Mothers who left: do good mums who have left their kids damage?

[Leigh 87]

I don't think your mom was a bad mom for choosing to work away from home. It's not like she left you in an orphanage. I would not have made the same choice for my family but that doesn't make your mother's choice incorrect. Women's liberation was partly about women fighting for the right to make their own choices and now women constantly judge each other for making their own choices.

 

I was single and extremely poor when I was raising my kids. Things started to get a little better for us as they got into their teens but not by much. My kids turned out great, they are happy successful adults now and of course I have many cherished memories of their childhoods and being their mom. However that doesn't change the fact that being poor really really sucked most of the time. I was able to feed my kids and put a roof over their head and not much else. No vacations, no sports, no brand name clothes or cool gadgets that all the other kids had. Yes there was a lot of love between us and even laughs and good times but seeing my kids go without was also very painful and heartbreaking.

 

Some people who come from lower middle class or poor families like myself make me chuckle a little bit because they accuse people who come from upper income families of being snobby, spoiled and judgemental while they themselves judge the upperclass and believe that they are somehow better people simply for having been poor at sometime in their lives. They see people who were raised in wealthy families as weak and lacking in character and compassion. I have two healthy happy and financially secure adult sons in spite of being raised poor not because they were raised poor. Money or lack of money has nothing to do with character and morals. Some rich people have great character and morals and some are just d$cks. Same for poor people.

 

For the most part parents truly love their kids and do what they believe is best for them. We mature and change and then we might look back and wish we had made different choices but that's a futile excercise because we can't change the past. We might tell ourselves that things would have turned out better had we chosen a different path but how can anyone know for sure that the other choice would have had a more favourable outcome? We can't. We make our choices and then we live with them. There are pros and cons to everything. Your mom moving far away to make lots of money probably benefited you in some ways and yet cost you in other ways.

 

 

 

Finally, I normal and RELEVENT response that doesnt attemlt to link my mums choices to my " being soo behind" my peers:lmao:

 

Yes mums choices gave me huge advantages. They also put me at a slight disadvantage.

 

On one hand, my life, frankly, kicked @ss growing up. It was amazing. Living in a 5 star hotel at age 12 ( I did live overseas with mum for a few years), and getting amazing overseas trips, i also got gigrn straight teeth thanks to 2 rounds of 5k a pop braces...... and 5 more k of dentistry work!

 

I just had an extraordinary life thanks to experiences.

 

I also had ample time snd recources with which to overcome mental health issues......

 

On the down side, becaue I have a college fund for when I run out if college assitance, I dont have as much resilience as most people since MOST college students wait tables 30 hrs a week IN ADDITION to a 40 hr week study load.

 

So yes. Becausd I am not pulling 70 to 80 hr a week like most students do in the way of their total work/ study load, I work less hard

[clia]

Ummm I ran a successful business? For years?

 

I lived with my ex bf at age 17, ran the business and travelled the world.

 

You did? Was this the guy who your entire relationship centered around smoking pot? So, as a teenager you were getting high on a daily basis and also running a business and traveling the world? Okay. Cool.

 

In response to the question posed in the title of this thread -- that perhaps having your mother around on a daily basis to provide some guidance and support might've been helpful to you as a teen, considering all of the issues you've had. I mean, didn't you end up in Hong Kong at some point precisely because of all the issues, so she could keep an eye on you? What does that tell you?

 

But again, I'm not judging her for her choice. I believe her decisions were based on what she thought was best for you.

Edited June 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic ~T

[todreaminblue]

Leigh, i have been on this site as long as you have i actually think a bit longer.....you often have upset people with your blunt judgments and in turn have gotten upset by the replies.....

 

i know that all i wish you is well....you have overcome many things and i feel you will in the future overcome obstacles.....and that you will achieve success for you...i dotn think that you should jduge your success on the success of your friends...and i know from all the years you have been on here.....there's a resentment there for these friends of yours and their sucesses academically and in life and love......

you shouldnt compare yourself to your friends..and see them as less than you or better than you..you are you.....they are your friends you should be happy for them and any success they have however easy or hard they find achieving to be...........celebrate with them...even if it isnt about you and your success......

 

you will be a far happier person in yourself...if you can accept others for who they are....and be happy for them regardless if they achieve more than you do or dont achieve more than you.....

 

they say the mark of a happy person...is a person who can rejoice in another's happiness.....selflessly....

 

your life has had much sadness and insecurity attached...if you value yourself against anothers success...you wont find happiness leigh.....friends wont be true friends to you....if you cannot be a true friend yourself.....dont compare... instead share your life with friends and family...and feel blessed for all you have and not what you dont or what someone else has that you dont.whether or not your mum was there or not there....you are an adult now..it has no bearing on being who you want to be or going where you want to go in life.......nor does bearing exist on anyone elses parents for being low income or poor.....they dont deserve your judgment.

 

 

one thing i think would really help you.....seriously...is to volunteer your time fro those less fortunate....you may gain a perspective....that will make you see...what si really important in life.....there are the bright spirits among those who struggle....who seem to be happy with nothing ....they are happy with small achievements or progress...they treasure the small leigh......the truth is they have huge spirits and so much love to give more love than many...and they have this radiating from exactly who they are ...not what they have..........your spirit of humanity and kindness would be touched leigh....i wish you well...as always....deb.....

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, i have been on this site as long as you have i actually think a bit longer.....you often have upset people with your blunt judgments and in turn have gotten upset by the replies.....

 

i know that all i wish you is well....you have overcome many things and i feel you will in the future overcome obstacles.....and that you will achieve success for you...i dotn think that you should jduge your success on the success of your friends...and i know from all the years you have been on here.....there's a resentment there for these friends of yours and their sucesses academically and in life and love......

you shouldnt compare yourself to your friends..and see them as less than you or better than you..you are you.....they are your friends you should be happy for them and any success they have however easy or hard they find achieving to be...........celebrate with them...even if it isnt about you and your success......

 

you will be a far happier person in yourself...if you can accept others for who they are....and be happy for them regardless if they achieve more than you do or dont achieve more than you.....

 

they say the mark of a happy person...is a person who can rejoice in another's happiness.....selflessly....

 

your life has had much sadness and insecurity attached...if you value yourself against anothers success...you wont find happiness leigh.....friends wont be true friends to you....if you cannot be a true friend yourself.....dont compare... instead share your life with friends and family...and feel blessed for all you have and not what you dont or what someone else has that you dont.whether or not your mum was there or not there....you are an adult now..it has no bearing on being who you want to be or going where you want to go in life.......nor does bearing exist on anyone elses parents for being low income or poor.....they dont deserve your judgment.

 

 

one thing i think would really help you.....seriously...is to volunteer your time fro those less fortunate....you may gain a perspective....that will make you see...what si really important in life.....there are the bright spirits among those who struggle....who seem to be happy with nothing ....they are happy with small achievements or progress...they treasure the small leigh......the truth is they have huge spirits and so much love to give more love than many...and they have this radiating from exactly who they are ...not what they have..........your spirit of humanity and kindness would be touched leigh....i wish you well...as always....deb.....

 

 

Oh, when I had to wind down my travel and convert from menial jobs and travel, to the initial drudgery of study and no travel or any fun - OF COURSE I bemoaned the fact my mates were in high flying careers and as a student, I now cannot even go out for dinner for a meal with these friends.

 

I am happy for them though. My friend is 23 and going for a 70K HR job and I HOPE she gets it so much! She also got engaged to the love of her life.

 

I Am def happy for my friends.

[joystickd]

Affording a good school got me great grades.

 

My mate is a similar IQ to me if not higher, and got 70 out of 100.

 

We worked equally hard yet I got 93 she got 70. Because my luxury high school was hihly scaled in the final exams and had world class teachers.

 

I honestly am a lazy student yet get high Ds still and overall credits and distinctions while only attending lectures LOL. It is becauze I was always encouraged to learn, and I was taughthr secrets of studying smart not " hard" all of the time.

 

A private school made a world of difference in how I handle college more effortlessly than the kids who attended the cr@ppy public schools.

 

You cannot re do your high school education; it is harder to catch up in college after you attend a bad public school.

No matter what school you go to if the child lacks certain qualities they just won't be successful

[youdunsay]

What your mum did, and so were the rest of the mothers had done, doesn't fit an inch to the title of the show. Rather, "For a better life: Working mothers" seems more appropriate.

Edited July 17, 2016 by youdunsay
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