King Me Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Oh how I would have LOVED for her to be outgoing and want to do things and encourage me to do things. I would be such a different person now if she would have been outgoing and wanted me to be outgoing. You are a middle aged woman, am I right? You and I both are far past the age when we can blame our parents for the way we are today. I find it disturbing how viciously you speak about the people close to you. Personally I would be thrilled if my mother were still alive to smother me once or twice a year. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 You are a middle aged woman, am I right? You and I both are far past the age when we can blame our parents for the way we are today. I find it disturbing how viciously you speak about the people close to you. Personally I would be thrilled if my mother were still alive to smother me once or twice a year. I know....I'm a horrible person. Everyone on here knows it, but thanks for reconfirming I'm more than happy to send my smothering mother your way for a week and you tell me how you like it! Link to post Share on other sites
King Me Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I know....I'm a horrible person. Everyone on here knows it, but thanks for reconfirming Are you inclined at all to look at yourself and your role in all these situations where you despise other people? I don't know if you are a horrible person or not, but you do come off as extremely full of hate. It must be very painful to live like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 What does your therapist say about your mom issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 What does your therapist say about your mom issues? What therapist?????? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 The one you so obviously need. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 hey mapper, my mum is in her 60s and i try not to think about too much the day i wont be able to talk to her other than in my dreams... my mum doesnt go out much either...too the shops to do her groceries or the post office to pay her bulls or her doctors appointments and breast scans.....i really wanted my mum to go to a performance i had last weekend...and she was going too...but at the last minute she couldnt do it.....it was too cold.....and for a moment i was disappointed.......then i remember how many times i have let mum down or not been there...and i got over my disappointment quickly...... whenever i go to my mums to stay over ...she has a set routine.....its solid....and she doesnt deviate...one of those things is that she watches the bold and the beautiful...she looks forward to it....she makes her big bowl of veggies and noodles in broth and sits down and slurps happily away while watching it.....its her thing......and when i go over there...its my thing to sit with her and gag at the tv..she laughs then i laugh....its not much to do that...i hate the bold and the beautiful......but i know...when mum isnt around anymore...ill probably watch the show so i can feel close to her...anything...even start my own broth and noodle routine..........treasure your mum while you have her....its seven days as someone said....she is 83...she cares for you...obviously...dont you think its worth a return of affection .a little compassion ...a little understanding...and a whole lot of love on your behalf......dont waste what time you have left with her with anger in your heart.....best wishes...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 The one you so obviously need. Who????ME????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I'm wondering if your mom has depression. That might explain why she avoids socializing with anyone, the fear of leaving her house, and so on. Maybe visit for 3-4 days instead of a full week. If she complains, tell her you'd love to spend the whole week with her, but you have other things you need to do with your time off. I agree with turnera that some therapy may be helpful for you. When you grow up with a super controlling mother like that, it can be difficult to change your mindset and learn to react differently. I think some people don't understand what its like to have a controlling parent and how the effects can follow a person into adulthood. It takes some people longer than others to realize there's a problem and to start making changes. It sounds like you have a huge amount of anger. I don't say that as if it's a bad thing, I mean, it's understandable, but it's something you should deal with. You deserve to feel happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Your post made me laugh. When my daughter turned 18 (almost 21 now), she did what she wanted to do and told me about it. Nothing bad, but if she wanted a cig or a drink, she had one. In other words, she was going to live her life and not hide anything. She's a good girl and in college, so I trust her, but as a mom I struggled with some things. We have a good relationship and she is very open with me, which is good. Seems your mom chooses not to have her own life and is still "mothering" you. You could take note and do what my daughter did and just say "Mom, I am going .... am doing..." whatever and not worry what she says. I had to learn to step back so I wouldn't shut her out (I stayed close and in her business growing up, which worked and kept her outta typical teen trouble). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Just tell her how you feel. And after that if she dont stop, then when she do it again just dont answer and walk away. People treat you the way you let them to. Even thou she is 83, doesnt mean it should be stressful as always. It can be also a nice rest of the time now that you older. Often children that complain about this are enabling their parents. By still acting childish themselves or not address the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts