Do people really have sex within the first 5 dates?!

[katiegrl]

This matches my experience somewhat. In most cases, sex happened early (within first four dates).

 

In all of the cases where the woman insisted on a longer wait time, sex never happened.

 

Interesting. Why do you think that is?

 

Did it just fizzle out on its own?

 

Not enough interest to begin with?

 

Curious.

[Shining One]

Interesting. Why do you think that is?

 

Did it just fizzle out on its own?

 

Not enough interest to begin with?

 

Curious.

The reasons vary. One woman was sleeping with someone else the entire time we were dating. Another chose to marry another man (family-arranged marriage). I've had a couple give me the "I think we should just be friends" line after a couple months of dating.

[SwordofFlame]

Interesting. Why do you think that is?

 

Did it just fizzle out on its own?

 

Not enough interest to begin with?

 

Curious.

 

I'm in the same boat and hypothesize that I just haven't met a woman where chemistry grows. It's either there's instant chemistry or there is not.

[katiegrl]

I'm in the same boat and hypothesize that I just haven't met a woman where chemistry grows. It's either there's instant chemistry or there is not.

 

So do you think that is why some women wait to have sex then? Because they don't feel enough chemistry? And are waiting for it to grow?

 

I alluded to that earlier by comparing it with how I personally feel (when there is mutual chemistry I can't wait to have sex) but got shot down for it.

 

Many women claiming they DO feel chemistry but want to wait until they feel more comfortable and/or get to know a man better.

 

I posted that when one feels that mutual chemistry, there automatically IS a certain comfort level (at least for me and other women I know), but again got shot down for it.... women saying they consider a man they have had only 3-4 dates with a "complete stranger." Regardless of the chemistry.

 

That is their right of course, but it seems to contradict your and Shining One's experiences.

Edited June 23, 2016 by katiegrl

[mizunomead]

I have very little experience comparatively speaking. But I do agree that the chemistry seems to be there or not pretty quickly. The only exception seems to be the woman I am dating now. When I first. Saw her physically I thought she was cute, but wasn't totally turning my crank. I think she felt the same way. But our coffee meet turned into a 4hr great conversation. So thereally was a great connection that way. We went out a few more times, each one we both enjoyed ourselves. We have alot of similarities, yet differences also. We did end up being physical on 5th date. And even though from a pure physical standpoint her body isn't one I would usually go for so to speak our sexually chemistry was really good.

I find that interesting, in that she would not be someone I would have gone up to in person to ask out. But we seem to mesh very well. Now, having said that it's still very early, and who knows where it will lead. But we enjoy ourselves, and I am glady that I was open minded.

[Gaeta]

So do you think that is why some women wait to have sex then? Because they don't feel enough chemistry? And are waiting for it to grow?

 

I alluded to that earlier by comparing it with how I personally feel (when there is mutual chemistry I can't wait to have sex) but got shot down for it.

 

Many women claiming they DO feel chemistry but want to wait until they feel more comfortable and/or get to know a man better.

 

I posted that when one feels that mutual chemistry, there automatically IS a certain comfort level (at least for me and other women I know), but again got shot down for it.... women saying they consider a man they have had only 3-4 dates with a "complete stranger." Regardless of the chemistry.

 

That is their right of course, but it seems to contradict your and Shining One's experiences.

 

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

Basically put, some are are easy, others not.

[brothers343]

If i got the cookies on the first or second date I would get bored and treat her like a sex toy to have my fun......I like the thrill of the hunt. I like working for something worthwhile. That's just me.

[neowulf]

No point comparing yourself to others.

 

If you're comfortable, then you're comfortable. If you're not, you're not.

Some people will be happy to take the slow road, others expect more immediate passion.

 

Just another matter of compatibility in my mind.

[katiegrl]

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

Yup. Or something he needs to earn.... by merely agreeing to spend more time with her (before sex)

 

If you date me X amount of weeks (or gasp, months), then okay, that proves you want more than sex, that you want a RL with me and won't bail .... so I will agree to have sex with you.

 

As if waiting actually guarantees anything.... not!

 

LATP, I won't even dignify that snark with a response.

[RecentChange]

Basically put, some are are easy, others not.

 

So tell me, where do you buy these judgey pants? From the church lady? They seem like they must be uncomfortable because all you do is judge women you have read about or talked to online.

 

Fine some women are "easy" in your mind. And some women are confident in their sexuality, enjoy sex and connecting with other people physically, and aren't indoctrinated by religion or other outside influences to feel shame about it.

 

Some women rather be "easy" out there enjoying life, lust, and all of the deliciously sticky things men and women can share together.

 

Others seem to prefer to sit online waiting well beyond middle age for mr. perfect to come along, while life passes them by. Fine, if that is right for them - but enough with the judging

[katiegrl]

No point comparing yourself to others.

 

If you're comfortable, then you're comfortable. If you're not, you're not.

Some people will be happy to take the slow road, others expect more immediate passion.

 

Just another matter of compatibility in my mind.

 

Yeah, my posts are probably sounding a bit judgy too... so ^^ this is good advice.

 

Be true to yourself and do what feels right for you.

 

If your partner bails because you're not comfortable yet, so be it....

[Jabron1]

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

I completely agree.

 

Now ask yourself this: why would a man play the waiting game?

 

Basically put, some are are easy, others not.

 

When a woman is being legit with you sexually, the last thing you do is come out with something like that.

[BlueIris]

So do you think that is why some women wait to have sex then? Because they don't feel enough chemistry? And are waiting for it to grow?

 

I alluded to that earlier by comparing it with how I personally feel (when there is mutual chemistry I can't wait to have sex) but got shot down for it.

 

Many women claiming they DO feel chemistry but want to wait until they feel more comfortable and/or get to know a man better.

 

I posted that when one feels that mutual chemistry, there automatically IS a certain comfort level (at least for me and other women I know), but again got shot down for it.... women saying they consider a man they have had only 3-4 dates with a "complete stranger." Regardless of the chemistry.

 

That is their right of course, but it seems to contradict your and Shining One's experiences.

 

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

No, there are many reasons that people wait as long as they wait. It isn’t necessarily that they aren’t passionate, are inhibited, don’t experience chemistry or are trading something.

[Timshel]

Games? Making someone wait? There are people who do that but I have not met any.

 

The women I know, including myself, do not open their legs for random d*ck. The waiting happens because getting to know a person takes more than a few text messages and three dates.

 

I don't care if that is no longer the norm and it makes me uncool. I can live with that.

 

If I was single tomorrow then I'd rather be celibate the rest of my life than jump into bed and share my body with a stranger. Not going to happen and I'm not even going to qualify that with the typical 'to each their own.'

[clia]

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

"These women"?

 

Sometimes it's not about giving anything up or manipulating a man or game playing or not being a free spirit or doing a man a favor. Sometimes it's just about not getting naked with a stranger, no matter how much chemistry or attraction you might feel toward them. You can feel huge chemistry and attraction toward a man on a first, second, third, etc. date, but they are still a stranger. You might feel like you've known them forever, but that feeling does nor displace that you don't really know them. Personally, I liked to know a guy a little better and for a longer period of time before I felt comfortable enough to have sex. Just my preference. Like Blu, I avoided home dates until I felt ready.

 

I just don't get all the judgey comments comments on this thread directed toward women who don't immediately jump into bed with a guy. Can't people have their own preference for something that intimate? Is it seriously that unbelievable that someone can feel chemistry and attraction, but want to wait a month or two (or more) for sex?

[Aniela]

"These women"?

 

Sometimes it's not about giving anything up or manipulating a man or game playing or not being a free spirit or doing a man a favor. Sometimes it's just about not getting naked with a stranger, no matter how much chemistry or attraction you might feel toward them. You can feel huge chemistry and attraction toward a man on a first, second, third, etc. date, but they are still a stranger. You might feel like you've known them forever, but that feeling does nor displace that you don't really know them. Personally, I liked to know a guy a little better and for a longer period of time before I felt comfortable enough to have sex. Just my preference. Like Blu, I avoided home dates until I felt ready.

 

I just don't get all the judgey comments comments on this thread directed toward women who don't immediately jump into bed with a guy. Can't people have their own preference for something that intimate? Is it seriously that unbelievable that someone can feel chemistry and attraction, but want to wait a month or two (or more) for sex?

 

Thank you for saying this. I've never understood it, either (how some people just get naked with a stranger).

[Aniela]

I agree with you.

 

I think these women have never experienced chemistry and attraction the way some of us have. Also to act on this attraction we need a free spirit that is not restrained by inhibitions or any type of prejudice toward sexual freedom. Often these women view sex as something they will 'give up' and not something they will be sharing. As if they will be doing the man a favor by having sex with him = wanting to wait before having sex.

 

It's precisely because it *is* something to be shared, that some of us wait so long. I don't want to share with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that I meet, and I don't feel that strong chemistry with everyone. Even when I do, I want to see how I feel around them (besides what my hormones are telling me).

[katiegrl]

The judgyness goes both ways....

 

Those woman who wish to wait (which I have said is their prerogative) claiming they don't "spread their legs for a stranger" .... is quite judgy as well... implying that those of us who are more carefree are cheap tramps or something who have no qualms about "spreading our legs".... for just any "tom, dick or harry."

 

Which is so untrue and completely unfair....

 

I have had sex with only five different men in my entire life!

 

Three were long term relationships and two were men I was dating for awhile but realized they weren't for me....

 

Only one I had sex quickly with..... on the night we met, and he and I were together for six years, even engaged..... and were very much in love.

 

So if some of you are gonna accuse some of us of being judgy, which I admitted was wrong, look in the mirror why don't ya....... cuz YOU are being quite judgy as well.

 

Done with this thread....

Edited June 23, 2016 by katiegrl

[William]

Let's dispense with the labeling and get back to the topic. I think another moderator has already made a polite request so consider this your cease and desist order from the guy who bans people. Thanks in advance for your cooperation!

[Shining One]

OP, as you can see from the varying responses in this thread, it's best to do what works for you. No matter what you choose, some people will judge you negatively and some people will judge you positively.

 

Personally, I wish sex were not such a taboo topic and could be discussed openly early on. Heck, I think there should be fields on OLD sites to cover this topic so the "early sex" people can match up, the "several months" people can match up, and the "wait until marriage" people can match up. I know several women I would not have asked out had I known their stance on sex from day one.

[BlueIris]

OP, as you can see from the varying responses in this thread, it's best to do what works for you. No matter what you choose, some people will judge you negatively and some people will judge you positively.

 

Personally, I wish sex were not such a taboo topic and could be discussed openly early on. Heck, I think there should be fields on OLD sites to cover this topic so the "early sex" people can match up, the "several months" people can match up, and the "wait until marriage" people can match up. I know several women I would not have asked out had I known their stance on sex from day one.

 

Then discuss it openly. I don't think it's taboo and even if it is, be courageous and talk about it if it is important to you. Frankly, I would have liked other fields in OLD too, like how obsessed are you with your ex screwing you over, STDs, MMPI and IQ results, but whatcha gonna do? You just have to talk, spend time and get to know someone, online or not.

[BluEyeL]

I think I should hold off, at least until a few weeks of dating. I rushed this one, I shouldn't have and it was a mistake. My medical condition is deeply personal and very difficult to talk about too. I'd rather just be really close with the person first.

 

I guess I'm not sure how many guys would be willing to wait for me to get comfortable with them, though.

 

Lots of guys will. You have to go in very confident, like you are evaluating them and not the other way around, not worrying about how you come across and whether or not he'll put up with your style. Your style, he can take it or take a hike.

 

One of the reasons I don't have sex early with men I just met is that I completely hate hate hate having sex with a man who I later realize is a total *******. I feel angry to let an unkind person in my pants. It's like they duped me. Nope. First I'd find out who they are and I don't give a rat's ass on whether or not they'll wait. If they won't wait, they're not for me, period. I felt much more empowered that way and it worked for me perfectly.

[Gaeta]

Kalika did you hear from him?

[BluEyeL]

Some have sex quick because they like acting on impulse and don't put that much value in the sexual act. It's on the same level as "oh he weather was gorgeous and I was in the mood to ride my bike and this one guy I met yesterday wanted to join me so we rode bikes together". That's same as "I was in the mood so we had sex no big deal ". However others do it out of fear. Fear that he'd bail because that's the norm today and you have to do it or else you'll wait until middle age and life will pass you by .

 

For me sex is something that means more to me than any other entertaining or pleasant activity and I'm also not afraid that I'll miss out on someone who wouldn't wait to get to know me as a person over a period of time until we share the physical part of the relationship.

 

Fortunately life didn't pass me by. First boyfriend I met at 18 married at 23. When we broke up when I was 42, I was single exactly 18 months . I had sex when I was single but earlier or later it was always on my terms and I wasn't appeasing anyone. I found the most kind, genuine, wonderful man who adores me and treats me like a queen. I love him to death and we will get married next year. He is stable in every way , emotionally financially and is very successful in his career. That's what worked for me and everyone can have their own values. I don't agree that demeaning words for women who like sex in more casual circumstances should even exist in the vocabulary.

 

I'm supporting women who feel pushed to have sex on the man's terms and who are afraid. Don't be afraid to look out for you own well being, emotional and physical . If you think you'll get more hurt if you sleep with a man early and he turns out he treated you like less of s person and more like a bedpost notch just don't do it there ARE men who will have the same style as you and will treat you right . You won't have to wait all your life for one rather you'll save time by not being hung up and attached to the wrong men.

 

Just my opinion.