Vivir Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Good for you, DogLoverof2, and happy belated birthday :-) I think the feeling you experienced (wanting him to reach out) is normal. He had been a part of your life, a romantic interest to an unfortunately toxic degree, but a part of your life nonetheless. That you made it through feeling your feelings and then got closure - that's great! Feelings are just what they are, and they pass. Also, feelings are not facts. I'm so happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Vasectomyfail Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Oooh.... t/j but how did it go? I have done about 15 10k races but am booked into a half marathon next month. Excited and very nervous. I was a BW but I can tell you running saved my sanity over the months and years following Dday. Congrats on the race (and the closure) Honestly could have gone better. It was raining and I slipped and rolled my ankle a few miles from the finish. I walked it because dammit after all that work I wanted the medal lol. Still in a lot of pain, but it feels great to have accomplished something so positive. You'll rock your half! So many 10k races wow. Goodluck with your training. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Honestly could have gone better. It was raining and I slipped and rolled my ankle a few miles from the finish. I walked it because dammit after all that work I wanted the medal lol. Still in a lot of pain, but it feels great to have accomplished something so positive. You'll rock your half! So many 10k races wow. Goodluck with your training. Thankyou x Fingers crossed! If it could have gone better do another one and make it better You were amazing to go from 5k to 26 miles! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogloverof2 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 A week ago or so, I posted about closure. I just knew that would probably be my last post here. I felt good, emotionally strong, and over it. Or so I thought...... This morning I woke up and felt like I was in the middle of an affair again. My emotions were all over the place, my stomach hurt, and I didn't want to believe these feelings were back. I had a dream about "him" last night and it was just as vivid as real life. His face just as clear as if we were looking at each other.. I hate this! I have got to calm down. It has been a long time since NC started... I have got to get it together. I have a full day today, ton of things to do and hopefully that helps. Geez...... Link to post Share on other sites
grassisorisntgreener Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Big hugs (( )) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Grieving is not a linear process; you vacillate. My best advice is do not fight or fret about your expectations of the process. I wish you the best, and I am sorry for your loss. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Part if the consequences for leading a deceitful life is being stuck in pain. Authenticity is the answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogloverof2 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Thanks for the replies, you guys.... I will just look to this as a bad dream and move on. Just hope it doesn't happen anymore. Thanks again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogloverof2 Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 I have lurked at this site more than I have posted. I thank everyone that replied to any post I put out there. I have learned a lot and feel I have come a long way emotionally since I found myself attracted to a man other than my husband. My feelings for this other man are all but faded, and I now find myself having days of very, very little, if any, thought of him. I do hope he is doing okay and is happy in his life. But I will never know that, and truly it isn't any of my business. I just wanted to say thank you, to you all. You helped me, even though you don't know it. Happy Holidays and may 2017 be a great year for you! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogloverof2 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Having a hard time.. "I am a newbie to this site and am struggling terribly with what was my attachment to a married man. I am married myself. He came onto me and pursued me off and on for about 3 years. We never had sex, and only met alone 2 times to talk. (But they were meetings in a parking lot). Our communication was basically phone calls every once in a while when ever it was good for him to call me. I never called him. A couple months ago, I walked away from him and the situation without so much as a goodbye. I think he kinda knew I was on my way out but he still pursued me as if he wanted to try one last time. Now since I am away from him and know I will never see him again, I am struggling terribly with thoughts of him everyday. The attraction to him was so strong for me that it scared me. I want to say he kinda felt the same but I am not sure...His words said he was. I want my mind cleared of this and want to move on, but I am having trouble getting there. Could it be that there was no closure? My husband deserves my full attention.. Thank you in advance for your advice or comments." I posted this on June 20th 2016. I will be reaching a milestone soon. a year since our last words that we spoke. He told me towards the end that I would not regret, not having a physical relationship with him. And I don't. I do regret the emotional involvement. And silence has spoke volumes to me. I never ever really expected him to contact me... but as a woman, I did kinda wonder if he would at least try. He did not. As time goes on and the milestone passes, I hope the memory of it all will too. Somedays I don't think about it at all, then days like today, I am. I am gearing up for a big career change, so I have that to look forward too. A new direction! Thanks for listening... Happy New Year! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I will be reaching a milestone soon. a year since our last words that we spoke. As time goes on and the milestone passes, I hope the memory of it all will too. Somedays I don't think about it at all, then days like today, I am. (((dogloverof2))) Happy New Year. What you describe is quite normal! Recovery is non-linear, characterised by ups and downs, peaks and troughs. I had a very similar trajectory after my A ended. Similar to you, I had developed feelings for the OW, but still loved my family and did not want to blow it up. I am ashamed to say that I got up to MUCH more than you during my A. If you love your H, and I believe you do, then you did absolutely the right thing. You have been strong and kept to NC. It can be tough sometimes, but you have let time work for you and it is paying dividends. It is well over a year for me since contact. At first I missed her and the A like crazy, but time did it's job. Even now, I still have the odd down day when I miss the A, but the good ones far outweigh the bad ones. I guess we'll never completely shake what we did, but we can put it well and truly in the past and open new exciting chapters with the spouses we made commitments to. I am gearing up for a big career change, so I have that to look forward too. A new direction! Thanks for listening... Happy New Year! Good for you! Could be just the thing that you need! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogloverof2 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 (((dogloverof2))) Happy New Year. What you describe is quite normal! Recovery is non-linear, characterised by ups and downs, peaks and troughs. I had a very similar trajectory after my A ended. Similar to you, I had developed feelings for the OW, but still loved my family and did not want to blow it up. I am ashamed to say that I got up to MUCH more than you during my A. If you love your H, and I believe you do, then you did absolutely the right thing. You have been strong and kept to NC. It can be tough sometimes, but you have let time work for you and it is paying dividends. It is well over a year for me since contact. At first I missed her and the A like crazy, but time did it's job. Even now, I still have the odd down day when I miss the A, but the good ones far outweigh the bad ones. I guess we'll never completely shake what we did, but we can put it well and truly in the past and open new exciting chapters with the spouses we made commitments to. Good for you! Could be just the thing that you need! Jenkins95, I really, really appreciate your comments. I have read your posts and replies to others. From your male perspective, You have been a big help to me. Thank you for that!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Congratulations on making it to a year. It takes such strength and courage to walk away and stay away from someone you were once so connected to. I too struggle with doubt when I think of the fact that xMM has not contacted me since I initiated NC. But I like to think of it as a sign that he's one of the better ones. A guy who, like me, feels regret and remorse for what happened. And, perhaps, really meant it when he said that he would say goodbye forever if I ever told him that it was causing me too much pain to continue. Happy New Year. May 2017 be a very happy one for you and your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 ...xMM has not contacted me since I initiated NC. But I like to think of it as a sign that he's one of the better ones. A guy who, like me, feels regret and remorse for what happened... Great way to think of it FoundMyStrength. And you are right. So many aspects of affairs cause so much pain for so many people. But for the OW, the push/pull of an MM who has no intention of leaving his marriage, but is too selfish to let go even when he knows the OW's pain and wants to eat cake eternally, is surely one of the most damaging things we see here and can eat away literally years of the OW's prime. I truly hope that my xOW thinks in a similar way to you. Good luck FMS and dog lover....and everyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I truly hope that my xOW thinks in a similar way to you. Good luck FMS and dog lover....and everyone else! Thanks Jenkins! When I first came to LS as a lurker, your posts were some of the ones that helped me the most. I too hope that my xMM thinks similarly to you. I miss him greatly, but have realized that the only acceptable way to express that caring is to stay as far away as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
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