She txts me everyday

[D.r.e]

I met a 23 yr old woman a few weeks ago, and since we met she has sent me messages everyday. We talk about a lot of things, and it turns out we live in the same neighborhood and hang out, grocery shop and do things together. She is extremely kind and thoughtful and someone I would date.

 

The problem is she is in a LDR with someone. She moved to my city months ago and doesn't really know too many people. I figured she might be just lonely, and only messaging me because of that, but she's on a trip back home for a few weeks, and still keeps messaging.

 

I'm confused because she seems attracted to me, but can sometimes be distant. My conflict starts because I like her as a person and like her friendship, but at the same time I am very attracted to her. I've never told her this, but it's also not like I have been trying to hide it. Basically she would have to be pretty naive to not know it.

 

My question in what way is she interested in me?

[CarrieT]

My question in what way is she interested in me?

Because you are there.

 

She might be looking for a reason to leave her LDR and isn't the type of person to end something until there is something else to jump to.

[13Hearts]

I don't know specifically but in a way that she texts you all the time. Which could mean nothing. Or it could mean she's interested in you. Or it could mean she doesn't know how to be present with the people she's supposed to be with. Or it could mean she's obsessive. Or it could mean she's addicted to her phone.

 

Why don't you ask her?

[D.r.e]

I don't know specifically but in a way that she texts you all the time. Which could mean nothing. Or it could mean she's interested in you. Or it could mean she doesn't know how to be present with the people she's supposed to be with. Or it could mean she's obsessive. Or it could mean she's addicted to her phone.

 

Why don't you ask her?

 

I feel like that makes logical sense but then what if she does feel something but then feels guilty and isn't honest or something. I've been in these situations before and often times it's not an honest answer at this point. Usually it's not until something happens that the truth comes out.

[D.r.e]

So I kept in contact with her and sure enough I started to develop feelings for her. I realized yesterday that my chances of a successful relationship with her is small, and to be honest I am pretty disappointed.

 

I also had a pretty rough day yesterday and she said, "let me know if you need someone to talk to" I said that I did. AND THEN SHE JUST LEFT ME there and went home!?!?

 

She was also talking about setting up a dating profile for me, and I found that to be condescending.

 

I deleted her number, but now I am in a bind because I am supposed to drive her to the airport next week. I feel like I've been being used, but at the same time I just allowed it to happen.

[BuddyX]

Your last statement rings true. You got used. Not the first or last time.

You have to understand that some people need to stroke their Ego. Some people need validation.

I see people on dating websites who are in a relationship. Why? Because they want to prove to themselves that they still got it.

You were a pawn in her game.

 

You're young. These are the fun years. You're early 20's should be about getting paid and getting laid.

Edited June 28, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar mistakes

[rumblefish12]

She was also talking about setting up a dating profile for me, and I found that to be condescending.

 

She may very well have been using you for an ego stroke. The long and short of it is, you got "friend-zoned." Even if you hadn't, it is better to cut and run. It has all the hallmarks of an unhappy ending. Tragedy averted -- time to move on.

[Grapesofwrath]

Dre: I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt and used. I think you figured things out quickly, which is to your credit. This young lady is not good relationship material. If she left her LDR to be with you, you would always be looking over your shoulder to see when she is lining up your replacement. She needs to work on herself before she can be a proper partner to anyone.

 

She can find another ride to the airport. In fact, why isn't her bf doing it?

 

You are young. As Buddy X points out, these are the fun years. Lift your eyes...there are adorable available women all around you. Enjoy this phase of life. Don't waste time on duplicitous girls who can't figure out how to deal honestly in their relationships.

[D.r.e]

Your last statement rings true. You got used. Not the first or last time.

You have to understand that some people need to stroke their Ego. Some people need validation.

I see people on dating websites who are in a relationship. Why? Because they want to prove to themselves that they still got it.

You were a pawn in her game.

 

You're young. These are the fun years. You're early 20's should be about getting paid and getting laid.

 

That's very true.

[D.r.e]

Dre: I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt and used. I think you figured things out quickly, which is to your credit. This young lady is not good relationship material. If she left her LDR to be with you, you would always be looking over your shoulder to see when she is lining up your replacement. She needs to work on herself before she can be a proper partner to anyone.

 

She can find another ride to the airport. In fact, why isn't her bf doing it?

 

You are young. As Buddy X points out, these are the fun years. Lift your eyes...there are adorable available women all around you. Enjoy this phase of life. Don't waste time on duplicitous girls who can't figure out how to deal honestly in their relationships.

 

She is long distance with her boyfriend. So... It's a trip to go back and see him. I'm sure she could take a taxi. I don't really want another friend. So whatever, she's an adult and will have to figure that out on her own.

[Satu]

She is long distance with her boyfriend. So... It's a trip to go back and see him. I'm sure she could take a taxi. I don't really want another friend. So whatever, she's an adult and will have to figure that out on her own.

 

You definitely don't owe her anything.

 

She'll figure that out too.

[D.r.e]

She just sent me an emoticon text. It's not a question, or anything, no words I feel like she is trying to bait me into giving her more attention. So I deleted it.

[Satu]

I'd just block her.

[Bufo]

Have access to Google or similar? Type in the words "beta orbiter" and do some exploring. You were well on your way to becoming her beta orbiter. Way back in time when I was less well read and more naive, I was one. Complete waste of time.

 

I have since learned that some women just love to have a guy (or more) at their beck and call. The ride to the airport to go see her boyfriend was the red flag. I suppose you were going to be the chauffeur for the ride from the airport,,too.

 

Just don't do it. Whatever romance exists or will exist is all in your head. She has no romantic feelings for you, but certainly enjoys the attention and the useful services you can provide.

 

If you are "on call" for this woman you will of necessity let other opportunities pass you by. And, like me, you'll still be kicking yourself in the ass years later. You'll get nothing out of a beta orbiter relationship. Nothing but bad memories. Again, just don't do it.

 

She'll reach out to you for awhile. As you have rightly done, ignore her attempts to reel,you back in.

 

"Can't we be friends?" she may coyly ask. Tell her "I have plenty of friends." Once she knows she can't use you, she'll be forced to find another chauffeur, emergency plumber, lender of last resort,,etc. Be strong.

Edited June 28, 2016 by Bufo

[Grapesofwrath]

She is long distance with her boyfriend. So... It's a trip to go back and see him. I'm sure she could take a taxi. I don't really want another friend. So whatever, she's an adult and will have to figure that out on her own.

 

Makes even more sense now. She's LD with her BF, so it's not enough attention for her. She uses you to fill that need for herself with no regard for what that does to you. You've figured it out. Walk away from this one.

[D.r.e]

Have access to Google or similar? Type in the words "beta orbiter" and do some exploring. You were well on your way to becoming her beta orbiter. Way back in time when I was less well read and more naive, I was one. Complete waste of time.

 

I have since learned that some women just love to have a guy (or more) at their beck and call. The ride to the airport to go see her boyfriend was the red flag. I suppose you were going to be the chauffeur for the ride from the airport,,too.

 

Just don't do it. Whatever romance exists or will exist is all in your head. She has no romantic feelings for you, but certainly enjoys the attention and the useful services you can provide.

 

If you are "on call" for this woman you will of necessity let other opportunities pass you by. And, like me, you'll still be kicking yourself in the ass years later. You'll get nothing out of a beta orbiter relationship. Nothing but bad memories. Again, just don't do it.

 

She'll reach out to you for awhile. As you have rightly done, ignore her attempts to reel,you back in.

 

"Can't we be friends?" she may coyly ask. Tell her "I have plenty of friends." Once she knows she can't use you, she'll be forced to find another chauffeur, emergency plumber, lender of last resort,,etc. Be strong.

 

This is pretty solid advice. She ended up texting again to which I just immediately deleted. The other thing that clued me in was that she was asking to set up a dating profile for me. I actually found that alone to be extremely condescending. I'm not really a guy that needs help attracting women. The fact that I simply went up to her cold and introduced myself should have clued her in on that.

 

I would block her but I just don't care enough to.

[BuddyX]

I would still block her.

Think about the following; once you dropped her, she had another handful "nice" guys who are Willing to jump in and take your spot. And that's just sad.

 

"You're always so nice to me. Can't believe we never became more than friends. Maybe we should start dating" Said no woman ever

 

Don't chase your shots and don't chase your women.

[D.r.e]

I would still block her.

Think about the following; once you dropped her, she had another handful "nice" guys who are Willing to jump in and take your spot. And that's just sad.

 

"You're always so nice to me. Can't believe we never became more than friends. Maybe we should start dating" Said no woman ever

 

Don't chase your shots and don't chase your women.

 

She ended up txting said I was passive aggressive and called me an ass.

[BuddyX]

Passive aggressive??? Ha Ha. "I just don't like to be used". But Do NOT respond. Block her now.

[Rainah]

Lol she doesn't like to be ignored, its always someone else fault not hers.

[D.r.e]

Passive aggressive??? Ha Ha. "I just don't like to be used". But Do NOT respond. Block her now.

 

Probably shouldn't have, but I ended up saying I've been nothing but nice. Haven't done anything to justify being called an ass.

 

Then I left it at that. No reply.

[D.r.e]

It's been a few days and I am feeling a strange sense of guilt. I had this happen in the past with someone and I always broke and apologized. I always want to make things right.

 

The number was deleted, but why do I feel like this?

[BuddyX]

Because the nice guy in you controls you. It also means you need better friends.

If this $hit happened to me my boys would walk in and say "where going....and were doing...."

Go to the gym. Take up MMA, Rock climbing. You were not put on earth to wait and serve someone.

 

"Don't ever make someone a priority when you're nothing but an option to them"

[D.r.e]

Because the nice guy in you controls you. It also means you need better friends.

If this $hit happened to me my boys would walk in and say "where going....and were doing...."

Go to the gym. Take up MMA, Rock climbing. You were not put on earth to wait and serve someone.

 

"Don't ever make someone a priority when you're nothing but an option to them"

 

Thanks, been feeling like dogs hit. My brain is tricking me into thoughts that she was nice and maybe I was an ass. Time to focus on me