Do people really have sex within the first 5 dates?!

[JoeSmith357-1]

Yet another thread about a woman claiming to want to take it slow, then she has sex within 5 dates, then regrets it. He was obviously just in it for the sex but women ignore the blantantly obvious all the time even though women know. Worst, women keeping doing it.

 

 

But you give it away right here. Women are attracted to just 10 to 20 percent of guys on average and it's usually the same hot guys they are competing over. There's average looking guys or guys with a gut but they are eleiminated within seconds regardless of their character.

 

 

Not picking on you because this is typical female behavior and it's not just young women but women in their 30's and 40's and beyond.

 

Call me crazy, but based on the OP's most recent posts, he is in contact with her, asking how she's doing. If he just wanted a quick lay, he would have gone NC and she would never be hearing from him again

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, you can’t possibly know what he was thinking when she left. The fact that he asked about that later (along with other things) proves nothing.

 

Also, even if it were true, that’s the way to act for an adult?

 

It looks to me as though you want OP to excuse and accept behavior instead of still keeping her mind open and honoring the gut feeling she had.

 

It’s just data and discounting or discarding data is how people get into abusive relationships or end up shocked months down the road because they ignored things (to do some more speculating).

 

I am not pretending to know. I am offering an plausible answer.

 

He has not act in a disrespectful way. Look her thread below where she explains how he let her know he needed to get to bed etc.

 

I think calling this man an abuser is exaggerating. I have no problem pointing an abuser when I see one.

 

I dunno you could be right, it just sounds strange to me especially if he is into her...has feelings for her.

 

I recall the condom broke relatively early on with my ex, there was no way he would have just left or tossed me out.

 

The key word here is 'boyfriend'. You recall a broken condom with your boyfriend. Not the same as a broken condom (or pregnancy scare) with someone you have not established exclusivity with yet. They are at 5-6 weeks dating. It's a very fragile phase. It usually stick together or break at that level of dating.

[kalika]

Well, I told you guys that he texted me yesterday about wanting to learn more about my medical issues and saying we should probably not text about it, but he never called or texted me last night after work or anything.

 

I am feeling like he only texted me yesterday to find out whether or not he has to worry about me possibly being pregnant. Not even sure if he'll text me today or even bother talking to me ever again. I'm still feeling blah about it but less so today.

 

In the meantime, I'm going to try my best to keep busy and not stare at the phone waiting for a text.

[katiegrl]

I am not pretending to know. I am offering an plausible answer.

 

He has not act in a disrespectful way. Look her thread below where she explains how he let her know he needed to get to bed etc.

 

I think calling this man an abuser is exaggerating. I have no problem pointing an abuser when I see one.

 

 

 

The key word here is 'boyfriend'. You recall a broken condom with your boyfriend. Not the same as a broken condom (or pregnancy scare) with someone you have not established exclusivity with yet. They are at 5-6 weeks dating. It's a very fragile phase. It usually stick together or break at that level of dating.

 

Good point cept I didn't call him my bf. We had only been together for a couple of weeks when it happened. But we were exclusive and had expressed feelings, so I guess that is different?

 

It is okay, understandable and forgiveable for a guy to dash out immediately after sex and act like an insensitive boob if they are not exclusive..... got it.

[Gaeta]

It is okay, understandable and forgiveable for a guy to dash out immediately after sex and act like an insensitive boob if they are not exclusive..... got it.

 

God knows what we did at that age that was insensitive but didn't know it was. Yes he could have been more of a gentleman but other than that I don't see yet a reason to chop his head off.

 

[]

Edited June 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[katiegrl]

Well, I told you guys that he texted me yesterday about wanting to learn more about my medical issues and saying we should probably not text about it, but he never called or texted me last night after work or anything.

 

I am feeling like he only texted me yesterday to find out whether or not he has to worry about me possibly being pregnant. Not even sure if he'll text me today or even bother talking to me ever again. I'm still feeling blah about it but less so today.

 

In the meantime, I'm going to try my best to keep busy and not stare at the phone waiting for a text.

 

At this point, I would just block and delete. *I* wouldn't even want to talk to *him* anymore.

 

Regardless of medical issues or condoms, his actions speak volumes here. Doesn't matter why, whether or not he is or was panicked or whatevs.

 

You spent a great 6 weeks together, had sex and now he has essentially disappeared. I'm sorry that is just crappy.

 

Block delete next.... he is showing you his colors. Bright red!

 

Choose wisely from the get go and avoid pain and disappointed later.

 

You deserve better... good luck moving forward.

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[Emilia]

I had told him something last night that was deeply personal, and he had told me he was OK with it even though I didn't go into depth to explain it (something medical).. but then after the texts re: the birth control stuff, he texted, "I have some questions about what you showed me yesterday. I don't understand what it is. And how it affects your life. I've never heard of or seen that before. I'm just trying to understand."

I think this part turned him off.

[kalika]

At this point, I would just block and delete. *I* wouldn't even want to talk to *him* anymore.

 

Regardless of medical issues or condoms, his actions speak volumes here. Doesn't matter why, whether or not he is or was panicked or whatevs.

 

You spent a great 6 weeks together, had sex and now he has essentially disappeared. I'm sorry that is just crappy.

 

Block delete next.... he is showing you his colors. Bright red!

 

Choose wisely from the get go and avoid pain and disappointed later.

 

You deserve better... good luck moving forward.

 

It wasn't 6 weeks. It was actually, like, 2...

[kalika]

I think this part turned him off.

Probably it did. Everyone wants magical perfection in their partner. I am physically not normal. It's not fair, I didn't ask for it, but it is what it is and I can't change it.

[Emilia]

Probably it did. Everyone wants magical perfection in their partner. I am physically not normal. It's not fair, I didn't ask for it, but it is what it is and I can't change it.

No, people don't want perfection but they accept imperfection better once they know you more. This is why it's best to hold back info that doesn't affect them directly. When you care about someone, their perceived flaws matter less. When you hardly know someone, you are more likely to dismiss them.

[kalika]

No, people don't want perfection but they accept imperfection better once they know you more. This is why it's best to hold back info that doesn't affect them directly. When you care about someone, their perceived flaws matter less. When you hardly know someone, you are more likely to dismiss them.

 

That's true, too. I think it does help if they actually get to know me and care about me first. Argh. Lesson learned.

[Emilia]

That's true, too. I think it does help if they actually get to know me and care about me first. Argh. Lesson learned.

That's the most important part!

[katiegrl]

It wasn't 6 weeks. It was actually, like, 2...

 

My bad.... I got that from a post Gaeta posted:

 

The key word ere is 'boyfriend'. You recall a broken condom with your boyfriend. Not the same as a broken condom (or pregnancy scare) with someone you have not established exclusivity with yet. They are at 5-6 weeks dating. It's a very fragile phase. It usually stick together or break at that level of dating.

 

But in her defense (and mine) there is another thread running about a similar issue ... so it's a bit confusing.

 

I think I got it straight now though....

 

In any event, whether 6 weeks or 2 weeks, I still think his disappearing speaks volumes.... and yes I also think he got turned off by what you disclosed.

 

Although frankly, if you're comfortable enough to get naked together, you both should feel comfortable enough to disclose and accept personal sensitive information about each other. JMO on that.

 

Your choice whether or not you wish to pursue this further though....

 

Hope it works out the way you hope it does!

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[kalika]

Thanks Katie. I guess it's a waiting game to see if he contacts me. In the meantime, I'm going to proceed with my life. This other guy and I have been exchanging messages and I'll see where that goes.

[Gaeta]

My bad.... I got that from a post Gaeta posted:

 

But in her defense (and mine) there is another thread running about a similar issue ... so it's a bit confusing.

 

Sowwy guys! I mislead everyone with this 5-6 weeks.

[Shining One]

This is why it's best to hold back info that doesn't affect them directly. When you care about someone, their perceived flaws matter less. When you hardly know someone, you are more likely to dismiss them.

I'm guilty of this myself, but it is a slippery slope. It's essentially a lie of omission until the other person is invested. You're hoping that they will be "too invested" and will overlook that perceived flaw later on. Where does one draw the line?

[Gaeta]

Thanks Katie. I guess it's a waiting game to see if he contacts me. In the meantime, I'm going to proceed with my life. This other guy and I have been exchanging messages and I'll see where that goes.

 

Posted answer in wrong thread again! going back to work! !

[Emilia]

I'm guilty of this myself, but it is a slippery slope. It's essentially a lie of omission until the other person is invested. You're hoping that they will be "too invested" and will overlook that perceived flaw later on. Where does one draw the line?

That's why I put 'if it doesn't affect them directly'

[Shining One]

That's why I put 'if it doesn't affect them directly'

That's a rather vague threshold. How do you determine what does and does not affect the other person? For example, I'm guilty of withholding my ethnicity. Theoretically, that shouldn't affect the women I date, but many of the women in question would disagree.

[Emilia]

That's a rather vague threshold. How do you determine what does and does not affect the other person? For example, I'm guilty of withholding my ethnicity. Theoretically, that shouldn't affect the women I date, but many of the women in question would disagree.

Are the women you date blind?

[Shining One]

Are the women you date blind?

I'm Indian, but I can visually pass for Hispanic.

[katiegrl]

I'm guilty of this myself, but it is a slippery slope. It's essentially a lie of omission until the other person is invested. You're hoping that they will be "too invested" and will overlook that perceived flaw later on. Where does one draw the line?

 

ShiningOne... I am confused. You said in a later post you are Indian.

 

So you don't reveal the fact you are Indian, even after becoming sexual with a woman because.....?

 

You think they will perceive that as a flaw??? Why would that be a flaw? And if she thought it was, why would you want to be with such a woman anyway?

 

Maybe I am being naive, but I am not understanding.

[Emilia]

I'm Indian, but I can visually pass for Hispanic.

If you were born where you live, it shouldn't make any difference. If you weren't born there and you are a first generation immigrant, I can see why that would bother some women who are not Indian.

 

The cultural gap between the subcontinent and outside it is huge.

 

Though I have to say it's something I always know because backgrounds come up in conversation. If a guy lied about it, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

[Shining One]

This isn't about me. I was just using myself as an example of withholding information from the other person. It is a slippery slope. I don't see withholding a medical condition as much different. To be clear, I don't withhold this information when I'm looking for a relationship. I will withhold it when looking for a ONS though.

[Emilia]

This isn't about me. I was just using myself as an example of withholding information from the other person. It is a slippery slope. I don't see withholding a medical condition as much different. To be clear, I don't withhold this information when I'm looking for a relationship. I will withhold it when looking for a ONS though.

It depends on the medical condition. The OP didn't disclose it so we can't speculate, it's impossible to determine without further info (and I don't think she should post it).