Ex, friend or together again?

[Wiknam]

Maybe long story, so here comes the cliffs:

- Focused on work and didn’t have time for ex and ended with her.

- After one year, we met again and slept together for one month.

- She ended the “sleeping”-relation, because she couldn’t stand it and said she couldn’t have contact either.

- After 6 months she contacts me with some random text messages.

- We meet, I try to kiss her, she says, she cant.

- What now? I don’t want to be “friends”.

 

 

There went the cliffs, not time for the background story.

 

 

So I had a relationship with this really great girl 2-3 years ago. We had great fun, never an argument and the best s** both of us ever had.

 

 

Unfortunately in this part of my life, all my focus was on my career and making money (which was silly, since I made a lot and didn’t need more). I ended up being a complete a** to her, because I was married with my work and had less and less time for her. I ended the relationship to work more.

 

 

At one point I went on a retreat and realized, that I had to change my life. Its not important for me to earn more and more and advance anymore. Of course I want a job, I find great, but spending time with the people I love is more important.

 

 

I got in contact with my ex again. I felt completely in love with my ex, without telling her completely. But we met and had a great time. Eating together and making love. She couldn’t sleep (as in sleep litteraly), so she went home each time after our meetings.

 

 

After a month she told me, that she couldn’t fall in love with me again (she knew I wanted her), because what happened earlier, where I disappointed her huge. She also said, that she know, that I cant have female friends (which I really cant), so she said, that she couldn’t see us being friends and that we should stop talking for the moment. I had to accept that and or paths broke apart.

 

 

I dated other girls, but none was really close to her standard.

 

 

We had 2 months, where we didn’t talk to each other (her wish) and then suddenly, she contacted me asking me how I was. We texted a bit and the two weeks after, I decided to go to her house and tell her, that I missed her. She became really surprised and happy, I came. We had 2-3 hours of talking and laughing as in old days.

 

 

Then we scheduled a meeting yesterday, where she several times before, wrote me, that she looked forward to it. We had a great day, jogging together and cooking together. At the time I was about to leave, I tried to kiss her, but she said, “No, I can’t”.

 

 

Now Im in a situation, where I don’t want to be her friend, but to be her boyfriend at some point, but not sure, what I should do and if its even possible.

 

 

Shes in a fertility treatment now, so that might make it even more difficult. Anyway she is the greatest, so good in thinking of other people, beautiful and sexy. On top of that, we laugh a lot and having great s**.

[Wiknam]

I might have forgotte a question

 

 

What would you do in my situation? Just try again at some point or just accept the fact, that Im a friend and move along?

[KBarletta]

A few questions - how old are you? You're both single, I assume? Any kids/other relationships involved?

 

Anyway - depending on the answers to the above, and because you have this history, I think I would try to simply be honest with her, tell her how you now see what went wrong between you and that you want to try again with a relationship, and that you will not repeat the mistakes you have made in the past.

 

Be honest - worst case scenario, she says no and you're back where you were before. Best case, you end up together.

 

The alternative is to stay in this limbo wondering what to do. I think in this case, given your history, just being honest and up front about what you want is your best option.

[Wiknam]

A few questions - how old are you? You're both single, I assume? Any kids/other relationships involved?

 

Anyway - depending on the answers to the above, and because you have this history, I think I would try to simply be honest with her, tell her how you now see what went wrong between you and that you want to try again with a relationship, and that you will not repeat the mistakes you have made in the past.

 

Be honest - worst case scenario, she says no and you're back where you were before. Best case, you end up together.

 

The alternative is to stay in this limbo wondering what to do. I think in this case, given your history, just being honest and up front about what you want is your best option.

 

Hey, thanks for the answer

 

We're both 35, no kids or partners.

 

Maybe just being 100% honest is the best given out history. You can be right. On the other hand maybe its a bit too much and the better choice could be just to date (and be clear I want that and not friendship) and take one step at a time.

 

Its difficult :-/