MatSweetMay Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 This is a bit of background that might explain my fear of dating: I've been involved with the OM for over a year (PA) and almost 2 years in EA. Gone NC on him for almost 2 months last year when I started dating a childhood friend (turned out the guy was an even bigger liar than OM), then got back with OM with even more passion. There was no future-faking, no dates or romance involved, but there was talk about feelings (from his side, I refused to engage and feed his ego) and the great connection and attachment we have. I really tried to stay detached as much as possible, but of course that's easier said than done. I'm a realist and I know how this is going to end, and for my sanity I'm trying again to go NC. But in our case NC is impossible because I see him almost every day (we live close enough to see each other from the window). Last week I met a really nice and good looking guy, very funny and relaxed. It just so happens that we live 5 minutes away and we saw each other a few times and got to know each other a bit. He also texts me all the time and we discovered we have a lot os common interests. I am a single(divorced) mother of 2 kids with full custody, so I have very little time for dates and such. From the start we talked about expectations and we both agreed to see where this is going and see if we have that connection that's worth taking the relation further into gf/bf territory. He is very open, he says he is single, he really shows his interest in me and yet all this seems too good to be true. Now I know it's none of his fault, he's been more than open with his life and his daily activities, I even met his brother and his SIL, also a few of hisfriends at a party he invited me to this week-end. But the problem is I am scared... I keep looking for signs of something being wrong with this picture. And there are none. But knowing OM's MO of hiding and sneaking out and lying and also the guy from my previous failed relationship being weird about his free time, his phone and his friends,it just makes me wonder. Is there something I'm not seing here? Or am I just paranoid? How does one go back to being a normal person, after being a fraud for so long? Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 If you continue this thought pattern, it may destroy this relationship. The new guy is not the MM, the other single guy, your brother, cousin, uncle or any other relationship you had in the past. Think a different way. Imagine this. It is hot hot hot outside (it is) there is a cold cold swimming pool. You dip your toe in and shiver, not wanting to jump in, even though you know its nice and cool. Sometimes its best to say f it, take a run and dive straight in. The shock of the cool water will send waves throughout, but once you are in, the waters fine. Don't pee in the water before you jump, and make sure there is water in the swimming pool and you dont land head first on the cement. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Have you been in counselling at all? If not or you're not ready yet, there are a few good books you can try reading as well. There are a ton of books on Amazon that might help you heal - paste this in your search bar and see what comes back amazon.ca/Being-Other-Woman-every-should-ebook/dp/B007FO402S And this too amazon.ca/This-Affair-Over-Nanette-Miner-ebook/dp/B004HW6AZQ/ref=pd_sim_351_6?ie=UTF8&dpID=51qwXUBTzLL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_OU15_AC_UL160_SR99%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=7SSC857HW9KSZV97WE7C You need to learn to trust yourself as much (if not more) than the men you get involved with. Be patient, be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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