Do people really have sex within the first 5 dates?!

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm so confused

 

 

Yesterday he texted me asking how long my family was in town for (they're visiting and I have the week off).

 

I responded and told him my parents are leaving Sunday. Then he texted me back and said that he slept from 5 until 10pm the night before (Tuesday night) and then went back to bed at 11 and said, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

 

I texted him back, "Too tired Shouldn't have kept you up on Monday" .. Monday was the night we slept together. This text was at like.. 7pm last night. He didn't respond at all, and luckily for me, I was on my date and not sitting there stewing by my cell phone.

 

Then suddenly today at noon on the dot, he texts me asking, "Would you maybe like to get together tomorrow?"

 

It's been 8 hours since he texted me and I still haven't responded. Part of me wants to not respond at all and see if he calls, just to see how truly interested he is in actually seeing me tomorrow.. the other part of me wants to respond with something like, "Are you sure you even want to see me??" or something along those lines..

 

It's kind of annoying to me that I text him back almost immediately and then he takes hours to respond, if he even does at all.. and I'm not even sure what he wants to see me for at this point.. urgh I am so confused by him, and can't tell his level of interest at ALL

 

Un-confuse the situation, kalika.

 

Either you would like to get together with him tomorrow, in which case reply positively to his text, or even call him to confirm and make plans, or you don't want to see him tomorrow, in which case text him thank you, but no.

[kalika]

Either you would like to get together with him tomorrow, in which case reply positively to his text, or even call him to confirm and make plans, or you don't want to see him tomorrow, in which case text him thank you, but no.

I'm kind of concerned about being over eager to see him.. I don't want him to think of me as a doormat at this point, always saying "yes" when he finally decides to call or text.

 

I'm a bit peeved that he takes hours to respond, or sometimes just doesn't bother to, and then the next day texts like nothing happened... didn't even apologize for not responding or anything..

 

I dunno.

[Jabron1]

How would you know? Do people ask?

 

I figure if you're just dating and getting to know someone you're not asking if they're having sex with other people, or their net worth or anything like that.

 

But maybe some people do ask.

 

I'm going to take that as a 'no'

 

 

if I were inclined to make a man wait ... I would move on

 

That would be a sh*t test.

[katiegrl]

Then suddenly today at noon on the dot, he texts me asking, "Would you maybe like to get together tomorrow?"

 

It's been 8 hours since he texted me and I still haven't responded. Part of me wants to not respond at all and see if he calls, just to see how truly interested he is in actually seeing me tomorrow..

 

Why do you insist on all these tests and games? Would you just stop please, it's so silly.

 

If you are still interested, text the guy back and say "sure what did you have in mind?"

 

If he just wants to hang out at his place, Netflix and chill, he might only want sex again so be careful with that.

 

But whatever you do, stop with the testing....it's confusing and serves no purpose.

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm kind of concerned about being over eager to see him.. I don't want him to think of me as a doormat at this point, always saying "yes" when he finally decides to call or text.

 

Don't worry about appearing to be over eager; if he's interested, he won't mind. If he's lukewarm, then he's not the one for you anyway.

 

If you're not interested or you're too anxious at his lack of interest, it may be a good idea to wait for someone who shows you the level of interest that you want.

 

It may also simply be a compatibility issue in communication style, which could easily be sorted out by talking to him face to face and not by text.

 

Good luck either way

[katiegrl]

I'm going to take that as a 'no'

 

 

That would be a sh*t test.

 

From your perspective, sure I can definitely see why you would think that...

 

But since I don't make a man wait, or engage in those types of shyt tests, I have nothing to worry about, nor does any man I date.

Edited June 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[BlueIris]

I guess that^^ is what No_Go was referring to when she said men and women need to communicate more... so as to assure they are on the same page.

 

People are so afraid to ask the hard questions.... for fear of appearing too eager, needy, insecure, stepping on boundaries, turning the other off... or whatevs.

 

But how else are you gonna find out if the person you are dating is on the same page as you.... if you don't ask?

 

Open honest communication... I know for me, that is what I am going to strive for when I start dating again.

 

Makes sense.

Sex doesn't come up as a topic very early in conversations when I've dated.

[BlueIris]

I'm so confused

 

 

Yesterday he texted me asking how long my family was in town for (they're visiting and I have the week off).

 

I responded and told him my parents are leaving Sunday. Then he texted me back and said that he slept from 5 until 10pm the night before (Tuesday night) and then went back to bed at 11 and said, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

 

I texted him back, "Too tired Shouldn't have kept you up on Monday" .. Monday was the night we slept together. This text was at like.. 7pm last night. He didn't respond at all, and luckily for me, I was on my date and not sitting there stewing by my cell phone.

 

Then suddenly today at noon on the dot, he texts me asking, "Would you maybe like to get together tomorrow?"

 

It's been 8 hours since he texted me and I still haven't responded. Part of me wants to not respond at all and see if he calls, just to see how truly interested he is in actually seeing me tomorrow.. the other part of me wants to respond with something like, "Are you sure you even want to see me??" or something along those lines..

 

It's kind of annoying to me that I text him back almost immediately and then he takes hours to respond, if he even does at all.. and I'm not even sure what he wants to see me for at this point.. ugh I am so confused by him, and can't tell his level of interest at ALL

 

So you're really into him? I thought you weren't liking his behavior and, at best, were on the fence. Now it sounds like you've decided that he decides whether you two are going to be a couple or not. You both decide. I'm confused too.

[kalika]

So you're really into him? I thought you weren't liking his behavior and, at best, were on the fence. Now it sounds like you've decided that he decides whether you two are going to be a couple or not. You both decide. I'm confused too.

 

I WAS really into him, which is why I ended up telling/showing him something very personal and having sex with him. We were opening up to each other a bit. I miss him. He's just making me feel icky and insecure right now. I'm just not used to feeling this way and I don't like it...

 

I think if we even did go forward, I would have to get my confidence back up in a major way. I'm still insecure and afraid around him and it's making me feel like I'm 15 again.

[BlueIris]

I WAS really into him, which is why I ended up telling/showing him something very personal and having sex with him. We were opening up to each other a bit. I miss him. He's just making me feel icky and insecure right now. I'm just not used to feeling this way and I don't like it...

 

I think if we even did go forward, I would have to get my confidence back up in a major way. I'm still insecure and afraid around him and it's making me feel like I'm 15 again.

 

If he isn’t being nice and considerate to you, find a better guy.

 

Don't hang around anyone- guy or girl- that you you feel insecure or afraid around. There's no benefit in that.

[Gaeta]

Tell him you'd like to get together and offer to go to a movie or any other type of activity you enjoy. This way you are letting him know you are interested in dating him not just shagging. If you guys want to get intimate after the date nothing wrong with it.

 

Second, don't interpret his communication style as a lack of interest. At first you thought he'd never get back to you because of you medical condition, then he surprised you by asking question about it, then he surprised you by inviting you out. It looks like he does have an interest in you. So don't play the little princes that wants a prince charming. Reply to his text and offer an activity. Better call him and arrange all the details.

[kalika]

Thanks for the responses. I went out last night and he texted me again, so I responded when I got home. He actually texted me again late in the evening, so I responded, apologized for not responding to him earlier and told him that it had been a weird lack of communication for the last few days and that I wasn't clear if he was still interested or not. He told me that he was interested, and that he didn't even notice the lack of communication.

 

I texted him back indicating my surprise, and that I had texted him at 7pm the night before and didn't hear back from him until noon yesterday. I also told him that I also felt weird the way it was when we left each other after sleeping together. He then responded, "OK I didn't realize all this was going on. Sorry for bothering you."

 

Then I responded with, "Bothering me... ??"

 

and then I asked if we can actually talk and not text (we ALWAYS text and it's super annoying to solely communicate this way).. and then when he didn't respond for a while, I texted, "Hello ..?"

 

Then he texted me back and said, "Sorry I'm just too tired to talk tonight. I'm going to bed."

 

I didn't respond to that one. It WAS a bit past midnight at that point, but I don't like his communication style.

 

Him not responding at all for hours on end, and only texting constantly, is making me lose interest already. I think regardless of what he wants, I'm done. I'm seeing red flags all over the place and an inability to communicate is a huge turn off to me at this point.

 

Not even sure he'll bother to contact me today or not, but at this point if he does, I'm going to tell him I'm just no longer interested.

[Gaeta]

Thanks for the responses. I went out last night and he texted me again, so I responded when I got home. He actually texted me again late in the evening, so I responded, apologized for not responding to him earlier and told him that it had been a weird lack of communication for the last few days and that I wasn't clear if he was still interested or not. He told me that he was interested, and that he didn't even notice the lack of communication.

 

I texted him back indicating my surprise, and that I had texted him at 7pm the night before and didn't hear back from him until noon yesterday. I also told him that I also felt weird the way it was when we left each other after sleeping together. He then responded, "OK I didn't realize all this was going on. Sorry for bothering you."

 

Then I responded with, "Bothering me... ??"

 

and then I asked if we can actually talk and not text (we ALWAYS text and it's super annoying to solely communicate this way).. and then when he didn't respond for a while, I texted, "Hello ..?"

 

Then he texted me back and said, "Sorry I'm just too tired to talk tonight. I'm going to bed."

 

I didn't respond to that one. It WAS a bit past midnight at that point, but I don't like his communication style.

 

Him not responding at all for hours on end, and only texting constantly, is making me lose interest already. I think regardless of what he wants, I'm done. I'm seeing red flags all over the place and an inability to communicate is a huge turn off to me at this point.

 

Not even sure he'll bother to contact me today or not, but at this point if he does, I'm going to tell him I'm just no longer interested.

 

Look what you did.

 

He contacted you to ask you out, then he contacted you again and what do you do? you shed on him a series of complains about his texting style, about not knowing if he is interested in you blahblahblah. You shut him down.

 

You need to be aware of your words and actions and how it bounce on people. You don't shed a load of negative stuff on someone when he's trying to fix something with you.

[katiegrl]

I will be honest even tho I know other women will probably take issue with it.....

 

It does sound like he was very interested for the reasons Gaeta posted...

 

But after your latest round of texts.... essentially scolding him for not texting you according to your specific requirements and expectations, he probably thinks you are a huge pain the the a$$ ....... and NOW, yes he is turned off.

 

I will be very surprised if he contacts you again.....

 

IMO you blew it.

 

He was willing to give it a shot but your insecurity and anxiety took over .... assuring that would never happen...

 

You expected the guy to jump through hoops due to your own issues....

 

Oh well....

[katiegrl]

Look what you did.

 

He contacted you to ask you out, then he contacted you again and what do you do? you shed on him a series of complains about his texting style, about not knowing if he is interested in you blahblahblah. You shut him down.

 

You need to be aware of your words and actions and how it bounce on people. You don't shed a load of negative stuff on someone when he's trying to fix something with you.

 

Gaeta you and I are thinking alike today....

[BluEyeL]

Agree with Gaeta and Katie ! You mishandled this all the way! The guy asked you out. It's beyond my limit of comprehension why didn't you enthusiastically say yes and offered some times and then why did you go at him with the very embarrassing scolding about texting. All around bad . Never scold men early on and forget the texting some are good some aren't what matters are dates not texts!!! He asked you out!!

 

Hope you learned something for the next chance.

[BlueIris]

She's saying she sees red flags, doesn't like how he speaks to her and feels uncomfortable around him.

 

So I don't understand the advocacy for keeping the guy here. To overcome discomfort? If so, why?

 

I thought the premise (to the sexual freedom at least) was to be independent and do what she wants, be free-spirited, do what she wants, but now it's about getting or keeping the guy?

[Gaeta]

She's saying she sees red flags, doesn't like how he speaks to her and feels uncomfortable around him.

 

So I don't understand the advocacy for keeping the guy here. To overcome discomfort? If so, why?

 

I thought the premise (to the sexual freedom at least) was to be independent and do what she wants, be free-spirited, do what she wants, but now it's about getting or keeping the guy?

 

She can do and say what she wants alright but those come with reactions and consequences. I don't post for me, I post for her and she said she liked him and was interested in him so I am advising in that direction.

 

She assumed a bunch of stuff from beginning. The man was not even aware he had been off on communication or he had been prompt after their sex night. This comes from her interpretation and people with low self esteem and insecurities have to be careful how they interpret others.

[katiegrl]

She's saying she sees red flags, doesn't like how he speaks to her and feels uncomfortable around him.

 

So I don't understand the advocacy for keeping the guy here. To overcome discomfort? If so, why?

 

I thought the premise (to the sexual freedom at least) was to be independent and do what she wants, be free-spirited, do what she wants, but now it's about getting or keeping the guy?

 

She sees red flags because of her own anxieties and insecurities. Given his behavior and her responses, that is obvious!

 

She also very clearly likes this guy ALOT, otherwise this thread would not exist nor would she be continuing to post about him...

 

He has been expressing interest, he asked her out again!!

 

Instead of responding back saying sure, would love to ...... she intentionally chose to test him AGAIN (which she essentially admitted) waiting over eight hours to respond (to test his reaction) and then after several attempts to reach her, she finally responds and proceeded to scold him for not texting her according to her specific and frankly rigid texting requirements....

 

Thus turning him off and rightfully so.... any man would be turned off by that.

Edited June 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[kalika]

I didn't "scold" him.. I just honestly told him that I was confused about the lack of texts and that I felt weird leaving it. Sorry, but it bothers me when I text someone at 7pm and they don't bother to respond until noon the next day. This isn't the first time it's happened and I just think it's plain rude. Even texting me to let me know he's busy or that he'll talk to me another time would have been sufficient for me. It's like the conversation just stops completely and I don't even know half the time if/when he'll text me back. He NEVER calls, we have only spoken on the phone once for literally about 5 minutes. Having texting as his primary mode of communication indicates to me that he has issues with basic communication.

 

Maybe I was out of line, but if I can't communicate something that's bothering me to him, how are we ever going to work out? His "sorry for bothering you" was a bit passive aggressive to me. I never told him that I didn't want to talk to him any more and I wasn't even mean about the way I said I was confused.

 

If he doesn't contact me again, I'm OK with it at this point. I don't want to be with someone who only communicates via text, sporadically when he feels like it, and wouldn't even bother to walk me out of his apartment after sleeping with me.

[Cablebandit]

If I were in his shoes, I would bail on this relationship. You don't sound ready to be involved in a serious relationship if this trips up the whole deal.

[katiegrl]

Just let it go kalika and move on.

 

You are a mismatch and not compatible.

 

Nuff said.

[kalika]

She sees red flags because of her own anxieties and insecurities. Given his behavior and her responses, that is obvious!

 

Admittedly I do have insecurities, that's pretty obvious.. but I don't think I'm making up red flags at all. I feel more like I'm actually following my gut on this one.

[JoeSmith357-1]

I think there are a lot of girls who worry about getting pumped and dumped. So a lot of them think it's a good policy to withhold sex until they're sure of a guys intentions.

 

So i'm gonna make a point here.

 

So what if a guy is just going to pump and dump. What damage is done if a guy just wants to bang her and not want anything more.

 

Supposedly both parties are getting SOMETHING enjoyable out of the act.

 

So what if she increments her count with a person not interested in engaging in a relationship

 

There is so much of this old school mentality that sex is somehow special and just to be done between people who love each other, like the woman is somehow saving herself for something. I can't believe how many people still believe that.

 

You have to get in the game, and play to win...

[Cablebandit]

Admittedly I do have insecurities, that's pretty obvious.. but I don't think I'm making up red flags at all. I feel more like I'm actually following my gut on this one.

 

women like confident me....men like confident women as well. I think he is following his gut as well. Move on