daydreamers Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I met a great guy around 6 months ago and we hit it off right away. I'm 29 and He's 31. The first month together was like magic and imaginary fireworks whenever we were together. The problem is, he is a police officer and his job is very stressful. I tried to be understanding because his boss is also not the easiest guy to deal with, and it probably sucks to deal with criminals and delinquents all day. We began to spend less and less time together, which made me feel uncomfortable with how the relationship was progressing. Initially we would see each other maybe 2x a week, then it became 1x a week, then 1x every 2 weeks. But we still text daily and his texts were always loving. However, it's now been more than 1.5 months since we last saw each other in person, and I've made offers to visit him after work but he always said it's too late and cared about my safety (he gets off around close to midnight and it's NYC). Granted, 2 weeks out of that 1.5 months he was at a training out of state. I had expected and waited for him like a GF waiting for a deployed soldier and thought that he would want to see me immediately after he got back, but it's now been 3 weeks and we have still not seen each other. I started rereading Men are from Mars and it hit me that it was extremely similar to what the book described, which is that he has a lot of stress and problems and it makes him retreat and pull away to deal with them on his own, and as this happens I start to feel unloved and disconnected and want to pull him in more and more. He also seems to be like the exact stereotype of a man who offers solutions when you talk about your problems and feel validated in his abilities--a manly man. I don't think he's seeing anyone else or "getting it" anywhere else. He keeps telling me to wait and that things will be different once he gets promoted and that he only works so hard because he wants a future for us, but the exams won't be until Oct and I just don't see why we can't spend a little bit of time together perhaps studying or doing any mundane simple things. When I asked him yesterday when do you think we'll see each other again and he said I don't know, my patience has finally ran out and I broke up with him via text. Did I make a mistake and should I have been more patient? I really do miss him so deeply but it just feels like I'm not emotionally satisfied and it's not enough right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 You did exactly the right thing. He's Emotionally (and physically) Unavailable, and a Future Faker. Google those terms. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I forgot to include this in my post: *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. You don't need to take that route, but many have found it to be beneficial. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamP Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Once he gets the promotion, he will be really stressed and busy with the new position. If he doesn't have time for you during your honey moon phase, what do you think will happen down the road? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daydreamers Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 The thing is, when we did go on dates, he took me to very nice dinners and was quite generous, but I would have been fine spending the night in relaxing as well and just doing my own work while he studied or something, but it seems like this type of mundane connection type of activity isn't something he tried to engage in. A part of me wants to trust all the "men" type of things he says but the emotional part of me says this isn't right and isn't enough and I should get out before wasting more time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 The thing is, when we did go on dates, he took me to very nice dinners and was quite generous, but I would have been fine spending the night in relaxing as well and just doing my own work while he studied or something, but it seems like this type of mundane connection type of activity isn't something he tried to engage in. A part of me wants to trust all the "men" type of things he says but the emotional part of me says this isn't right and isn't enough and I should get out before wasting more time. Quality time in a couple is not only fancy restaurants and bars. You can actually get much more when you stay in, both in underwear, drinking and playing games together, laughing, dancing, just all alone, until early morning when you pass out on each others' arms. It's not cheesy, just intimate time in a couple that will charge their batteries for quite some time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Dating a police officer is tough, dating an NYC police officer is worse. I dated, then lived with, an NYC police woman (lieutenant) for some time. Things were always stressful and difficult. God bless the people that take those jobs, because we certiany need those kind of people. But there are some jobs that are just hell on relationships, and police work is one of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 You did exactly the right thing. He's Emotionally (and physically) Unavailable, and a Future Faker. Google those terms. Take care. Nailed it. Move on OP. He likely has a few of you... therefore not much time for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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