Listen to this one!

[Ace]

It seems now that the girlfriend thinks she can control everything in the relationship. She is constantly saying what WE are going to do and that she does not want to do things on the days that I do. I know that I have probably contributed to alot of this, but I want this to change, NOW!

 

What should I do? Ignore her, tell her that I am busy? I want to know how to get her off her high horse and bring back the sweet girl that she once was.

 

The reason that I am back and telling you guys this is because just recently this weekend, I talked to her on Saturday and asked her if she wanted to go out to eat with me and my family. She still said no even though we have been going out for over 3 months after our loonng relationship before.

 

The bottom line is, I think that I am going to have to play hard to get and just act like she isn't really that important. Maybe just not sounding too interested? I really don't want to do this, but if this is what it takes then so be it!

 

Adam

[Ed]

The bottom line is, I think that I am going

to have to play hard to get and just act like she isn't really that important. Maybe just not sounding too interested? I really don't want to do this, but if this is what it takes then so be it!

If it is going to work, your last paragraph is what it will take. I think Tony's advice is finally sinking in.

 

Next time you ask her out to eat, leave the family out of it and give her, at the most, one of two nights as an option. The rest of the time - YOU ARE BUSY!

[Tony T]

You need to tell you how you feel. You are obviously feeling that she is trying to control things and you aren't having a whole lot of say in the relationship. You need to tell her that's got to change. And you have to be ready to leave if she says no.

 

At some point here, you've got to act like a man. Putting on a hard to get act is not going to work in a situation like this. You have allowed her to run things for so long she has gotten used to it. You've just got to put your foot down in a very discrete and kind way and let her know that you want a 50/50 deal with her.

[Ace]

You guys are absolutely right! I am going to try to do the little hard to get game for a few weeks and see how that goes. If I see no response at all, I will talk with her about all of this because I don't deserve it!

 

After the few weeks are up, if she is still feeling the same way thinking that she has to control the relationship, I WILL tell her that I am done with her until she can learn how to appreciate a great boyfriend!

 

I hate for it to come down to this, but I guess I have to do this or it will be bad for a long time to come.

 

Adam

[clia]

why you are keeping this girl around. It sounds like she causes nothing but misery and confusion in your life. Aren't you worth better than that?

 

You say: "What should I do? Ignore her, tell her that I am busy? I want to know how to get her off her high horse and bring back the sweet girl that she once was."

 

If she's acting in a way toward you that is different than before, there must be a reason for it. (And from your previous posts, it sounds like it's because she really truly deep down doesn't want to continue the relationship.) Tell her that you don't wish to communicate with her until she can treat you like a human being. Tell her it's bothering you and see how she reacts.

 

You say: "The reason that I am back and telling you guys this is because just recently this weekend, I talked to her on Saturday and asked her if she wanted to go out to eat with me and my family. She still said no even though we have been going out for over 3 months after our loonng relationship before."

 

Rude, rude, rude. So now you're completely back together? Which is it? I thought you guys were sort of on a break? If she was truly your girlfriend, as you seem to think she is, she would have gone with you. (Unless, of course, you asked her at the last minute and she already had plans.) I think you need to verify with her that the two of you are on the same wavelength where your relationship is concerned. I still get the feeling that you are trying to force something that isn't there anymore.

 

You say: "The bottom line is, I think that I am going to have to play hard to get and just act like she isn't really that important. Maybe just not sounding too interested? I really don't want to do this, but if this is what it takes then so be it!"

 

I think you need to take inventory and decide why you want to be with this girl. She's driving you batty. Act however you want to act. People on this board have been telling you for months that you should play a little hard to get, but you keep not hearing it. I thought you said before you were going to try that? What happened? If you're going to do it, you have to stick to your guns.

 

At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if playing games with her is the answer. If you want to do that and hope she comes around, that's your decision. But don't waste too much time on this. There are a lot of other fish in the sea who would be more than happy to treat you well.

[Ace]

Even though I act a little bit misunderstanding of some advice I get, I still appreciate every bit. I really like telling people that are completely unbiased. I tell alot of my friends also, but they are biased towards me because they know me alot better than what they know her.

 

I know that I have to stick to my guns, Clia. I am really trying to do this, but I am the first too admit that I am very weak in that aspect. When I find someone that I truly love and they act like that, I crumble alot of the time. However, with her acting like this more often, the longer that it goes on, the more stronger that I get. I think that it only takes more time for me to realize that I could do better. I mean, she is the only gf that I ever had! I will get over it if I have to.

 

I am stuck with a different situation when thinking if I want to be with her right now. She is in the middle of a big change in her life and with her personality, she is one to really stress out over it; she is graduating from college and is looking for a job now.

 

I have to look at the big picture when I think about ending it because it may be the stress of graduating. The reason that I didn't write anything in the forum for awhile there is because we were getting along alot better. Now, she only has about 2 weeks until she graduates and that is putting alot of stress on her.

 

I will try to play this little "hard to get" game for a little while. I am curious to see how it works. To tell you the truth, the longer that I don't see her, the easier that it gets for me. I still want to try to make this work because I really and truly do love this girl, but if push comes to shove then I guess I will have to say something about the relationship.

 

We are not back together. We ARE on different wavelengths and that is my fault. I wanted more than what she has said that she wants. I am to blame for that one, but to tell you the truth, we do the exact same things that we have done before we broke up for the first time. We even do MORE things together. The only thing that she doesn't want to is see the family. O well.

 

I really wish that I wasn't such a traditionalist. I believe that if you have a girlfriend or someone that you are dating, that should be exclusive, no matter what. I just feel like a toy if you are dating someone and she is dating someone else. It just disgusts me. Another thing is sex or sexual relations. Anything like that should be done with two people that love each other. Even though that I am really horny, I still want to keep it that way.

 

I wouldn't even be stressed out over this if it weren't for my ideas. I do really need to lighten up and just go with the flow. She has said that we are not serious and that we can date other people, but that would almost be contradicting myself and I have no desire to do this.

 

OK, I am tired of rambling on and wasting all of you good people's time. I will stop now.

 

Take care.

 

Adam

[Miss Mojo]

hi ace,

 

i know that you are going to do everything in your power to try and make this work, but i have one little thing to say:

 

if the game playing doesn't work in the long-run, NOTHING will. give up if it doesn't work and walk away.

 

as far as i am concerned, people shouldn't even need to play games in a relationship. it's one thing to be your own person and want to do your own thing. that usually keeps the spark going, because it is healthy to live your own life and have your partner miss you in the meantime. that is not playing games. that is just being an independant person in a (hopefully) happy relationship.

 

you might crumble at times, but please do not lose sight of what is best for YOU. i could name a heap of girls i know what would be over the moon to have a guy as devoted as you and who wouldn't be so blase about things. this same heap of girls however, would find it very endearing if you were to say, "sorry babe, but i'm going out with the boys tonight". personally, i love it when i am with a guy who can say, "i'm doing my own thing tonight/today". it's so great to miss somebody and not have them expect that because you are in a relationship, you have to do everything together.

 

i do however, think that this girl is more concerned with herself than anyone else, and she knows that you will ALWAYS be very concerned about her. it *appears* to me that she knows she can walk all over you and get away with it (because you crumble). i have been there myself with my very first boyfriend, and all he did was take advantage of me, time and time again. why? because i let him. when i finally put my foot down and said "enough is enough", he nearly peed his pants. but by then it was too late anyway, and i left him (for abusive reasons). i have since learnt my lesson and it feels great.

 

you can still maintain your good heart and your loyalty, while at the same time making time for yourself and enjoying things without her and not worrying all the time. you shouldn't have to worry all the time. make her worry, and if this game-playing doesn't work, walk away, take time to deal with things, and find yourself a girl who really, really values how you feel and isn't so distant.

 

[Miss Mojo]

...loud and clear, and i hope to god this attitude sticks

 

If I see no response at all, I will talk with her about all of this because I don't deserve it!

 

YES!

 

...I WILL tell her that I am done with her until she can learn how to appreciate a great boyfriend!

 

double YES!!!

 

I hate for it to come down to this, but I guess I have to do this or it will be bad for a long time to come.

 

ABSOLUTELY!!!

 

ace, you are right on the mark with everything you said here. i sincerely hope you stick to your guns with this girl....sometimes love is just not enough...especially when you are not as happy as you could be and are bending over backwards to achieve something that you wouldn't have to exhaust yourself trying to get with someone else.

 

my impression? i honestly think that things will be like this for a long time to come if you don't stand up for yourself. i also feel that her heart is not in it half as much as it should be....but it's going to be her loss oneday, ace.

Adam

[Ace]

I will do just that Miss Mojo. Thank you. I have a feeling that we are going to have one of "our talks". I can feel it coming and it doesn't feel good. I may be wrong, and I hope I am, but this time just doesn't feel very good. i guess we will see how it goes.

 

Adam

[Miss Mojo]

hi ace,

 

i know....having a "talk" never feels good at all. i know exactly how you're feeling. but at least you are the one in control here. the ball's in your court this time.

 

if things don't work out how you would like them to, just remember one thing - you are so much better having had a talk, than just hoping things will change through actions. while you're willing to act upon things (which is to be commended in a relationship), i somehow get the feeling your girlfriend isn't the kind of girl who would put all her effort into making something work....so if things don't go well, do not sit there, beating yourself up saying, "i wish i had never of opened my big mouth". trust me, it's so much better to open your mouth than just hope. at least you will know where you stand and you may be saving a lot of potential heartache if you don't.

 

and also remember - you have the kind of devotion to a relationship that most girls dream about. but things very rarely work when one isn't as willing to take that extra effort into making the relationship work. that's not your fault, it's not because of anything you've done, it's just the way the other person operates. if your girlfriend isn't at that stage in her life where she can appreciate a genuine boyfriend, then it's her loss. she may never be able to appreciate a guy like you, and that shouldn't concern you. i know a person like this, and i have no sympathy for them anymore.

 

good luck ace, and just say what's on your mind, no matter how nervous it makes you feel. better to clear the air now than possibly have things get worse down the track. just imagine how you would feel then. when nothing is resolved, nothing is gained.