and realise that there is someone better for you, waiting in the future. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Sorry but it seems he fell out of love for you (in the same way we fall in love, it's often out of our control). You should never have to beg or plead to be loved. True love should always be natural, and mutual. If he is ever to change his mind, then that will happen on his own time, when he's not had you in his life. I'm not saying for one instance that you should now focus on that and use NC to win him back. Instead use NC to heal yourself and get back your self respect. Once you're healed you'll be able to judge the situation clearer, instead of through those love specs you currently have on where you only see him as this perfect guy. Maybe he is, but sadly he just doesn't feel the same love you feel for him. Go back to no contact and take the time to focus on you - time alone, time with friends, time travelling, time doing whatever the hell you want to do. Try not to live in hope as that only leads to never truly living, just hanging on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 snip *Yes, you should move on. He's done his thinking and decided that he doesn't want to be with you. I realise how painful that is, but trying to get him back will only bring you more pain. He is your first love, but he won't be the only one. A greater part of wisdom is about acceptance. So let him go, and realise that there is someone better for you, waiting in the future. Take care. First, I want to thank you for your quick advice on me, a heart broken girl. I feel so much better now cause it has been almost 1,5 months since that horrible day. In your own experence when giving advices to lots of situations on this website, how many percent of couples could find their own way back to love each other again ? I know I should let him go, but he is my first love. I like it better when he is on my side, not this silence.... The reason for his break up, I just felt something wrong .... I have treated him so kind ....and he had promised me a lot about our future .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 Sorry but it seems he fell out of love for you (in the same way we fall in love, it's often out of our control). You should never have to beg or plead to be loved. True love should always be natural, and mutual. If he is ever to change his mind, then that will happen on his own time, when he's not had you in his life. I'm not saying for one instance that you should now focus on that and use NC to win him back. Instead use NC to heal yourself and get back your self respect. Once you're healed you'll be able to judge the situation clearer, instead of through those love specs you currently have on where you only see him as this perfect guy. Maybe he is, but sadly he just doesn't feel the same love you feel for him. Go back to no contact and take the time to focus on you - time alone, time with friends, time travelling, time doing whatever the hell you want to do. Try not to live in hope as that only leads to never truly living, just hanging on. Dear smudge21, thank you for your advice, I hurt whenever I think about old days, cause I'm to shock and dont know what to believe in men, they said a lot about how they love you and never leave you, but sadly, they do oppositely ...i trusted him a lot, and now i have to pay for it. I always think that, true love will find it own way back. I am a smart girl, but this kind of things, I have not been having any experience at all. Im so confused between letting it go or giving another last chance for myself to win him back on his birthday in next 2 months, when everything is more stable between us. Sometimes I have crazy ideas like following him to see he is cheating me or not. Im so stucked ! I read so many website about getting ex back, and they said if you followed the contact rule 30 days, they will all come back, is that true ?? And at this stage, should I delete his Facebook ? Im stalking his FB like every 2 hours , sound crazy girl, I know ..... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Yes, you need to get out of his life asap. Checking up on him every 2 hours? Wow, that's a serious addiction. You will never heal and be able to see this with a clear head unless you start to take some steps back, the first being to go total NC. The problem though is the fact you have become addicted to him, and the further he's moved away, the more you've chased. You should not be thinking how to win him back - no dumpee should ever belittle themselves to think "he/she left me, so how do I change so I get him/her back". Only if there's been some serious issues which have been discussed, otherwise we often just have to accept that people do fall out of love. Your ex fell out of love with you. Not your fault, or his for that matter. It just happened. There is nothing you can change about yourself to "win" him back. The only reason you should ever get back with him is if that love for you comes back to him. You see what I'm saying - you still love him. He doesn't love you. Which one of you has changed? I know that sounds harsh, but accepting the reality of the situation is the hardest thing when starting no contact. If you continue to live in hope and continue stalking his life, then you will never be no contact and therefore will never start to heal. Do not though, use NC as a way to win your ex back. If you go in with that plan, you will fail. No contact is to heal yourself. It's to make you feel better. To find your inner happiness and peace. To understand that this situation was out of your control and that you are indeed worth better than this one person. I know where you are right now as I've been there. I did the stalking thing. Lived in hope. Went NC praying that she would come back. It was horrible. However, once I'd reached rock bottom (you're not there yet and I hope you don't get there) there was only one way to go and it took me months of NC to start to heal. It was tough - not to go find some info on her, talk to mutual friends etc. However even though I too used NC to think I could win her back, what it actually did was clear my head and heart and even though I still remembered the good times, I started to realise how bad the relationship was. How I'd been blinded and put up with so much rubbish just to be with this person who left me without a second thought. Eventually I took her off that pedestal and I no longer cared. I can't say the same will happen for you, maybe he will come back, but if he does, NC will have prepared you to be more in control as right now, the way you are, you know you'd take him back without question. No dumper should be allowed back until they've fixed the damage they've caused and proven they will never do it again. I really hope you can be strong enough to follow NC otherwise you're looking at a long period of hurt here. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Sorry for my late reply, I ve got too many exams and some bad things happened last week..... My dad was suddenly very sick and have to check up his health for serious problem in the hospital, and it looked like I have done the stupid thing again.. Im so worry for my Dad, and in the weakest moment, I texted my ex to tell him the situation ( cause i and him are doctors) . He did text me back, but only with really minimum cool answer like strangers, instead of calling me to comfort me or at least ask me text him back when my Dad is ok, cause my Dad had to be surgeried immediately. I think that is normal reaction that normal friend would do!! Im so disappointed about his attitude, cause when i knew he had hypertension, i ve done so many things to help him, not leaving him like this. So when my dad is ok, i text him a long message, but main contents is i couldnt believe he is that kind of bad person, i told him i deleted all pics of us in my cellphone. Then I blocked his FB account… (Dont you think I do right things ?) But now, after 4 days .... Think about my previous behavior, i feel so ashamed about myself, how can I be blinded that much …. I dont know why I text him that last message with angry attitude and said he was bad person… He is not my boyfiend anymore, he dont have to care about me or my Dad like old days, that s not his mission, right ….? Now I feel so awkard …. If i suddenly met him, just dont know how to hide my face… In last 2 months after breaking up, I beg,cry,talk text so much, he might be tired a lot about how to cut me off but dont ruin the friendship cause we work in same hospital ….. Look likes the chance to have him back is zero now... But what I want more, you know... I want he has to be regreted for leaving me ...... Love now just turned into resentment ... Yesterday he was on my side, but nowadays, he is just a stranger ... How time flies and people changes Smudge21... I just want to update my situation for you because u re the only one at this time care about my life.... All day long, i have to hide all of my pains.. So tough for me... Thank u Smudge from the bottom of my heart, I will tell you about my life if I have a great news in the future ... Best wishes for you !! PS: plz dont forget to send me some replies, I really appreciate that ... Edited June 24, 2016 by Innocentgirl2017 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 You really need to read through the no contact guide and start following it. It seems your life is being put on hold just for someone who is living theirs. I understand how hard it can be to let go, even when it's so bad and you're being treated poorly, but only YOU can make the changes needed in YOUR life. Only through time and NC will you be able to feel better about all this and see it from a clearer point of view. Right now, you're blinded by your memories and hopes, you can't see the person he is now. You're worth more than this, more than him. One day you'll see that but it's going to take some time for you to get there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Share Posted June 25, 2016 You really need to read through the no contact guide and start following it. It seems your life is being put on hold just for someone who is living theirs. I understand how hard it can be to let go, even when it's so bad and you're being treated poorly, but only YOU can make the changes needed in YOUR life. Only through time and NC will you be able to feel better about all this and see it from a clearer point of view. Right now, you're blinded by your memories and hopes, you can't see the person he is now. You're worth more than this, more than him. One day you'll see that but it's going to take some time for you to get there. I got it, i will try my best to do exactly like you said to me ... He is my first love , so I might take a long time to accept the reallity than yours ... But i promise to you, my first stranger friends on the internet, I will follow the no contact rule... If anything else happen to my life, i will update to you, and I hope you will be there for helping me ... Btw, Im from VietNam, just known about your country's BREXIT. Wish your country all the bests ! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 OP, this would be a great opportunity to expand your social circle and cultivate your interests. You mentioned nobody cares about you - do you have some friends where you live? It sounds like you're very socially isolated, which makes break-ups even harder to deal with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 If he's not interested anymore, then it's time for you to move on. Go NC, don't expect him back with that. Use it to heal yourself, get in a better shape, start new hobbies, make new friends, go out more often, and anything that can do you good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 OP, this would be a great opportunity to expand your social circle and cultivate your interests. You mentioned nobody cares about you - do you have some friends where you live? It sounds like you're very socially isolated, which makes break-ups even harder to deal with. Its not... Actually I have a lots of friend, and some of them knew my love story.... Its just they gave me lots of advices that turned my ex into really bad person, and I really dont agree with them .... He just felt out of love I think, like Smuldge21 said before .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 If he's not interested anymore, then it's time for you to move on. Go NC, don't expect him back with that. Use it to heal yourself, get in a better shape, start new hobbies, make new friends, go out more often, and anything that can do you good. Im trying my best, it s just too hard for me at this moment, Im so miserable .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Ok he had done his thinking and broke up with me, dumped me like twice time, why he kept doing the things that gave me hopes ? Like uploading songs about "being lonely", or "i will always love you", " I dont wanna miss the things" , " dust in the wind" , " if that day you did not come" , " till the end", "love will keep us alive".. etc... on his personal youtube ( he played guitar and sang by himself) ? What the hells is man thinking ? It s really annoying me, iam so broken heart, why he did that ? How could I not keep myself from seeing hopes that he wants to come back, it just his pride is so high, and he is not sure about his decision ? Oh f***ing ..... Guys please answer me this question, what do he want ? And if a man wants to come back, is that true that he will do whatever it takes to take their women back ? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 If you've already broken up a couple times in just 5 months, it's not going to work out. That's a pretty clear indication that you two are not a match. He sounds as though he likes attention, hence the sad-song concerts online. I have a friend who does the same thing after every break-up, even ones that she initiates. She likes that people feel sorry for her and ask her what's wrong. It's not some message that he loves you. For your own well-being, you need to stop checking his social media/online activity. And yes, if a man wants to reconcile after breaking up with a woman, he will make that clear. The mature ones will, anyway. This man isn't The One for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Guys please answer me this question, what do he want ? And if a man wants to come back, is that true that he will do whatever it takes to take their women back ? I would! But not every man.. And your guy's attitude is very similar to my 22 year heartbreaker Korean ex. If his "all" doesn't decide he wants to be with you, I am sorry, no chance dear.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Innocentgirl2017 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) I told myself like thousand times, that dont text, but ... I did it ... Again ......( f***)... Because I just want to make sure what happend to him ? In the message, I just appologize about my childish behaviour last 2 weeks, and ask him how his life is going without me since we broke up 2 months ago.. Thats all, no beg, no cry, no miss .... And you guys know the answer ? He text me that its not my false to do that, its all his false. And he is still the same, nothing is new. ( but he replied me after 15 hour @@ ) Oh my god, another time living in the dream again, so ashamed .... ****crying**** Edited July 4, 2016 by Innocentgirl2017 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I told myself like thousand times, that dont text, but ... I did it ... Again ......( f***)... Because I just want to make sure what happend to him ? In the message, I just appologize about my childish behaviour last 2 weeks, and ask him how his life is going without me since we broke up 2 months ago.. Thats all, no beg, no cry, no miss .... And you guys know the answer ? He text me that its not my false to do that, its all his false. And he is still the same, nothing is new. ( but he replied me after 15 hour @@ ) Oh my god, another time living in the dream again, so ashamed .... ****crying**** OP, it's time to put on your Big Girl Pants and delete his number. He's not going to suddenly want a relationship and you're not helping yourself here. Be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy. Link to post Share on other sites
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