Upset when I shouldn't be.

[Hardluck84]

Ok here's the back story. I understand I should be angry disgusted and move on.

 

I met this girl 3.5 years ago. We hit it off right away. I gave her my number. She texted me a few days later. I come to learn she was married still living with her husband but said she was separated. I questioned her one time why my name was under her girlfriends name. She said just to prevent problems. She would come over at nights leave her small children with her 15 year old. She would always go home before he got home. One night she stayed and he followed her. The next day she got a PFA on him. I should have known then.

 

When we met it was amazing. We both felt like it was meant to be. She honestly was everything I was looking for in someone. She treated my two small children like her own. Every little thing I looked for in someone she had. There was nothing I really had to accept.

 

About 4 months in I noticed how she was very possessive , needy and controlling. If I said I was going somewhere it was an issue so I just didn't go. I got to where it wasn't worth the fight.

 

I caught her talking to someone else about a year in. She said I wasn't giving her enough attention. She ended it and we worked on things. I shouldn't have and should have learned. But we had this connection that some would say was toxic but I felt such a connection to her.

 

Her and her children moved in with me about a year and half ago. It was great. She said she always loved being a mom and house wife etc. she took on that roll and Everythibg was great. I say great but my theripist can't figure out why I am now devastated because I told him for the past 14 months how she has drained the life out of me to the point I don't know who I am anymore. Everything I did was an issue I was walking on egg shells in my own house just to not upset her. I became so disattached from reality because she was either crying or complaining about something. She is 42 years old I am 38. I am sorry I don't know how to baby a 42 year old. She would cry daily how I didn't love her enough or cuddle every night. She would text me 200x a day then wonder why I would be annoyed or not excited to see her when she got home. It got to the point reciently I told her she ruined my life I don't know who I am anymore. She has drained me of everything. I wasn't trying to be mean just trying to get her to understand I needed to be able to be myself. She catered to my every need I've never had someone who thought the world of me like she did. I would often question how she would even push the kids aside to be with me which I hated.

 

It was just our anniversary. She's been hinting and begging for a ring or more commitment. I didn't get her it as we obviously fight everyday. She insisted we did because I was cold etc. she would never accept any blame. Once she realized I was buying the ring she started going out with her girlfriends every night leaving her kids at home with her older daughter. It took about 3 nights in a row to realize something was up. We started sleeping indifferent rooms yet she would come home at 1 in the mornng and crawl into bed with me. I thought maybe she was pulling back to see if I would change. But I started catching her in lies and I seen this before. She still lives in my house says she looking for a place. It's now been 7 weeks since our anniversary. For the past 5 weeks I have been writing her notes realizing I shoulda been nicer and feel horrible for how I treated her. I noticed the 200 texts a day slowly started tapering off. I sat her down 2 weeks ago and said how could you text me all this loving stuff at the end of April then go to this. She said I broke her by things I said. She also said I needed to stop harassing her and terrorizing her etc. I text her next day trying to get her back she says please sto terrorizing me we aren't together. You had 3.5 years. YET STILL IN MY HOUSE!! She comes home at night acts like she wants to talk and try's keeping me thinking there is a chance. Then next day cold again. I had to give her an eviction notice she has two weeks left. I can't watch her get ready to go out and have it break my heart everyday. By things she's saying or feel she's trying to set me up for something.

 

She hadn't been home all weekend and u can't ge her out of my mind. I told her I had a date the other night she flipped out. She will call me be like where are you. Making me feel like she cares. Then kicks me in the teeth.

 

There is no reason I should be upset about this ****ty mother who rreplaced me after 3 years in days. No one can understand why I ak still crying daily. Maybe because it's in my face. But the disrespect she is showing me at this point I should be angry and write her off. I can't understand why I am dwellin on it. I can't sleep without dreaming about her. I can't get her off mind. Everyone tells me she's gonna bury me yet I would do anything for one more day of her being mine. When I talk to her trying to get answers sges like you didn't want me. I begged you for years. She won't come clean about the bf to me. Says she owes me no closure as I gave her nothing over the past 3.5 years. Yet she acts all crazy snd mad if I see this girl m friend introduced me too. I see it's all a control thing now I see it all. Yet I want her back. I look at my phone 100 times a day to see if she texted me I told her that she's like now you know how I felt when you never would or be annoyed I texted you sweet things and it would go ignored or one word answer. I feel horrible that's how I was with her.

 

It's no excuse to be gone all weekend as you know your breaking my heart and I had to start staying with friends with my 2 children so I don't have to see it. She saw I got a text from a friend of mine of 20 years reciently some girl she doesn't like who I has been helping me with everything and flipped out. She's like I know ur seeing her again which isn't true but flipping everything. Ended up breaking my phone texting her why are you texting him etc. she would hate when I would talk to people about us. Almost as if she didn't want anyone pointing out the obvious to me. She would watch me bawling begging her for a second chance and tell me what I wanted to hear sometimes others seemed annoyed. She walks out the door 30 min later comes home hours later.

 

Why do I even care or consumed by this. She leaves her kids every night only cares about herself. She was gone all weekend I didn't even get a happy Father's Day text. I got a text at 7 am asking how my date was as I took this girl to a place we would go all the time. She called me yesterday telling me how ****ty that was and she hopes I think of her etc.

 

I think the problem is its in front of my face. I see she's trying to set me up and yet I am a sucker for her. No one understands it's pathetic sorry for even making you read this lol.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry, this must be a very tough situation for you. This woman has all the hallmarks of someone who lives a fairly dramatic life and it's easy to fall in love with someone who is so perpetually engaging, even if not in a happy way. You get hooked on the excitement and drama of it all. When you disengage from someone like that, you do experience physical and mental withdrawal symptoms, but you need to go through this and cut her off because she'll drive you insane otherwise.

 

It's clear she was not trustworthy from the start but I know that people get drawn into these situations because they truly believe the person is leaving their ex, trapped, etc. I was a single parent and I hardly ever left my son even when he was over 15 and even then, I had my phone and kept in touch with him. Like you say, she's not a responsible parent either and she doesn't seem to care about people only use them for what she wants. She enjoys drama and attention.

 

While someone like her can be fascinating, that is not the kind of fascination that does you any good. I think you realise that but are struggling with the addiction to her. It's a slow process but you need to kick her out of your life and go no contact. It won't be easy, but people here will support you. There is a way out of this cycle of hope and then pain and it is to put her behind you.